I try to blend both in but usually one will end up dominating the series. The focus will often shift throughout the span of a series, though, as events move along and cause the spotlight to go from one, to the other, and then back again.

I see In Sickness as being a lot more from Todd's point of view......how HE feels about Tea and how HE is the one protecting her. HE is the dominant character in this one.

I tend to agree. I think that readers may have expected it to be more Tea-centered because it begins with her fighting for her life, battling cancer. It is more about Todd, though. Although, Tea is definitely very much a focus of the series, as well. And, there are a number of chapters that do focus on Tea. Overall, though, the focus does fall on Todd more than on Tea. Part of that, I think, is that Tea, in the beginning, is completely convince that she will die. She really doesn't have any other expectation. Even though, in her mind, she's dying, her focus isn't really on herself. It's much more on Todd, his problems, and concerns about how he'll cope with her death. So, I think that the fact that Tea gives so much focus to Todd causes even more focus within the story to be on Todd even as she's battling for her life.

In LC, I see Tea as being the predominant one. I see it from HER point of view. I see Tea being the one who is being proactive and I see it more from HER point of view.

Other readers have told me that, too, and I've always disagreed with that. I think that there are some exceptions but for most of the story, for me, the focus has been on Todd. Early on, it was about would Todd reveal his feelings to Tea. He knew from the beginning that she had loved him during their previous relationship. And, he figured out early into their casual sexual relationship, in this story, that she still loved him. So much of the focus, for me, was on when would he finally reveal his feelings to her. I agree that she is more proactive but I think that the focus of the story tends to be on his inactions more than on her actions. Right now, the focus is on his inability to give up the casual sex element of their relationship and move fully into an emotional partnership with her. I do feel that they both are clear now that they love each other but he's the one having difficulty crossing that barrier and being fully emotionally vulnerable and available with her. The only exception to me, where I felt the focus was more on Tea, was during the country club chapters. During that time period, Tea's pain at thinking that Todd didn't love her was the main focus, but before and after that time I think Todd is more the focus. For instance, it's Todd who has many times sought out Viki's advice. There have been very few chapters that featured Tea without Todd but quite a few of Todd without Tea. Also, Todd's rebuilding of his relationship with Starr is a sub-plot, as is Todd's regaining control of the Sun. Although, Tea is a part of both of those sub-plots, they are about Todd, not Tea.

AJ is a kind of nice blend....sometimes I see it as her, others as him.

For me, I tend to see Another Journey as being more focused on Tea. I do think that perhaps this one blends the two more easily than some of my others. Part of that is probably because, at this point, for the most part, the entire series is just Todd and Tea. Todd has had some phone calls with Briggs and Tea has had some phone calls with her grandmother, but other than that and some occasional short-term characters they meet during their trip, it's just these two people. That allows it to perhaps have more of a blended feeling than it would if each character had numerous solo chapters without the other, as they each do in many of my other stories. I do think that at this point, though, there has been more of a focus on Tea than Todd. That may change as Todd's past, both when he was younger and while they were apart, are delved into more. It also may change when they return to Llanview. Right now, though, much of the focus is on Tea's possible pregnancy and on Tea's fears that Todd will abandon her. As with all my stories, they're both featured and the focus can shift from one to the other from chapter to chapter, or even within the same chapter. However, overall, right now, for me, AJ feels like it has focused more on Tea.

Thanks for your millions and millions of characters (A-Z) that you put together to make these TWO characters come to life! You're the best. I LOVE your fanfiction.

Who is it easier to write dialogue for, Todd or Tea? Why?

I hope that people can, for the most part, hear the characters in my dialogue. I know there are times that I'll write something and think that it doesn't sound right for the character, but sometimes it fits for the story so I'll include it anyway. Part of the difficulty is that there have been different versions of the characters on the show at different times. I know from listening to other people that everyone has their own idea of who each character is and sometimes those views of the characters seem drastically different. There's no way for me to write the characters precisely the way each person perceives them because there are too many different perceptions out there. For me, I try to write each series differently so that each one gives me something different to play with creatively. I don't really think about which character is easier, or harder, to write. I just hope that they both feel close enough to whatever version each reader has of the characters, that they can feel comfortable enough reading them in my stories. I enjoy writing certain elements of each character and I struggle with other elements of each character. I like writing Todd's sarcasm, and occasionally tossing in some sarcasm for Tea as well. Writing tender Todd moments can be difficult because I don't want him to get too sappy. Writing arguments can be fun but it's really difficult to write either of them purposely saying hurtful things to the other.

Do you think that any of these stories will ever end? Or will their story go on and on?

I've joked with people that they'll be senior citizens and there will still be stories to tell with them. For each of my stories, I definitely have an end in mind. Sometimes I come up with new ideas of how to continue series beyond my initial planned ending, though. For instance, Last Chance was originally supposed to end when they revealed that they loved each other but then I thought about how that wouldn't necessarily mean they'd reached the point of full emotional and physical intimacy. So, the story continues. Just looking at the volume of material available from all of the TnT FF writers shows that there are so many ideas available and so many ways to go. For my particular series, though, there are definite endings. It just takes me a really long time to get to them because I'm finding so much material in the journey to those ending points.

Do you use tapes for inspiration or clarification for writing these stories? If so, which one makes you go back and "look" the most?

No. I occasionally do watch old tapes for my own entertainment. And, I have, on occasion, watched some old scenes just to sort of reacquaint myself to their unique voices when I've felt that my grasp on their dialogue was slipping. But, I don't normally use tapes to aid my writing. I also don't do much research into their back stories. I mostly go from memory when I delve into their histories. I also embellish their childhood memories. I try to stick to their histories in terms of what they actually showed on the show, with the exception of the re-write of Tea's backstory during her last year on the show.

Is any of these stories harder to write than the other?

Another Journey is the easiest of the stories I'm currently writing. It's flown out of me at a really rapid pace. Several of my other stories did also, in the beginning, but AJ has continued at a rapid pace for the longest, so it's definitely the easiest. My other series are harder just in the sense that they're not flowing from me as quickly. The long-term plot is pretty much set on all of my series, it's just a matter of writing each chapter out.

Is any of these stories closer to your heart than another?

IS is in some ways because it has been the most emotional to write. Between Tea's battle with her disease, along with her thoughts of dying, and Todd's trying to deal with his childhood, there have been a lot of very emotional moments in that story. Most of my other stories have been lighter with some heavy moments included. I tend to see IS as being a heavier story with some light moments included. Another Journey, I get a kick out of writing. There are certainly serious moments but I feel like I can have more fun with the situations I put them into and I can play around with the dialogue more. Last Chance is a challenge for me because of all of the sex scenes. Those are always difficult and embarrassing for me to write so that feels more challenging. I haven't re-read most of my earlier stories in a long time so I feel a lot further away from them now. I did have fun writing some of them, though, so I have a fondness for them. I think overall, though, AJ is probably the one that I've felt the most energized about.

Is any of these stories secretly the way you really "wish" it was (or had been?)

I just wish that the show overall were entertaining again. I miss that element of looking forward to the next episode. I also enjoyed laughing with the show instead of at it. I've had people assume that because I've written certain scenes certain ways that it must be the way I wanted it on the show. I tend to see FF as being entirely separate from the actual show. There are so many things that you can do in FF that you can't do on an actual show, and I don't just mean the sex scenes. There are some scenarios that I've used in stories that I think would be interesting to see the characters in on the actual show and there are stories by other FF writers that I've read and thought would be great to see actually playing out. But, I think there are many parts of FF that aren't realistic for the actual show. Certainly, focusing on only two characters wouldn't be realistic, for instance. Really, I'd just like to see RH and FL work together again because they were truly enjoyable to watch in scenes together.

Thanks again for ALL your stories.....I don't think you could write a bad story if you tried.

Is any one of these stories going in a direction you wish it wasn't going in? Were there any "surprises" in any of these stories that went in a direction that you found taking a life of its own?

I usually have the overall plot fairly well set as I'm writing. I'll allow myself a lot of freedom in how I accomplish my story objectives as I'm writing individual chapters but I know exactly where I'm leading the characters as I write. I have occasionally added some new ideas into stories but usually with quite a bit of advanced plotting. For instance, when I come up with a new plot idea to add to a series I'm currently writing it will probably be forty or more chapters before I get to the point where I plan to add that new idea. In my earlier series that wasn't the case because they were all ten or fifteen chapters long so I pretty much had the entire plot settled before I had written very far into those stories. With these longer series, I'm able to incorporate new ideas in and add them when it's appropriate. The only plot that really took me by surprise, that I was forced to incorporate instantly and drastically change my plans because of, would probably be Tea's possible pregnancy in Another Journey. This may not be something that some readers want to know about, but it was the very vocal responses that I received that led the story in that direction. The cliffhanger I had of Todd catching Tea vomiting was supposed to be just that...a cliffhanger. I was planning Tea's illness early on in that series plot. That's why she was vomiting. I was setting up her illness that would lead to Todd and Tea eventually returning to Llanview. I thought it would be a fun cliffhanger to have Todd catch her vomiting, assume she was pregnant with R.J.'s baby, and walk out. I actually had the next couple of chapters already written when I put that one up and that's why Tea assures Todd that she isn't pregnant and then suddenly in the next chapter tells him that it could be a possibility. I kept the chapters I already had written but after seeing the response I was receiving I add the possible pregnancy to the overall plot of the story. It wasn't because people reacted strongly to the possible pregnancy that I added that plot in. It was because the reaction caused me to think about it more deeply and it seemed unrealistic to have Todd accept Tea's assurance so easily. After thinking more about it, I realized that Todd wouldn't let that idea go. It would stay with him until there was some kind of absolute assurance that she in fact wasn't pregnant. So, basically, the response of the readers gave me that plot. I know some people weren't happy about it, and perhaps still aren't. Some individuals stopped reading that story because of it. Personally, though, I actually like that part of the story. I'm glad that people responded the way they did because I'm glad that it ended up being a part of the series. It certainly is part of the reason that the series is as long as it is. It also is part of what adds some drama to the story since much of that series is of a lighter nature with the humor and sexual situations.

Do you ever find yourself 'painting yourself in a corner in a story' then saying, "I don't really know how they'd react to this?"

Not really. I have the long-term plot so strong in my mind that I think that helps me a lot. I usually don't need to question where I'm going next. Because of this style of writing where you write a chapter and put it out there without having anymore material written, there are certainly times that I wonder if I'll regret having posted a chapter before beginning the next chapter. Although, I know the overall plot, it can be difficult sometimes to know what the next words, or action, of the characters will be. So, in that respect, there have been some times that I did feel trapped. That was more about not knowing the next word, though, than being trapped by a turn in the story. I think that writers can always pull their characters out of any corners they've written them into. Because of the way I write, though, I usually have the next step in mind before I finish the one I'm currently writing. So, I may not know the exact way that I'll move them on from their current situation until I write it, but I do have an overall concept of what their next move will be.

Which is YOUR favorite story of all of the stories....your short stories included?

I don't think I really have a favorite. I've enjoyed writing all of them. Some are more fun. Some are more serious. I just hope that people have enjoyed reading them and don't feel that time spent with my stories is time they've wasted.

Do you have a favorite chapter or passage out of any of the chapters that's your favorite?

Again, I don't know that I can really pick any particular favorites. Besides, I've written so many chapters now that even recalling all of them would be difficult. I will say that the chapter that I received the most response from wasn't one that I expected it from. It's a chapter of In Sickness where Tea suggests that Todd look into online support groups for people who were abused as children. During that chapter I wrote a message for Todd to put up on an online message board. Initially, I wasn't even planning to write it. I was just planning to say that he had written something but leave it up to the readers' imaginations as to what he wrote. But, I was curious about what would come out of me if I tried to write it so I sat down and did it. I didn't write it expecting to include it. I just wrote it for my own curiosity. I debated with myself over that passage for days as to whether I should use it or not. I finally decided just to go ahead and put it in even though I wasn't comfortable with the quality of it. I was really surprised at the amount of feedback I received about that passage. Up to that point, the most popular chapters, in terms of feedback, had been the ones that involved sexual situations. It really did surprise me that people responded so well to that passage. Although, I can't really pick one favorite, there have definitely been some that I looked forward to the feedback from, hoping that people would enjoy them. Also, there have been a number of times that I've come up with some lines of dialogue that I personally really enjoyed and when I've had people quote back those specific lines to me as being their favorites, I get a real kick out of it.

Is there any part of any story that you're not particularly pleased with, that if you could write to all of us and say - the last 10 chapters were all a dream, "HERE's the real story to insert in place of those 10 chapters"? Is there a story you'd like to do that to? IF so, what chapters and which direction do you now wish you hadn't taken them in?

There are numerous parts that, if I read them now, make me cringe. Most of the sexual scenes I've written are totally embarrassing to me. The quality of some of my earlier writing is difficult for me to read now. Hopefully, I've improved since I started writing FF. Although, now I actually put less time and effort into writing chapters. Before, I waited longer before anyone saw my chapters, allowing myself more time to re-write. Now, I don't allow myself much time at all. In terms of asking people to disregard entire chapters, although there are some moments that either make me cringe or that I think if I were to work on them now they'd be written better, the only ones that I'm probably really tempted on are the chapters in the final part of my Shadows trilogy. The first two parts of that trilogy embarrass me because of the sexual content but I think they were probably more fun and had more substance mixed in with the sex. The last one I think I wrote more because I felt like I needed to write something than because I really felt that I had an interesting idea to share. In fact, in the last chapter in that part of the trilogy, I went for a very schmaltzy ending, I thought. I intend no offense to anyone who liked the last part of that trilogy of stories but for me I just never felt comfortable with it. I actually haven't re-read it since I originally wrote it so I don't know how I'd feel about it now but at the time I was really unhappy with what I had written.

Are you still watching OLTL? With TnT not currently onscreen how does that affect your writing?

I've discussed this with other FF writers and I think watching the show, when you're not satisfied with the quality of it, can affect your motivation to write. For me, I think that hit me more during the time after RH left, while FL was still on the show. Now that it's RH on and FL gone, I'm beyond that point. With time, I've gotten to the point where my stories exist for me as something completely separate from whatever the show chooses to do, positive or negative. As long as I enjoy writing, can think of new ideas and there are people willing to read what I write, I think I'll continue, whether both Todd and Tea are on the show, only one is, or neither are there. I've separated it enough that the show doesn't affect me creatively now.

Do you write for yourself or do you write for your readers?

I think it's both. In some of my earlier FF work I did occasionally specifically write some material that was directly geared toward what I knew specific readers wanted and I ultimately regretted it because it didn't feel like it truly fit. I try not to do that now. I think it ultimately works better if I just go ahead and follow my own vision. Hopefully, I end up going somewhere that readers want to go with me. If, however, a reader makes a suggestion and it's something that I think would fit well into a story, I'll certainly consider their suggestion. I've definitely written some minor moments and bits of dialogue that was in honor of individual readers who I knew might appreciate it and I enjoy that. I just won't write major plot points or entire chapters to satisfy what readers want anymore, unless it feels right for the story. I have had a number of times that readers suggested ideas to me that were extremely close to what I was already planning to do. That's felt good because I know going into those chapters that at least one reader will like where that chapter goes. I should perhaps make it clear that I don't have a problem with people pitching me ideas of what they'd like to see happen in one of my stories. I'm just saying that I won't go somewhere in the story that doesn't feel right to me just because readers have mentioned that they want me to. I will listen to what readers suggest, but I have to go with what feels comfortable for me.

Do you write any other stories besides TnT ones?

I have. Since I'm writing so much FF right now, I don't have as much time to do other writing. I have written non-FF. FF is an easy way to get into having people on the web read your writing. There are sites for writers of all types of material to showcase their work but it's harder, I think, to find people willing to read those other types of works unless they've gotten to know a writer through some forum first. FF is definitely great for that. You have a built-in potential audience and sites to post to. It's a great medium for people to put their creativity out there and get some feedback on their work. With FF, your audience already knows the set-up and the characters so that makes it a lot easier for them to step into your work and see if it's worth their time to read.

I love your dialogue for TnT in your stories. I can actually hear/see TnT saying these lines?

I notice that you don't create new characters in your stories, at least not often, and not as major players. Is there a reason for that?

I have created a couple of characters. I've also used a number of the other OLTL characters (Nora, R.J., Hank, Bo, Starr, Viki, Sykes, Kevin, Asa, Renee, Rae, Carlotta, Joey, Jessica, Rachel, Briggs) at different times, when I've felt that they fit into the story. My focus most definitely is on Todd and Tea because I know that those are the two characters that my target audience is most interested in. Also, I personally find them to be the most interesting characters. I've made an effort, though, to include those other OLTL characters, partly because there were times it felt like they were needed but also to challenge myself to try to write for different types of characters. I know, though, that people reading my writing are expecting Todd and Tea so that's where my focus is. It's amazing to me sometimes the amount of material I can pull out of just two characters since many of my chapters feature no one but Todd and Tea. I think that they really do have a lot of potential left untapped by the show and there are so many ways they could go with them, and so many scenarios they could write for them.

Do you break down what happens or do these ideas just come to you spur of the moment?

I have an overall story in mind, usually with most of the bigger plot moments decided on long before I get to the point of actually writing those moments. I don't outline chapters, though, the way that some writers do. I know where the characters are going but I allow myself the freedom to write each chapter uninhibited by the overall plans I have for the series. If something interesting comes to me while I'm writing a chapter, I'll allow it to veer in that direction. I know from experience after writing all these chapters that I'll ultimately find a way to bring the characters to where I need them to be to continue the plot I have in mind so I allow myself just to have some fun while I'm writing and see what happens.

Will we ever find out if Tea's pregnant?

Of course. By the time that reveal happens I may have dragged that question out 150 or so chapters but it will definitely be revealed.

Are TNT heading for intimacy (and I'm talking sex) in this story?

Sure. They've been slowly working their way in that direction all along. I know some readers were expecting something to happen a few chapters into the story and probably had no idea that I would drag the story out more than 150 chapters without them having sex. They have had a lot of sexual moments along the way, even if they haven't actually had sex yet. They'll continue progressing and moving more and more in that direction but they're not ready for that to happen yet.

Will they ever be forced to deal with any Llanviewites in this story?

Briggs has already appeared in the story, isn't that enough? I'm kidding, of course. Yes, they will end up back in Llanview later in the story. They need to deal with a few other things first but eventually their road trip will lead them back to where they began. My initial plan was for them to end up back in Llanview after Tea's medical situation was finally revealed (remember, despite the pregnancy question, she was vomiting for reasons completely unrelated to any possible pregnancy). I still plan to go there with the story but I've since come up with an idea of something that may happen once they reach Llanview that will drag the story out even longer than I originally anticipated. This story, I think, will end up being my longest series of all the ones I've written.

Where do you think TnT end up in Another Journey emotionally and physically? (i.e. destination unknown?)

Some readers have stated to me that they don't like to know in advance what will be happening in my stories. Anyone who's read my other stories, though, can predict how they'll end up in terms of their relationship. I know that people are reading fan fiction for the fun of it. I do try to include some series moments and I certainly have my own fun including some trauma from time to time, but I know that people are reading for enjoyment and I take that seriously. So, I think that readers can expect both Todd and Tea to come out of any of my stories okay in the end. I don't know that Another Journey will have an overly sweet happily ever after type ending but I think it will end with a sense that their journey hasn't ended but is just taking another turn and beginning in a new way. People can be assured that I won't kill either character off and I won't leave them miserable. I'm not criticizing anyone who ends their stories on a downbeat. I just hope that people will stick with my stories, even when there are moments that don't look too optimistic, because they know that a few chapters later things will be better.

OLTL's Téa stood by Todd, understood him, but she did occassionally run from her feelings because the strength of those feelings of love for Todd scared her. Téa puts up with A LOT in your stories, particularly Another Journey. I know TnT love each other, but why has Téa not run for the hills?

From my perspective, I think that they both have put up with a lot from each other, and for each other, in my stories. I don't separate it out and think in terms of one putting up with more than the other. I think they both can be exasperating to put up with. In my stories, they both have at times run from their feelings but they always find themselves back in front of the other person ready to try again because being apart isn't an option that either of them wants. There have certainly been some times in my stories when Todd crossed some serious lines with Tea and said hurtful things but in some ways I think that's when Tea wants to be even more stubborn and refuse to allow him to push her away because she knows that he's not doing it because he doesn't care about her. Usually, when he pushes her away the hardest is either when he's trying to protect her, or when it's hurting the most for himself and he's retreating for self-preservation. When Tea realizes that, her stubbornness really kicks in and she won't allow him to push her away. In Another Journey, the biggest reason that Tea has stuck it out, even though it's painful for her to risk her heart as much as she does when she's with him, is because she was free of him for so long. She was miserable for more than a year without him. He's not an easy person to live with but she would rather spend every day of her life struggling with him than have it easy and not have him, because she knows that the love that they can each give the other is worth the struggle. Being alone, and being numb emotionally, was easier, but it wasn't better. She realized that and that's why she's on this journey with him and why she'll stay on that journey. She's come to the realization that even if they were to physically separate again due to circumstances they would still be connected emotionally because what they feel didn't end when they were apart all those months. I think the way Tea feels for Todd is such that she would be there for him for the rest of their lives, regardless of their relationship status. If he needed her, she would be there. I think she realizes that she loves him on different levels. She certainly loves him romantically, and physically. She's attracted to him and wants a physical relationship with him but if that were impossible she would still love him because she loves all of him, not just the easy parts and not just the parts that benefit her directly.

First of all, will we be experiencing new scenes from IS?

Hopefully. I'm trying to write so many different series that I can't have new chapters of all of them all the time. I've had In Sickness plotted out in my head for a very long time now. I know where it's going. I just need to find more time and motivation to sit down and write the chapters out.

I miss this story and wish you'd post a few chapters of it. I love that he came back immediately when he knew she needed him.......kinda reminds me of the time he met with Viki when he found out she had cancer....he CAN be a good guy when the necessity arises!

Will Tea have a relapse?

I do have something planned. I've been so slow with new chapters that I've been tempted to just skip a lot of what I was planning and just cut to the end and wrap the series up but I've been holding off on doing that, hoping that eventually I'll find the time to get back into the series more fully.

Will Todd be getting through his demons in this story? What exactly is his biggest demon in this story? Is it Peter, or possibly his mother?

I think he probably will. I don't know that I'll wrap it up perfectly neat in the end because that wouldn't really feel like the right way to go with Todd but he may get to the point where he's headed towards handling his demons better. His biggest demon probably is himself, or at least within himself. I think that he does have issues with both of his adoptive parents. I do have scenes in mind for addressing both those demons. I tend to lean towards his mother being the one that will be there in the end because after Tea gives birth to their child in this story, his concern then will be that their child, along with Starr, be protected. In this story, he still has issues to deal with about his father but, ultimately, it may come down to the reality that it was his mother not protecting him from his father that caused the greatest damage inside himself.

Will he be able to be there for Tea and the new baby? Will he be moving back in and able to lay beside Tea without hurting her, albeit, unintentionally?

That's his goal. He wants to be their for his children and he wants to be with Tea, both for himself and for her. It's how to deal with all of the pain, hurt and anger inside of himself that's difficult for him to figure out. I've tried in that story to show some of the options available to him but there's no easy quick fix for him and he's scared to risk the safety of the people he cares so much about by being around them. Being without them, though, is an agonizing option, both for him and for his family.

How much longer (not in LC chapters, but in their relationship) will we have to wait for Todd to be able to spend the night and make love to his wife?

Well, I think when that happens, the story ends. I don't really have anything else planned for after that. So, unless I come up with some other ideas for how to drag that story out, I expect it to end when they finally achieve that goal. I still have a few ideas in mind of things I want to do before I get to that point but I think I'm fairly close to that point right now. It still could be many chapters away though.

From what I remember of that story, Todd has still not "admitted" that he is making love to his wife.....as far as that goes, neither has Tea. So whuz up with that?

I think that they are making love. Actually, I think that they always were. In the beginning they just kept that hidden from each other. They were each, though, very much in love with the other and, in their own way, making love to each other all along. Now, they do know that it is love for the other person, even though they do have some problems to deal with. I think the love is out in the open now, they're just having difficulty with the emotional intimacy. They're doing great with the physical intimacy, but the emotional part is causing them problems.

I enjoyed the reaction I got to that chapter and some of the others like it. I've had people tell me that using a public restroom will never be the same. And, there are people who still mention the laundry room scene to me. Or, the balcony scene. Or, a number of other scenes. It just amazes me that people remember, and in some cases go back and re-read, scenes that I wrote so long ago. That's part of the fun, for me, of writing FF. When people let me know how much they have enjoyed particular moments in my stories, it makes the experience of writing even more fun for me.

WHEN THE HELL (IF EVER) WILL I GET ELEVATOR SEX?

ED: Sorry no answer to this one...

January 24, 2001