I call this little story "Breaking a Hot Girl's Face. Well, in my geology class there was this really cute girl that I liked. I never got the nerve to go up and talk to her, but this one day after class she was walkin behind me as we were goin outside. Me, being the nice guy that I am, I decided to hold the door open for her. But just as she's comin out and about to tell me thanks, my foot slips.... my foot was holding the door! Before I go on, let me just mention that this was one of those really springy doors that close really fast before slowing down. It hit her SO hard right in the face and she fell on her back. My jaw hit the floor and I immediately ran over to help her up as I apologized a million times, but all she said to me was: "Real funny jerk!" She thought that I did it on purpose! I just sat there in horror as she walked away. I knew I had to do something, so the next day I went down to the local flower shop and sent her a dozen roses. Now, one would think that after receiving a dozen red roses and lengthy apology note that the recipient would feel rather inclined to thank/forgive the apologizer. After a week, however, she still refused to talk or even look at me. I began to wonder if she had even received the flowers, so one fine Tuesday morning I stopped her after geology class and asked her if she had gotten them. This is what she said to me: “Yeah, I got them. But let’s just pretend that we never met, cause I don’t want to have any kind of relationship with you.” Wow, go figure. You hit a girl in the face with one door and she’ll never talk to you again. From our short conversation that fine Tuesday morning I learned two things: Her name was Stacey. And Stacey was a HUGE bitch. It’s stuff like that that makes you wanna go “What the FUCK!?” It’s also the kind of stuff that makes you wanna write a song. A song like this: Stacey you’re a bitch You’re an inconsiderate whore You won’t be my lover You won’t be my friend Cause I hit you with a door