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Pat's comment in recent interview:

Who has been your favorite character that you have played? "...I would have to say that I enjoyed playing a murder on John Woo's Once a theif. I got to play this dream sequence where the room becomes a death chamber and my wife betrays me to the cops and they come storming in and tie me to the bed and kill me. My wife was played by Biff Naked."

Once A Thief Epsiode 16: Kangaroo Court
John Woo's Once A Thief
Episode 16: Kangaroo Court


 

Justice is made of facts. That's the basis of our world, not ideas.

Judge Block: Do you have anything to add to your defence before I hand down the sentence?
Maurice: Defence? I'm innocent. I've already been proven innocent.
Judge Block: In my courtroom, insanity is not a defence to murder.
Maurice: Who are you people?
Judge Block: Madam prosecutor, anything further?
Calca June: For the record, your honour, the people seek maximum penalty.
Judge Block: So noted. Will the defendant step forward? Maurice Momomammut, on the charge
                    of murder, this court finds you... guilty.
Maurice: You can't do this. I've already been tried. I'm insane!
Calca June: Maurice Momomammut, you are hereby sentenced to death by electrocution.
Maurice: You can't do this! I'm insane! You can't do this! I'm insane! No! Don't, please! This is a joke, right? [ praying ]
Judge Block: One by one. Justice is a fearful thing.
Calca June: But a beautiful one.
Fife: Ready.
Judge Block: Then...proceed.

[Maurice wakes up screaming.]
Nastasia: Momo, what is it?
Maurice: I was having a...a dream. I was back in court being tried again.
Nastasia: It's all right, baby.
Maurice: No, it wasn't like a regular court. There were these awful cops, and it was like the...stormtroopers.
[Storm troopers enter the house]
Maurice: No! Don't touch her! No! No! Don't touch her!
Fife: Where's the switch, ma'am?
Maurice: Don't tell them.
Nastasia: You shouldn't have screwed me over, Momo. The switch is on the wall, officer.
Maurice: This is just like the dream.
Nastasia: This is the dream, you dumb schmuck.
Judge Block: You're back in the chair, paying your debt to society.

Maurice: [back in the electric chair] No!
Calca June: Well?
Judge Block: Well... thanks for a job well done.
Calca June: You keep capturing the criminals, and I'll keep prosecuting them. So...who's next?
Judge Block: Take your pick.

Action!
 

Dobrinsky: ...and the agency award for best overseas hit goes to... Agent Fraulein Bursner.
[ music ]
Fraulein: Danke.
Li Ann: This whole thing is pointless. It means nothing. Like, who cares who wins, right?
Mac: Li Ann, you're a shoo-in for rookie of the year. What are you talking about?
Jackie: Well, I think it's kind of cool. I even wrote a speech. Just in case I win.
Li Ann: That's nice.
Victor: I'm sensing a little team rivalry between you two.
Director: Natter, natter. Is jealousy running deep at table 8? Can't you just be happy and enjoy the evening? Victor, I'm going
              to have to think up a special bonus for you... for making me look so good. [kisses Victor on the cheek.]
Dobrinsky: And now, here to present the rookie of the year award, the winners of best assassination 10 years running, our
                 good friends Murphy and Camier.
Murphy: It is an utter honour to present the award which marks outstanding achievement by an agency freshman.
Camier: Candidates are culled from a cuttingly competitive litter. And the nominees are... Amber Amidovsky...
Murphy: Jackie Janczyk...
Mac: This is you.
Li Ann: Whatever.
Camier: ...and Li Ann Tsei.
Mac: Yeah!
Murphy: And the rookie of the year award goes to...
Camier: I insist.
Murphy: Then I defer. Miss Jackie Janczyk.
Jackie: Oh, my god! Rah! So out there. Anyway...I want to thank, you know, everybody who helped me and, well, you know
          who you are. [walks back to table] Well, aren't you gonna say anything?
Li Ann: You worked on that speech?
Jackie: Well, it's nice to be recognized by your peers.
Li Ann: Yeah, if that's what's important to you.
Jackie: Can't you just admit that you wanted to win?
Li Ann: It's a joke. It's a hunk of glass.
Jackie: You know, it's funny. It doesn't feel like a joke. Go on. You can hold it.
Li Ann: No thanks, shorty.
Jackie: Oh, shorty. That is so below the belt.
Li Ann: Yeah, well, so are you. [Jackie knocks a drink over onto Li Ann's dress. They get into a cat fight.]
Jackie: Scrag.
Li Ann: Cow.

Mac: Oh, ladies. Couple of the guys just asked me to thank you for last night's entertainment.
Victor: It was very... very, uh, special.
Mac: You know, you can probably live a whole life without seeing two girls fight like that.
Victor: Yeah, but you know, a lot of guys like kind of thing.
Li Ann: But you two are above all that, right?
Director: Four dead bodies.
Mac: You mean us?
Director: Oh, don't tempt me. Four dead bodies, all electrocuted. Each of them found in a different area of town. Local police
              are at a loss.
Mac: And there would be...
Director: A connection, yes. All of them were at one time or another arrested and tried, but not convicted. Not for lack of
               evidence, rather simple technicalities. This was Maurice Momomammut. You two scour his past, and try and find
              out if there are any other links between the four victims. Leave. This is your case.
Jackie: What's Pinky's?
Director: Your new employer. Our sources tell us that they're a pack of boys and girls with a Wall Street approach to crime,
               so go get a job.
Li Ann: Um...ahem, what about me?
Director: You are going to the hall of records to get me a Form 389 Summary Report.
Li Ann: You're not going to kill me after I embarrassed you in front of the other directors?
Director: Oh, now, that's not a reason for me to punish you, is it?

[ music ]
Jackie: This is the coolest place. Everyone here is so friendly. Like, I really want to work for you guys, 'cause, like, I got lots
           of experience in this business, and I need a job. But, I mean, you do such great work, you know, and I just
          thought, you know, maybe I could do some great work for you too, right, but... you know, I'm really, like, a humongo
          fan of, like, bar...food.
Ganz:  [walks up] Hey, baby.
Jackie: Hi.
Ganz: Nice, uh, handle, Jackie. The name's Ganz, chairman of the board.
Jackie: Ooh!
Assistant: I was just telling Jackie that we're the best game in town.
Ganz: Well, that's 10s all around. So, Jackie, you, um, you look familiar. I know you from somewhere?
Jackie: Have you ever been to Henny's swing club in Maple?
Ganz: Maple. Everyone's swung in Maple. That's where it's at.
Jackie: So, when do I find out if I get a corner booth with a bitchin' view?
Ganz: Oh, Jackie, Jackie. Look, you're, um, you're really sweet and all, but what makes you think that I'm just giving you a
          job?
Jackie: Well, Bartholomew, I understand you do a lot more than just sell spirits here.
Ganz: How, um, how did you know my name was Bartholomew?
Jackie: Credit card.
Ganz: You're good. And you are just scratching the surface. See, I hear that you got some major criminal riffs going on here.
         And I'm the best at most of them. Ask around. Just ask for Jackie Janczyk.
Ganz: Maybe I'll do that.

Mac: Those burn marks are from an electric chair. Can you believe society would do that any more? It's, like, so barbaric.
Victor: Sometimes you got to send a message, right? Like Jackie did with Li Ann.
Mac: Oh, wait a minute. Jackie might have started it. Li Ann finished it.
Victor: It got broken up. We have no idea how it would have turned out.
Mac: Ok, Mr. ex-cop, with your detective skills, who would have won?
Victor: One on one. No weapons.
Mac: Yeah, baby.
Victor: I don't know. Jackie, she's got the strength, right?
Mac: Yeah, but come on. Li Ann's got speed, she's got finesse.
Victor: That's true -- well, still, it would be a pretty good scrap.
Mac: I mean, we're talking from a purely scientific martial arts point of view.
Victor: That's what I'm saying.
Mac: I know, I know you are.

Ganz: Hey. Hey, you new here? Mikey hire you?
Fife: Yeah. You a regular?
Ganz: Hey, I'm Ganz. I own the joint.
Fife: Ganz, eh? Too bad. [knocks Ganz out and drags him away.]

Calca June: You're a slippery fish, Mr. Ganz. Counterfeit.
Ganz: So? Call a cop.
Calca June: They'd just let you go. Anyway, we don't want you for mere counterfeiting, Mr. Ganz. We want you for your
                   manslaughter charge.
Ganz: You can't do a thing about that one, ok? I walked from it.
Calca June: There's nothing worse than being half right, Mr. Ganz. It's true, you walked away from your trial. But it's not true
                   that we can't do anything about it.
Ganz: Are you nuts? Why the hell would you want to do that?
Judge Block: Pro bono publico, that's why. For the public good.
Calca June: Meet Judge Block, Mr. Ganz. He'll be sentencing you.
Ganz: Yeah. Nice hair. Look, I don't know who the hell you people are, but my babies are going to notice I'm missing. And
          they're going to start looking for me.
Judge Block: Good -- some of your babies, as you put it, are already on our list for their previous escapes from...justice.
Calca June: The wheels of God grind slowly, but they grind exceeding fine.
Judge Block: The world will be the better for the cleansing of you.
Ganz: Hey. Hey, I know her. The blonde bombshell. Whst did she do to get on your list?
Calca June: She was a mob boss, arrested but mysteriously freed.
Ganz: You want a hard-to-snag, heavily protected mafia chick or a small-time guy like me? I mean, I'm nowhere, man. I'm a
           footnote.
Judge Block: Perhaps Mr. Ganz is onto something. And the opportunity to capture a...master
                    criminal, well, it would be unethical of us to squander that.
Ganz: Hey, you leave me alone... I'll hand her to you. And you can throw her in that hot seat of yours. What do you say?
 

Elevator Guy: So what you got to do is go up to 13. Do you play golf?
Li Ann: No.
Elevator Guy: Well, if you did, it'd be about a four iron from where you got to go from there. [ coughing ]
Li Ann: 13th floor.
Elevator Guy: 13th floor.
[ ding ]
Elevator Guy: Second floor.
[ ding ]
Elevator Guy: Third floor.

Victor: I don't know, man. That's, that's a tricky one. Very, very hard to figure.
Mac: Wonder Woman, man. She'd take her to town.
Victor: Ah, see, my money's on Supergirl. I mean, she's, she's very, well, she's super.
Mac: Vic, we're talking about a magic lasso.
Victor: We're talking about an invisible jet. How did she ever find it, let alone fly it?
Mac: She's Wonder Woman.
Nathan: The Knights of Malta have been using invisible aircraft for years. They were developed to support the forces of
             Queen Elizabeth in her power struggle with Jackie O. the Queen and Jackie O. all over control of the world's
              supply of sugar cane. Then again, everything's over sugar cane. The hand that handles sugar cane rules the world.
Victor: Queen and Jackie O, what do you think?
Mac: Easy. Queen. You can't beat the blueblood.
Victor: Plus she's got the weight.
Nathan: Here's the files. Momomammut worked with his wife, Nastasia. They were contract killers. On their last job they got
            nailed. Momo used Nastasia to cut himself a deal.
Victor: He testified against her?
Nathan: Yeah. They let him plead insanity and she took the fall. She wound up with 10 years.
Mac: She in Millhaven?
Nathan: Hewlitzer.
Victor: Ooh, hard time.
Nathan: I know. [Mac and Vic look at Nathan strangely] I used to temp there.

[ ding ]
Elevator Guy: Fifth floor.
[ coughing ]

[ music ]
Ganz: Hey, baby.
Jackie: It's the Ganz man. Oh, my god, what the hell happened to you?
Ganz: Come on, walk with me. See, all my babies were hand-picked. They all have special skills. You, you're not just a
         specialist-- see, you have all the skills.
Jackie: Yeah, well, I'm into vertical integration. Look what happened to Microsoft. Why'd you ditch me?
Ganz: One thousand reasons. [holds up a thousand dollar bill]
Jackie: That's a whole lot of pennies.
Ganz: Mm-hmm. Tonight, in the early a.m., you and Ganz are going to lift some printing plates from the Mint, get us some
         large  Cs. You do well, you're in.

[ ding ]
Elevator Guy: 13th floor.
Li Ann: [goes out and asks guard] Uh, do you know where I can get a Form 389 Summary Report?
[Guard points to door.]

Nastasia: I swear to you, it's gruel. It's got to be illegal to serve people gruel, right?
Victor: I don't know, my mother served it, so I...
Nastasia: Oh, well, helps me keep my girlish figure. So what's up with you guys? I already talked to the cops.
Victor: You mean recently?
Nastasia: Yeah, last week.
Mac: Who'd you talk to? Killian? Loy?
Nastasia: I don't know. They were cops, right? You know, bad haircuts, discount suits. A man and a woman. Said they were
              from 16th division.
Victor: That's a little out of their jurisdiction. What did they want?
Nastasia: They were after my husband. I mean my rat fink, lying, dead husband, Momo. They said he was in trouble. Guess
              that was an understatement, seeing as how he's been electrocuted.
Victor: Sorry about that.
Nastasia: Don't be. He got me 10 to 20 in this finishing school, and I never hurt anybody. I just drove the car. He did all the
              killing. I love the guy, but I hope his fat ass fries in hell.
Mac: Do you have any idea who'd want him dead, though?
Nastasia: Besides me? Well, just about anybody who's ever met him. They'd want him dead. So, what are you doing after
               work?
Victor: Who me? I, uh, I'm busy, actually. I got to clean my guns, I got to sort my eight-tracks.
Nastasia: I wasn't talking to you. You. Want to stay for a conjugal?
Mac: Um...
[ whistle blowing ]
Mac: I just got out of a relationship.
Nastasia: They got a nice trailer. Feels like home. No? How about you?
Victor: Oh, me, I'm, uh...same as him.
Nastasia: Come on, you guys double date or something? You want to get me while I'm young and vulnerable. I stay in here,
               I'm gonna toughen up.
Victor: Right. Bye.
Mac: Stay sweet.
Victor: Wow.

Woman: Next!

Jackie: Hey, I've been trying to find you.
Director: Well, here I am. You've got one minute, starting now.
Jackie: Well, it turns out you were right about Pinky's. I mean, that place is mega-shady. And the bar, I mean, it's just a cover.
            Turns out they're into bogus cash, big time.
Director: Fascinating.
Jackie: I mean, I held a grand in my hand. And, like, with 10 of those I could travel to Europe, and I am talking first-class,
            martinis and oysters kind of travelling. But I've already been to Europe, and all they have are those
            stupid museums and art galleries. And, like, one more renaissance madonna and I was going to choke. And, like, what
            is up with Eurodisney anyway? Like, Mickey Mouse and red wine? Oh, yeah, I mean they really go together.
Director: 30 seconds.
Jackie: What's the big rush?
Director: Jackie, when you won Rookie of the Year, I was filled with a great sense of pride and excitement. But you have to
              understand, I change my habits for no one.
Jackie: Well, this Ganz guy, right, he runs the operation, and we're pretty tight.
Director: Darling, you may be teacher's pet, but I've got a date with the devil, and you've got 10 seconds.
Jackie: Well, he wants me to break into the Mint with him, and, like, help steal plates and, you know, if I do I'm part of the
            gang, but, like, I don't know, should I really--
Director: Time.
Jackie: But I needed to d--
Director: Time.

Jackie: Well, here I am. Ready to do some plate stealing. You're not going like that, are you?
Ganz: No. No, I'm not. [storm troopers rush in.]
Jackie: Wha... what the-- what is this?
Fife: Miss Janczyk, you're under arrest.
Jackie: Why?
Fife: Because.
Ganz: I'm sorry, Jackie. I mean, it was either you or me, and...
Jackie: Thanks.
[Fife aims gun at Ganz.]
Ganz: Hey. I kept my word.
Fife: Yes, indeed. But you did not erase your past.
Ganz: Hey, hey...come on. Hey. Hey! Guys. Guys, guys, come on. Come on, you got your justice, ok? Come on. Hey.
[gunshot]
Fife: All right, let's go.
 

Jackie: I have had, like, a really long day. Well, can you at least take my breakfast order, you stupid morons!
Calca June: I've been going over the Jackie Janczyk file. It's beautiful. Murder, racketeering, larceny. Even the odd unpaid
                   parking ticket.
Judge Block: Beauty is in--
Calca June: ...the eye of the beholder, Judge Block.
Judge Block: I was going to say, in your... sense of justice.
Calca June: It isn't me, Judge Block. In this case, the evidence is overwhelming.  Tres ipse loquitur.
Judge Block: Haa... latin.
Calca June: The language of justice.
Judge Block: I love... foreign... tongues.
Calca June: I know you do. As we always said in law school... [ speaking latin ]
Judge Block: Oh, ho, ho...you weaken me.
Calca June: Jackie Janczyk... [ speaking latin ] we who are about to liquidate you first salute you.
Judge Block: To the cleansing of the world.

[ typing ]
Woman: Next!
Li Ann: Hi. I need a Form 389 Summary Report.
Woman: Right -- you're in the line for the forms up to 300. Over 300's up on the 15th.
Li Ann: What? Do y-- do you understand that I have been waiting here for days?
Woman: Dear, you're on the wrong floor.
Li Ann: What difference does it make if you help me, or if they help me?
Woman: Those are the rules -- without rules, the world would just be in a state of anarchy, wouldn't it? Next!

Mac: You know, I think that Nastasia really liked you.
Victor: No, no, no, she had eyes for you, man, I could tell.
Mac: That's good, I'm getting love advice from the General Custer of women.
Victor: Well, think about it. She's in prison -- she's desperate, she's anxious. Those are exactly the qualities that, uh, frankly,
           you rely on.
Mac: You're a funny guy, Vic. Take it on the road, baby. Still, though, she looked pretty tough. I bet she'd be a good fighter.
Victor: Come on, come on, this is a little juvenile.
Mac: Imagine her in a steel-cage match.
Victor: We got more important things to think about here.
Mac: Say against, like, uh... say, the Director.
Victor: The Director. You don't think the Director could take jail girl?
Mac: Oh, I think she could take her, and I think I'd like to see it.
Victor: Me too. What would the director use? Like, karate or some of them high kicks, or...?
Mac: It depends on whether she's wearing those high heels.
Victor: When is she not wearing high heels? Ahem, director. Ahem, so, anyway, I think, you know, there's got to be some link
           to Momo.
Mac: God, we got four electrocutions and no connections.
Director: Hey.
Victor: Oh...hello.
Director: They were all murderers.
Mac: Ah, well.
Director: Should always bet on me, boys. 'Cause I have never lost a steel-cage fight.
Victor: I forgot you can read lips.
Director: Yeah, from across a room. Now, throw a little cold water on yourselves. You've got work to do.
              Meet victim number five. Poor soul showed up at the zoo this morning. Little too much electrical current for
              breakfast.
Mac: [ laughing ]
Director: Oh, you think that's funny. So, have you got anything that can help stop this?
Mac: Two cops visited Momo's wife the day before he bit it. She tells them where he was, he's dead.
Victor: And we checked in the visitor's log at the prison. The cops names didn't match the badge numbers.
Director: Fake cops?
Victor: Mm-hmm.
Director: Sounds like we got a whole underground justice system at work here. So, find the cops, and maybe we got this
              kangaroo court.
Victor: Nathan's running pictures from the prison security cameras.
Director: Good. While you're at it, locate Jackie for me, will you?
Victor: Why?
Director: She's a criminal who recently beat her rap, ok? She didn't check in today. Unlike you two, she always checks in.
               Li Ann, you're home early. You have my report?
Li Ann: The office was closed. I have to go back. You know, I was thinking this is kind of pointless. You know, I'm a highly
            trained secret agent and I'm waiting in line for a form.
Director: It's anything but pointless. Ta-ta.
Li Ann: I need some fried food.

Victor: Who can make sense of this crap?
Nathan: Electrical records are kind of complex. You'd be amazed how many enigmas the government buries. Amps, ohms,
             volts, watts. It's one big cryptogram.
Mac: Let me guess, you temped at the power plant too.
Nathan: Nope, I was an intern. It was glorified slavery, except for the glorified part. Photos from the Hewlitzer pen. Calca
            June -- city prosecutor for eight years. Accused of tampering with evidence. Disbarred and sent to trial.
Mac: What was the verdict?
Nathan: Case dismissed.
Mac: By whom?
Nathan: A certain Judge Block... who was later removed from the bench for a whole raft of irregularities.
Mac: So they're holding, like, a court of their own.
Victor: Well, just taking out the trash.
Mac: Who are you, Kurt Russell? They're killing people.
Victor: Yeah, but they're killing guilty people. Besides, what... what do we do week after week?
Mac: That's different. People shoot at us. We protect ourselves, we defend ourselves.
Victor: So, these vigilantes are protecting society, man. It's exactly the same thing.
Mac: No, it's not.
Victor: Yes, it is.
Mac: No, it--
Victor: all right, maybe it's not exactly the same thing, but it's an analogy.
Mac: Yeah -- losing it, vic.
Victor: Nope, just being honest. You don't want to see the truth about yourself, that's all.
Mac: Look at this guy. Proof of evolution.
Nathan: That's a known thug named Fife. Failed police boards five times.
Mac: Ha, you guys got a little something in common.
Victor: Does he connect to the other two?
Nathan: He was a bailiff in Judge Block's court.
Victor: You know this stuff is finally starting to make a little bit of sense. It says right here, five power surges at 813 McKinney
            street, which matches the dates of our electrocutions.
Mac: That's a three-pointer.
Nathan: Next to sugar cane, power is everything.

Victor: Should we call for backup?
Mac: No.
Victor: You sure?
Mac: Yeah, I got a feeling.
Victor: You think you're any better than these people, you're wrong.
Mac: Will you drop it?
Victor: Why?
Mac: I don't talk to crazy people. Saves time.
Victor: I'm not saying that they're right to kill people on their own. All I'm saying is, I know how they feel. They got a point.
Mac: I found a switch. [they see the electric chair]
Victor: Yeah, I think they're taking this just a little too seriously.
Mac: Hey, look at this.
Victor: At least they're cleaning out the scum and the lowlifes. What is this? A wall of shame?
Mac: Hmm, you know what? I'm really starting to think that these guys got the right idea with this vigilante stuff. I mean, look
         at  this character here. Shifty, beady, criminal eyes. [points to a picture of Vic.]
Victor: Well, look at this guy. Low, criminal forehead, eh? [points to a picture of Mac.]
Mac: What do you think now, Victor?
Victor: I think these guys got to be stopped. [they see Jackie in a holding cell.]
Jackie: What took you two tomatoes so long?
[ guns cocking ]
Victor: Nice instinct.
Fife: Book 'em, boys.
 

Li Ann: I need a Form 389 Summary Report. I know what you're going to say! But it's not on the 15th. They told me to come
             back here.
Woman: Miss--
Li Ann: Don't...Miss me! You're going to give me that damn report. I know you have it. Now, are you going to give me that
            report? Huh?
[ squeaking ]
Li Ann: You people are mad! See this! These people think they can control us. Giving us numbers, keeping us in line, like
            cattle to a trough. I say free yourselves from the system. Take a step over that red line and grab your permits,
           passports and patents... before it's too late!
[ cheering ]
Li Ann: Freedom!
Crowd: Freedom! Freedom! Freedom...

Judge Block: A mob boss, a dirty cop and a member of the Hong Kong mafia.
Calca June: A treasure trove of justice.
Judge Block: We shall try all three together. Unlike most courts of the modern day, we believe in expediency.
Mac: Look, I don't know what kind of operation you're running here, but our shadowy government agency's going to be here
         any second... with backup.
[ crow cawing ]
Mac: Hey, I got to allow for... wind resistance.
Jackie: You had me.
Judge Block: The prosecution shall proceed.

[ beeping ]
[ beeping faster ]
Nathan: Ah! It's you. You're their leader. You've been monitoring me.
Director: I never monitor anyone who wants to be monitored. Where are Mac and Victor?
Nathan: Where? Uh, uh...
Director: The address.
Nathan: The address?
Director: It's a series of numbers followed by a sequence of letters.
Nathan: Yeah, I know. Ok. So. Uh...it was on a street. I remember that. McInish, McNeil, McGuiness, Mc–
Director: Did you write it down?
Nathan: Y-you bet, yup.
Director: Then where is it?
Nathan: I ate it -- I-I'm required to eat all the notes I make during the day.
[ beeping ]
Director: [on phone] Yes.
Li Ann: [on phone] Ok, I'm punished. You had me waste most of my life waiting in line for this useless report... and I have
            paper cuts.
Director:  Do you have it?
Li Ann: Yeah. It's a summary of applications to alter electrical service to buildingsfor the last two years. So?
Director: Is it alphabetized?
Li Ann: Yeah.
Director: Is there an application under the name of Block?
Li Ann: Yes.
Director: I told you it wasn't pointless. I need that address -- now.

Calca June: In summation, the court can clearly see that these criminals, without prejudice, must be executed.
Victor: There's something about her I just don't like.
Calca June: The guilty must die. Ca va sans dire.
Judge Block: Hmm...oh, those foreign languages. So noted. We'll begin with Jackie Janczyk.
Jackie: Are you completely, like, half way to Mars? I mean, like, I've seen that Justice chick and she's got a blindfold on, and I
           know that's kinky, but isn't it supposed to mean something, too?
Calca June: Prosecution insists we move forward.
Jackie: Know what, lady, I wouldn't put my doberman in that awful get-up. Fashion tip -- your skin tone screams autumn.
Judge Block: Sentence will be carried out now. Observe well, gentlemen. You're next. Proceed.
[Fife pulls the switch. Nothing happens.]
Jackie: Hello? Ha, ha... I'm still here.
[The Director walks in.]
Judge Block: Who are you?
Director: Counsel for the accused.
Mac: Yeah, what took you so long?
Director: Well, I was going to let you fry, but they started with Jackie and it forced my hand. Let me defend them. Give them a
               chance at a fair trial. If I lose, I'll restore the power.
Judge Block: In the pursuit of justice, if the prosecution has no objection?
Calca June: Prosecution takes no issue with delaying the inevitable.
Jackie: Could we go back to that part about, um, restoring the power...please?
Judge Block: Proceed.
Director: There are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.
Judge Block: That is moral relativism. There is only one truth.
Director: But there are many ways into it. You choose utopian justice?
Judge Block: The noblest way. Don't you think?
Director: All utopias collapse.
Judge Block: Not if we perfect them.
Director: Perfection is illusion.
Judge Block: It is you that support illusion in your system. Justice shows mercy for the criminals, none for the victim.
Director: So, you fix evidence, perjure testimony, and obstruct due process.
Judge Block: Hmm, yes...in the pursuit of justice.
Director: But you can't get there, because the truth is messy. It sprawls. It contradicts. It wanders.
Calca June: Your honour, she impugns the truth.
Judge Block: We know who they are, we know what they've done. The details are irrelevant.
Director: So you think ideas are true and facts are false.
Judge Block: Essentially.
Director: You're a peculiar little bird, aren't you?
Calca June: Irrelevant, you're honour. Argumentum ad hominum.
Judge Block: This is no time for sex talk. It is you who are confused. Justice is not on trial, these deviants are.
Director: But justice is made of facts. That's the basis of our world, not ideas.
Mac: She's good, she's good.
Judge Block: Are you trying to show contempt for this court?
Director: No, I'm doing my best to hide it.
Victor: I liked that one.
Director: Mae West, 1933.
Judge Block: Enough! Bailiff! Remand her in custody. They'll all fry together.
Director: Except for one thing.
Judge Block: What's that?
Director: You let me talk enough to gain the time I needed.

[Murphy and Camier walk in, shooting everyone in the room. They begin to shoot at Judge Block.]

Director: Don't do it.
Camier: But we had a deal. We can eliminate them.
Director: The deal is off.
Murphy: So we were commissioned under false pretenses?
Camier: We wouldn't have come as mere muscle.
Murphy: We're your killers, not your jackanapes agents.
Director: My agents were in handcuffs.
Murphy: What is that to us?
Camier: We will file a grievance through our union. [walks away.]
Judge Block: What will you do with your victory? Avenge yourself on me?
Director: Much better. I'm going to hand you over to the real justice system. And I don't think they'll let you get away.
 

Director: Jackie, you handled yourself brilliantly in court.
Jackie: Are you kidding? You are a total legal eagle.
Director: Ah, Li Ann, back from the bowels of bureaucracy. Well, I hope you learned a valuable lesson in patience.
Li Ann: Next time you want to punish me, send me to Dobrinsky.
Director: I wasn't punishing you. This address saved your partners' life. Without a minute to spare, I might add.
Li Ann: Well, I would have been quicker, but, um...
Director: Now, what's this?
Li Ann: Bill for damages.
Jackie: [ laughing ] Well, who'd you K.O. this time?
Director: You know, you girls have really got to learn to get along.
Jackie: Ha, ha. Why?
Director: No, really, I think you owe each other an apology. Now, come on, shake and make up. Come on, shake.

[Victor and Mac walk in. Victor sees Li Ann and Jackie shaking hands.]
Victor: Ohh... looks like they buried the hatchet.
Mac: Maybe they'll form a tag team.
Victor: Well, who's going to take on both of them?
Mac: Hey, hey...10 bucks on the Director.
Victor: Against the-- against the two of them? You're on.

THE END



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