Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
Speak in tongues.
Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straightface, "They're more than meets the eye."
Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
Collect all your urine in a small jug.
Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
Eat glass.
Smile. All the time.
Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry demand that s/he reimburse you.
Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
Dye all your underwear lime green.
Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
Shave one eyebrow.
Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
Always flush the toilet three times.
Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
Give him/her an allowance.
Listen to radio static.
Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
Cry a lot.
Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit your roommate when they're not home, show them the magazines.
Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out... use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.
If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.
Call your RA whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.
Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
Skip to the bathroom.
Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.
Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
Collect Chia-Pets.
Eat a bag of marshmallows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
Piss in a jar and leave it by your bed. When your roommate isn't looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice. Wait until your roommate turns around. Drink it.
Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
