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Last updated on Sun., July 28, 2002

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Do you ever come home from a pressure-filled, sweat-soaked day on the job, click on your TV, see a talent-free individual on your screen, and think, "That guy's the luckiest S.O.B. on Earth"? Of course you do! And now there's a website devoted to them!

Below is posted our quite unofficial list of the luckiest S.O.B.'s on Earth. Feel free to use the form below to E-mail the webmaster with your own entry for this list. (While we realize that "S.O.B." is strictly, gender-speaking, a male term, your entry can be either male or female, as long as he/she has made it to the top via something other than talent or ability.) Keep your entry in good taste, and it will be posted here (along with your name and E-mail address) unless you request otherwise.

Come on, you know you have plenty of nominations for this list. It's time you shouted to the world, "I'm far more talented than these S.O.B.'s--I just haven't gotten my lucky break yet!"

All material on this site © 2003, The Luckiest S.O.B.'s on Earth Website. Views expressed on this website are strictly those of the webmaster and/or any contributors. To date, none of the celebrities listed herein endorse this site. All writings E-mailed to this site become the property of this site and will be posted unless otherwise indicated in your E-mail.

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The list begins...

1. Anna Nicole Smith (pictured above). Ever since Marilyn Monroe bounced her behind across a movie set, plenty of buxom blondes have used their bodaciousness to wiggle their way to the top. But for us, dear Anna represents some kind of pinnacle. All it took was a name change (her original moniker was Vicki Lynn) and some bust-enhancement surgery, and next thing you know, she's (a) Playmate of the Year, (b) the widow of a gazillionaire, and (c) the star of some B-movies and her own reality-TV series! We always knew those things could float, but who'd have guessed they could carry an entire career in the process?

2. William Shatner. You could probably nominate nearly any "Star Trek" star for this website, but ol' Bill has certainly been the most ubiquitous rider of the Enterprise gravy train. For this, we can handily blame Paramount Pictures, though in their defense, when the first Star Trek movie was proposed, they wanted to get a real star to play Capt. Kirk on film. But a few million Trekkers threatened to boycott the flick unless Shatner and the rest of the original crew were corralled, and from then on, Shatner's non-career has skyrocketed. Since then, he's starred as TV cop T.J. Hooker, authored his own line of sci-fi novels, and spent most of his post-ST acting career milking self-parody for big bucks! And to think that if it hadn't been for that silly little sci-fi show, he'd be best remembered these days as the wacko who saw a gremlin on the wing of his plane in an old Twilight Zone episode. What hath television wrought? Speaking of which...

3. The entire starring cast of Friends. A recent cover of the magazine Details shows a photo of the male cast of Friends with the headline, "Are these guys worth $72,000,000"? The only fault with that cover is that they forgot to include the women! Over the years, the cast members have individually and definitively proven that not a one of them can open or even begin to carry a motion picture, but collectively, they've sailed their Friends-ship right to shore! For those of us not entranced by the TV series (or at least for the webmaster of this site), we say the only legs that show has are Lisa Kudrow's long, luxurious limbs.

4. Delilah. If you are unfortunate enough to have Delilah's nightly radio show on your local station, you know that she has six kids (a couple of whom she even says goodnight to on her show occasionally), that she is interminably sensitive and caring (because of how she lets all of her callers blubber on), and is the host of the most singularly insufferable syndicated radio show ever. She seems to have done nothing other than this show and her website to earn her fame, yet she's even written a book that earned booksleeve accolades from the likes of Bette Midler. Delilah, we're glad you're so pleased with life...now get out of our radio!!

5. From John Hesterman: K.C. and the Sunshine Band. "Talk about a musician (?) who was in the right place at the right time!!! On the coattails of the BeeGees' disco craze with completely mindless and monotonous songs like 'Shake Shake Shake Your Booty,' 'I'm Your Boogie Man' and 'That's The Way I Like It (Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh),' he has to rate are one of the all-time biggest lucky SOB's!!!!!" [Webmaster's Note: Rhino Records has just released a 25th-anniversary K.C. tribute set, so his luck is still holding out!!]

6. Mary Hart. Became Miss South Dakota? Legs. Became a newscaster on Entertainment Tonight? Legs. Married a big-shot TV producer? Legs. Got a Lloyd's of London insurance policy? Definitely the legs! Did a Las Vegas lounge act? Leg city!!

7. Caesar Barber. Who is he, you say? Why, he's the 56-year-old Bronx man who spent years eating fast food, kept right on eating it even after his first heart attack and his doctor's subsequent warnings, had a second heart attack, and then decided to sue four fast food chains for causing his condition. For this, he's as deserving of a spot in our hall of infamy as any big-name celeb. Who knew you could live your life so frivolously and then blame other people for your demise? Why, I think I'll sue Anheuser-Busch, as soon as I get over this hangover!

8. Jennifer Lopez. Actually, in movies such as Selena and Out of Sight, Jennifer Lopez has proven to be a decent actress. Yet what do we end up hearing more about? Her perfume line. Her shattered romance with a rapper. Her rebound marriage with some other guy. Her divorce from said guy while dating an actor. And, heaven knows, her fanny! This is inevitably one career that will be left, you'll pardon the expression, behind!

9. From John Brennan: Ozzy Osbourne. "His life consisted of singing songs about Satan and suicide, biting heads off animals, and abusing his body with drugs and alcohol to the point where he is now an incoherent imbecile who can hardly walk from room to room. And he has parlayed all this into his current status as the Number One Cultural Icon of Our Times. I don't expect his newfound fame to last long, because, clearly, there is no 'there' there when it comes to Ozzy. But he is definitely a lucky S.O.B."


Who is your entry for the luckiest S.O.B. on Earth? Use the space below to submit your comments, and the webmaster will post them on this page unless you request otherwise. (If you are willing to share it, please list your name and E-mail address; at the very least, list your first name if you want your entry to be posted at this site.)

Press the appropriate button below to send or revise your comments.


Also:

About the webmaster of this site

Visit other sites by this webmaster:

Steven Bailey's movie reviews at Epinions.com
Steve Bailey's page of movie- and book-related interviews
Steve Bailey's page of entertainment-related book reviews
The Adrienne Barbeau Link Factory A comprehensive listing of all known, non-nude (well, 99% anyway) weblinks to the famously endowed Swamp Thing actress.
The Internet Guide to Practical Uses for Jennifer Lopez's Fanny Finally, a website that explains what to do with that thang!
The Laurel and Hardy Annex
Sit On My Monty Python Website Reviews and random thoughts about the British comedy troupe.
Steve Bailey's Lost in America Page A tribute to Albert Brooks' classic 1985 comedy.
The Gilligan's Id Page The attempted Freudian explanation of "Gilligan's Island."