Name: Jim Sweeney
Some credits: Three seasons on "Whose Line is it Anyway?", some movie credits include "A Case of the Deadly Force", "Does China Exist?", and "Goin' All The Way".
You can currently see him: Performing at the Comedy Store in Manchester on Thursday nights.
A fact: Apparently, he works (worked?) with Steve Steen, and now can be seen lurking around Stephen Frost...somewhere. :-)
{American Musical, Jim brings sad news to Greg}
"She was mugged, Greg;
She hurt her leg, Greg;
She's dead, Greg..."
Cake Decorating Gospel
Everyday I like to bake, bake cakes for the lord above.
I cover that cake and all in it with never ending love,
'Cause figure it, cakes is my life, it is it,
I'm what you call a sad and lonely git.
{Bartender with Mike McShane, he sings about impotence}
Mike: So, what's the problem?
Jim: I've got a problem, it's making me sick.
Frankly, I've got a useless dick.
My life it ain't no fun,
Man it's just a real bummer.
Can you help me about my useless dick?
{Prison Scene, he's stolen from Buckingham Palace}
Jim: Hello.
Josie: Hello. Tell me, what crime did you commit? How can I help?
Jim: Well I will tell you this, 'cause you've got a nice face,
I went and robbed Buckingham Palace.
That's what I did, I stole the Queen's crown.
She was well cheesed off she was,
In fact she was extremely annoyed and hit me.
All over town.
{Psychiatrist- He's afraid of hats}
Josie: Tell me about your problem then, boy!
Jim: Alright, I think I will.
I'll tell you this, and I'll tell you that,
I'm very very scared of a very big hat,
I'm scared of a hat, I'm scared of a hat is me.
Been scared since I was a little boy,
It seems worse now oh joy, oh joy,
I hate those hats they scare the life out of me.
{Hang Gliding March}
A march, march, march, march, that's what we hang-gliders do,
March, march, march, march, you certainly would too.
We glide all day, we have such fun, it's great fun by the pound,
Until we forget how to land, and hit the bloody ground.
{"Election of a Prime Minister" the Musical, with Sandi Toksvig, Paul Merton, and Mike McShane}
Sandi: I've got a thought.
Paul: Yes?
Sandi: We start in the back rooms of Parliament.
Paul: Good God, that's brilliant!
Sandi: They're discussing - it's intrigue - they're going to kill the incumbent Prime Minister.
Mike: Do you have it?
Jim: Yes I do.
Mike: The secret ballot?
Jim: It's in my pocket, son.
Mike: I'll get it, myself. Oh my God, really him?
Jim: He must be our new PM, unless he dies.
Mike: I've got the money, he's in for a big surprise.
Both: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Paul: I like that, it's intrigue. That's good.
Sandi: It's good, but I think both women are playing it too heavy. Now, the next thing I think is the Prime Minister with the Parliamentary Private Secretary.
Paul: Yes.
Sandi: Talking about what's going to happen.
Paul: Yes.
Sandi: In a sixties rock opera type of way.
Paul: Yes, I can see it exactly. And they look across the desk and they fall in love.
Mike: Ah, Prime Minister. I've been with you so far, and I've got to put this letter down and this pencil and tell you something. You look magnificent, sitting there.
Your flabby white cheeks they fill the chair.
As a symbol of power, you're nothing--
Jim: Thanks a bunch!
Mike: -- but as a sex monkey, you're something!
Jim: Hey, let's do lunch!
Mike: I love you
Jim: Love me!
Mike: Love you
Jim: Love me!
Every way I can.
I'm your number one powering Parliamentary fan.
Paul: Yes, that's very good. I like that.
Sandi: Sex, intrigue...
Paul: Yes?
Sandi: And now a little death.
Paul: Yes... what do you mean?
Sandi: I think the Prime Minister should die, and in the last death throes...
Paul: He sings a really raunchy reggae number!
Sandi: Yes!
Mike: Quick, the Prime Minister's dying!
Jim: I'm going, I won't be here much longer. It's been a good life as a PM.
Mike: What are we going to do about you? Tell us the plan for the future.
Jim: I'm slipping fast, I'm not here much longer.
Boy, you've got a good (?)
I'm going, you're gonna be my replacement.
Mike: A ya mon, sing it down!
You're the PM, the new one see,
(Mike starts smoking)
No no more of me, (takes cigarette)
I'm going up, (smokes, speaks in high-pitched voice)
To see my maker.
{F&TS-- His Suspect song during "Gilbert and Sullivan"}
I fully suspect you did this crime, I know you did it son,
Yes you're the only one, yes you are definitely the only one.
You killed this man and several others,
Including two of my brothers,
I'll take you down to the nick,
You make me sick, sick, sick.
{Typewriters March}
A tippity-tip, a tippity-tip, a flash on the space key,
Typewritin' for every day, that's what I do, that's me.
Typewritings great, it's absolutely the best thing in the world,
Now I know that I'm really not going to find a rhyme.
{Weddings March}
I'm going to get married, yes get married very soon.
And then we're off to Europe, to go on the honeymoon.
We'll be leaving bright and early, off one day from Dover,
As soon as I get rid of this bloody great... hangover....
{Letter changes, he and Steve Steen are at a barbeque}
Jim: Hello there, Farry.
Steve: Hello, tunthine!
Jim: Enjoying the farfecue?
Steve: Yeah, not bad, not bad.
Jim: Would you like a bit of foiled fish?
Steve: Fith? Fith? You know I hate fith!
Jim: It's foiled. I foiled it myself.
Steve: I can't thomach fith! I can't thomach fith! It makes me tick! Tick all over the place!
Jim: Have a slice of fread and futter?
Steve: No, no, no. It makes me thit.
Jim: Look, there's Fen over there. Your mate Fen..! Farry....
Steve: No.
Jim: Yes it is.
Steve: It's not Fen. No, it's Tam. Hiya Tam!
Jim: Tam? He's a fig fella isn't he?
Steve: He's a tod. He's a bloody tod, Tam.
Jim: A floody tod?
Steve: A floody tod.
Jim: A floody tod, Tam, he's a fig floke isn't he?
Steve: He walked off with my mittut. Walked off with my mittut!
Jim:What a fastard!
{During Narrating For Each Other}
"I loved it when he placed a yankee, because then I could touch myself provactively."
{Vegetables March}
I like to go out shopping, I do it every day.
I shop over here, and I shop the other way.
I buy lots of things, but I never buy veg,
Because it's sold by a man called Reg.
Mark's Guide to Whose Line is it Anyway?
British pictures and sounds (This is where I got my picture of Jim)
UK Whose Line is it Anyway? (look for him after Ryan)
Jim's Official Bio at comedystoreplayers.com
TAKE MY SMALL JIM SWEENEY WHOSE LINE QUIZ
JS2000 MB
