Theories

Ideal Life Theory
I live on top of a mountain with my beautiful wife who gives me back massages and plays with my hair, in exchange I do the same, and we farm the land in peace and harmony. We live in a modest cave dwelling with a computer, stereo, surround-sound DVD, air conditioning and lazy boy chairs. In the guest house within earshot live all 5 members of Pearl Jam, who having shunned the lax morals of society, live year-round recording music. Twice a week Chris Cornell, former lead singer of Soundgarden, visits us in his milk truck filled with Dew. He fills the hundred gallon Dew storage facility in the back yard, relates to us local news. Pearl Jam pays for all the Dew in exchange for room and board. Once a week a helicopter, flown by Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell of Alice in Chains, brings a dozen pizzas of assorted varieties and we have a huge recording jam/pizza/Dew--fest, in which all the people participate including Chris, Layne and Jerry who make glorious songs together of which the world rejoices.