Oh man you are in for it now. Welcome to my latest What the fuck. This topic is beyond insane, yet so true. Perhaps some of you have seen it. It's a little email entitled "Things A Perfect Guy Would Do" Before I get started, I'd like to thank Alex Evans for sending it my way and now I plan to rip some of it to shreds. Ready folks? Number 1 "Know how to make you smile when you are down." Ok guys, how many of you have tried to cheer up a lady friend and have instead invited her wrath upon you? Not that we shouldn't try, but sometimes it's better to back off. Ladies I know you don't do this on purpose and hell guys do it too. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THIS A QUALITY OF A PERFECT GUY? Might as well put Be willing to recieve a bitchslap for trying to help. Number 2 "Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice." Actually I think most girls would see you trying, be creeped out, and refer to the male as "The Crazy Stalker That Tried To Smell Me" to their friends after something like this. Number 3 "Give you the remote control during the game." OK, not all men are game watching remote hogs. Way to go on that one. Number 4 "Offer you plenty of massages." And he's your bitch too right? oh yeah I forgot Number 5 "Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1." Must people call that dumb, but if he does it for you it's ok? What The Fuck? Number 6 "Sing, even if he can't." BAD BAD BAD IDEA. If you can't sing, find another way. A bad singer is not going to be a "perfect guy". Is this list trying to sabatoge every guy in the world? Or just trying to make us all look like total idiots? Number 7 "Stare at you." Once again, this will earn you a title of something like "The crazy psycho stalker that stares at me. What a fucking freak" Number 8 "Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves you that much to quit it." Once again back to being your bitch. So here's the big part of the What the fuck. So if a guy does all of these things, then it's perfect right? FUCKING BULLSHIT That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. I for one, and I'm sure many other guys have done all of the above. Except for quitting something she doesn't like because I don't do any of those things anyway. But it's so much fucking better if you can tame the bad guy right? FUCK THAT. This one is for the nice guys of the world. I for one, am sick of being screwed over for being nice. Ladies, if you want the Perfect Guy, don't go for the bullshit, just go for the guy who is being real with you. The JERK AIN'T WORTH IT.