Well, townies are boys and girls who basically think they are Ali G. They wear tight circulating stopping sports trousers and often reebok classics. They can be found outside parks, swings, McDonalds usually all wearing the same outfits.
Plastic stilettos, a fake leather jacket that cost approximately £10, lots of make up and lip liner on. They too can usually be found outside McDonalds wearing bright pink boob tubes and shouting at "outsiders" seemingly impressing their male counterparts. 6 pairs of fake silver huge hooped earrings are also a must.
One essential piece of kit for a male townie is "the car" although expensive its a real "bird puller". Male townies ususally have a fringe the size of my..... and often buy their clothes from "top shop". They too can often be seen outside McDonalds, waving their mobile phones around and playing their ring tones. Ben Sherman is a popular make and when possible, facial hair is a must.
However, there are other types of townies, these are easier to spot. Often found everywhere that is cáck, these are the cider drinking, kappa wearing, no job, sports clothes advertising, "my stereo was more expensive than my car" kind of ones. These are the proper hard ones.WICKED!
Key Features:
"Gold" ring (s) usually the cheap signet rings that are far too big for their fingers, puffa jacket (helly hanson was in fashion but i guess when they actually realised they made life jackets they quickly went out), glaring eyes, small vocabulary, socks tucked into trousers, earing, baseball cap (usually white), dodgy fringe, 10 litres of hair spray.
Common Language:
Key words are "innit", "sound", "smooth", "wicked", "bruv" and "mate". Although suprising though it may seem they can string whole sentences together. When they do it is usually something comprising of "oi you what you been sayin about my mum?"
Intimidation:
Although the townie glare can, at first seem intimidating if you look past the endless amounts of cheap cider and shiny fake gold and the endless threats of: "What are you looking at? You starting?" (nb. don`t look away or you will get: "Look at me, why aint you looking? You scared?") What was I saying? Oh yeah if you look past all of that stuff, you must remember there is a real person, probably about 20 yards down the road.
Do not be worried if they say "Well I dunno why I don`t just knock you out" The fact is they never do. Maybe it is a genuine question, maybe they really don`t know? Its amazing how always one of their brothers aunties cousins sisters brothers dads uncles son has always just got out of prison! No wonders they`re getting overcrowded.
Personally, NO!!! However, are you? Why not take the "Am i a townie test"
Do you own any kappa clothes?
Yes / No
Do you find yourself hanging outside McDonalds?
Yes / No
Do you have a big fúck off fringe?
Yes / No
Do you have a signet ring?
Yes / No
Do you drink cider on the streets at night?
Yes / No
Is your boyfriend / girlfriend a slapper?
Yes / No
Do you sit on the back seat of a bus playing with your mobile ringtones?
Yes / No
Do you talk like Ali G?
Yes / No
If you answered:
You are on the verge, you`re insecure and not sure what you are, i suggest a visit to http://www.modifiedcars.com to sort yourself out.
You are definately a townie.
You`re safe!
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