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IT IS I...



What is my problem? Why is it I cannot see the lines on the road in which I travel? I pity myself for I have become a spineless abomination of what I stood for. I have turned into a lump of jelly molded by an emotion that fills me but at the same time I am most deprived of. I peer into a fortune ball of glass curiously waiting my demise. Say I am delusional, that these thoughts are false accusations of an insecure inner self, trying to fend off whatever it is that I am afraid has taken hold me.

Oh! Please take the bad dream away! Let me wake up from this nightmare to a soul of warm arms to melt the chilled night ice crystallizing my heart.

I am numb. The feeling is gone and the preceding emptiness overwhelms like so many times before. I am lost in it again and again no matter how familiar the ground, the way to where I want to be is still as baffling. Where do I want to be? Why is that fact always so unclear? Has it not been written into the plot? Oh but it has and is the key motivation in which to control my thoughts, movement, and my downright existence. Go figure that one out for yourself I am still working on it.

I stand outside of myself pondering at what a graceful figure that I look upon. I spin it on its axis. Interrogating every imperfection. Such a critical judge I am of this figure. The skin soft, but at the same time callous. Each muscle intricately woven into the next, none of which stand out or detour the eye from smoothly transitioning. The beginnings have no ends and in turn they have no beginning. The strength is devoured by weakness, but in itself is still strong. Confidence and dignity unite the cement in its perimeter wall. The core is hollow, brittle, and rigidly frail but never the less intact. Despite its condition it continuously regenerates itself.

That must be it. It is all clear. Each thought is intricate and perfect in its own way. They each have their own purpose if only to be a spark roots for the next one.
THERE IS MORE TO COME


Email: cody@pcisys.net

Email: cody@pcisys.net