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Where IS Johnny?

Where is Johnny Moondog? We know that Johnny disappeared from the public eye some 20 years ago presumably, directly following his show on Area 51. Was he abducted by space aliens? Did the government "silence" him? Is he living with the "late" Elvis & Jim Morrison? The world may never know what became of the beloved late night talk show host? What became of his writings, not to mention his many books on science? The author of this web page would love to know. I will attempt to verify or discredit a few of the more popular theorys listed below.

The most popular theory of Johnny's whereabouts is the one that says he is in the deserts of Turkey with the "late" Elvis, and Jim Morrison. A logical thinking person would charge that the desert is no place for aging rock stars, or talk show hosts, and they would be right. What would these people want in the deserts of Turkey? Johnny (being the great historian) thought that Noah's Ark would surely rest somewhere in these deserts saying that modern airstreams mimicked the flow of water thousands of years ago. Is he out there looking for the Ark? I spoke with a high ranking official in the Turkish Army (who wished to remain anonymous)and he said that while the Ark does indeed rest within their borders, no Moondog sightings have been reported. It seems that Johnny is like a God over there, and any sighting would surely make the headlines. A dead end? maybe. I will continue to investigate this possibility.

Another popular thought is that Moondog is being held captive in the top secret government installation known as Area 51. I tend to think that while the government would indeed LOVE to tap into Johnny's extensive knowledge of science, he is too much of a smoking gun to keep around. Johnny is master of disquise, and would surely trick the guards into letting him go. No, this one is too far fetched. Untill I see more evidence that he is being held, I will spend no more of your time on this one.

One theory that was brought to my attention says that Johnny is working with Art Bell to bring us his nighty call in show. Johnny could live and work with Bell, undetected by outsiders. There is certainly enough secrecy about where the show originates. Art says that he is in an area "near Dreamland" and indicates that he is in the "high desert". Johnny could very easily be one of Bell's sources, being so knowlegeable about the cosmos, and the oddities therein.

It has been said that he is living on Sol 5 in the Alpha Hydroxie System teaching the space aliens about Rock & Roll. This may not be as crazy as one might think. The aliens that crashed at Roswell were from the same planet, and have made many repeat trips to our Earth. Are these aliens so interested in Earth culture that they would kidnap our hero? Elvis and Morrison vanished under mysterious circumstances as well. Is he teaching Rock & Roll 101? I doubt that. Elvis and Morrison would be much better suited to do this. If he is there, this reporter thinks that he is teaching all about the science of the Earth, and the history of our higher learning institutions.

Is Johnny living under Graceland with Elvis and Morrison? I have done some investigating and have found that the amount of jelly donuts delivered to the famous mansion has not decreased, but has indeed INCREASED! Does this mean that Elvis is alive and well in his basement? Does it mean that some sickos are making a mockery of the King? IS ELVIS'S GHOST ORDERING OUT?!?!?! I spoke to Tanga-Rae Shriver, head housekeeper of the famous historical site who said that while she has to clean up those jelly donuts all the time off the King's headstone, she has never found even one in the house. Would Johnny be living with Elvis and Morrison right under our noses? He was a great fan of both musicians, and would no doubt be in heaven living with them.

Is Johnny Moondog living as a reclusive hermit on the top of the World? I found a site today who's author thinks that Johnny is living on the North Pole with an arctic hare as a pet. Crazy? You betcha! I, however think that this is very possible. Johnny being a fan of the cosmos would surely get a great view from there. No city lights to get in the way.

Today I found a site that claims (get this) that Johnny is living on EUROPA (A moon that Jupiter claims as it's own)!! This is of course, insane. I do not agree with Dr Robert Orphious very often, but I will have to go with him on this one. He wrote that the website is full of "drivel", and that the author clearly pulled this out of thin air

In conclusion, I have no idea where the much loved Johnny Moondog is. If I could send a message, it would be "Come back home Johnny, the world misses you!!!"

Sightings from Readers

Hey dude. Don't laugh ok. But I think I just saw Johnny Moondog. I was ,like, sitting outside this "Coffee shop" in Nederland, Colorado, when this, like, totally strung out dude came by. And i just sorta got this vibe. It was Moondog man I swear. Now I know what you are thinking. But I was radically sober at the time dude. But then after I saw HIM I immediately went into a righteous crack house and got stoned to BEJEEZUS, in honor of finally getting a glimpse of Johhny. I knew he would come among us again. I been tellin everyone he would return to this mortal vale, and shit. But they all say "You are so full of it you stinky hippie". But dude i gotta go now. Keep the faith. The Moondog is out there. Peace. G