"Today we're livin' in a shanty"
Mood:  crushed out
I stole this from Tiffany's blog.....which was stolen from her other friend's blog [ a survey] I see: My computer and my half filled diet pepsi can I need: self control I find: that what people say is true may not be I want: some money I have: greeat friends and family......most of the time I wish: for a LOT of things I love: my friends and family I hate: people who think they are better than everybody else I miss: my grandma :-( I fear: again......a lot of things---spiders, clowns, people standing over me and staring at me, etc. I feel: odd I hear: People telling me to do the right thing I smell: the autumn breeze I crave: Imo's---thanks to tiffany, and vin Hoa I search: for happiness every day----that doesn't mean im not happy...lol I wonder: the meaning of life----no tiffany im not stealing that from you, i wonder it too I regret: So many things you won't imagine! When was the last time you ... Smiled?: Last night on a blow up obstical course Laughed?: same as above Cried?: maybe a couple weeks ago Bought something?: Thursday-----presents Danced?: HOMECOMING BABY! Were sarcastic?: Hard to tell.....I am sarcastic a lot of the time...not as much as tiffany....lmao Kissed someone?: Erica's Holloween party! Talked to an ex?: Last night Watched your favorite movie?: Yesterday Had a nightmare?: A couple weeks ago i think O.o A Last time for everything ... Last book you read on your own: "A Child Called It" by Dave Pelzer......reading "The Lost Boy" by him now Last movie you saw: Practical Magic Last song you heard: "Happy Ending" by Avril Lavign Last thing you had to drink: Diet Pepsi Last time you showered: Last night Last thing you ate: My dad's famouse soup Do You ... Smoke?: no Do drugs?: Nope Have sex?: Well, I have before Sleep with stuffed animals?: No....but they are decoration on my bed Live in the moment?: I don't think so.....unless it is a great moment and i don't realize I am doing so Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: not at the moment....i am on the way to recruiting one though....hehe Have a dream that keeps coming back?: No, I don't think so Play an instrument?: I play piano/keyboard----i don't read music though......I teach my self songs like my dad Believe there is life on other planets?: Yes!.....kinda freaks me out too Remember your first love?: YES! He left me about 5 months ago.....or six.....on the border line of 5 and 6 Still love him/her?: Yes Read the newspaper?: Only if it is about sombody I know or me or something i know about or something like that Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yep Believe in miracles?: To an extent, yes Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: I guess like with love Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Yeah.....sometimes Consider love a mistake?: it depends Like the taste of alcohol?: Depends on what kind it is Have a favorite candy?: I LOVE IT ALL! but my favorite candy bar is Fast Breaks Believe in astrology?: Not really....unless I am bored Believe in magic?: Only on some circumstances Believe in God?: Yes Pray?: Yes....not all the time but enough Go to church?: Yes Have any secrets?: Very many Have any pets?: Yes....my two doggies Phoebe and Panda Do well in school?: most of the time Go to or plan to go to college?: Yes Have a major?: I'd like to study psychology like Tiffany and/or study acting----I LOVE TO ACT! and plan to do so through out my life! Talk to strangers who instant message you?: Sure Wear hats?: I do when I get a chance since we can't wear them in school XP Have any piercings?: My ears once----i want to get them pierced again though Have any tattoos?: Nope Hate yourself?: sometimes Have an obsession?: Yeah Have a secret crush?: no....i tell my friends everything Do they know yet?: um, they might Collect anything?: Not anymore Have a best friend?: Yeah, a couple. Wish on stars?: I think i have once Like your handwriting?: not really Have any bad habits?: Yes....not getting into that though Care about looks?: If you meam my looks.....definatly Boy/girlfriend's looks?: yes.....but i look for other things too Friends and other people?: No Believe in witches?: I'm not sure about that one Believe in Satan?: Yes Believe in ghosts?: Yes

poems.....yet again.
Mood:  d'oh

Somebody Should Have Taught Him
I went to a birthday party
but I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink at all,
so I had Sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
the way you said I would,
that I didn't chose to drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.
I knew I made a healthy choice and
your advice to me was right
as the party finaly ended
and the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my own car,
sure to get home in one piece,
never knowing what was coming,
something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement.
I can hear the policeman say,
"The kid that caused this wreck was drunk."
His voice seems far away.
My own blood is all around me,
as I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
"This girl is going to die."
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
while he was flying high,
because he chose to drink and drive
that I would have to die.
So why do people do it,
knowing that it ruins lives?
But now the pain is cutting me
like a hundred stabbing knives.
Tell my sister not to be afraid,
tell Daddy to be brave,
and when I go to heaven to
put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him
that it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his mom and dad had,
I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter,
I'm really getting scared.
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me, Mom,
as I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say
I love you and good-bye.

poems that i like
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Lean On Me
Please Listen [my fave poem]
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why
I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do---just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get
you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faultering,
but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and
inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
that I feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can stop trying to convince
you and get about this business
of understanding what's behind
this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are
obviouse and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when
we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes,
for some people---because God is mute,
and he doesn't give advice or try
to fix things.
God just listens and let's you work
it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute
for your turn--and I will listen to you.

Paint brush
I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you'll do--that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.

I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you'll be patient and close your eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend pure as gold.

I need to save my paint bruch, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paintbrush with me
Until I love me, too

Love is a battle feild
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: The "I gotta pee" song.....lol.....i made that one up
Hey hey. Wow, I haven't written anything since October 3rd. I haven't really been on the computer lately at all. I mean, I just haven't. Haven't really had the urge to.....wow, never thought that would happen to "ME."

Anyways. Let's see, what has happened since then? O.o.

Oh, I was reading my other entries and saw that i said I would explain more about the Tera Nova testing later....well I never did so I will now.
[Well, first of all.....last year there was a lot of mix-ups and stuff going on and this year there was another mix-up-which all had to do with my school guidence counselor :-/......so i know her and have and sometimes it feels a lil akward]
Ok.....see, the testing was held in the cafeteria. Each counselor and some substitute teachers had an asigned area to watch over. [my counselors name is Mrs. Rials.....to make it easier] I was in some guy who was a substitute's area. The area next to me was watched by Mrs. Rials. I saw her out of the corner of my eye and saw her like staring at me. I mean, I was feelin a lil akward there....lol. Then when we got a 5 min brake, I went to go see my friends in there and she was right there staring. EEEK. I mean, she;s nice and all.....but ever since last year she is always checking in with me and it seems like she is always there. Oh well. Then the next day I was talking to my friend erica. She was like....."I wanna get out of math next hour....I'm gonna go to Mrs. Rials and have her call you down." I thought she was joking so I played along. She was like......yeah.....I could say me and you have been getting in fights lately for no reason and you seemed depressed today. Then I was like "yeah right." Then she was seriouse. So we had this big thing....I begged her to not to that. So I didn't think she was gonna do it and then all of a suddon next hour....I get a yellow slip-----amber frost signed Mrs. Rials. Grrrr....to erica. So I had to play along with it and seem all sad and all that and she made me check in with her later that week....:-P Yippee [sarcasm]
Well, I will talk later.....I wanna play rolar coaster tycoon now.

Buh Bye!

Stuff.....I never really have a title cos i have many different things to say ^_^
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Avril Lavign - Happy Ending
Hello once again. Ya know, I made my friend Erica a blog [cos she didn't know how and didn't wanna take the time to learn....lol] and she stil hasn't even written in it. She has had it for about a week or a lil less. What a dork....lol.

Yesterday.....I was supposed to have a sleep over with my two best friends Tiffany and Erica. Well, Tiffany didn't do t at the last min so Erica just stayed the night. We had a good time. We picked her up then went to the carnival. I rode the "Round Up" for the first time. It was pretty fun. After that we went to go get a whole bunch of snacks then went home and chilled out in my room. Dad ordered us Pizza. Erica made me watch this movie she is obsessed with...."Boondock Saints" and it was sooooo good! I mean wow. Conner is sooooo hot! And in the deleted scenes.....he was naked! So hot.

I just got back from a pizza party at my church discussing a youth group. At first I was thinking it might be a lil weird. But they talked and talked about it and it sounded like a lot of fun. I mean, I want to do it now. I mean, you can laugh all you want but it sounds like a lot of fun. Because they were talking about all the things that they do there and I mean, it just seems like a good time. It is probably going to be once a week.....like every Sunday evening.

Now I am excited. Tiffany invited me to go to this craft fair next weekend that's out of town. Dad said I can go....yay!It's gonna be fun!
Welli gotta go now. TTYL everyone!
Buh Bye!

FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Nothing
Oh. I just witnessesed a fight! See, my window in here was open and all of a sudodon i heard like yelling and screaming. So I went outside to see what was going on. Obviously....it was a b/f and g/f fight. I dunno if he was abusing her or not but it sounded like it.....banging and glass breaking. She was moving all of her things to the truck and then I saw a stroler. They have a toddler too! That's just wrong. I mean, they should be careful around the child. So he finaly drove away and she was still packing. [the whole time this is all happening, i was sitting on my back porch {deck} hiding behind a chair being nosey] Yeah, this was at the house right across from the alley. So yeah, it was interesting.

On a lighter note....I got my homecomming dress today. It is soooo cute! I love it. It is too hard to explaine but it is so pretty and elegant....and it is maroon. I am very excited about it. I am gonna get a matching shawl and purse. I already got earings for it.....i need to find a matching neckalace.

Well, I don't feel like talking a lot right now so i will let ya go.

P.S....I really hope this sleep over works out tomorrow night....like I hope nobody cancles.....cos they kinda usually do.....i mean,,.....we haven't had a sleep over in forever cos nobody could do it. So, hopefully it'll work out.

Buh Bye!!

Yo Yo Yo.......[many topics]
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Hoobastank
Hey all. I just got home from school. I only got on the comp so I can write in my blog. I did this long entery yesterday but i hit some button on my keyboard and it made me go [back] and it lost my whole entery!!!!......ach! That sucked.

This weekend was tiring.....but sooo fun. See, for the past 3 monthes.....we [me, dad, and Tracy-stepmom] have been working on moving my room [which is on main floor] to upstairs [which we don't use for anything except to putr toys in one room.] There are 2 rooms up there. I took the bigger one with the HUGE walk-in closet. Well, we finaly finished my room! I actually got to sleep in there this weekend! It looks sooo awsome! My walk-in closet is like another room or something. I mean, it has my dresser in there and all my shoes [whish is about 30 pairs] and my bags and purses and a laundry hamper.....and of course my clothes. It is like my changing room too....I get dressed in there. All my clothes are seasonm aranged, color coated, all the T-shirts are together and the hoodies are together and the coats/jackets are together and the dresses and skirts are together. And each of those sections are color coated too. WQhen my room was down stairs, I didn't hang out in there as much....but now I love to hang out in my new room. I am hoping that everything will work out to have a sleep over with my two best friends erica and tiffany at my house this weekend. It'll be great!

Today, all sophmores with the last names of a-k had to take Tera Nova testing today. It was interesting. I got out of 1,2,3 and 7 hour....hehe. I would explain more but I am getting tired of typing....I am exhausted today! I will explain more later or tomorrow. Buh Bye!

P.S.....Here is a very pretty song by Bette Midler that I sang in choir once.

[The Rose by Bette Midler]
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your sole to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, it's only seed.
It's the heart afraid of dying
That never seems to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes that chance.
It's the one who won't be taken
Who never seems to give.
And the sole afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
And the rode has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the winter stone.
Lies the seed that with the suns love
In the spring becomes the rose.
[love that song]

*sigh*
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: nothing :-(
Hello again. <<<[Did you know that is a song?....by Neil Diomand......we sang it in swing choir]

I am a lil irritaded. I kinda get that way sometime. I do have a reason. I mean, [I am probably gonna get in trouble if my friends read this but oh well....this is like an online journal].
See, Erica and Tiffany have all the same interests....and I don't like any of them. And I mean, it really bugs me. If I tell them.....or at least tell Erica she will get all mad and yell at me and say I just want attention. I really don't want attention. It is just the truth. I mean, here is another example of what I get irritated/upset about. See, we all get in a chat room together. And some of the things Erica says I think are on purpose. I mean, she will say something like "Tiff, check your im," or "Tiff, ask if you can stay the night," or "Tiff, my mom needs to talk to you later."
She knows she can just say that to her in an instant message. And she doesn't have to say "Read your im" because it will appear or flash so of course she will read it!
And now I am getting mad at erica. She is being so mean to me. I am not whining but I don't wanna say anything back because like we are best friends and she will get all mad at me again. I doon't want that to happen.

Well, I am going to go now. Justhad to get all that out. Buh bye!

This better work!
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: "Killing me Softly"
That song rocks!^^^^^^^^

Strumin my pain with his fingers
Singin' my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Tellin' my whole life with his word
Killing me softly.....
With his song

Hmmm.

I took the P.E class that I am in for one reason......to hopefully lose wait. Because me and my friend Erica both took the walking class. She is like a tooth pick. I am like a marshmellow. In walking we can run too. So I went on a healthy diet and I jog in the walking class. I hope this all works. If my friends saw this they would kill me for thinking I am fat. They will probably see it anyways.....oh well. I don't care. Yelling at me will not help the matter, That is all they ever do is yell at me if I think I am fat. That doesn't help. That's like when I took up a bad habbit before....My stepmom kept yelling at me about it.....that made it worse.

sigh

Now Erica just called me to like tell me about her new tape recorder. It's fun to play with. We were sayin things into it and then playing it fast....hehe

I am sooooo excited! Me and Erica are going to see "Disney on Ice!!!" I know we're 15 but hey.....it's ok. I am so excited! It'll be so much fun. We are going with her mom [who could care less what we do so we can like have a lot of fun]. It'll be sooo great!

Well, I am gonna go now. Take care and Have a nice day!

Tah Tah For Now!

Pidgy Pidgy Pidgy.....Potato?
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Radio.......current song playing----Break Away by Kelly Clarckson
Hello. I haven't written in a while because I was grounded.....XP.....that always sucks. I am grounded kinda a lot. Nobody understands that it's not my fault all the time. See, I always get in fights with my stepmom and it is usually when dad isnt home. When she tells him about it.....she over exadurates....I mean she makes me sound terrible when she is worse than me. See, she usually starts yelling first and I yell back....not as loud though.....seriously....I am not just sticking up for myself I am absolutly seriouse!

Anyways....You are probably wondering what the title means aren't you? Well, you have to go to www.illwillpress.com
Then when you get there, press "Toons." Then watch the cartoons they have. They are sooooo funny! The charactures are
Foamy- a squirel who likes to cus a lot! He talks very fast and has a LOT of advice for everybody!
He lives with a human who is a gothic chick who like poetry, her favorite color is blood red, she wants to either die or hurt, and is into like all that magical stuff.....and has a stalker.....hehehe.
Pill-zee- He is a pill popping freak--[also a squirel] He needs pills for his pills. He goes on and on about pills and everything. He is halariouse! And he is very very hiper!!
The other squirel....don't know his name but he is some sort of british squirel.
Me and my friend Erica both have shirts--hers says Foamy and mine says Pill-zee.....because she is a smart ass and I am hiper...hehe.
I know it all sounds stupid but it really isn't! GO THERE......NOW!
hehehe.

Tomorrow starts the fourth week of school.....eek. It's all okay. I mean, I am doing good in my classes. They are easy....which is a good thing. And I just ordered my class ring. I am really excited about that! My dad was gonna make e wait till my senior year,.....ut me and my stepmom talked him into it! And I thought he was gonna make me get the cheapest one [because they are so expensive] but he didn't. He didn't want me to get a cheapy one....he wanted it to last longer. It was like 316$. Wow.

Well, I am done typing today. Have a nice day everybody!

P.S.....I finaly know what "Now Playing" means....lmao!