Jokes/ Pick-Up Lines
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These are some jokes that my friends and I have found and heard.

 

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?

A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

 

Q: Why are people like a bowl of jellybeans?

A: 'Cause no one likes the black ones.

 

 Q: Why do black people only have nightmares?

A: 'Cause we killed the only one who had a dream.

 

Q: How do you keep a black kid from jumping up and down on his bed?

A: Put Velcro on his ceiling.

 

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?

A: A canoe tips.

 

Q: Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?

A: It stops on a dime, then picks it up.

 

Q: What's a Jew's biggest dilemma?

A: Free pork.

 

Q: What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

 

Q: What's faster than a speeding bullet?

A: A Jew with a coupon.

 

Q: What does one gay man say to another gay man going on vacation?

A: Can I help pack your sh*t?

 

Four gay men are sitting in a hot tub.  They notice some sperm rising to the surface.  One gay man says,"OK, who farted?"

 

A preacher comes home and goes into the kitchen where his wife is making dinner.  He asks, "What's for dinner?"  She replies, " I'm making some Dam Ham".  Shocked that she would use profanity he says, "What?!" "That's the brand name. D-A-M Ham"  "Oh, Okay" says the preacher.  Later at dinner with his wife and son, he asks his son, "Could you pass me the Dam Ham?".  Son says, "That's the spirit dad! Now, how about you pass me the fucking potatoes?"

 

These are some pick-up lines that I have tirelessly searched for day after day just so that Men as a species will continue.  Or just to get a laugh. Either is acceptable.

I may not be Fred Flinstone but I sure can make your bed rock.

 

Ever hear of an Australian kiss?  It's like a French but down under.

 

Save a horse, Ride a cowboy.

 

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

 

(silently mouth) I want a Fig Newton.

 

Life is like a dick.  When it gets hard, f*ck it.

 

Sex is Evil; Evil is Sin; Sin is Forgiven; So let's begin.

 

You see my friend over there? [point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if you think I'm cute.

 

As you walk by, turn around and say, "Excuse but did you just touch my ass?" When they say no, reply "Damn!"

 

You know how they say the skin is the largest organ? Yeah, well, not in my case.

 

I'm bigger and better than the Titanic. Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.

 

Excuse me, two nipples for a dime?

 

I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

 

It's not my fault I fell in love. You're the one who tripped me.

 

I don't want to play doctor. Let's play gynecologist.

 

Do you work for UPS? I could've sworn you were checking out my package.

 

I want you to know I'm head over heels for you.  And I know some other positions too.

 

If you were the last woman on earth and I was the last man, I bet we could do it in public.

 

You know how men buy expensive cars to make up for some, uh, disadvantages? Yeah, I don't even own a car.

 

First, I'm going to kiss your lips passionately. Then I'll move up to your bellybutton.

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