February 13
Okay, I'm having a terrified day today. I don't think I can do this. There is no bloody way in hell I can survive by myself in a foreign country for three months. I'm scared I'm going to be broke, lost and lonely, with no prospects, no job, no friends and no home. I'm not even going to have a car, for lord's sake.
I know it's not too late to change plans, to just go to Florida for a week, go to the conference, then come on and spend my savings on a laptop. But I want to travel, and I know, if I do that, I will ALWAYS regret it.
So I am going. I just need to ride out the wave of doubt that I am currently on. I can do this, I will be able to afford it.
I don't think I'll quit though. My chances of getting work over there seem slim to none without a visa, and the chances of a visa seem slim to none without a job. I just love catch-22's.
ANd I don't want to come back to being a fax girl, that's already established. But I don't want to come back to nothing. So it seems to me that making this a short trip - ie two or three months - then back to work, seems the best plan. Of course, the question is where to then, and I'm toying with the idea of writing a book while I'm there. A travel book, or a collection of short stories, maybe. After all, it looks as though I'll have plenty of time on buses and planes and the like.
That's my latest plan, you see. A discover-america Greyhound bus pass ticket. Unlimited travel for up to two months. I'm thinking Mel - Cairns, to visit Nana and Yvonne and Ibb for a couple of days, then Cairns to LA, LA to Orlando. All plane. Then get my pass in Orlando, and travel the east by bus, New Orleans and Chicago and Montreal and where ever, then plane back to LA, then home. Or at least to Cairns, then home.
I can do this. I sound awfully like I'm trying to convince myself, which, of course, I am. It just seems like I'm going to get to LAX, and collapse in a screaming heap, crying out for Mum and Dad and Carly and Tim Tams and kangaroos and the MCG. But I'm going to be strong and tough. (I'm Buffy) It's only three months.
I was head of a deb ball committee. I organised a formal almost singlehandedly. (With some help, I admit, but come on, I did most of it.) I organised a golf day. I spend my days practically running an office of thirty neurotic and irritating people. I'm completely self-sufficient and I actually like my own company. I'm happy by myself, even if I am a snobby hermit. (At least I don't have seventeen cats and a rocking chair.)I can certainly organise and go on a holiday for one person.
And hey, Order of the Phoenix will be out by then, so I'll have to read that thirty million times and write all sorts of fics and theories, and I can't do that if I'm working, can I? :)
PLus, I just have to concentrate on Nimbus. I can't wait. I'm having an idea as we speak - a newsletter thing like we had a Youth Parliament. It could have things like gossip, news, daily schedules, quizzes, whatever. It'd be easy enough to run up on Word, print and photocopy, especially if we only did two or three pages. I figure each night - ie submissions in by five, typed by six thirty, printed and distributed to rooms by seven thirty. All extra copies could be left in the main room for the next morning. And we could put a text version on FictionAlley, so that people who aren't at the conference can keep up to date.
See, it's working. I'm getting excited again. But still, this will be the last-travel related thing I do today. I need a break from the stress of it all. But here's a list of things I need to do:
- redo passport photos. ( I told you about the grumpy post office worker [fancy that] who wouldn't accept my photo because I was too far away from the camera? About five centimetres, mind you. Dad suggested I take a photo with my face squashed against the lens. I told him to get a life.
- have passport application accepted. Duh.
-work out proper flight plan.
-decide actual itinerary.
-find out if I need visas - email embassies.
-work out travel dates as to arrive in Florida for night of 13th July.
- decide appropriate time to ask for three and a half months leave.
- email Jessica to ask organisational questions such as [are you staying seven nights] [are we having two more roomies] [shall we book our room].
But that will have to do for today, as I need to start concentrating on work. Or possibly a new story, because work is impossible to concentrate on for more than five minutes. But I've just stuffed up the files because I wasn't thinking.
But this has been a ver long entry, so I don't feel guilty about leaving. And it has been a useful entry, because I've allieviated some of my fears. :)
cheers,
Kirstee
