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Elvis Sightings

 

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Elvis died in 1977 which effictively means that he isn't alive anymore. There are those however, who belive he is still alive and that they have seen Elvis alive and well. The Jailhouse will disect these sightings and set the record straight. Before reading this, you are urged not to take the content seriously...

SIGHTING #1 : FILLING UP
The first recorded sighting was merely two days after Elvis' death in August 1977. He was seen filling his up his Cadillac at Waxman's filling station in Sanderson County, Georgia.
BULLSH*T RATING - 91% - It is very unlikely that Elvis would fill his own car up, and risk being seen on the second day of his cover-up. Especially considering that his death was now on many people's minds.

SIGHTING #2 : BURGER KING
Spotted in a MCDonald's in Florida in July 1985, eating dinner with a mysterious woman and a bag of cash.
BULLSH*T RATING - 85% - If Elvis was still eating in McDonald's restaurants 12 years after his death he would either have died again or put on so much weight that no woman would go out with him. Even somewhere as romantic as McDonald's, unless he was paying her...

SIGHTING #3 : LATE NIGHTER
Spotted by Steven Patrick in a Swiss late-night cafe at 2am in the summer of 1986. Bearded Elvis slipped away after claiming to be from Vegas.
BULLSH*T RATING - 90% - Elvis was never much of a beard-wearer, and who stays late at Swiss cafe's? No one.

SIGHTING #4 : NEIGH WAY
Spotted by Paul Doe in Berlin, German, in July 1991talking to the driver of a horse-drawn carriage. DOe and pals decided not to approach him out of respect and instead go for a few pints of beer.
BULLSH*T RATING - 94% - Nobody in their right mind see's an icon who is supposed to be dead, and leaves them for a pint of beer. They probably actually saw him after drinking their drinks, along with William Shakespere and Albert Einstein.

SIGHTING #5 : LET ME BE YOUR TED
Seen by Oscar Peterson in a restaurant toilet in Miami, Florida. It was July 1996 and before leaving Elvis claimed to be Ted Kennedy.
BULLSH*T RATING - 93% - He claimed to be Ted Kennedy. Who would do that?

SIGHTING #6 : VINDALOO
He was spotted bt Isaaco de Banco in Taste of Raj curry house in LOndon, December 1996. Dressed in a tracksuit he ordered a mushroom bhaji and a chicken biryani.
BULLSH*T RATING - 77% - Dressed in a tracksuit in London and ordering curry? Sounds like a typical Londoner to me.

SIGHTING #7 : STRIPPER ELVIS
Edna Hawkins had the disprivelage of reporting this one. Elvis was apparantly wearing a tight thing wearing nothing but "a smile and blue suede shoes". Sighting in a Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania strip club in early 2001.
BULLSH*T RATING -89% - Stroudsburg may be a desperate place, I dunno. But hiring a 66 year old stripper may be approaching borderline insanity.

SIGHTING #8 : ENTER THE DRAGON
Tony O'Conner was sitting in a Pub in Ebbw Vale, Wales in March 2001. Elvis having drank a few pints claimed to be an American tourist and disappeared during a trip to the toilet.
BULLSH*T RATING - 90% - The last place Elvis was alive was his own bathroom at Graceland. Perhaps he travels around the world via the underground sewer system. Like a Mystery Drain. Ba-dum-tsh!

SIGHTING #9 : MONSTER MUNCH
Spotted by Nicholas Scott Kohler as he watched Monsters Inc. at a Hollywood cinema in June 2001. Elvis spilled popcorn everywhere.
BULLSH*T RATING - 93% - What the guy meant to say was he saw a monster in the cinema whilst watching an Elvis movie. Confusion, confusion...

SIGHTING #10 : KICK THE BUCKET
He was seen by Jason R in Stanley Park, Vancouver, Canada in July 2001. Elvis sped past on roller blades and stole a bucket of KFC.
BULLSH*T RATING - 100% - A 66 year old man speeding on roller blades. Canada. Need I say more?

 

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