{As the scene opens up the camera shows Marcus Gottfried, head of the EWI Wrestling department of the SSN, sitting behind a desk with paper in hand. In the background 187 can be seen with his arms folded in front of him.}
MG: Are we on? Good cause I wanna make sure they hear what I have to say.
People of the EWI I have great news for some of you and business for others. So far I have been rather disgusted with some of the EWI wrestlers so, and I said this earlier in the show, action will be taken.
As of now these people are no longer assoicated with The EWI, SSN, or anyone else in this federation cause their services, as of now, are terminated! Major Deluxe, The Electric Company, Eliajh Kane, Motorbreath, Neil Hagan, Ozzy, and Tribulation. Boys I have no need for you cause your wrestling skills are not up to par so pick up your final paychecks at the door cause you are FIRED!
As for what has gone down on the show thus far. There has been a problem with 'Freedom Fighter' Marc Robinson and Nightshade and it has been obvious to everyone in the SSN. Therefore I am going to grant their wish and let them have a Texas Death Match which will take place in a Steel Cage!
Wicked Sight and Bobby Jackson. I'm one that enjoys to see a feud continue and continue. Therefore you will have your match, but there will be one stipulation and it will be a NO DQ match! Granted many will be surprised to hear me say that, but old school is old school and No DQ's are apart of old school wrestling.
Inferno, ExE, Zero, and Chris Lehew. First of all I'm not happy that Inferno has returned after he 'retired' from the federation. Second I did not enjoy that little attack set up by ExE and his boys from MA. Because I feel that Lehew got screwed out of that match against Zero I am going to order a rematch at Black Ice. And Inferno ... ExE ... just to make sure you two don't get any funny ideas ... you're gonna be in that match too! That's right kinds it's gonna be a Fatal Four Way for the Television Title!
Mechanical Animals. This entire program I have seen you in damn near every shot of film. Also I have heard your demands for a rematch against Insane Pain for the EWI and SSN Tag Team Titles, but I'm gonna throw a little monkey wrench in your program. Cause I am the boss and I can do such things, not only will you face Insane Pain for the titles, but you're gonna face another former tag team for the titles and that is none other than .... TRIBAL INSTINCT! And guess what? Vice President Les McCarver cannot get involved in this match. Nobody, AND I MEAN NOBODY, from The Mechanical Animals can get involved in this match either. If I feel that someone comes out and is working on your behalf then you will be STRIPPED of those titles and they will be awarded to ... oh I'll just flip a coin and whoever picks it right between Insane Pain and Tribal Instinct will get the belts!
{Suddenly Sweet Melissa bust through the door interrupting the announcement.{
MG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 187 ... KILL HER!
SM: Hold up big, strong, and stupid. I've only come here for one reason and one reason only and that's to get a quality match for my man Evan Aho.
MG: Really? I think I can find some quality wrestlers to fight Aho. Goodbody has been bugging me with this lawsuit he wants to file so how about ...
SM: Don't even try it. The match I want at Black Ice for Evan is ....
{She looks around the room until she sees what she is looking for.}
SM: (pointing) Him. I want him to face Aho at Black Ice.
MG: Who? SKY SUICIDE? Hell no! You can't ....
SS: No wait. If Aho wants this then let's have it. Besides we have a history I been wanting to rewrite for sometime now. Melissa I'll take your sorry little challenge.
SM: Good ....
MG: DAMNIT! (looking at the camera) TURN THAT THING OFF!!!
(The camera fades back to Sanders and McFarland at the commentating table.)
BS: I can't believe what Gottfried just did!
GM: Yeah. Aho taking on Sky at Black Ice? What did Aho do to deserve a match like that?
BS: NOT THAT YOU DOPE! All those firings! Those people have a family too you know.
GM: And when they go home they can go outside and play in a cardboard box cause that's about to be their new home! OH this is great!
BS: (shaking his head) Folks coming up next we've got Dan Ryan of The Inner Circle taking on Corleone.
GM: Both these people better be on the ball cause Mr. Gottfried is in the firing mood and ... Oh Hell I hope Corleone beats Ryan's ASS!
As Ryan makes his way out first to the cheers of the crowd, he waits in the ring with the ref looking towards the rampway for Corleone to appear.
GM: We're not going to go through thsi again are we?
BS: OH WAIT LOOK AGAIN!
At the top of the rampway Corleone appears, but he isn't alone as Ash and Sampson are following suit attacking him from behind. Beating him down closer to the ring, Ash picks up Corleone and hits his finisher, The Burning Sensation, right on the rampway knocking the air out of Corleone. Sampson then makes his move and waits for Corlone to get back to his feet. Once he does Sampson snatches him up and hits an inverted Death Valley Driver right on the ground in front of the ring.
BS: HARDLINER!!! HARDLINER!!! CORLEONE IS OUT!!!
Sampson and Ash then pick up Corleone and roll him back into the ring where Ryan, who is laughing, is waiting. He picks up Corlone and nails The Humliity Bomb in the center of the ring.
GM: OH MAN! Get the bodybag cause Corleone is swimming with the fishes tonight!
BS: And now look at Ryan. He just stands on Corleone and he's gonna get the win!
{'Crazy Train' - Darkside starts up as Marcus Gottfried, along with Saul E. Dastardly, 'Hurricane' Eddy Love, and 187, make their way from behind the curtain and stand at the top of the rampway looking at The Inner Circle in the ring.}
MG: First of all. Antonio Corleone. When you finally pick up your ass can you kindly take it to the nearest exit cause you're FIRED! I should've just went with Zieba's decision a long time ago. How did I know he would actually be right!
Second piece of business, and I'm about to make someone a happy camper. Robbie, and I will call you Robbie, I noticed that you have a little problem with Commando and the entire Manifest Destiny. Now granted I'm no fan of you or The Inner Circle (pointing) ESPECIALLY YOU TWO IDIOTS, but I'm gonna get back to you in a second! Robbie I'm about to grant you your wish and let you have Manifest Destiny in an elimination match for Black Ice.
RS: (with mic) Me against Commando, Lone Wulf, and Nemesis? What about ...
MG: Oh your two friends are gonna be quite busy, but I do have a team for you and it will be none other than NU NATION REVOLUTION MEMBERS HELLFIGHTER AND THE HEAVY METAL EXPRESS!!!
RS: So four against three in an elimination type match?
MG: That's right.
RS: Sounds interesting, but what about Ryan and Ash?
MG: Well Robbie I'm glad you asked. Since Mr. Ryan and Mr. Ash wanted to play Hide Love last week I've come to an interesting match. First things first Eddy can you step forward please and hand me the federation belt.
{Surprising the crowd and The Inner Circle, Eddy Love hands over The Federation Title to Gottfried and then stands right next to him.}
MG: Now Ash I've heard your comments and I know how much you want Eddy Love. Dan Ryan, not only have I heard yours, but I got to see you in action getting Love's attention. Therefore I'm gonna give you a piece of Eddy Love ..... to a degree.
When it comes right down to it you two really want what is in my hand and that's the Federation Belt Eddy Love used to own. THEREFORE, at Black Ice, it will be ASH FACING 'THE EGO BUSTER' DAN RYAN FOR THE FEDERATION TITLE!
RS: WHAT? That's BU(censored)IT AND YOU KNOW IT!
MG: I'm glad you feel that way Sampson because you're gonna be THE SPECIAL GUEST REF IN THAT MATCH! So it'll be YOU AND YOU ALONG who decides who is deserving of the Federation Title!
RS: That's BU(censored)IT!!!!
MG: Well, in that case, I'm gonna make it a NO DQ MATCH AS WELL!!!
RS: WH ...
MG: KEEP GOING AND YOU'LL WISH ZIEBA WAS BOOKING THIS MATCH!!!
So think about that as you three try to fall asleep tonight ... now how does Zieba usually put it? (Love whispers in his ear) Oh yes ...
IT'S BEEN YOUR PLEASURE!!!
{'Crazy Train' - Darkside starts up as Marcus Gottfried, along with Saul E. Dastardly, 'Hurricane' Eddy Love, and 187, make their way back behind the curtain and leave The Inner Circle visibly upset in the ring.}
GM: WHOO HOOO!! YOU GOTTA LOVE THE SSN!
BS: This is unheard of! Folks we've got to break away, but when we come back it's Main Event time ... NEXT!
[The cameras cut to outside the arena, where the members of Manifest Destiny can all be seen leaving the arena with their gear in tow. In light of recent events, none of them seem happy, especially Alan Tasker AKA Commando.]
AT: F [Tasker reachers M.D.'s Hummer, opens a door, and throws his gear inside.]
AT: Who in the HELL does he think he is?!
N: Dude, chill out already. We've been through worse.
AT: NO!! This is bullsh LW: It's f AT: I'll figure out something. You just wait. Let's get the hell outta here.
[All three men climb in the Hummer and prepare to leave. Suddenly a sharp clang is heard.]
AT: What was that?!
LW: Why you askin' us?!
[Another clang rings out and this one rocks the vehicle as well. All three men look at each other as if to ask what's next when suddenly a sledge hammer bursts through the driver's side window. Commando ducks down and then slowly sits up. He turns and looks out the window to see a bandaged Hellfighter standing there, seething, a sledgehammer in his right hand.]
AT: Oh hell no!
N: Let's get him!
[Tasker, Lone Wulf, and Nemesis all climb out of the Hummer only to be met by Hellfighter, who has ditched the sledgehammer for a steel pipe. He slams the pipe into each man's stomach, doubling them over. Like a man possessed, Hellfighter then brings the pipe crashing down across each man's lower back.]
HF: Attack me?! Hurt me?! Now...you hurt!!
[Hellfighter grabs Lone Wulf and throws him face-first into the side of the Hummer. Nemesis tries to intervene, but Hellfighter once again rams the steel pipe into his midsection and then brings it down across the back of his head as well.]
AT: Stop it you freak!!
[Tasker's demand makes him the center of Hellfighter's attention. Hellfighter backs him up against the Hummer and drops the steel pipe. He grabs Tasker by his shirt and lifts him up against the Hummer.]
HF: You...I dislike YOU the most.
[Hellfighter rams his knee into Tasker's solar plexus and then lets him drop to the pavement. He then walks over and grabs the sledgehammer he had been using earlier and raises it over his head.]
HF: See you in Hell.
[Hellfighter swings the sledgehammer but suddenly the members of Nu Nation Revolution and the St. Louis Calab-O rush onto the scene and stop him. Hellfighter struggles to break free of their ranks but they manage to hold him.]
HF: This isn't over!
AT: You...you're right it isn't. At Black Ice, we're taking your asses out!!
[Security and several officials show up to finally break things up as the scene fades out.]
GM: Oh man Hellfighter has lost it! I've never seen him act that way!
BS: See what happens when you push someone like Manifest Destiny has? Eventually anyone can snap.
GM: But I never thought ... him!
BS: Folks, during the break, there was another assult int he back!
(Ripper Robertson and Max Mayhem are standing outside the HoA locker room, talking. When Ash comes walking down the aisle right at them.)
Ash: What is your problem?
Robertson: What?
Ash: I thought we were still cool about that HoA thing. We decided to go our seperate ways.
Mayhem: Yeah we're cool. Sure we're cool...
(Ripper reaches across and catches Ash with a forearm to the side of the head. Max Mayhem grabs a garbage can and smashes it over his head. Out of nowhere, Keith Rotten and The Darkness hit the scene. The Darkness blasts Ash in the knee with the crowbar and Keith Rotten hits running knee lift on Ash. Ash staggers and Ripper Robertson hits him with a boot to the face. Keith Rotten grabs a steel chair and places it acroos Ash's face and drops a knee across the chair and Ash's faces. Ripper Robertson pulls Ash up to his feet and spins Ash around and holds Ash up ina back suplex. Max Mayhem rushes over and hits a hangman's neckbreaker as Ripper falls backward, sending Ash hard to the floor.)
Robertson: Yeah, Now we're cool.
(Keith Rotten spits on Ash as the four men leave Ash laying on the floor.)
GM: Man you need a scorecard to figure out who is with who in this backwater federation!
BS: Coming up next it's Main Event time and this one has been brewing since the last Pay Per View!
GM: When The Thrill Killas came to the federation they were quickly targeted by The Dark Carnival. Granted they got some shocking wins over Powers and Apocalypse they were eventually humbled at Genesis II, but were soon introduced to The Motor City Maniacs. At Shockwave TTK returned the favor so this match could very well prove who is a top contender for the Tag Team Titles!
[Suddenly, Bif Naked's "We're Not Gonna Take It" blares over the arena sound system as the Thrill Killas, Big Thrilla and Bump Daddy J, make their way out from the back. The crowd boos raucously as the two men make their way to the ring. Big Thrilla wears a bright yellow shirt with the words "Seduce Me Please" printed on the front in black, as well cut-off jean shorts, black kneepads, striped athletic socks, and black Converse All-Stars. Bump Daddy J wears a red visor over his bald head with a black "Purple Rain" Tshirt with cut-off jeans, striped socks and All-Stars of his own. The two men roll into the ring and Big Thrilla snatches the microphone away from a ring attendant. As the music dies down, Thrilla begins to speak.]
BT: Welcome to first-ever live edition of the Coolsville Chronicles!!
[Thrilla and J play air guitar as the crowd boos even louder.]
BT: Tonight, me an' B Diddy get the chance to tear it up with the Motor City Mofos an' you know we're geeked to the max! But that's not important, 'cause when you're in Coolsville, there's only thing to worry about.
[J leans into the microphone.]
BDJ: Tell 'em, Thrilla! Yeah!
BT: So what we wanna know is, which one of you ladies in the house wants to show us some mofuttin' tatties?!
[The cameras pan the crowd as the women in the audience and give the two thumbs down. One woman even gives them a rude gesture which is mosaiced out by the production crew. Back in the ring, Thrilla and J high-five each other, oblivious to the boos and jeers of the crowd.]
BT: Well now that we know what's up wit' da ladies, let's throw it down like this. Motor City Mofos, you two are about to leave town on the Thrill Killa Express and you damn well better know that when you do, there's no comin' back!
[Thrill hands the microphone to J.]
BDJ: Well, Mofos, it's time you cats got a load of what the Bump Daddy Bounce is all about! And, I'll tell you this, it ain't the same bounce that those rats were feelin' last night!
[Bump Daddy grins widely and recieves a high five from Big Thrilla.]
BT: Right on!
BDJ: So, get ready, 'cause you guys are TOTALLY in for the rides of your lives! You two Mofos have worked your whole lives to get where you are and we've been here for two months and we're already Main Eventin'! You know why that is, Thrilla?
BT: Why's that, B Diddy!?
BDJ: 'Coz we're da baddest, coolest couple of cats these folks have ever seen, right!?
[The crowd boos mercilessly. The Thrill Killas seem not to notice.]
BDJ: Dude, what did you say about that chick last night?
BT: She blinded me... with science!
BDJ: No dude, the OTHER chick. The blonde one with the tig bitties!
BT: OH! I told her that when you're on the Thrill Killa Express, you've got a one way ticket to Coolsville!
BDJ: That's right, so Mofos, welcome to Coolsville. Population: Us. This is a one way ticket so there ain't NO turnin' back! And I'll tell ya now, when two lame mofuttin' douche bags like you come to town, well... things tend to get ugly.
BT: Dude, you said "douche."
BDJ: Sho' nuff!
[The Thrill Killas exchange high fives once more as they wait for the Maniacs to enter.]
BS: Enough of the waiting people! It's Main Event time in the EWI!
GM: Finally the last match of the night! Let's get this bad boy started!
BS: Alright Gary, stop complaining.
GM: I'll express my opinons howevery I want there Slim Anus.
Big Thrilla and Ripper Robertson are the first ones in the ring and Thrilla is getting the best of Robertson cause he's too busy showboating for the fans. As they try to lock up again, Thrilla is back up into the ropes and calls for the break, but instead of breaking Robertson shoots a hard left to the jaw of Thrilla dropping him instantly
GM: What the Hell was that about?
BS: Many things you do not do against The Motor City Maniacs and one of them is to NOT piss them off!
GM: And just think. You get paid five and a quarter to come up with lines like that. You've made your mother proud.
Going for the quick tag, Ripper tags in Mayhem and then whips Thrilla into the ropes. Ripper then catches him with a spear and, at the same time, Mayhem nails a superkick right into the temple of Thrilla
GM: WRECKAGE! Oh and THAT'S gotta hurt!
Now with Mayhem in control he goes to whip Thrilla back into the ropes, but when he tires for a dropkick Thrill brushes it out of the way surprising Mayhem. Quickly he follows up with standing elbow drop placing the shot right on the spine. Thrilla then goes for the tag to Bump Daddy J and they set up for a flapjack/Ace Cruher combo.
BS: AND MAYHEM JUST GOT HIS CLOCKED CLEANED!
GM: Wait a second! Here comes Ripper and he's going to town on Bump Daddy J and Big Thrilla! The ref has ... OH LORD NO NOT THEM!
Suddenly, at the top of the rampway, Powers and Apocalypse come running down with steel chairs in hand and they INSTANTLY nail both teams catching them offguard.
GM: THIS CAN'T HAPPEN NOW!
BS: DEAR GOD WHAT A THUD! The ref has lost control of this match ... and he's calling for the bell!!!!
GM: This is wrong! Flat out WRONG!!! Nothing has been settled between these teams tonight!
BS: Folks we're running out of time .....
(The camera cuts to the back to a banquet room. Hellfighter, along with Brett Cohen, The Heavy Metal Express, and Insane Pain are gathered and are talking. Brett Cohen looks like he's spaced out on crack. The group discussion is interrupted by a knock at the door. A chef walks in with a cart that is loaded with delicious food.)
Chef: Here for you, compliments of some good people, great cuisine!
Hellfighter: Who sent this?
Chef: I am not at liberty to say, but please eat!
Hellfighter: This isn't poison, is it?
Chef: (laughing) No, of course not. Now, please eat. Eat, eat!
Hellfighter: Okay. But God have mercy on your soul if we are stricken ill by this feast.
Chef: (under his breath) Okay God boy.
Hellfighter: You say something?
Chef: Huh? Oh, no. I not say a thing. Well, I'll leave you now while you enjoy your meal.
(The chef exits and the group circles the cart, carefully examining the food before eating. After everyone has taken a few bites, Ruiner runs into the doorway holding glasses of milk.)
Ruiner: How about some milk to wash the food down?!
(The group quickly raise their heads up to see Ruiner.)
Ruiner: You shouldn't eat without something to drink, that's dangerous!
(Ruiner then throws the glasses of milk at everyone and nails them all in the head with a glass, knocking them down.)
Ruiner: Got milk motherfuckers?!
(Ruiner then runs away. Hellfighter and company stand back up and run after Ruiner. The camera follows through the backstage area all the way out to the parking lot. Ruiner has seemingly been captured.)
Hellfighter: Explain yourself!
Ruiner: Make me!
Tommy: Oh, I'll make you explain with my fists!
(Hellfighter holds Tommy back.)
Ruiner: (laughing) You're such a boyscout, Hellfighter. I almost feel sorry for what's about to happen.
Hellfighter: What?
(From behind, Angelus, ExE, and Reaver attack with chairs and garbage cans. Ruiner grabs a chair from ExE and hammers Hellfighter in the head with it. Hellfighter stumbles back, but remains standing. Ruiner uses all his strength and swings at Hellfighter's head again. This time, Hellfighter's head opens up and he falls to the ground. MA and Reaver continue their assault until everyone is spilling blood. They then throw their weapons down.)
Ruiner: Sorry Hellfighter, you weren't what we were targeting, but you were around them. Insane Pain and Heavy Metal Express, what you'll be feeling in the ring is much more painful than this. You'll soon regret becoming a tag team in the EWI. It's not safe with us around.
(MA walk off as the camera cuts back to the announcer's table.)
BS: Folks we are out of time! Check out the EWI Website for further info for Black Ice! For Garrett McFarland, Victoria McCave, and everyone else in the federation ...
GM: Oh good move this week.
BS: This is Brett Sanders from Salt Lake City saying GOOD NIGHT!!!
{Roll Credits}
MAIN EVENT
The Motor City Maniacs vs The Thrill Killas
Combined Weight 556lbs | Combined Weight 460lbs
Detroit, Michigan | Coolsville, USA
'Detroit Rock City' - Kiss | 'We're Not Gonna Take It' - Bif Naked
Winner: No Contest