okay, i admit it. i'm bad. me and my friend hannah went to church, sat in the back row, and talked the whole time. on paper, that is. so this is our conversation.
ME: what's up, camera? (her ghetto name.) HANNAH: just listening to the song. you? ME: yeah. florence sucks. she needs to get a life, possibly the life of a cute ferret or squirrel so i could have her as a pet and torture her by singing opera. (florence is the pianist at church. she's totally obnoxious.) HANNAH: oh, boy! that stinks that no cute guys are here! liar! you said you had a lot of cute boys and i've only seen one and he WASN'T cute! ME: WE DO! at least i've seen them before. seriously. i swear. they're hot. HANNAH: whatever. i wish that they were here. ME: me, too. especially for lunch. i wish vicky was here too b/c she's cool. are you hungry? i'm about to die over here. HANNAH: over here too! i hope some guys just walk in! that would be cool! (hannah just can't get off the subject of guys.) ME: i would have a cow. like, drop dead b/c the guys i saw last week we HOT! HANNAH: cool! i want to see them sometime. like, NOW! ME: i wish. this church has a weird order of worship. they recite a lot more stuff and sing a lot. it's confusing. HANNAH: yeah! we don't even recite things at my church. i want to go to first baptist. that's a COOL church! i love it! i wish i could go there instead of my dead church. i wish too much, don't i? i wish....ugh! there i go again. but i wish my wishes would come true. ME: me too. i mean, doesn't everyone watch disney movies? WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE RECITING THINGS! I DON'T GET IT! yeah, i wish i could go to first baptist, too. BOY! that was random. haha. oy vay. HANNAH: okay! i love how you write! i love it! i also love to switch how i write. ME: thanks. i like to change mine just to confuse people. i have a strange gift, ey? HANNAH: ey! how do you like it now? (about this time, she's switching her handwriting around like crazy to where i can't even read it.) ME: it's okay. i always hate it no matter what. don't ask. HANNAH: well, who do you have a crush on now? ME: WHAT?!?!? well, i guess this guy at broadmoor. he's cool. me and him did a thing at the talent show together. how about you? HANNAH: i don't know really! i have...(we have to get a new piece of paper now.)...no idea really! i mean, i like a lot of people from first baptist and so i guess i like blake and caleb. they're cool! ME: BLAKE?? he's such an oil slick. oh, lordy. i have to go pee, BAD! should i go pee on florence? HANNAH: OMG i am starving!!! ME: me too! AND I WANT TO PEE ON FLORENCE! i'm going to die of starvation right now, you hear me? HANNAH: i know! i hope your dad hurries up so we can eat. i know that sounds bad.(yes, my dad is a preacher. shut up. i hate it too. we were at his church this particular sunday.) ME: i don't care. he needs to shut up so we won't die. oh lord, here he goes with another story again! HANNAH: SHUT UP! ME: WHY DOESN'T HE??? HANNAH: he is doing his job maybe! ME: one of many. HANNAH: oh please! ME: i think you're on crack. haha. HANNAH: no, i'm not. YOU ARE! ME: probably so. i want to eat!! (about this time, it starts raining really hard.) HANNAH: i love the rain! ME: me too! rain rocks. it's just so cool and eerie. GO RAIN. HANNAH: yeah. ME: omg, florence just totally interrupted my dad and started singing opera. what a butthole! HANNAH: yeah!!! ME: she can't sing. i'm about to barf. seriously. here i go: BARF!!
so the story concludes: about this time church ended and we started talking like normal people about how florence needs a gasoline enema. end of story.
