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I don't know how I feel right now... Nor can I think straight enough to write anymore right now... But here's a song by Vanessa Carlton called "Pretty Baby"

You light me up and then I fall for you
You lay me down and then I call for you
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few
I'd let it all come down and then some for you

Pretty baby don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the storm
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' around, oh pretty baby

And I know things can't last forever
But there are lessons that you'll never learn
Oh, just the scent of you, it makes me hurt
So how's it you that makes me better

Pretty baby don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the storm
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' around, oh pretty baby

Why can't you hold me and never let go
When you touch me, it is me that you own
Pretty baby, oh the place that you hold in my heart
Would you break it apart again, oh pretty baby

Pretty baby don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the storm
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' around, oh pretty baby

I'm not here to be lied to,
Not here to be cried to.
I'm here to just show you,
The situation's gone blew.
I thought that we both knew,
It soon would be me and u.
But you're always tryin' to hide things,
When around him you change beings.
Cuz one minute I'm sure,
And the next I'm not.
But you know that I sure do,
Love you a lot.
It's just hard livin' like this,
I think i'm getting pissed.
You figure this would be easy.
But it't not, thats for sheezy.
I mean, he DOES compare.
You tell me he doesn't,
But it's as obvious as time to share.
I'm glad you told me though,
That you feel you love me so.
He took your heart,
But now you're ripped apart.
Now I think you need to put it back together
Without me or with me.
I'll still be your friend.
Friends 'till the end.
Even though I wanted more.
You didn't feel the same way,
Deep down in your core...

Everything is gettin' sorta dope
I think I've learned to cope
With our situation and I've realized
I can't think that way when I look in your eyes.
So for now we'll just be friends
I guess we're siblings, that's the way it ends.
"Hello! My coolest sister!"
That's sick! I may have kissed her!
Oh geez, that's weird,
Is this something that I feared?
But now it's not so scary
Like I've been visited by a fairy.
Who told me "Just for now..."
And then she told me how!
So now I'm gonna cope...
And maybe see the pope?
And now that you've heard my plea,
I can't wait for the day that you divorce me.

So now you don’t wanna show it
You’ve told me, why not overflow it?
I know it’s somewhat awkward,
But we can only move forward.
And if you want to hide behind that wall
Then let me be there, behind that wall
Sitting, waiting, for you to come around
And that love we shared will finally be found
.
So I wait for you to show it,
I really don’t care if I blow it
With friends or people
Cuz you’re the only person I need.
You know that now,
I can’t even explain to you how,
Much you truly mean to me.

Take a deep breath in,
1… 2… 3…
Let my mind go blank
‘Till your face is all I see.
Because that’s as blank as it gets
And now I have regrets.
You, you’re the one.
And me… I’m just someone…

I’m gonna wait, gonna wait
And pray to God I’m not too late.
I pray to him that you don’t give him a chance
To take you away from me, during that last slow dance
Where he shouldn’t be, but I should be
Standing there, in front of you
Just like freshman year…
Where I first met you
Where I first knew
That it would be me and you
You and me
Forever be…

I told you everything tonight,
I don't mean to start a fight,
Just never realized that the bond between us could have been ever so tight.
You know I don't regret much,
Don't fuss about the little stuff.
But lately I've screwed the big one
Hiding what you feel just isn't really fun.
So, I've let it all out,
Started small, Began to sprout
Until I had no more to say,
Except Mm Hm, Oh yes, and O-kay.
So now I've opened my eyes,
And I've come to realize...
Is that the only thing I miss
is feeling that pure bliss
When I'm around you,
Beside you,
Or even close or near to you.
But I'm not gonna push it,
I've done what I could, now you have to choose it.
I just wish it were a day sooner...

- Dec. 1, 2002

Had a little talk with Steph-a-nee
“I think that you can do better” says she
“I’m just looking out for you
Knew just what she was gonna do
Was gonna play your heart”
And now I’m torn apart.

Can’t sleep tonight, got a lot on my mind
Steph, you’re right, I’m stressed, not fine
Ugh, I don’t like it, Don’t like being toyed with
Girls suck, sometimes you hate ‘em
and then they’re you wanna be with ‘em
It’s sorta disturbing
How girls can turn us one thing
Then make us be another thing
And change our whole natural human being

But many people go to the extreme when they’re sad
There’s no reason to hit walls or bang stuff when you’re mad
Don’t even think about killing yourself
Just reach down deep inside and fix your inner-self
You think I don’t understand why you have those slits on your wrists
Yeah, I think I know that you’re pretty fu*kin’ pissed
Just remember that you promised me,
That night up on the wall
That you’d call on me before you ever went and decided to fall.

I still don’t understand how the other sex works
Whenever I figure something out, they change and become jerks.
But one thing is fo sho
The one thing that I know
Is that what we want doesn’t lie between the thighs
Instead it lies someplace deep inside her eyes
Blue, green, yellow, brown or jade
Doesn’t matter the color, doesn’t even matter the age.
But it all depends on how she makes you feel inside
And when suddenly your heart stops, collapses, and dies

So I hope you all know where I am coming from
A wonderful relationship, now died and moved on
But now I’m stuck here at home, Haven’t even hit a single
In fact, that’s all I am right now, as I sit here and dwindle
Now as I wait, and I wait, for my next chance
Maybe the one I want will finally give me a glance
Where I’ll find that thing deep within her eyes
And not a single word be said, but we both begin to cry.

I hide it well, I keep it in, I said it all before
But inside, there’s a large, gaping, infamous hole
Where I sit and wait for you to fill it up
Like Folgers, there’s nothing better than you in my cup
So I’ll sit and wait, ‘til the right one comes
But I don’t know anymore,
I'm sorta stuck in the door
Between getting over her, and moving on to the other
Oh, geez... I'm gonna think
For a week? maybe two...
And hopefully God will tell me exactly what to do.

After the Alumni game performance tonight, Me (Special) Daggs (Special 2) and Paolo F. (Special 3) was all sittin' outside of In-N-Out and created this PHAT song... GOOD TIMES!

We was sittin’ outside of In-N-Out, yo
Rhyming like this talking this, yo
Special Special 2 Special 3, yo
Don-cha like the way we say, “yo”

Tonight we put on one of the crappiest shows
The alumni game is the annual blow
That we don’t like, so we all scream “yo!”
Gotta sing the chorus now, this is how it go

Special Special 2 Special 3 like yo
Everyone hands up and scream yo
You don’t even have to know what fo
Happiness, anger, madness, yo.

Run around in circles dancin’ crazy, yo
Cuz we’re cold, gotta keep warm, yo
Head too big for that dog tonight, yo
The specials in the jeep actin’ ghetto, yo

Jon’s house, Jenga, hookin’ up, yo
Good times with all the friends, truth or dare, yo
Flipping blocks into cups, good fun, yo
Gotta sing the chorus now, you know how it go

Special Special 2 Special 3 like yo
Everyone hands up and scream yo
You don’t even have to know what fo
Happiness, anger, madness, yo.

This is the end of the ‘yo’ song, yo
I betcha didn’t know what I sang this fo
It’s dedicated to the Special group, c’mon yo
When we rapped outside of In-N-Out tonight, yo

Don’t act like you don’t like this song, yo
It’s the illest shiznit and all the other songs blo
Not really, but I like to think that, wouldn’t cho?
So everybody have some fun and scream out
YO!

I talked to you today,
Still didn't know what to say.
But everything I said
Seemed to be read
Incorrectly, cuz I just wanted to have fun.
I know you don't want that relationship, hun.
So I guess that's what I'll do,
Hold back the feelings I have for you.
And you'll never have a clue
Just what I'd do for you
To not forget what we had,
I don't want to forget what we had.
Do you?

So I'm still a jerk,
I'll twerk it a little, just to make it work.
You want a normal conversation
But what's a normal conversation?
When the things I want to say
Aren't the things you want to hear.
Not everything is okay,
I'm just in fear
That one day you'll run away,
And I wouldn't have been able to say
Everything...

-Nov. 25, 2002

Back into the chill mood nothing gets me down.
Look at him, see that smile is upside down.
But see that face, all it needs is time
In the morning I'm sure that it will all be fine.
'Cause he got friends and fam who'll always be there,
Even when they're overprotective, like Steph, they're there.
I thank God for them, the ones you go and run to
Stress talks are always fun ‘wit you
Thanks so much…

I know you're mad at me for being a jerk and stuff,
But gettin' over you, is not easy, sorta tough.
I jus dunno, what do do anymore
Cuz one day you're with me, the next you're out the door.
Now my heart is sore, our award on the floor.
That award hurt me, right down to the core.
But I'm sorry, just can't accept this change so suddenly.
‘N obviously you don’t wanna be wit me.
So when you think I’m mad at you,
I am mad at you,
Not for turning me down, but turning my frown upside down…

So we move on, move on
No regrets at all, All regrets fall.
On the ground behind us,
Leave it all behind us,
Cuz our wounds will heal,
And tomorrow’s a whole new deal.
As we move on and on…
On and on.

I want everyone to be happy
No sadness, nobody crappy.
But I want myself to enjoy my life,
Not to go through life’s stress and strife.
But I guess we all must go
Earn battle scars that we cannot show
Because they’re not where you can see
For they’re all inside of me
So if you think I don’t care for others
Why don’t you take a look someplace you cannot see
In my heart, in my mind, in my soul, not in a tree.

This is why men kill, why they steal
Cuz noone knows how they feel.
But we can’t go off makin’ other lives ill
So we hide our sadness
Turn our frowns to gladness
And I’ll stick it through,
Just for you.
Because there’s only one thing, I’d rather see than you with me
Is you standing with somebody else, but so happy.

So we move on, move on
No regrets at all, All regrets fall.
On the ground behind us,
Leave it all behind us,
Cuz our wounds will heal,
And tomorrow’s a whole new deal.
As we move on and on…
On and on.

-Nov. 24, 2002