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AFFLICTION BY TROG |
CHAPTER 46 |
CHAPTER 46
The water glowed in the fading sunlight just like on the night Tea and he made love on the shores of Windsor Lake. He stopped for a moment looking out across the lake...remembering....recalling a perfect moment of something...of pure joy perhaps. Happiness. There had been so few in his life...he could count them off on the fingers of one hand.
Walking toward the large, white house with the four columns across the front he noticed Dr. Woolf in the distance with his unruly puff of white hair blowing wildly in the wind, bending over a bush in his rose garden. Dumping rich, black soil around the stem of one of his rosebushes, Dr. Woolf was so engrossed in his work that he only turned when Todd was right beside him.
Smiling kindly and removing his gardening gloves he extended his hand to Todd in a warm greeting.
Todd took it.
“Todd...I’m really glad to see you. I spoke with Vicki...I wondered why you’d missed all your appointments...but then I read about everything in the paper...your mistaken arrest...Tea’s disappearance. I’m so sorry. Has anyone heard anything yet?”
Todd looked away and shook his head. Dr. Woolf noticed a significant change in Todd’s appearance since their last session five weeks ago. His clothing hanging loosely on a much thinner frame, his skin pale and chalky in sharp contrast with his unshaven face, and the dark hollows under his eyes told tales of many sleepless nights. Vicki had told him about Todd’s collapse...and that he was suffering from anemia...and a bleeding ulcer. His diminished appearance was astonishing.
“What are you doing?” asked Todd, staring at the sacks of dirt and boxes of fertilizer and insecticides. The ground was littered with glass tubes, measures, tools, charts and gages that were scattered all around.
“Ah...the life of a rosarian! It never ends, Todd...the cultivation of these beautiful creatures...roses. They are temperamental, prickly things...they are strong-willed and hate the cold...they attract the most illusive and ugly insects to feed on them...they are a complete nuisance. I promised myself that I’d give it up...this botanical obsession...this horticultural hell...but I can’t,” said Dr. Woolf as he turned and touched a thorny bush in front of him covered with delicate, shiny leaves and buds just beginning to blossom. “This is my favorite...the peach-colored, Brandy Rose. It took first place in the American Rose Society’s Annual three year’s ago. This particular plant was started from a cutting of the grand prize winner itself which belonged to a colleague of mine, a rival I should say, by the name of Dr. A.J. Verhage from West Virginia.”
Todd stared at him then looked at the buds, a tiny slice of peach color peaking out, struggling to emerge from the tightly wrapped green leaves restraining it .
“Tea loves peach roses...they’re her favorite,” he said, his thoughts drifting away.
“Yes...I remember her mentioning that when we met...I think that‘s why I liked her immediately. There was something about Tea...in her spirit and her smile. Yes...she reminded me very much of my tempestuous Brandy Roseaca. I remember thinking that it was interesting that her name was Tea...since the Brandy Rose is from a class of roses known as TEA ROSES!! And the color...well...peach roses signify...DESIRE...and from what you’ve told me I think Tea is a woman who is filled with passion...much like my little beauty here.”
Todd reached out absentmindedly and touched a prickly branch, delicately fingering its smooth stalk and soft leaves as Dr. Woolf continued.
“Yes...you must see it in the Summer, Todd...it is quite astonishing...worth all the effort and sacrifice. Large, perfectly scrolled blossoms, just the right balance of silky petals, a lovely, musky fragrance...and the color...a deep, warm peach. It almost reminds me of flesh...like the skin of a beautiful woman...perhaps therein lies its true loveliness for me. It looks alive.”
“Wolfman...I think you’re in serious need of a woman,” said Todd sarcastically. Dr. Woolf just laughed and nodded his head.
Todd stared at the rosebush then quickly looked away, back at the lake, remembering her soft, peachy skin, the look in her lustrous eyes...the look of desire. Yes...desire...he always saw that in her eyes. Desire for him...mutual desire...to love and be loved. His eyes misted and he closed them to avoid Dr. Woolf’s inquisitive stare.
“Todd...why don’t you let me clean up a bit and then...we can get started.”
“NO! I didn’t come here for that,” said Todd turning back to Dr. Woolf. “ I need your help...”
“I see...well, of course. How can I help you, Todd.”
“You’re a shrink, right...and shrinks...well they...uh...they study dreams right? I need you to help me understand a dream...a dream that I keep having...a dream about Tea.”
Dr. Woolf shook his head slowly, wondering about his patient’s mental state as he spoke in a frantic, nervous manner. Todd seemed anxious, but Dr. Woolf was pleased that Todd had sought him out...that he had established a little trust with him in the few sessions they’d had together. He understood that Todd Manning was not a man who asked for help very easily.
“Well...that’s not really my field, Todd...I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer...very little knowledge.”
“Look...I’ll take whatever you have.”
“Alright...go ahead...tell me your dream,” he said as he sat on a stone bench and Todd paced around frantically telling him every detail of the dream. When he had finished he looked exasperated and exhausted.
“I have this dream every time I fall asleep for a few hours. And it scares me...but...it’s almost worth running into my father...just to see Tea for a little bit...you know? I hate it...and I love it too...this dream.”
Dr. Woolf stood up, removed a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his glasses.
“There are many schools of thought on dreams. Some researchers believe that dreams are just a reaction to external stimuli. That what happens in our dreams is triggered by an outside force...the dreaming about a bell and waking up to your alarm clock ringing sort of thing.”
“No...that’s not it,” said Todd impatiently. “Nothing is triggering this dream...I feel like...like I’m having it for a reason. I know how stupid that sounds...but that’s how it feels.
“Well...Freud made famous the view that dreams express some hidden need or desire in the unconscious mind.”
Todd looked angry, almost hostile as he came toward Dr. Woolf.
“What are you telling me, Wolfman...that I want Tea to go away? That I’m just like my father, ha? Are those the desires of my unconscious mind? WELL, THAT’S BULLSHIT...FUCKING BULLSHIT! I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE MY FATHER...AND I DON’T WANT TEA TO GO AWAY, OKAY...THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT! I WAS STUPID TO COME HERE,” yelled Todd as he started to walk away.
Dr. Woolf got up quickly and grabbed a hold of Todd’s arm.
“No...wait, Todd. You misunderstood my meaning....please let me finish what I meant to say.”
Todd pulled his arm away but walked back over.
“I said that dreams express some HIDDEN meaning or desire. What you stated was the obvious part of the dream, not it’s hidden content. Freud thought that dreams were made up of two aspects...the manifest content and...the latent content. Now the manifest content is what you told me...it is the storyline sort of speak...the setting, the chain of events...the characters. But...the latent content, in contrast is the deeper meaning of the dream, the underlying, unconscious wishes it reflects. So...in many ways you’re right...this dream is trying to tell you something...but it is something you already know...it just needs to surface from your unconscious mind.”
Todd stared at him for a long time, but said nothing as he continued.
“I personally don’t believe dreams are portentous...or prophetic...I’m more aligned with Freud in this. What you need to do is examine the manifest content of this dream...then ask yourself where you’ve seen this before...where you’ve heard this before. I believe it is an external stimulus that has triggered this dream...you just have to find it...then...you’ll now what the dream is trying to tell you. You need to find that key element that has buried itself in your subconscious.”
Todd paced around...his brow furrowed as he walked back and forth. Todd nodded his head, then shook it...then nodded it again.
“Okay...so how do I do this. I mean...what is this external stimulus junk...how will I know when I find it?”
“It’s not a thing, Todd...I’m not telling you to look for a tangible object...like an alarm clock...what you’re looking for could be picture, a smell, a word or phrase, a piece of music...it could be anything. Just relax, examine the manifest content of your dream, the details of what you see...and ask yourself what it means to you. And don‘t obsess about your father‘s presence...I think that is only your fear of being alone manifesting itself and it is preventing you from seeing something else...the deeper meaning of this dream.”
Todd put his hands in his pockets and walked away from Dr. Woolf toward the Lake. Dr. Woolf watched him with great fascination. He admired his strength, his ability to just continue, to just go on in spite of his past...a past that would have broken many emotionally. And his love for Tea...it seemed so natural....so singularly exquisite. Todd Manning was like the thorns on his beautiful rosebushes...brutal, dangerous...but also fiercely protective, like the thorn-guards on his beautiful plants.
Todd walked over to the edge of the lake, stared out at the water and closed his eyes...trying to recall the details of his dream. Watching Tea floating across the water to him in her beautiful white dress...like...like some ancient heroine...yes...like... Helen of Troy.
Dr. Woolf watched as Todd suddenly turned and ran toward him in a hurry.
“I think I understand, Doc...thanks,” said Todd with breathless excitement. “Listen...I‘ll pay you...and I’ll call you...I promise...but...I have to go.”
Dr. Woolf scratched his head in confusion as he watched Todd run to his car and disappear quickly.
to be continued...
2002 Copyright by Trog

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