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Meet Ditzy Lebowitz, a rather rotund calico kitty whose
considerable charm and charimsa are exceeded only by her
fondness for Meow Mix! This engaging kitty has attracted
quite a following on the world wide web, thanks to her
popular website, "Ditzy Lebowitz - Sumo Kitty", which has
launched her into the heady world of feline cyber-celebrity!
Let's let Ditzy tell you her story, in her own inimitable
Well it happened like this...
I was born in a trunk in the Princess Theatre in Pocatello
Idaho. No - that's "A Star is Born"! Hmm..
I was born. Nope - that's David Copperfield!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Oops - I think I lifted that from "A Tale of Two Cities".
Sorry. Can I help it if I am well-read? I'll try again!
Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a cat of wealth and
taste. I've been around for a long, long time..
Uh-oh - Sounds like Mick Jagger!
How about this? I was up for adoption at the home of a cat
rescuer. My parentage was unknown. Perhaps my father was a
calico cat on shore leave, who paid a visit to my mother,
who was a bit of a "round heels"! Or maybe not..
In any event, I found myself up for adoption, and residing
with a kindly gentleman who gave me shelter until I could
find some sucker to take me home with her.
My wait was not long. One day, an agreeable woman named
Ruth, showed up at our doorstep, asking to see me. She had
responded to the rescuer's ad in the paper. I rapidly
evaluated her, and knew that she would be mere putty in my
paws. One look at me, and she was smitten. How could she not
be? I am not an ill-favoured kitty. If truth be told, I am
absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, and modest, too! Modesty is
one of my finest attributes, as I am sure you will readily
agree. I looked her right in the eyes, purred like a feline
outboard motor, and then led her on a merry chase around the
room. Ruth was toast! Guess who went home right away in a
varikennel? Yes, yours truly, Ditzy Lebowitz, found herself
chocks away" headed to her new home and new life with Ruth
at Chez Lebowitz! Guess what - That was four years ago and I
am still here! Must have been my charisma, comely
appearance, and my perfection of that technique, known as
"The Silent Miaow", which I used quite effectively, if I
must say so myself, and I must!
Back to my story..
As soon as I arrived at Chez Lebowitz, I made the
acquaintance of those kitties already in residence at Ruth's
humble, but congenial, abode. There was a maternal tabbie
cat named Alison, a handsome orange tabby named Milo, and a
sweet and petite tuxedo kitty, named Otie.
Before long, I had them wrapped around my little paw, and I
happily adjusted to my new home and my new friends. Right
away, I establshed my role as the "ringleader" in all sorts
of feline fun and games. Alison took me under her maternal
wing. Milo became my close friend and wrestling partner, and
Otie enjoyed chasing me around the room. I became one of her
favorite playthings - she loved me almost as much as her
furry mice, which is saying a lot.
One fine day, our human, Ruth decided to try her hand at
writing for the internet. She started with my homepage at
the Purina Cat Chow website. My World Wide Kitty Page became
a great hit, and thus emboldened, she created my website,
"Purr-fection"!!! That humble site launched Ruth's career as
a chronicler of my adventures, and was soon followed by
"Ditzy Lebowitz - Sumokitty"! Well, that was our big break.
"Sumokitty" was very well-received, and I found myself on
the brink of feline cyber-celebrity.
Before long, I became quite adept at shameless
self-promotion. I logged on to Ruth's iMac every morning,
while she was still in the arms of Morpheus, and began my
campaign in earnest. I became well-known at such classy
venues as Webbie World, Soprano Connections, and
I-Love-Cats. Soon I was receiving lots of fan-mail, and had
my own posse, accompanying me when I made my forays into the
best spots in cyberspace.
These days, Ruth handles the scut-work. She shamelessly
promotes my websites, answers the mail, screens my calls,
and is basically the stage-mother, who is the pivotal player
in the star-making machinery behind my feline
cyber-celebrity. She doesn't mind her behind-the-scenes role
in my master plan of domination of the internet. After all,
she should be grateful I allow her to coexist in cyberspace
with me, since I graciously permitted her to write her own
website "Calicocatgirl"! Wasn't that magnanimous of me?
My future looks like a bright one. I am working on a
screenplay for "Ditzy Lebowitz - The Movie". I am reading
scripts for a biopic and a mini-series, which no doubt, will
win the highest ratings in the history of television.
I fly to El-Lay and take meetings with movie moguls.
David Geffen has my unlisted number on his speed-dial.
I always attend the Oscar parties, and last year outshone
Gwyneth Paltrow with my feline radiance and my gown,
designed by Vera Wang.
Has success spoiled Ditzy Lebowitz? Obviously not - since I
am the same amiable calico kitty who stepped out of that
varikennel into Ruth's living-room at Chez Lebowitz.
Not a bad life for an adopted kitty of unknown parentage -
if you ask me.....