THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS of WA
SIBLINGS NEWSLETTER SEPTEMBER 2000
Dear Siblings this is your page - if you would like to contribute poems, stories, articles, drawings to share with other siblings, we would love to hear from you.
Please send material into the office by the 28th October 2000.
TWINLESS TWIN

I would like to share this poem with you which I have dedicated to my Twin Brother "Mike"...Let me tell you a little bit about Mike. We were born on the 5th February 1961. Mike was born at 5.30 am and I followed an hour later at 6.30 am. We have been very close all our lives and have worked together in the family business. Mike was a loving man and a man full of laughter. He loved to talk to people in general and I don't think he ever had an enemy that I can ever recall. He was loved by everyone so when I lost him on the 4th June 1999 I was devastated.
There really are no words to describe this loss and you would have to be a twin to understand completely how I personally feel. I know that where-ever he is, it will now be a better place for having him there and I truly hope that he is with our Dad whom we lost 21st April 1994. Mike used to call us "Womb-Mates" and I laughed at this all the time, that's the type of man he was, always full of laughter and mischief.
Wherever you are Mike I want you to know, that I love you, I Miss you and hope to one day again be with you....Your Loving Twin Sister "Jill".... I wrote this poem for Mike the month he left me.

It describes the feeling of a  "Twinless Twin"

                                                             "Womb-Mates"
 
 

For week after week we are kept warm
In a tiny cocoon of love
And we grow side by side together
With our Mothers’ thoughts above
And then when our time has come
We burst into a world so vast
And our bodies are finally separated
We have each become one at last
Though we are separate and not entangled
As we grow our lives become one
And we are both constant companions
When all is said and done
Through the years we travel together
With not more than a glance away
From the school fields of having fun
To each others’ wedding day
And as we travel along life’s journey
With always a thought for the other
Be it the care and concern of a sister
Or the pride and strength of a brother
We know that there’ll always be a bond
That is different from any other
Because we’ve been blessed as a two-some
Sharing nine months within our Mother
It’s the little things that are different
That feeling of being half
That only turns to whole again
When we’d hear each others’ laugh
That knowing look from the other
When remembering a space from the past
And the fun we’d had in that era
Reminiscing who played in the cast
So then when our lives are separated
When you’re young and at your best
With no understanding you leave me
And my soul is put to the test
For how do I become one again
While you’re not at my side
A piece of me has been taken
An emptiness I cannot hide
For now there’s no other half of me
I cannot accept this and grin
For God took away my partner
He took away my "TWIN"

Your Twin Sister
And "Womb-Mate" Jill - June 1999

Ask my Mum how she is.

My Mum, she tells a lot of lies
she never did before
From now until she dies
she’ll tell a whole lot more

Ask my Mum is how she
and ‘cause she can’t explain
She will tell a little lie
‘cause she can’t describe the pain

Ask my Mum how is she
She’ll say “I’m alright”
If that’s the truth, then tell me
Why does she cry each night

Ask my Mum how is she
She seems to cope so well
She didn’t have a choice you see
Nor the strength to yell

Ask my Mum how is she
“I’m fine, I’m well, I’m coping”
For God’s sake, Mum, just tell the truth
Just say your heart is broken

She’ll love me all my life
I loved her all of mine
But if you ask her how is she
She’ll lie and say she’s fine

I am here, in heaven
I cannot hug from here
If she lies to you, don’t listen
Hug her, hold her near

On the day we meet again
We’ll smile, and I’ll be bold
I’ll say “You’re lucky to get in here, Mum
with all the lies you told”

Written by Jo Burr,
3 months after losing her 15 year old son, Simon.
Nelson Bay Chapter TCF NSW

In Loving Memory of Joel

I sometimes sit and wonder how
Life can go on without you now
Somehow this month it will be five years
Yet many nights I still shed tears

Siblings we were that much is true
But friends as well, that’s hard to do
Sometimes your missed, more now than ever
The shock’s worn off, the pain forever

Although for now, our journeys apart
Forever in my mind, my soul, my heart

Your loving Sis, Robyn
In memory of her brother
Joel Mather.
Killed in an automobile accident
February 7th 1992
 Alberni BC


Ten Healing Rights for Grieving Children.

Author’s Note:-  This Bill of Rights for grieving children is intended to empower them to help themselves heal - and to help direct the adults in their lives to be supportive as well.
Someone you love has died. You are probably having many hurtful and scary thoughts and feelings right now. Together those thoughts and feelings are called grief, which is a normal (though really difficult) thing everyone goes through after someone they love has died.
The following teb rights will help you understand your grief and eventually feel better about life again. Use the ideas that make sense to you. Post this list on your refrigerator or your bedroom door or wall. Re-reading it often will help you stay on track as you move toward healing from your loss. You might ask the grown-ups in your life to read this list so they will remember to help you in the best way they can.

I have the right to my own feelings about the death
I may feel mad, sad or lonely. I may feel scared or relieved. I may feel numb or sometimes nothing at all. No one will feel exactly like I do.

I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking.
When I need to talk, I will find someone who will listen to me and love me. When I don’t want to talk about it, that’s ok too.

I have the right to show my feelings of grief in my own way.
When they are hurting, some kids like to play so they’ll feel better for awhile. I can play or laugh, too. I might also get mad and scream. This does not mean I am bad, it just means I have scary feelings that I need help with.

I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief, sepecially grown-ups who care about me.
Mostly I need them to pay attention to what I am feeling and saying and to love me no matter what.

I have the right to get upset about normal, everyday problems.
I might feel grumpy and have trouble getting along with others sometimes.

I have the right to 'griefbursts'.
Griefbursts are sudden, unexpected feelings of sadness that just hit me sometimes - even long after the death. These feelings can be very strong and even scary. When this happens I may feel afraid to be alone.

I have the right to use my beliefs about God to help me deal with my feelings of grief.
Praying might make me feel better and closer to the person who died.

I have the right to try to figure out why the person I loved died.
But it’s ok if I don’t find an answer. “Why” questions about life and death are the hardest questions in the world.

I have the right to think and talk about my memories of the person who died.
Sometimes those memories will be happy and sometimes they might be sad. Either way, these memories help keep alive my love for the person who died.

I have the right to move forward and feel my grief and, over time, to heal.
I’ll go on to live a happy life, but the life and death of the person who died will always be a part of me. I’ll always miss that special person.

By Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt. Fort Collins, Colorado

   DO NOT OVER PROTECT ME .. LET ME BE ME..

Dedicated to all the brothers and sisters of The Compassionate Friends.
When you are consumed with grief, don’t forget about me.
Let me be me …
I grieve too but different from you, I miss my brother/sister too.
Let me be me …
Tell me I can’t fix your pain. Don’t tell me I won’t understand. Please don’t overwhelm me with your grief. Just like the real world mine doesn’t want to talk about a dead sister/brother.
Let me be me …
Tell me often that you love me for being me. Ask me about my goals and dreams for the future.
Let me be me …
Don’t break my spirit with your grief.
Let me be me …
Let me follow my dreams. Now they will include some of my sister’s/brother’s dreams.
Let me be me …
Don’t overprotect me.
Let me be me ...
Please don’t feel every spare moment I have with basketball, baseball, soccer, music or dance classes, just so you can fill your spare time and fall exhausted into bed at night. I need free time to explore who I am.
Let me be me …
Don’t forget to continue to teach me to celebrate life. I need to know that through all this pain there is hope … for my future.
Let me be me …
As young as I am please don’t overprotect me … Love me, guide me, teach me.
LET ME BE ME … 

By Colleen  TCF Saskatoon
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