Through the eyes of the norm, the world is a normal place. You are born, brought up by normal parents, have a brilliant child-hood, have a perfect education, become a teenager, get fucked as much as possible, go to college, get a well-paid job, live the rest of your life with a lover and raise a perfectly normal family, for the process to begin again and again. Society is kind to these individuals, because they infact make up society, and inherit the trust of others who are exactly the same. They follow rules, laws, do what they are told, and often believing differently in the eyes of majority crowd. Nothing goes wrong for these people because for these people, life is just.
But people are naive. People think that nothing goes wrong because nothing goes wrong for them. They've never had their hearts broken, they've never had to fight in a war, they've never been homeless. As long as they follow the simple path laid before them by the capatalist government, and be the consumer they are supposed to be, they will be fine. They work for perfect bodies, perfect minds, and perfect neighbours. Where-as, people like me on the other hand are in a constant struggle trying to repress this bullshit and not have to be the obedient consumer. The obedient slave of a society that follows the TV set, and not common sense.
And to top things off, I'm pretty much alone on this quest for personal freedom. My one true friend is with me on this, but obviously can't be there all the time, and obviously can't hold my hand every step of the way can he? My parents are the funniest one I think. Instead of supporting my decisions in life, and instead of giving me the love and substantial push I need to get through the stressing years of being a teenager, they throw me out of my house for a week because I asked them for a fucking fiver! Parental support is a big fucking joke.
And then we have my almighty social circle. The biggest bunch of two-faced wankers I have ever known in my life. Almost everyone I know and speak to has some sort of hidden agenda. You know how it goes. You speak to them and they're all nice and pretty and friendly to you, and then as soon as your back is turned they give you the finger. I am sick and tired of pretending to be nice to people who are just gonna slag me off when I'm not there. I can't be bothered anymore. Who cares if they think I'm a cock for ignoring them or whatever, if I died they wouldn't fucking know, nor care anyway. People say suicide is the cowards way out. I say it's an escape from a prison of the mind. I say it's a way of getting rid of everything that has ever made you cry, feel unwanted, feel depressive, hurt you, tortured you, abandoned you and forever made your life like hells wrath. I'm growing thin of trying to make my life something it's not, and these poeple aren't helping me at all. It's these kind of never-ending situations that make me want to fill my viens with the juices of chaos. Sure it's bad, but it's a pain killer. It numbs away the pain of a life that is just too hard for some to live in. That's why people are addicted to it.
It's either that or keep on seeing faces that don't want to see mine for more than two minutes. The problem here is, as usual, I don't have a choice. I can't afford an escape from reality because my parents don't support me, and every job I apply for tells me to fuck off. It's not as if I have no grades or anything. I'm stuck in a situation that is slowly driving me into insanity.
I've lost the will to do anything, and am pretty much emotionally dead because of a certain slag who apparently 'loved me'. As it stands, I couldn't care less what happens to me anymore. Nobody else does so why should I? For too long I have felt constantly empty, like there was nothing there for me to latch onto. Too long have I felt the need to hurt another just because they would do the same to me in a second if they could get away with it. Too long have I been the dirt beneath everybody elses feet, the under-dog that goes un-noticed. The guy that nobody can be bothered to say hello to. The guy that nobody can be arsed to make an effort for. Am I worthless? This is the reason I go to college drinking bottles of malibu. This why I'm a drug abuser. This is why I smoke as much as possible, and just sit in my room night after night feeling sorry for myself. All this grievous harm is a form of release, yet I still remain imprisoned to a lifestyle of supression from the ones who are my 'friends' and my 'loved ones'. The very reflection of the man I want to become when I'm older is now a shroud, because I've grown into someone I never wanted to be when I was a child. I've grown into someone that I can't stand because nobody else can either. Is it that wrong to want to fit in? And just to want to be happy? But at the same time, I love who I have become because at least I am true to my word.