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HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it.

At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, its 15 years since my last confession and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber!"


Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.

He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher.

"They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"