WARNING: This site contains adult language and situations...as if you hadn't guess that already, you naughty boy!!
"She was a nice-looking girl, but her rear end stuck a-way out...You could play pinochle on her rear end." -- Groucho Marx at Carnegie Hall, 1972, describing a distant female relative
Last updated on Tues., Jan. 1, 2008
If you're like the creator of this website, you've reached the conclusion that actress/singer/model/bling-bling recipient Jennifer Lopez's ripe-to-bursting derriere has become, like its owner, a bloated symbol of overexposure. We hereby propose this site to list useful alternatives for this overexposed and underused plot of land. If you have any suggestions of your own for this bouncy behind, E-mail them to the webmaster here, and he'll be glad to post 'em!
TYPICAL C.Y.A. DISCLAIMER: This site is not in any way endorsed by Jennifer Lopez or her exquisite rear end. To the best of the webmaster's knowledge, any photos used at this site are in the public domain. If this is in error, click here to E-mail the webmaster and he will remove the appropriate photos immediately.
All other material on this site © 2008, The Internet Guide to Practical Uses for Jennifer Lopez's Fanny. Any use or reproduction of this website or its contents, other than staring slack-jawed at Jennifer Lopez's outrageously-sized sweet cheeks, is strictly prohibited.
Since Nov. 30, 2002, voyeurs served
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Uses for Jennifer Lopez's fanny:
1. Watch it shake as she sings, "I'm just Jenny, touch my block."
2. Use it as a holder for discarded wedding invitations.
3. Tightly position your lips upon it and hope the suction never wears off.
4. Allow an impoverished Third World family to live and work on its acreage.
5. Post your advertising here!
6. Pay a nominal fee to J.Lo so she can remove the tattoos which read "O-o-Ojani", "Cris 4-Ever", "P. Diddy Was Here," and "Ben Af-flecked His Tongue Here."
7. Use it as a baseboard to light a firelog.
8. Watch it float in a tub. See it glisten!
9. Three words: Massage, massage, massage.
10. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
11. Entertain your friends by having J.Lo walk into your room backwards.
12. J.Lo...phallically-shaped bicycle seat...you do the math.
13. Don't allow her fanny to seduce you into placing an anti-virus on your computer. (This is no joke--click here for more details.)
14. Since, according to the article referenced here, J.Lo doesn't have the time needed "to smoke a cigarette," suggest she use a different orifice!
15. Unusual and provocative hood ornament.
16. To be used as a stool by Ja Rule when he appears on the inevitable J.Lo segment of VH1's "Behind the Music."
17. Ain't love fanny?
18. Use it to smother Ralph Fiennes' smugly grinning face.
19. Sloppy seconds for Matt Damon.
20. Use your tongue to play connect-the-freckles.
21. "The Equal-and-Opposite-Reaction Theory: A Very Dramatic Science Project."
22. Use as a prop in the adult game "Pin the Tail on J.Lo."
23. The ultimate ice-cream cone holder!
24. Cover. Uncover. Bask in your friends' standing ovation.
25. Review Ben Affleck's unique wedding vow: "Acres and acres of it, and it's mine, all mine!!"
26. Gallantly offer to remove its thong bikini from the crevice with your teeth.
27. Many will enter--only one will win.
28. Got Paas paints? Make the ultimate Easter egg!
29. Baste lightly at moderate-to-warm room temperature.
30. Whaddya mean, your lollipop's stuck in there??
31. Provide a graphic demonstration of the statement "Fame has made J.Lo very cheeky."
32. Provide shade for a picnicking family.
33. Use weekly to provide information on tides.
Suggestions from dean63@earthlink.net (Numbers 34 through 37):
34. Two words: Louisville Slugger (Ooooouchhh!)
35. Spank her again and again until those cheeks glow bright red.
36. I can't believe we haven't seen Jennifer doing commercials for Preparation H, Metamucil, Kaopectate, etc. C'mon, Jen, go for it!
37. How about thong modeling?
38. Flatten the many critics of Gigli.
39. Check that meat thermometer! Done yet?
40. Test the agility of your recently installed doorknob.
41. Cleans windows in one sweep!
Suggestion from Phil Roberts (Number 42):
42. A jumping castle for adults (watch the wind tunnel).
43. Marc Anthony--you can run, you can hide, but you can't escape his, er, love.
44. A place to hold Richard Gere's, er, attention when he tangos with her.
45. A unique and inspirational graffiti wall.
46. The line for budding gynecologists starts here.
47. A quote from J.Lo herself: "I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge."
48. Top each cheek with generous amounts of whipped cream, make like your hands are claws, and bingo! You're a mountaineer!
49. Pretend you're her chauffeur, and offer to drive her home.
50. Use Crisco. It all comes back except for one tablespoon.
51. Bring new and dramatic meaning to the phrase "giving her a good tongue-lashing."
52. Tremendous source of comfort for Marc Anthony after the failure of his and J.Lo's vanity film, El Cantante.
53. Beginner's rough for virgins.
54. Trampoline for undersized infants or very large insects.
55. Place sponge between cheeks to create automatic stamp moistener.
56. Multi-purpose tongue cleaner.
57. Conduct a scientific experiment to determine the exact amount of male bodily secretions that can be retained therein.
58. Provides just the right amount of cushioning during a heavy pregnancy.
More uses to come--keep checking back to this site!!
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Related links:
iF Magazine - Issue 1.0 An entire article devoted to J.Lo's astounding appendage!
Magdelena Barrera on Jennifer Lopez's bottom Well, okay, she's not literally on her bottom, she's just talking about it. Sorry, guys.
Jennifer Lopez humor at About.com As their webmaster put it: Kidding Jennifer Lopez, butt good.
The Jennifer Lopez Philtrum Page Devoted to the middle groove above J.Lo's upper lip. If that's your idea of a good time.
For more great celebrity heinie, go to:
Celebrity Fanny Famous sweet cheeks, nude wherever possible.
