Q) Why were the little strawberries upset? A) Because their parents were in a jam! What did O.J. Simpson say after the trial? Can I have my gloves back now? What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the wind sheild?... His ass!
President Clinton is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Democrat puppies, Mr. President." Clinton thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies." The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies." The man smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!"
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change
Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...
THE TOP THREE MOST PSYCHO PICK-UP LIES:
1) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF WOOD;
2) I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I HAVE NO NOSTRILS;
3) BABY, YOU STOLE MY HEART....THAT'S OK, I HAVE TWO IN THE FRIDGE AT HOME.
Hillary went in for her yearly check-up. When she was finished, she asked her gynaecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White House. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well, they rang the Oval Office and Bill answered. Hillary said: "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard" You got me pregnant!!!"
Bill remained quiet.
Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!"
Finally Bill answered, "Who is this???"
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