Broken
Lights from the television pierced the darkness of the room. The flickering colors danced around the shadows on the wall. He sat, almost stone-like, staring at the images displayed on the screen.
Her smile. Her hair. Her eyes. And then she laughed.
Pain flashed behind his solemn eyes and he turned off the set to avoid having emotions invade and conquer again. He drew a ragged breath and stood slowly, yet purposely, to take that familiar walk to the liquor cabinet.
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
He grabbed a bottle from its place on the shelf and twisted off the cap. His hand instinctively reached up and found a glass from the cabinet. He didn't bother with ice, it was too time consuming, and the tightness in his chest was coming at a rapid pace.
He tilted the bottle, spilling some of its contents into the glass and slammed the bottle onto the bar in front of him. He quickly downed the liquid and breathed a heavy sigh as it instantly warmed him.
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
He lifted his eyes to stare at the picture hanging on the wall in front of him. He'd studied that picture time and again, each time remembering something new from their past, little nuggets from their life together.
He remembered the day that scene was immortalized on paper, every detail. He could still smell the honeysuckle from the bush behind her. He could still feel the warm air as a breeze blew a strand of hair across her cheek. He could still hear her laughter ringing through his ears.
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high
You steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
It had been a little over a year since the accident that left him alone. He struggled daily with his loss, and although things seemed to be moving on around him, he felt trapped in a time warp. He couldn't comprehend how everyone and everything could continue with life all around him when the biggest part of his own life was gone.
He was at his worst late at night when the shadows fell across the land and all the world was quiet and in a peaceful slumber. That's when the demons came to wreak their havoc and torment his soul. That's when the memories flooded his mind and he felt there was no escape. Drinking was the only thing that eased the pain anymore.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
He ignored the glass this time as he took a long gulp straight from the bottle. He cursed the tears that spilled from beneath his closed eyelids and quickly took another sip before wiping them away with the back of his hand.
He squeezed his eyes tightly as he felt the gurgling rage build up in the pit of his stomach. Anger raided his body as the rage rose to his throat in a guttural, tortured scream. The release caught him off guard and he flung the bottle across the room. It shattered against the wall, spilling shards of glass and brown liquor to the floor.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
He dropped to his knees as the scream subsided and transformed itself into a sob. His head hung low as his body heaved with sadness. The tears formed steady streams down his cheeks. His head began to spin and he felt as if the inertia of life was overwhelming.
He made his way to the bedroom, half-crawling. He didn't bother with the blankets or sheets as he flung himself across the bed and prayed for sleep and peace.
As he began to drift off into the arms of Morpheus, he heard her laugh once again.
And he smiled.
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You're gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
lyrics © "Broken" by Seether ft. Amy Lee