June 17 2003 - 8:54pm
N' I Swear Ur Just Like A Pill, Insted Of Maken Me Betta You Maken Me ILL.....
Lying here on the floor where you left meI think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
I can't stay on your life supportThere's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine
'Cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she's being a little bitch
I'll think I'll get out of here
Where I can run just as fast as I canTo the middle of my frustrated fear
And I swear you're just like a pillInstead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill
I haven't moved from the spot where you left meIt must be a bad trip
All of the other pills were different
Maybe I should get some help
I can't stay on your life supportThere's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine
'Cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she's being a little bitch
I'll think I'll get out of here
Where I can run just as fast as I canTo the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
Instead of making me betterYou keep making me ill
...You keep making me ill.....
i cant even explain how much im upsett wit u jeff, y wuld u eva even think of lien to me about going to jail.... afta talkn wit "ur cuzen" i had a feeln that was u so i calld the bristol court n found out that u dont even got ur sentencen till august 26th..... so y the hell wuld u b in jail wit out even bein sentenced yet.... im mean wat the fuck jeff do u think ima fuckn retard like i wuldnt find out u was str8 up lien to me, let me try n stop myself b4 i say n do shyt im gona regret later but that was mad fuckd up wat u did, it hurt me alot, n there was absolutly no reason for it ... cuz id neva do that2 u, it takes 2 ta make a kid not just one, so i dont see y ur not helpn me out at all n letn all the shyt pile up on top of me.... maybe guys dont under stand... but theres alot of shyt to do n perpare 4 b4 the baby is born and specaily if u under 18... neva mind not even 16 yet, im jus so pissd the fuck off rite now i cant beleeve that u, sombody i really trustd, wuld ever do that 2 me.. that some shyt ur brotha wuld do, i kno u got a lot of shyt goin on in ur life also, but u need to put it aside at times and b involved wit this or its just gona cause u even more problems, it doesnt only take 1 person so i dont see y 1 person shuld b doin all the work... i hope u fuckn get ur priorities straightend out n stop fuckn around cuz i dont got time for these games and nietha does this baby, i want and need u 2 b apart of our lives, well i hope this makes u think bout everything... and hopefuly we will talk bout it all real soon
well i ain really got nuin else ta say.... well one mo thang.... FUCK THA MA FUCKA!
June 16 2003 - 1:43pm *2pac 32rd bday*
June 1-6, 7-1' The Day, Mama Pushed Me Out Her Womb, Told Me "Nigga Get Paid" No One Can Undastand Me- The Black Sheep, Outcasted From My Family, Now Packn' Heat, I Run The Streets, a Young Runaway, Live For Today, When he died I Could Hear Him Say...
2days Tupac Shakurs 32rd bday!!!! *2pac we missn u, ur presence is always wit us even if its not in the physical* it was 2pac day on hot 93.7 which i was mad happy cuz i remeba last yr they ain done shyt for his bday... i wrote an entry cupl days ago but then my computa crashd n evythang got erased n i was so damn heatd man, so i was like fuck this i ain re-writen it 2day... but n e ways i got mad shyt on my mind.. i been haven nitemares n shyt since i found out... specaily taday afta skoo wen i fellz asleep.. i was cryn wen i woke up cuz i hada nightmare wit jeff n me in it... dayum shyt is crazy, his cuzen was on jeffs sn on sataday nite n i talkd 2 him for a quick minute n i askd him if he culd tell jeff i needed to talk2 him n he's like yea i wuld but jeffs been in jail all week.... i was like say wat y didnt he tell me, n his cuzen told me that jeff didnt kno he was goin in then and they took him in rite afta his court date... i ain so sure if i baleeve that or not.... culd have it been jeff lien ta me so he culd get out of talkn wit my moms? my dad told me he got suttin in the mail sayn jeff got another court date in august... so i got real suspicous like... but ppl tell me u culd b in jail n stil have the court dates... sooooo i dunnnnno man, ima have missys granparents n aunts spy on them to see if jeff home cuz they live next to jeff n across from him.. sunday mike the dyke, my moms, n mikes stupid ass kids met my granparents in west hartford to get sum breakfast for they 56th anaversery that was on sataday, and it had to b breakfast cuz his stupid kids had soccor games rite in the middle the fuckn day, n we hada go to shity ass friendlys cuz his kids hadddd to fuckn go there n wen they order they food they dont even fuckn eat mo then 2bites complainin they want ice cream.. n he got it fa dem... i was like wtf... if them ma fuckas was my kids first of all id say fuck the soccor game fmaily more important... then id take my granparents to a NICE restraunt fo dey anaversery an make my kids eat evy day bite of the food they orderd n then MAYBE they can get some ice cream but if they ain ate nun of wat they got id shove it down the fuckn throat cuz thas mad rude at least thas how i was raisd.... my granmutha told me wen they was gone that them was lost kids lol n wat a shame they did n how mike the dyke dont correct dem... i was rolln, it was fathas day so we got my granfatha analyse this and analyse that -wit his twin robert dinero (wen my granfatha was yunga he lookd jus like robert dinero, now he look like a older version of dinero) lol, i love my granparents so much they always there for me thru the thick n thin n i dont think i love ne body mo then them, they taught me family tradition n respect (minus my moms n ppl who piss me off cuz thats aiight... u kno how italians is wen we mad lol) but yea they like my parents, my fatha i neva had n my mom who was n is neva there fa me... feel me? i dunno i dont think many ppl culd undastand .. only if they got a real strict italian family n if they the only gyrl out of all the grandchildren... hard 2 explian but we have alota traditions that i recently learnd many ppl dont. well ne ways afta that my fatha pikd me up n we went ta the resavoir in west hartford cuz it was a mad nice day n we jus talkd n shyt n then we went ta borders next ta the mall n i bought a book by michael moore (maker bowling for comubine movie, real smart guy wit good points!) calld stupid white men.. haha n then i fell asleep at the counter where u sit in the cafe lmao uuhhh my bad... then we stopd in east hartford in the prrroojecks where my dad lives again n then went ta this veitnimese soup place n ate soup wit chop stiks haha, it was real good we was like the only ppl in there speakn english evyone else like wong kong ying yannnngg. No talk ..how come he? lmao (how high) but yea 2day i had my bio exam that i ain studyed but i think i did good on it... since i wana b a surgen n evythang that human body shyt realy interest me n alla dat, n den we had resta day filld wit my wundaful classes, fuck i cant wiat till im out this peice of shyt hell hole.... in health class the otha day we was on the computa on ratemyteacher.com n like all our teachers r on there.. even betty the lunch lady ROTF, my english teacha on it n she got realllll bad coments.. like "evything usefull i learnd in freshmen english i 4got n we do absolutly nuttin in class n all the teacha does is talk bout her kid n i have learnd nuttin" n my english teacha i guess found out n was readn all the bad comments bout her n had a fit so now she obsessed wit the website checkn it all the time n have kids durin class go on the computa n rite good things bout her... provin that we dont do shyt in that class.... sometimes u wunda wat kina crack these stupid ass teachas is smoken... only ppl i really learnd shyt was in Bio wit Mr. Lindert... he was an awesome teacha n thats prally the only thing bsides my friends that ima miss next yr... mr cohan was a funny good teacha 2 that i actualy learnd alot from... cant say ne thing bout n e otha teacha... not sayn they all bitches or ne t hing... jus that they needa learn how ta teach... feeeeel meh, but n e ways yea i came home wenta sleep... woke up maryssa calld me n we calld little jose n was talkn n wat not n my mom askd who i was talkn 2 n i told her n she like i dont want u talkn 2 marrysaa.... im like wtf wen did that bother u... i was laughn earlya on t he fone n i think s he gets jealous o sumden... like sh e dont want me to have a good time o sum shyt... so she trieda grab the fone from me nb i told her to fuck off n she pulld the fone out the fuckn wall like wtf i was in my room talkn mindn my own bidness n shyt... pyschotic bitch... shyts crazy, so yea hea i ams... i got health n spanish exam tomaro n i ain studyn cuz uhhhhi dont feel like it... i shuld but im not.... i really really should... but fuck skoo n fuck lewis s. mills bunch of rich mutha fuckas can take they bullshyt n shove it up they ass.... ill holla *kt*
May 30 2003 - 1:43pm
Theres No One In This World That Can Eva Take Yo Place, All The Love That We Share - It Can Neva Be Erased, And I Kno That... But It Hurts So Bad, And Im Sorry...
But Ur The Best I've Had...
Sometimes...What may be the best thing for you to do
Sometimes it the hardest thing for you to do
And thats real
Cause I know that I love you
I know how I feel about you
But I also know that don't make everything alright
And for that reason
....I gotta say goodbye
Tell me have you ever been in a Situation where the best thing that you could do
Is the hardest thing you've ever done
But you try to do whats right
And I know that deep down inside
That I really wanna be there by your side
But I can't stand to see you cry
Not when its because of me
And its over, I'll never love another
I'm always thinking of her, I'm doing this because of her
Don't wanna say goodbye
I don't wanna let her see me cry
Looking out the window and wondering why
Did we have to say all those things that we said last night
Baby I don't wanna say goodbye
So I'm just standing here wondering why
Just don't like to see when you cry
So I'ma say goodbye
If you think I cause I packed your stuff
That inside Im really really cracking up
Cause you're wrong I just hide it good
Cause I know thats what you need
And there's more to life than loving yourself
You gotta learn to love somebody else
And thats why I do the things that I do
And its over, I'll never love another
I'm always thinking of her, I'm doing this because of her
Don't wanna say goodbye
I don't wanna let her see me cry
Looking out the window and wondering why
Did we have to say all those things that we said last night
Baby I don't wanna say goodbye
So I'm standing here wondering why
Just don't wanna see when you cry
So I'ma say goodbye
There's no one in this world that can ever take your place
All the love that we share, it can never be erased
And I know that, that it hurts so bad
And im sorry, but you're the best I've had...
yo wats good, wana give a lil shout ta my gyrl lexa whose 15 bday 2maro (june 1st) holla! Love ya gyrl! I ain wrote ina quick minute bcuz my keyboard gone type retarded on me lol it wuldnt let me type Z, X, or C and the shift key wasnt workn n evytime i hit the space bar n a weird 'S' wuld come afta it, it was some bulshyt, but i took my moms keyboard so its all gravy fa now... i really ain remeba wat tha hel i did this month.... docta aptment n blood taken which tha lady didnt kno wat the fuck she was doin so i ended up wit a huge bruise as big as a tennis ball on my right lower arm... shyt was boogish, i been kina lookn online for aptments in bristol so i can move this summa n the otha day i found a 2bed room aptment for 249$ a month and thats madddd cheap so i mite jus cop that..hopefuly, 3weeks left of skoo, praise god, i cant wait ta get out that fuckn hell hole its like a damn jail, i got in mad truble on friday n i mite get suspended but i don' give a 2cent fuck, i jus cant wait to get out of there, most the teachers r snoty fuck ups and so is all them rich ass kids, n the skoo is falln apart its a fuckn dump, only thing ill miss is my friends but ima still stay in touch wit dem i ain gone b far at all, dis new skoo gota daycare n i only gota go from 10:30-1:30 so thats good, jeff is goin ta jail fa 9 fuckn months n i dont kno wat the fuck ima do, its gone b mad hard, i ain tell my mom cuz she gone flip, i ain tryna think bout wats gone happen den n jus... let it happen cuz i really dont kno wat ima do 4real. one friday dis month amber n missy n me n tony n allie n becka n jen n chris n dis otha kid *anaynomous* hit up the movies, it was mad fun we saw xmen2 n we got icecream n went ta the toy store where my cuzen works at sometimes n bought tons of silly string n was sprayn random ppl n wen the movie ended i spreyed evyone in the row infronta me it was maddddd funny but this one kis lookd like he was gone turn around n punch me n he went ta go tell one the police there so me n amber bounced lol, i was posta go wit jevana n some otha kids ta the movies n then ta go shoot pool las nite but my mom had company ova n i culdnt geta ride.. damn, my granparents is bouta b hea n e minute now, but yea ri now im jus chilln, listenn ta some sad depressn love muzik .. u kno how it is, mad shyt runin thru my head n shyt, las week i was mad sik n i was thrown up n my throat hurt like a bitch n my head was hurtn n stuffed up, now my head still stuffed up n nose is runny n all that lovely bullshyt but hey da fuck u gone do u kno.. thas life, dis weekend lexa n me wana go see finding nemo lol that movie looks so fuckn cute i swea lol i was jus at walmart wit my moms n she bought me a lil finding nemo pillow, it got the lil orange fish wit on it n it kina like fuzzy like n its fins come off da pillow... its mad cute i loves it :-D my lil chihuahua pepito does 2 lol, ambers x-bf got amber missy n me rock the mic tickets at the meadows on june 25, its gone b hott as hell even tho jayz there but wateva i can jus thro a bottle at him o sumden. oo i got 2 new tounge rings n they sooo dayum cute, the first one i got was liek a darkish royal blue n it had a lil diamond in it n a star that goes on b4 u screw the top ball in so it looks liek the star is twinkeln, but it startd ta scratch the top of my mouth so i put the 2nd one in, dis one even cuter its like purple n then the middle fades to this pretty blue n then it fades to purple again n it shiny,.. lol holla holla, but i gota bounce fa now cuz my granparents jus came n i gota go give dem a kiss :-* n keep em company*molto amore*
May 5 2003 - 8:07pm
Secrets In The Dark Only Her N' I Know ... Now im Sitten' In The State Pen Doin Time Slow..
I shoulda saw tha signsI was blinded
criminal minds of a young black brotha doin' time
so many brothas framed in this dirty game
it's a shame
so much pressure on my brain
while she blame me
Secrets in tha dark
only her and I know
now i'm sitten' in tha state pen
doin time for slow
guess she made a bad decision
that got me livin'
just like an animal
i'm caged up in state prison
my niggas dissin'
cause
hell have no fury like a woman scorn
A cemetary full of mothafuckers got not knowin'
picture my prophecy
tha cops are attacking me, on top of me
i'm runnin' from tha coppers
but never let'em stop me
cause i'm a soulja
hell, ever since I was a little nigga havin' fantasies
of one day getting older
Niggas is paranoid
trust
a no no
love is a mystery
Fuck tha po po,
Holla at me.....
So when you see me nigga
you better holla at me....
Dayum its been a minute.... evyday i b sayn ta myself wen i get home ima update this cuz shyts been popn but then wen i finna come home im so fuckn exhausted n feeln like shyt that i said fuck it but i guess i b in the mood ta rite u kno, lemme see... since april vaca i been feeln like str8 up SHYT, thrsday, friday, sataday, n sunday of the vacation i jus laid in bed feeln like i was gone fuckn die .. 4real, shyt wasnt fun.. im still mad nausous since den, n at the beginin a las week i didnt have nausia all that day n then i woked up in the middle a that nite n startd puken my ass off.. like 15-20 times, filthy mcnastyness manz, i got some emails from my sista jerika jamaka blak ass spoon, she moved ta houston, suma dat southern hospitality shyt u kno lol, but we ain ab le to talk as much no mo :( wats a nigga ta do??? but yea nuin really been up... my boy blake told me he loved my new red n white uptowns n this week he gone n bought the same ones but in high top, nigga was so excited it was mad cute lol he one cute kid haha, n e ways i wenta hot jam 2!!! hollllla i had really good seats, row 118 seat 6 n 7, amber n her moms pikd me up n i didnt have my tickets yet so i met k-dubb from hot 93.7 at the shell gas station on route 6 in farmington n he gave me the tickets it was hott, then we got ta the civic centa n it was poorn n we all got soaked, we finna went inside n i met my lil jose there n he use my otha ticket, it was mad fun, lemme see if i can remeba all the people in orda... joe buddens, then nivea, then tanto metro n devonte, then lil mo, kieth murray, then camron n the diplomats, then lil kim,then 50 cent... i pretty sure thas how it wents, if not uh my bad, it took 50 n hour ta get on stage..shyt was boogish, i hurd nigga didnt sho up ta lil b4 11:30 cuz he was high as fuck n culdnt even remeba wha he was posta b doin, my row was ghetto as hell cuz half way thru the concert all these guys snuck in next ta jose n me n we was maddd crowded it was like 15 of us sharen like 6 seats n we was all squished inta eachtoha n we culdnt sit down for a long time n den wen jose n me finna did we hada share one seat lol, but its aiight we was getn our dance on the whole time n eway... u kno how we do lol. them guys nexta us kept smoken blunt aftttaaa blune n man o man u dont kno how bad i wuld wana bum a hot but shyt i culdnt cuz it prally fuck me up on the inside which ain good so i didnt but normaly i wuldnt been smoken wit dems :( n e ways shyt was posta end at 10 but it didnt end till 12:45 so i calld my mom n she like i ain piken u up, n den the hoe hung up on me n im like wtf u said u was gona wen i calld bak n shes like i was there from 10-12 n i drove home cuz u neva came out im like the fuck outa hea i culdnt get out if i wantd 2, but wateva she finna piked me up at 2am lol, i was madddd cold, but i gota tshirt wit al the artist on it which was orginaly 30 so holla lol, but chea it was mad fun, amber, missy, kory, n me goin ta the rock the mic tour even tho dick suckn lips jayz is gone b there ill b aiight cuz mad othas wil b there so its all good, maybe i can hit the nigga wita bottle o sumden lol, but chea das pretty much it... i ain really gone put nuin to person up in this jiont jus bcuz if n e of my family or ppl from skoo see it i don wan it 2 get around so we jus gone chill wit dat fa rite now... molto amore n alla dat ...1
April 19 2003 - 10:34am
And I Kno This Mite Sound Crazy, But Afta All This I Still Loved u... God Sent Me An Angel From The Heavens Above Send Me An Angel To Heal My Broken Heart From Bein In Love.. Cuz All I Do Is Cry, God Send Me An Angel To Whipe From My Eyes....
dont wana make a scene...
i really dont care- if ppl stare at us,
sometimes i think im dreamn...
i pinch my self jus to see if im wake or not,
is it real, wat i feel,
culd it b, u n me,
til the end a time..
neva part, take my heart,
hold it tyte, its tru love
u kno i gota b .....
Its been a minute... ryte, well shyt mad shyt been popin in tha las week, dis weekend amber n me hit up Southington carnival n met sash there n we went ta get ice cream n this fuckn old man was out side in his car wit dese glasses on n he was playun rap muzik n wen the pharrel n snoop song bueatifful came on the nycca turned it up mad loud so we culd hear it n so we bounced cuz he was like starren at us for like a half so wen we bounced he did to n 5mins lata he creeps by us shoutn some shyt, n den 5mins afta dat he goes by again n dis repeats fa like 1-2 hrs n this guys a fuckn maja ass freak so amber tells the police cuz we ain bout ta get raped n shyt, n e ways jess n bobbie sue (bobbie joe=blow jobbie LMAO mike n lexa) n her sista came up ta me sayn wuddup n shyt n den bounced n den amba sah n me bounced n then mike edgardo bobbie sue jess n the sista came n sat wit us n we was chilln n den our nycca danny pikd us up in snookz car n we drove round crazy like for an hr n got lost in new britain n then stopd by jeff house fa a lil :-D dens went home, monday i ain wenta skoo cuz uh i ain felt likes it but amba n her dads got into a fight n mad shyt happened :'( das my gyrl mad blessn n shyt 2 her, tuesday i ain wenta skoo cuz i had doc aptment bout meds n then hada notha aptment wit wheeler clinic n that shyt ain went to well it ended wit me telln my mom ta shut the fuck up soooo yea good times good times u kno... n e ways wens i got my hair did, cut shorta n permed hollllaaa, n e ways thrsday had probation meetn wit my new officer in new britain court house n fuckn she was like technicaly unda law we posta have been closed this case over 30 days ago but they wana keep it open fo even mo jus ta make sho i dont bcome violent n disruptive and but u kno wha fuccckkkk demmmm, friday i wenta da mall wit my 2 babies mike n edgardon edgardo ghetto-fied my uptowns n laced them up ghetto style lol, den we met my gyrl lexa n me n her chilld fa a lil....das my gyrl :-D, hopefuly she sleep ova my crib next weekend that wuld b hott, she live in meriden, dasa lil trip but its all good, i uh "found" some money which im bouta hook my self up wit some more uptowns HOLLAA... jeff tol me monday he gota go to jail fa 9months cuz of the case last yr n i cried fa 3 days :( im so sad , he came ova on thrsday, i loves him :(, its gone b some hard times ahead, but well ake it thru some how :'(... ryte now im talkn on the fone wit lil' jose n maryssa n maryssa gone pik me up ina few n we meetn lil jose at westfarms mall lol n goin 2 californa pizza ta holla at this jeff look alike cook whose name is jose also lol.... well ill holla, molto amore....
April 9 2003 - 7:46pm
I Rememba Wen U Was Jus A Lil' G, Flirtn' Wit Death- Playn' Russian Roulette, Screamn KILL ME
Hey There Young Nigga Wat U Smoken' On? Mad At The World Cuz U Came From A Broken Home
Question: Whats really good?
Answer: Not a got dayum thang
... uh yea so thats pretty fuckn much it. it been mad hard to go to skoo latly cuz i jus dont feel like it u kno, feels like my depression rate has tripeled in the las week or 2... some crazy ass shyt.. lota bullshyt on my mind n shyt so wateva jus gots ta take it one day at a time den..... 2day i gota go to hartford hospital to go to some programs that tell u wat they b doin n shyt .. all medical shyt u kno, it was real interestin at least 4 me cuz thats wat i wana do wen im olda u feel me.. ya gyrl got dreams u kno.. but yea it was fun i jus wish they had it for a longa period of time n that u got to go to more then just 3 different lecture things.... but ima jus go nex yr again prally, maryssa went n dat shyt was mad funny bcuz the guidence consolor wantd ta get bak ta skoo as soon as she culd cuz uh.. "she had work ta do" n maryssa like "LIKE WHA U JUS A GUIDENCE CONSLOR" ya gyrl was ROLLIN! but yea das pretty much it.. i been sleepn like a majaority of the day.. i b comen home from skoo n fallen asleep exhausted as hell n dont wake up ta like 7 n das maken my self get up .. ri now im stil tied as fuck n my body is jus achn n my tummy mad crampy dis shyt sux dick... jose wan me to go ova his house this sataday n he keep buggn me to from the 3 past satadays.. n i really ain in the mood ta but i guess i will one deez days.. wel we bof gota bounce ta the mall n hand in our job aplications n e way, friday hopefuly jevana n her plainvill friends n me is goin clubin in this new club in new britian fo 18 + but we specail so we gets in ne ways hollla!!! but chea i ain really got shyt else ta talk bout.. jus kina feeln sad latly.. i needs a hug :(
lexa hasnt been on latly.... got fuckn dayum, o yea me n mike is coo again, im glads..
holla at me...
March 24 2003 - 8:07pm
Hold Me In Your Arms..An Neva Let Me Go, Hold Me in Your Arms, Cuz I Need U So... I See It In Your Eyes.. Theres Sumtin...Sumtin U Wana Tell Me..
Tell me why we didnt try.... tel me why u had to go..
cant u see it makes me cry..
so many things i have to know
cuz i still care about u
and time is long overdue...
now i pray on my knees n i look at the stars
that u wuld b here layn down in my arms
i prayyy on my kneeesss 4 uuuu
COMMEE ONNN N RIDE ON THE FANTASTIC VOYAGE
Slide Slide Slippity Slide Hitn' Switches On The Block At 65
yo wats good, shyt i jus woked up.... tel me y i am so dayum tired latly? well its wateva hopefuly it goes away.... madddd shyts on my mind n im jus waitn fo a lil suin ta visit me n if it dont by da enda tha month ya gyrl is officaly fuckd... :'( but well see, n e way shyt nuin really big happened, jeff n me chilld thrs nite... jerry n jeff pikd me up n we dropd jerry off at they crib n went ta hartford ta pik jeffs friend greg up n then went ta get some trees n smoked a lil bit, u kno how we do.. lol my mom told me i hada b home tha lastest 9:30 n we startd smoken round 10 in hartford n she was blown up jeffs cell n i told her we was out ta eat but fuck dat, then we dropd his boy bak off n me n jeff wantd ta chill rite quick so we went bak ta his crib fo a hot minute n den finna i went home n it was almos 12 lol my moms was like who da fuck u think u r comen bak weneva u want ona skoo nite, talkn bout i ain goin no where n cant go on the computa or the fone... lol den nycca tell me y i went bak out on friday nite n i been usen the fone n internet... bytches stay on they talk, but she been kina nicer latly...makes a bitch thank