A/N: My dream was actually in english, not portuguese, therefore most of the lines are those I really heard. 

   I sometimes have really strange, long and realistic dreams that affect me deeply. Like in "Surreal", I had this need to write the dream I had this night. It might not make much sense, but it does to me...

Out of nowhere I caught myself a few years older, living in this big mansion. But no, it wasn’t my house. If only I felt like an employee in there. It was Leighanne’s house. Her and Brian’s. I know they were married, and had the baby, but I didn’t really have any contact with Baylee, and couldn’t remember having seen Brian around the house.

The house was never empty though. People coming and going around every time. Important people that dealt with celebrity’s business, and other people too. These other people were a curious part of the scenario. They were my friends. They were young just like I was, and I knew why they were there.

Leighanne could see them too, but she didn’t seem to pay much attention to them. At least not as much as she paid to me. I know this came from the fact I myself began approaching her, and out of all my hatred and rage I could feel my always confusing feelings towards that woman. She was the reason my friends and I were there; I knew from my life I was meant to die without looking into the eyes of the man I loved so much, so she was what caused me to be there, I figured.

Inside the big mansion there were these hallways and hidden ladders, me and my friends kept a whole organization there in secrecy. It was the "Behind the Scenes with Leighanne Wallace." In that place we had enough material to destroy that woman, to show the world who that gold digger really was. We were living there with her to get more material, more proof of the woman who married a man out of money, who fooled my forever beloved Brian Littrell.

In the walls of our secret compartment there were posters to be found, pictures of Leighanne cheating, of all of her lies... And I knew we needed more to achieve our goal. There with me I had friends that joined me back years ago through the internet, with the same dream of seeing that woman’s lies falling. They were my loyal helpers in this mission, and I knew I was their leader. Thats why they trusted and cheered when my attempts to befriend Leighanne succeed.

I began to hang out with her, and she talked to me as if she had no other friend in the world. At the same time I was mesmerized looking into those eyes that hurt me so deep during so long, I managed to help the friends always following behind us. Leighanne smiled at them, I doubt she knew what they were really up to. Thing was we had discovered her connection with the famous porn star Sylvia Saint. Best friends, co-workers... and knew where those pictures were, pictures to finally prove her past to everyone... specially to Brian.

I instructed my friends, my loyal helpers where to find those pictures. I was like a spy. Being her friend I got access to everything in her secret life, and I passed the information to my friends, and our secret archive grew bigger with evidence. I remember many times having felt so scared she could find out my connection with my folks... I wanted her trust. I needed it. I needed it for my own self. So I always had the group to succeed in our attempts at collecting material, even when it was so obvious our plans that I myself knew *I* would have realized these cruel intentions, I always managed to save us from suspicion, always and Leighanne smiled too.

The more we grew in our archive, sneaking through secret hallways inside that mansion, the more Leighanne and I bounded. I felt she began to need me, depend on me. And I linked to her with all my frustrated need, with all my hidden love for Brian, drinking from every line she spoke about her husband, wanting to find comfort in the middle of the aching she caused me.

I remember this night, the first in which she invited me to her room. It was night, and I felt so honored because I knew I was nobody inside that house, and Leighanne’s affection was what made of me somebody. Her husband wasn’t home, the baby slept beside the bed, and she called me in to talk. I couldn’t feel guilty for my secret group of friends in a mission to destroy her. I needed love, and I always destroyed what I loved, and I managed to hate what I adored, and I learned I obsessed over Leighanne.

She confessed me her love, how much happier she had been since I came into her life. And I let myself fall into her embrace, needing the hurtful warm she gave, the one that touched my soul. And then... then I couldn’t resist any longer. I needed something just too badly. I could be nothing but an employee in there, but I couldn’t back away from the love burning inside of me.

"Leigh..." – I began.

"Yes, dear?"

"Where is Brian? Where is your husband? He lives here with you and yet I never saw him in the eyes!" – I had that need of mine, my passion spoke louder... if I was really living in that house I could not go through life without looking at least once into his eyes! Now I remembered having touched his arm accidentally while passing him by once, but this wasn’t enough, I needed to look into his blue eyes.

"Oh, Brian always arrives home late, you know how he is... Always busy with his career..." – she explained to me and I felt like a poor girl living with millionaires.

"I wish to see him..." – I went closer to her, touching her submissively. My passion took me over. – "Ya know..." – I lowered my voice in confession. – "When I was younger, and I liked the Backstreet Boys, Brian was my favorite... I loved him."

She giggled.

"Please, I would love to look at him once."

"Thats ok, dear. There will be plenty of time for that." – she assured me.

"No! It needs to be today."

"But you know how he’s always busy..." – she began, but one look at my desperation and she gave up. – "Ok, sweetie. Today Brian arrives at one o’clock. I didn’t want to tell you coz its too late, don’t want you up waiting, girl, you can talk to him some other day."

Too late. My smile was too big and my eyes shone. I kissed her in the cheek.

"Thanks, Leigh!"

"Anything for you."

I was almost leaving the room, knowing she would now sleep after feeding the child. I looked deeply into her eyes and my heart ached with true love and hope. My eyes must have been teary.

"I love you." – I looked into her eyes.

"I love you too, Luciana." – she smiled at me.

When I closed the door I waited. Waited for Brian and finally my chance of looking him in the eyes. I could barely keep my excitement! I would look into Brian’s eyes, and all my existence was based in that dream.

When he arrived he was in the middle of many business men, in beautiful expensive suits, with posh cigars, and fancy conversations about the money they had and the money they wanted to get. Once again I felt like a poor submissive girl, working for those people.

Brian passed by in the middle of those people, and I had a piece of paper in my hand, I slid it into his as he walked away to the living room with drinks and more cigars waiting. I could see Brian reading what I wrote.

Will you ever give me the honor of speaking to you alone?

He looked at me and smiled. I melted inside. In a few minutes Brian sent all those people away and walked toward me. We were alone, looking at each other. And Brian looked more unreachable to me being there, a few inches away, then he had during years of seeing him in a poster, through TV. I smiled shyly at my boss. The man I loved.

"What do you want, little one?" – he smiled kindly.

‘You! You are all I want! Please!’ – I could hear my eyes screaming. – ‘Please take me and run away with me! I need! Its the only way I’ll ever be happy! With you...’

"I... admire you very much, sir." – I spoke quietly.

He smiled warmly at me again.

"Let’s see what I can do for you." – he winked and went away, back to more of those men, and I only watched.

I knew time had passed. Maybe some years had. I caught myself inside a room in the mansion, I wore a short black skirt, and I had just been told that they had replaced me for someone else. No, not the Littrell’s, the manager I was working to. Brian had got me a job as a model, and I took promotional pictures to these magazines. I felt important, as if I was finally being someone in my life. But when these people fired me, seeing they got someone really famous and needed me no more, I realized it didn’t matter, I understood I wasn’t happy anyway, because I couldn’t see Brian.

Suddenly all my life led me to that moment. When I was sat in the cold floor of that room. My skirt raised to my inner thighs, long black and white socks above my knees. A small blouse. My long brown hair with red streaks falling on my face as I cried. I cried and I knew I would never again stop crying. I had failed. I failed in being a super star, I didn’t achieve my celebrity status dream. I failed in being a woman, in having a family, because I failed in being loved. I shook with my sobs, and when I moved, after hours in the same position, I slowly reached out for a drawer, and opened it to look at some pictures.

They were Leighanne most secret ones, and I suddenly let go of my sadness to think of our group. My God, where were they? It seemed like years ago I had lost contact with them! Did they think I had cheated? Was it possible they now thought I was friends with Leighanne and had abandoned them? Never! But a stab of guilt took me over. I looked at the hundreds of pictures showing all the dirty things Leighanne had ever done. I got as many as I could with my hands, knowing it would once again seal my leadership with my friends, it would make all of us really happy.

I took the pictures and opened a secret passage, to where we hid our big archive. Panic, fear, despair filled my chest like icy air.

The walls were all empty. There was no one in there.

My heart beat fast, in the place where we used to have an organization I only found signs that people had lived there, and suddenly I just knew they were all dead. Strange accidents had happened to each and every one of them. I shivered and shuddered looking at those blank walls that reflected an end, the very end of my own hopes, knowing all of my friends were dead. Were killed.

Leighanne.

We had a plan that went if Leighanne ever found out about our group they would deny my participation to death, because if she ruined it all they would still have a savior, I could still go on with our mission. And guess that was exactly what they had done. And suddenly I understood my life was endanger if I kept those pictures in my hands, those ideas in my mind. I was so scared.

I was putting all of the pictures quickly back when he entered. Brian entered the room – when I was feeling so torn – and saw me with those things in hand. But hey, I was an actress, I needed to keep my cool.

"What are you doing, little one?"

I had this feeling Brian treated me like a young little child, probably due the age difference between his wife and I.

"I was just... just looking at some of Leigh old pictures." – I dropped what I had in hands and stared at the floor.

I felt Brian’s hand lifting my chin and I was still scared, his gentle and warm look making me the more afraid. I wanted to cry.

"My so pretty, little one... So perfect my little girl..." – he ran his finger gently across my cheek, and my heart beat faster in panic.

"They fired me, Brian. They didn’t want me anymore." – I heard myself speaking.

He smiled into my eyes, and his hands burned against my face. I could feel the heat of his passion, and I could smell his desire for me. I felt like a prey. I thought I knew exactly what he wanted. In my mind I saw crystal lust shining in his eyes. Suddenly very ware of my torn skirt revealing my panties, I cringed. All Brian wanted was a girl much younger, a virgin one, so young and helpless for him to have fun. His wife was getting old, he had no more pleasure with that woman.

"Please, no..." – I begged against my heart.

But he didn’t stop. His hand on my chin lifted me up and he kept caressing my face. His lips approached mine while he whispered.

"You’re mine, Luciana... my baby girl."

I felt his warm breath and his lips, and I couldn’t fight what I had ever wanted. But Brian needed to know, he... She walked in.

"What is going on?"

I shuddered in the betrayal of a strange friendship, shuddered in guilty for the lust of my loved, unreachable man, shuddered in fear that she had found out the truth about me.

"Brian, let go of her! She wants to destroy us!"

"How does she know?" – I heard the fear in my voice, I had to ask it, I was too frightened for anything else.

"One day after taking you to the photo section she entered the hidden places of the house. She says she found hell there."

"I’m gonna kill her!"

I saw that blond woman coming in my direction, and she had the fury to do as her words said, I knew she had. And I knew I wouldn’t fight either. Brian’s lust wasn’t what fed my soul, it would never heal my spirit hurting over him and his choices. My career had lead me to nowhere, I simply didn’t know what to live for.

"I’ll hurt your pretty face, you were lying all this time, you’ve played me in a game!"

"A game in which you killed people! You killed my friends!" – I cried out and she laughed. I needed to let Brian know. If my friends were gone and so was all the proof, if that woman was really going to kill me, I couldn’t let our cause be gone. I was still alive and I needed to let Brian know, time had come! – "Brian, Brian she killed people, my friends! Leighanne did kill them!"

I closed my eyes tightly when she reached out her arms wanting to stop the passage of air in my throat. I winced at first when arms got to me and locked me within, I feared she was really gonna kill me, the darkness of my closed eyes gave some precarious comfort.

"Stop this! Leighanne, back off!"

His strong arms held me tighter against his chest and I couldn’t understand a thing. I couldn’t know what had happened, what would happen, I could only realize that I had never felt so complete in my life as when he held me tight, and I once again felt like a poor kid that didn’t belong anywhere in this world... anywhere but in his embrace. I was home. If she would kill me in the next seconds I really didn’t care.

"Brian! Let go of her!"

"No, I love her!"

I wanted to cry so hard, but I lifted my eyes to look at him.

"Don’t you see the difference, Leighanne?"

I understood what he meant. Leighanne always reached her arms to keep Brian from everything else that wasn’t her and the life she wanted for them. With us, Brian locked me tight in his embrace and I stayed there because I belonged... I so desperately wanted to believe this, but the death of my friends and this crazy reality of fear took the best of me.

"You don’t love me... you feel lust. You only feel lust for me. Because I’m much younger than your wife, and you just wanna have fun."

"No..." – he looked at me. Leighanne looked furious and frustrated at the way her husband held me. I was shaking within his arms. – "I’ve been hiding this all the time. Wanted you to believe this lust, but true love was what invaded my heart since the day you looked into my eyes."

"The day I looked into your eyes?" – I pleaded. Tears on my cheeks. Suddenly I understood he wouldn’t let her kill me.

"This can’t be!" – she yelled.

"This can’t." – he agreed. – "This is over, this is right."

His touch penetrated my skin. I didn’t see her anymore. His lips, his care... his love... I had no need in seeing something else.

My dream was over when it had just began.

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If anyone that read this want to share some thoughts with me, I'd be pleased.

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