Beyond Forever

I sit alone in the dark,
I sit and weep for you.
I weep for your past,
For what I put you through.
I weep for your present,
For the pain you face now.
I weep for your future,
For the heartaches I know you will endure.
I feel I failed you in so many ways.
I was never strong enough.
Oh, how I wish I could have been strong enough.
I would give anything to turn back the hands of time,
To undo my wrongs,
To make things okay,
To be the person you needed me to be,
But I face my reality.
I have to live with my mistakes.
I can't take them back.
I'm sure I will make countless more.
I ask that you please
Overlook my ignorance,
Forgive my impatience,
Accept my apologies.
I want you to know I'm overflowing with so much love for you,
I just don't have the capacity to convey it.
Words are nothing in contrast to these emotions.
Actions appear so plain and stale.
I wish I could open my heart,
To show you how much of it beats for you.
I love you beyond words,
Beyond actions,
Beyond thoughts,
Beyond forever.

As a mother, I sometimes get overwhelmed with emotion thinking about my son. I think about our past and all the mistakes I've made. I think about our present and how much I wish I could stop time so he won't grow any older. I think about his future and hope and pray he's safe and has the knowledge to venture out to live his own life. I dedicate this poem to my son Josh. I love you, Squishy.