Passing time…
As I sit here,
I can’t help to think about change. I’ve experienced a lot of change in
the
last 10 yrs. TV, radio, video’s DVD’s and cd’s. Music is the main thing
though,
I can remember as far back as 82 maybe 83, Marvin Gaye, Atlantic Starr,
Anita
baker, Luther, (rip). I just yearn for a simpler time in my
life
when heartbreak and tragic conditions weren’t an everyday situation.
Well not all of my life as been a disaster
waiting to happen.
Time made that
possible. Time cannot be mulitplated or changed, I’ve spent so much
time being
someone no one could relate to. I spent so much time using abusing, and
bullshitting. I could have been doing something useful. Yet time
was something I had, then.
I can
remember when this whole thing started,
1996. I can still hear “Shai” playing in the back ground, mad lyric,
kind of
came to be from that movie “Jason’s lyric” lyric was in no way like the
charter
in the movie.
Mad lyric
was born on a rainy night in 1996.
At first I didn’t know what to make of my poetic better half. She
always had
some thing to say. The begging of my self-journey of discovery. Mad
lyric is
born into a world full of self-destruction.
I found her voice in the middle of the fury.
“Peace be still
but I be angry, the whole world we’ll feel my fury.”
When
lyric was speaking she had a very upset
overtone (hench the mad in mad lyric). Sometimes I would sit
and ask mad
lyric why you so upset. She said
“ look
at all of them laughing at you.”
“They don’t know what it’s like to be in here
with us.”(I hope there is only one of ya’ll in there.)
“They don’t know what it
like not to be perfect.”
“All they know is sex, all they know is popularity,
and all they know is nothing.”
“
Deshawna if you every want to go any where
you have to take control of the reigns, pull back and just start
riding.”
(What I’m I supposed to ride now?) Okay it
is now for certain that I have metal issues.
So that night I picked up a piece of paper
and started to take control. And what I wrote came out something like
this:
Every
night in my dreams I see a hooded man.
Every
night I fight a war and try to beat it
if I can.
It
has dirty brown eyes, and a wicked stare,
And
it looks at me as if it doesn’t care
This
beast stands 6ft tall and wears a black
cloak
It’s
mind has been ravaged it’s breath smells
like smoke.
This
beast knows every move; I make every
step before it take it.
Sometimes
I run and wonder if I’ll make it.
(At
this point I was wonder if I need
therapy, I didn’t know all this had built up inside me. god I have a
sick mind)
but let me continue………
This
monster senses every though. Every last
word
Like
it has it on tape, and it already been
heard?
I
try to fight this demonic beast in my
dreams,
But
its powers seem endless like a babbling
stream.
This
creature isn’t ordinary it feeds off my
fears,
It
sucks away my emotions; it drinks down all
my tears
What
is the beast formed deep within mind?
Why
is it so hard to fight no weakness I
find?
But
one night I found an edge on this beast.
My
nightmares would be over to say the least.
But
when I pulled off the hood, I saw a
familiar stare,
Of
rage that was infinite, and terror in the
air.
Because
unlike other dreams, I came to see,
This
demon wasn’t an outside force it came
within,
From
me.
okay two things
were
now very obvious
1. That I
had a talent.
2. I need to
keep a lot of my thoughts
on paper.
In the immortal
word of TV character dr Sam Becket
“Oh boy”.
For that point
on, time was on my side, between mad lyric and the music that fueled
the
nineties; time wasn’t something I was really worried about. I had a way
to
finally express my self. Was I going to abuse this power, you’re damn
right. I
could now neatly disguise, my thoughts and feelings into words that
only the
truly down could understand.
I was born
into, a world full of confusion.
Sometimes I sit and laugh at some of things that I remember from those
first
years, the things that will never be able to change or by some cruel
twist of
faith never be able
to forget. I guess that’s why god sent mad lyric into this world. I
needed a
guidance that my parents couldn’t give me.
I needed some one who under stood peer pressure, and all my mixed up
emotions.
What took
place that faithful night in 1996, I had a self-realization. If god had
wanted
me to be like everyone else, I would be, but I was different. So that
made me
special. Mad lyric was the first to tell me to get out of my own way.
With out
her, I do think I would of made it though those last years of high
school. She
set the pace; all I could do was try to keep up.
