"Who cares? She's dying anyway. [to the camera] Why did I just say something so cruel? I really didn't mean it. My shields are just a guard to keep people away. Maybe I'm just afraid they'll hate me just as much as I hate myself. I am a toilet of sadness! Oh, well. At least I'm not a dying whore. Oh--shields are back up...." 
"I don't say this often, but grrrr." 

(As Itchy Man, there's a asteriod full of jam about to crash into the planet) 
"Oh, my god! Let's have a toast!" 

(During flim, tv, and theatre styles, the style is supposed to be Three Stooges) 
"I don't know what's-a goin' on around here! I don't know, give me a break!" 
Drew: That wasn't stooges, that was Marx brothers! 
(does his hyperactive moth impression) 

(Later, during South Park) 
Wayne: Hey you! 'espect my authority! 
Colin: I don't know what's-a goin' on around here! 
"I was just going to do that, you bastard!" 

"You're born naked, you die naked, end of story." 
Councilman: But you don't die naked. 
"You do if you plan it right...." 

(On "A Very Special Drew") 
"Drew, this homeless woman is having a baby for your consideration!" 

"I am a toliet of sadness." 

(about his girlfriends) 
"Boy, you forge one birth certificate, one fake credit history, scratch your own back with your fingernails just once, and suddenly you're the guy with the fake girlfriends!" 

(Scenes from a hat, little known facts about our host, Drew Carey) 
"What kind of a middle name is Allison?" 

(after Wayne messes up a song during Greatest Hits) 
Wayne: My jug broke! 
"Just flip disk one over, and you get the other half of that song!" 

(Lewis, on sex) 
"One person's always disappointed. So far, I've been lucky. It's always been the woman. 

(During Greatist Hits) 
"How many cds can you fit on the two cds?" 
Greg: I wouldn't know. 100? 
"100's too many, but we have 78 songs on the two cds!" 

"The last cut on this cd set is one of the oddest couples you'll ever find on a cd set. That hit of Sammy Davis, Jr., and Ethel Merman...." 

{Ryan screws up his Halloween Hoedown} 
Ryan: I have no costume, I don't care in the land! I've opened up the door, I've got my penis in my hand.... What do you want?! Everyone took mine! 

{During Film, TV, and Theater Styles] 
Ryan: You know, when I find my wife is cheating, it's best to put her in the oven at 350.... 

{Ryan forgets his suggestion for Weird Newscasters} 
Ryan: Thank you, Greg. Well, let's have a look at the weather in the week. It's gonna be awful, it's gonna be raining, but I can make it sunny for one more drink. I'm just asking for one more drink that's all I'm asking for. We got clouds rollin in on Sunday. Oh, I can't smoke in here, is that what you're sayin? I can't, I hope I have the right suggestion, I've totally forgotten.