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"We are the people our
parents warned us about"
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"Sex is nobody's business
but the three people involved"
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"Sure, a woman can fake an
orgasm, but it takes a man to fake an entire relationship"
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"What can you say about a
society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?"
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"If I keep my expectations
for life low enough, I can achieve all of my wildest dreams"
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"Once I thought I had mono
for a year, it turns out I was just really bored"
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"People who drink to drown
their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim"
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"I laugh at danger... then
I hide and wait for it to go away"
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"I believe in making the
world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I
don't think children should be having sex"
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"There are no personal
problems that cannot be solved through suitable application of high
explosives"
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"Whatever is not nailed
down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down"
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"Someday, we'll look back
on this, laugh nervously and change the subject"
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"Remember, the world is a
big place. Even if you're one in a million, that means 1000 people in
China look exactly like you"
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"You will be a winner
today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old"
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"Don't judge a book by its
movie"
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"Join the army, meet
interesting people, and kill them"
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"To steal ideas from one
person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research"
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