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One Heartbeat - Chapter Five

Ferryn tossed her keys on their usual place on the kitchen counter. She stepped into her loft and slowly glanced around. It seemed like it'd been forever since she'd been there but it still had a sense of home. She set her things down and went to the one place that always cheered her no matter what had happened. She stepped out onto the balcony and was met with a view that only Greenville could provide for her. It was just becoming dusk and the faint signs of the city lights had begun to skitter across the buildings that stood out in front of her. Down below, the streets still held the same noises of speeding cars and sirens as lights and colors blended together as they blurred by. This one spot never failed to put her at ease.

She took a seat in on of the chairs and kicked her feet up on the railing in front of her. She have every hope that her problems would just melt away. It already felt colder since she'd been home and she wondered why she'd want to give up the California weather to go back to a cold and windy Greenville. After a few moments, her mind seemed to scan over everything so quickly it was almost too hard to grasp it all at once. She needed time to think, time to evaluate all aspects of her life but in the end, it all boiled down to the simply everyone in her life. It was almost too hard to think about her life without Tom in it but in the recent months, those thoughts had become cluttered and more complicated. It seemed that when they'd hit a bump, something would come along to smooth it over but it wouldn't be too long before another bump would come their way. She could only ask herself how many it would take before she'd eventually crash.

Ferryn inhaled deeply as goosebumps danced across her skin. It was cold out and she wasn't exactly dressed for the temperature. She didn't even care. Her flight had been long and emotionally draining. Several times during the flight, she had thought about and second guessed everything. She almost decided on getting the first flight back to Los Angeles but she knew deep down that she couldn't. She was excited to see her sister and niece. She was hoping her sister would help put things into perspective for her.

It had nearly killed Ferryn that morning when she awoke with Tom pressed against her back, holding her close. Once he was awake, he looked at her with sleepy yet pleading eyes. It was almost too much to take. She had a waged a mental war, wanting to forget about everything that had been bothering her, to tell him to forget about his music career, and to stay there with her but she knew better. She couldn't do that. Instead, she kissed his forehead before slipping from bed and quietly packed her suitcase. It ripped her heart to shreds to see the confused, heartbroken look that clouded his face but she touched her fingers to her lips, then his before she tipped his chin up and turned to leave the house. She barely made it out the door before the tears spilled down her cheeks.

Just remembering it made her heart feel raw. She tried to shake it from her mind as she stood to walk back into her loft. She was itching to see her family but something told her that she needed some time alone to think and perhaps sort things out. She'd see her family soon enough. She decided to call it a night as she grabbed her bag and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. She changed quickly and crawled into bed. It didn't feel the same without the weight of Tom pressed tightly against her. No matter how many blankets she put over her, she still felt cold. The only thing that seemed to lull her to sleep was the faint scent of Tom that was left on his T-shirt that she had packed purposely. She breathed in deeply as she tried to stop the tears that were forming in the corners of her eyes. In was in that moment that she temporarily forgot what it was that she was needing to sort out.

-----------------------------

"Tom, you missed the higher pitch back there." Rick called through the intercom leading into the sound booth. "You wanna try it again?"

Tom rolled his eyes. "Whatever, man."

Rick started the track over as Tom cleared his throat and began to sing again.

Rick stopped the music again. "You did it again," he said with annoyance. "What's going on with you today?"

"What the hell do you think is wrong with me?" There were dark circles under Tom's eyes.

Rick was taken aback by Tom's attitude. It was rare for Tom to be rude to anyone, even in times of high stress. "I take it the visit home didn't go well." Tom didn't speak. He ran a hand over his tired face. Rick could tell by Tom's expression that he shouldn't press the issue. "We have deadlines, Tom."

Tom could feel his nerves about to snap. Deadlines were the last thing on his mind. "I know about the damn deadlines."

Rick looked at Tom in shock. Tom was never this moody. It seemed like with every day they worked on the project, the more damage it did to their friendship. "Why don't you go take a break? When you're ready to stop being a jackass, come back in here and we're start back to work."

Tom grumbled as he threw the headphones down before he quickly left the room. Ferryn's departure the previous morning was still freshly weighing on his heart. He'd woken up with her in his arms, then watched her walk away like it was no big deal. It was hard for him to deal with. He knew her well enough to know that he'd seen the confusion, hurt, and broken pain in her eyes. What hurt him the most was that it was all his fault.

Tom swallowed the lump in his throat as he grabbed a cab and went back to his hotel. He needed to clear his head. He slumped down on the couch and traced over the screen of his cellphone. He wanted to hit the button that would connect him with Ferryn but decided against it. She needed time and he told her he'd give her what she needed. She had no idea that with every second that ticked by, his heart broke more and more. Instead, he decided to dial the only other person who could help him put things in perspective. His brother.

-----------------------------

"You came home because you're confused?" Raluca asked her sister.

"Confused is putting it lightly." Ferryn looked at her, ready to snap. "I can leave if I'm being an inconvenience."

Raluca laughed. "Oh, stop it, Miss Cranky Pants. I'm glad you're home. I just wish it were under better circumstances."

"Me too. Trust me."

Raluca took a seat next to her sister and pat her leg. "Tell me what happened."

Ferryn sighed before she began to speak. "I don't know. It's hard to recognize my own life anymore. I'm always here or there working. Tom has started a new music endeavor and has been in New York working on that but I just don't think it's the same for him anymore. He's always unhappy and wants to come home but I keep pushing him to stay. At the same time, I keep having these selfish moments. We've hit a few bumps, then things seem to get amazing. I like the amazing," she said as she smiled at Raluca. "Then it seems like we're back in dark waters again. I keep picturing my life always being like this, the back and forth thing. I don't want it to be like that."

"Life always has a way of settling down, you know?"

"I know that, Roo, but it's like I don't know where we're going. If one of us is always moving to another state or country for work, who knows when we'll meet in the middle for good, you know?" She sighed again. "Then there was the thing with my birthday-"

"What thing?"

"He was in New York and I really thought he'd show up to be there for my birthday. You know, like he'd find some way for him to be there." Ferryn shook her head. "Roo, I've never missed someone in my whole life the way I missed him that day."

"So what happened?" Raluca asked as she cocked her head to the side slightly.

Ferryn shifted and tucked her hair behind her ears. "You remember the artist I was working with in London?"

Raluca nodded, then her face paled. "Please tell me you didn't cheat on Tom."

Her eyes widened. "No! I didn't cheat on Tom!" She swatted at her sister's arm. "Blake was having a release party for his album and I went to that instead of just sitting home alone. He and I just hung out."

Raluca looked confused. "Hung out?"

"Yeah. We caught up a bit, then went to the bar and I got drunk. Blake took me home and I woke up with him." Ferryn quickly defended herself. "I did not have sex with him."

"I don't like where this is going."

"I woke up with Blake and was hungover. I felt guilty and like shit. Then Blake informed me that Tom had called me and in my drunken state, I wasn't the friendliest of people." She frowned. "I suppose I shook him up pretty good because he was home when I got there."

"He flew home from New York just to check on you?" Raluca smiled.

"Yeah, but through all of it, the only thing running through my mind was the fact that he wasn't there when I wanted him to be. I wasn't trying to be selfish or anything. I physically needed to be close to him. It's not like me to get so attached and go all emotional but I was. I was hurt and I hated his career for the first time. Blake was there and he would have been more than willing to give me what I wanted but he didn't. He knew I was upset and vulnerable."

"You're in love with Tom, Ferryn."

"I know that, Raluca."

"Do you see a future with him?" she asked, smiling again.

Ferryn nodded. "He asked me to move in with him."

Her sister threw her hands in the air. "So what's the problem?!"

Ferryn let out a shaky breath as her eyes burned with tears. "It scares me being at his house all the time, relying on him, needing him. All of it."

"Love is like a roller coaster, little sister. You'll have that. You just have to trust that he's the right one for the job."

"I know that Tom is the right one. He has proven it to me over and over again. When my appendix burst, he didn't leave my side for two weeks."

"See? You know the answer." Raluca put her hand on Ferryn's shoulder. "I see how you look when you talk to or about him. I know he rushed here to be with you when I was in that accident. Anyone can tell that he loves you, Ferryn."

"I know but love isn't always the only thing a relationship needs."

"Then fix what's missing."

Ferryn shrugged Raluca's hand from her shoulder as tears spilled over onto her cheeks. "I don't know what that is anymore."

Raluca scooted closer and put a comforting hand on Ferryn's back. "It's okay. You're just overwhelmed with everything. You're feeling a little insecure with the fact that you guys are never together long enough to feel a sense of security. The profession you're in isn't easy so I can see where it's coming from. I think you need to tell Tom how you're feeling, Ferryn."

Ferryn's lip trembled as she nodded. "I know. There's just so many feelings together at once. One second I love him, the next second I'm feeling let down. I'm just so up and down."

"Then you need to meet in the middle and balance each other out. Guys can be stupid sometimes and don't think of these things."

"You don't say," Ferryn said with a laugh, despite the tears that fell.

"You need to figure out what's important and decide what you want. Tom isn't gonna wait around forever. Call him."

Ferryn nodded as she wrapped her arms around her sister in a tight hug. Her mind had already begun to think of what she'd say when she placed her phone call.

-----------------------------

"Give it time, Tom." Bill told his brother over the phone. "You know she'll call."

"I don't know," Tom said with a sigh. "The way she left. It was almost like it didn't affect her. She hardly said anything."

"Tom, even I know her well enough to know that she was probably putting up a front." Bill rolled his eyes. "I bet you she was dying inside."

"How do you know?" Tom asked. His bloodshot eyes where brimming with tears.

"I was just coming home when she was leaving. She was crying."

Tom swallowed the lump in his throat. "Really?"

"Yes. She was hurting and didn't want you to see. Are you sure you didn't do anything wrong?"

"Bill, I could have done a hundred things wrong. I've been gone for a while now, then there was her birthday-"

"You missed it, didn't you?" Bill ran his hand through his hair.

Tom hung his head. "Yeah. I did."

"You think that could have something to do with it?"

Tom shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe? She usually doesn't get sentimental about things."

"Hmmm. 'Usually' doesn't seem to confident. Something tells me you missed something."

"I don't want to call her and put pressure on her. She said she wanted time to think things over. I'm trying to give her that."

"Maybe she's waiting for you to call."

"Damn it, Bill."

"What? I'm trying to help."

"Yeah, I know." Tom sighed. "I should go. I know Rick will be calling and breathing down my neck any time now."

"Okay. I'll see you soon," Bill said before he ended the call.

Tom bit his lip as he tried to decide if he should call Ferryn. He was trying to get a mental image of her at that moment. She was probably chatting with her sister or playing with her niece whom she loved so much. Maybe she was even looking out onto the Greenville skyline through her loft. Thinking of her only intensified his desire to be with her, enjoying the things she loved so much. He wanted nothing more than to fix things with her, if only he knew exactly what needed fixing. He could already look into his future and see Ferryn beside him.

He jumped slightly as his cellphone vibrated against the palm of his hand. He gasped as he read Ferryn's name across the screen. His heart felt as though it was going to beat out of his chest. He hadn't expected her to call so soon. "What if she had made up her mind already and she no longer wants me to be a part of her life?" He took a deep breath and pressed the button to answer the call.

"Hello?"

Silence ticked for a few seconds before he heard the best sound since he had watched her walk away from him the day before. She let out a small sigh. He could tell from that sigh that she was nervous. "Hey, Tom."

-----------------------------

Tom swallowed nervously as he held the phone close to his ear. He could hardly believe who was on the other line. He took a deep breath as he made a feeble attempt to calm the tremors running through his body. He felt as though every word he may or may not say could potentially break his future with Ferryn. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. It's good to be home, you know?" She sighed lightly.

Tom nodded but the words stung a bit. He had hoped she would one day refer to California as home. He tried to be happy for her though. "I'm glad. It's been a while since you've been there."

"Yeah, it has. I couldn't believe how big Star has gotten." Ferryn said, referring to her niece.

"I bet." Silence hung in the air. Tom didn't know where to start. "I hate this." He finally whispered.

"It's the way it has to be right now, Tom."

He ran a hand over his unruly braids. The stress lines seemed to be duplicating by the second. "Why does it have to be this way, Ferryn? I'm having a hard time understanding this."

"I need time." She said as she doodled on the notepad in front of her. "Things got so screwed up somewhere along the way."

"Then tell me how to unscrew things."

She signed heavily and Tom realized he was getting nowhere. "You can't just flip a switch and fix things. It doesn't work that way."

He was becoming aggravated and felt like nothing he said mattered at all. She was running this show. "Ferryn, I'm trying here. You have to help me out just a little. I'm so blind sided by this whole thing that I don't know whether I'm coming or going!"

"I don't even know where to begin, Tom." She clenched her teeth. "If you're going to get angry, this conversation will go nowhere."

He scoffed. "How can I not be mad? I fly home to make sure my girlfriend, whom I love and adore, is safe and sound. I find that she was out all night getting drunk with another man, then she slept in the same bed with this other man. And when she comes home I'm told she wants a break. Does that make sense to you, Ferryn? Because it makes no sense to me."

"First of all, Blake is my friend. Don't you dare bring him into this equation. I've done nothing, and I mean nothing, that would even remotely fall into the category of unfaithful. Second, if I'd had someone else to be with on my birthday, none of this would have happened."

Tom laughed at her absurdity. She was looking to pick a fight and suddenly the ball had been handed to him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? So all of this is my fault?"

"I never said that!" Her voice went up and octave and the mask she wore quickly came down.

"That's what you're thinking though, aren't you? I couldn't be home for your birthday so you were forced to go out and have a little fun of your own."

"Oh, yeah," Ferryn said sarcastically. "That's exactly it, Tom."

"Why don't you just tell me what's going on?"

She groaned. "I don't know!"

Tom suddenly wandered what the purpose for this phone call was. She seemed to be in no mood to talk to him and explain things and he didn't even know where to begin guessing. "You know what, Ferryn? This is killing me. I'm too damn far away from you to make things right between us. If you don't help me, I can't do anything to make this better so I suppose when you finally decide, you can let me know." He didn't wait for a response. He didn't wait to see if she made any kind of noise on the other end of the line. Tom simply pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the conversation.

Tom may have felt like he had the last word but Ferryn would never see his bloodshot eyes spilling with tears. For all he knew, his relationship with Ferryn had fallen apart and there were no pieces left to pick up. He only hoped he could survive.

-----------------------------

Ferryn walked back into the family room. She tried to hide the fact that she'd been crying. Her sister saw right through her.

"It didn't go well, huh?" Raluca asked from her place on the couch.

Ferryn shrugged and plopped down beside her. She reached over and ran a hand over Star's hair as she lay sleeping in her mother's lap.

"Let me guess. Your defenses got the best of you?"

Ferryn snorted and glared at her sister. "You know, sometimes I wish you didn't know me so well. It's annoying."

"It's my job as your sister." Raluca said, giving her a sympathetic smile. "What happened?"

"I don't know exactly. I called with every intention of working things out, or at least to find somewhere to start to fix things. I panicked. I could tell he was tired and confused about everything which made me feel even worse. In the end, I think I just want to be angry at him for a while."

"It was all kinda out of left field, wasn't it? The last time I talked to you, you guys were doing so well."

Ferryn continued to stare at her niece. "We were."

"So?" Raluca pressed on.

"I don't even know, Roo." She shrugged. "Things have been so up and down from day one. We're never together long enough to be a typical couple. It seems things are fine, then something comes between us. I fought so hard to not fall in love with him. I never saw it happening."

"Uh, I thought you knew that love didn't happen all at once. Love doesn't have a place and time. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it and it happens over time. You can't help who you love. If you love Tom, you better figure out what's bothering you so you can hash it out with Tom and work through it. I know Tom loves you through thick and thin."

Ferryn swallowed the lump in her throat as a few tears fell from her green eyes. "I'm scared."

Raluca reached out to take her sister's hand. "Of what?"

"The distance. Trusting someone like this. Putting my life in the hands of someone else to make me happy, to make him happy. Relocating my life. All of that adds up to a giant storm." She used the back of her hand to dry her cheeks.

"He's not Austin." Raluca said softly.

Ferryn's breath hitched in her throat. She was unable to meet her sister's gaze. "I know he's not, Raluca."

"There's more to this, little sis. I think you need to stop wallowing in your own sorrow. Get over what's bothering you and let Tom in on your fears. If he loves you like I know he does or like how your smile tells me he does, call and try to talk to him. Don't let that wall you have stand in the way of telling him what you really want to say." Raluca smiled weakly. "Love can't be one-sided. If you sprung this on him out of nowhere, I don't blame him for being confused. He's hurting just as much as you are."

"Okay. I get it." Ferryn snapped. She wiped away more tears as she continued to stare at Star. She was sleeping peacefully in Raluca's arms.

"What's wrong?" Raluca asked, confused.

"Nothing." She shot back quickly.

"You have a far off, dreamy look in your eyes."

Ferryn looked down and shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you pregnant?" Raluca asked abruptly. She expected Ferryn so snap back at her.

"No, Roo." Ferryn calmly shook her head. "I'm not."

Raluca sensed the problem. "Do you want to have kids someday?"

"I didn't think I did but I've been having these little thoughts ever since-" she trailed off.

"Ever since what?" Her sister prodded.

"Nothing." Ferryn began to stand. "Just nothing."

"Sit." Raluca ordered her. "Now."

Ferryn knew there was no backing down on what she was about to say. Her sister had always known all the most important moments of Ferryn's life so this would be no different. Not to mention, the fight has weakened her defenses. "When I was in the hospital with the whole appendix thing, the nurse asked if I was pregnant. I didn't think I was but there was always that possibility. We've always been careful but I didn't know." She sighed. "The test came back negative and I let it fall by the wayside. What I didn't know was that Tom had heard the nurse ask me. I was disappointed to tell him I wasn't. I guess I just felt some kind of loss. I couldn't really read the look on his face to see if he was relieved or disappointed. It just made me think."

"Wow." Raluca grinned. "I've never heard you talk like that. If it's any consolation, I think you'll be an amazing mother. I see how you are with Star. Things come naturally with you. I haven't spent any time with Tom-"

"That's another thing that bothers me." Ferryn interrupted. "I wish he'd be here and meet everyone. The family's opinion means a lot to me. It's almost Thanksgiving. I don't want to be alone."

"He's a busy man and you know that. They may not celebrate Thanksgiving in Germany but I'm sure his family misses him. But as I was saying-" Raluca went back to her original thought. "I'm sure he'd be a good father. I think it's love when you can picture the man you're with as the father to your children."

Ferryn's eyes welled up with tears again. "I don't know. A child means forever to me."

"You don't think he wants to marry you?"

Ferryn shrugged. "I don't know how he'd want to after all I've put him through."

Raluca pat Ferryn's leg and smiled. "Go home. Do nothing for the day. Clear your head, then call him."

-----------------------------

Ferryn lay in bed for what seemed like an eternity. She tossed and turned, unable to find solace. Her eyes were tired and her heart lay heavy against her chest. She didn't think it was even capable for her eyes to cry anymore tears. It was eating away at her not to pick up the phone that lay on her bedside table. Her loft seemed cold without his presence. No matter how many times she said she didn't need him to fall asleep, she knew she was lying to herself. The mental arguments ran through her head like scenes from a movie as she tried to negotiate what she wanted from her relationship with Tom. Her thoughts were always drawn back to the times he'd slept in her bed when they were just friends and how just him being there seemed to take over her entire thought process. He made her feel safe and warm. She knew there were a million more reasons why she was with them and only a handful of those reasons dealt with protection. He always had a certain kind of love and respect for her that never failed to shine through, no matter the circumstance. She'd been cold-hearted. She was a woman who'd been hurt and while she may not have always been as warm as he had in return, he never stopped trying. He never stopped loving. No matter what.

She tried to picture him lying in his hotel room. She could see him in a plain white T-shirt and his favorite plaid pajama bottoms. She wanted nothing more than to curl up against his chest. She recalled times throughout their friendship when he'd sit up in bed, glasses perched on his nose as he'd read or catch up on emails with his laptop in his lap. She was content to lay against him and simply feel. Little things like that had been stripped away from her by the demands of his career. She wondered what it'd be like for the two of them to have nine to five jobs, to not be constantly telling each other good-bye, to not be flying all over the place. They could spend an entire weekend together doing nothing and everything. It was then when she finally realized she had been so selfish. Part of her felt she had a right to be selfish, but a part of her felt like she needed to tell Tom that she wanted a life with him. All he had to do was ask. giving it up over the demand of a career was something Ferryn didn't think she had the strength to do.

Her thoughts went back to Tom, lying in his hotel. She knew he was probably broken and hurting. Knowing him, he'd still be plugging away in the studio. He'd work into the wee hours of the morning, being the perfectionist that he is. What if he'd finally had enough of her games and decided they weren't worth fighting for? He was in New York and it was be very simple for him to go out and party, find another woman for the night, a woman with far less complications than Ferryn brought. What if he was with the other woman right now?

Ferryn reached for her cell phone but her grip quickly loosened. She tried to tell herself to stop thinking, stop assuming. She forgot everything in that moment and hit the button for his number. She held her breath as it rang.

The phone rang twice before a soft, tired sounding Tom answered. "H'lo?"

Her breath caught in her throat. "Did I wake you?"

Tom cleared his throat. "No. I can't sleep."

It made her smile that he was in the same state she was in. "Me either." She didn't know where to begin. She couldn't gauge his reaction to her call. She needed him to give her a sign that it was okay that she called.

"Talk to me, Ferryn." He said.

Her heart skipped a beat. She tried but couldn't prevent tears from spilling over. "I'm sorry, Tom."

"Baby, don't do this to me."

"I need to." She sniffed. "I need to tell you I'm sorry for all this. I'm sorry for not knowing and for putting you through this pain."

He chuckled. "Obviously the blame isn't all on you or we wouldn't be here."

"I should have just told you."

"Tell me now. We need to take this time and talk it through." He rubbed his eyes gently. "It just doesn't help when you get defensive and put up that wall."

"I know." She sniffed again. "I hate that about myself. I'm surprised you even want to speak to me again. I look back on all the times I was so horrible to you for no reason, and-"

"You were protecting yourself." He interrupted. "Stop apologizing."

"You didn't deserve it."

"I'm glad you see it that way." He played with the hem of his T-shirt. "We can only start over."

Ferryn smiled despite the tears that streamed down her cheeks. "We can?"

Tom smiled too. "You think I could give up on you? Hell no."

Her emotions got the best of her at that moment. "I love you, Tom. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes."

"I love you too, Ferryn." He cleared his throat again. "I think what we need is a long, long conversation. We have some talking to do. I need to see your side and you need to see mine. Maybe we'll be able to meet in the middle."

"Maybe?"

"I know we will." He laughed.

"If you're sure-"

"We owe it to ourselves to try."

She wiped her face with the back of her hand. "Okay."

"Where are you?" He asked suddenly.

"My loft in Greenville."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"I was just wondering." Tom said quickly. "How's your family?"

"Good." Ferryn sighed. She knew what Tom's answer would be but she needed to ask anyway. "I know it's a long shot but my family is having Thanksgiving dinner in a few days-"

Tom let out a shaky breath. "Don't think that I don't want to be there with you, Ferryn. I have a meeting with the record execs to finalize everything and go over all the legal glitches."

Her response was soft. "Okay."

"I promise I'll find time soon, baby."

Her mind flashed back to the though that he was on the verge of releasing an album. This was only the beginning. The distance would continue. The flying everywhere, the lonely nights, the long empty phone conversation. She wondered how long she could keep up with it all. "Okay, Tom."

He knew he had upset her with his answer but he had no idea what would be done or said to make it better. He thought about telling her he'd just pull the plug on the deal but he knew she'd argue for him to keep at it. He could practically hear her saying, "It'll be worth it in the long run." With all the stress he'd been feeling, he questioned whether it really was worth it. "Are we okay, Ferryn?"

She felt better about the situation but nothing was set in stone. She tried to see the light at the end of the tunnel. "I hope we can get there."

He heard the uncertainty in her voice. "Me too. Should I let you go so you can sleep?"

Her voice was very faint. "Sure."

He didn't want to let her go but with a lack of sleep, his thoughts could possibly cause more harm. I love you, Ferryn. I'll call you soon, okay?"

"Okay."

His face fell that she hadn't said she loved him back. "Ferryn?" He asked. He was hoping maybe she'd say it.

"Yeah?"

"Never mind." He knew it was pointless to push the issue. "Good-night."

Tom ended the conversation and pictured her lying in her loft alone. He wanted nothing more than to be there to hold her. He remembered the times at the beginning of their friendship when they'd sleep in the same bed. He had wanted nothing more than to be close to her. He'd gone through mental wars, telling himself he hadn't fallen in love with Ferryn but it was a battle he'd lost. Now the only thing on his mind was how he had another battle to make it through.

-----------------------------

Ferryn walked into her sister's house. Dishes of food and dessert filled in her arms. The smell of turkey wafted through her senses as she headed farther in. The house was filled with voices as he family members chatted animatedly. She was glad to be home but still couldn't fill the void in her heart. Her conversation with Tom that night had been bittersweet. She allowed herself to get a tiny part of her emotional turmoil out but it still hadn't soothed the fire. Ferryn did the best not to miss him and resent him because he had a time consuming career. She wondered if he continued the same musical path, if they'd ever share a holiday together. It wasn't fair to ever resent him for that. An empty feeling sat in the pit of her stomach. She tried to keep her head up and be thankful for what she had.

She greeted her family and accepted hugs from everyone as they passed by her. When she reached Raluca, her sister didn't let go right away.

"Doing any better?" Raluca asked.

Ferryn tried to smile. She didn't want to drag her family into her bad mood. "I'm hanging in there. Enough about me. Happy Thanksgiving."

Raluca smiled. "You too, little sister."

Ferryn hugged her parents as they rushed in to see her. They may have been divorced but they'd remained friends. Holidays meant that everyone was together.

"We're glad you're here, baby." Ferryn's mother said as she hugged her daughter.

She smiled brightly. She had missed her parents. "Me too, Mama."

Ferryn smiled at her niece as she walked through the dining room. She was reminded what Thanksgiving was all about, being home with the family and friends and being thankful for what you have. She realized her love life would have to take a backseat for today. Her family didn't need the weight of her stress, especially today. All she wanted to do was push the empty feelings aside and enjoy the moment.

As she took a seat at the table, she looked around at all the place settings. "I didn't realize so many people were coming!"

Her brother looked at her and smiled warmly. "You know how it goes. The family seems to get bigger every year."

"Apparently."

Raluca came in with her arms full of dishes and place settings. "Can you help me finish setting the table?"

Ferryn nodded and accepted some things from her sister. "Really? Ten of us?"

Raluca nodded. "Set that place and go mingle. You're never home and everyone wants some time with you."

Ferryn shrugged and headed into the family room. She smiled at Raluca's decorations. She knew coming home was the right choice. It warmed her heart to see her cousins and niece playing happily. Her brother-in-law and older brother laughed over football with a friend.

She gasped suddenly as she caught the scent of a familiar cologne. She'd recognize it anywhere. She scanned the family room slowly and felt stupid for allowing herself to get hopeful. She decided she was losing it. Her head just wasn't in the right place. She decided to go help her mom prepare the food. She turned and almost crashed into a solid form. She blinked a few times to ensure her eyes weren't deceiving her. Her heart rate quickened and she stumbled backward as he eyes pet with the beautiful brown eyes of-

"Tom! But you- You said-"

He smiled broadly. "Happy Thanksgiving, baby."

-----------------------------

Ferryn was in shock, seeing Tom standing before her. He was decked out in dark jeans and a black sweater. His face held a day's growth. Ferryn suddenly forgot how to breathe. It'd only been a week since she'd seen him but it felt like a lifetime. He stepped closer to her and looked her over as he familiarized himself with the woman he loved. He'd never seen anyone more beautiful as Ferryn stood before him in her comfortable jeans and a teal sweater. He wanted nothing more than to feel her in his arms. Regardless of everything that had been happening, he needed her close to him.

He took another step as he cautiously pulled her into his arms. He could gauge from her reaction if she was happy to see him or just shocked. Everything could very well backfire and she could start screaming at him and kick him out. He held his breath and finally let it go when she relaxed into his embrace. His arms tightened as he tried to absorb the moment and forget the past. Right there in that moment with her is exactly where he needed to be, even if it was only a fleeting moment. Feeling her heart beating against his chest temporarily soothed his insecurities.

They lost all sense of time as they held one another close. When Ferryn finally pulled back, her eyes glistened with tears. "How'd you get here? I thought you had meetings and deadlines and-"

"I left," Tom said simply.

"You just left?" she asked as her brows furrowed.

"Yes." His hands never left her arms. "I told them I had somewhere I needed to be. I didn't ask permission and I didn't give them details."

"Tom," she said as she shook her head. "Your career. You can do things like that just for-"

"Ferryn!" Tom practically shouted.

"What?" she asked, looking flabbergasted.

"I needed to be here with you. Stop worrying about my job. Okay?"

"If you're sure-"

He tipped her chin up and looked into her eyes. "I'm sure." His voice was much softer.

She stared at him for a moment. Tom couldn't tell how she was feeling. She seemed excited that he was there and confused. He was aware of her family casting glances at them and wondered if Ferryn felt uncomfortable because of that. Before he could say anything, Ferryn was back in his arms. She held on to him, trying to tattoo the memory in her mind. He thought that maybe something had changed during their time apart.

As Ferryn pulled away again, she caught a glimpse of Raluca in the kitchen. She stood there with a sly smile on her face. "You knew about this, didn't you?" Ferryn asked accusingly.

Raluca smiled as she welcomed Tom in a hug. "I may have known a thing or two. Very last minute."

"You're all evil," Ferryn said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"He's here now. All evil thoughts can be cast aside. Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes." Raluca pat Tom's arm. "I'm glad you're here, Tom. Welcome to our crazy family."

"Thank you," he smiled at her. "Thanks for helping me surprise her."

Raluca winked at her sister and turned to go back into the kitchen.

Thanksgiving dinner went by easily. Everyone welcomed Tom with open arms. They all kept their distance to allow the couple to be together. When dinner was over, everyone had retired to the family room to watch football. Tom joined Ferryn on the love seat and was surprised when she leaned against him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her against his side. There were so many things he wanted to say but he knew it wasn't the right time. This was their first Thanksgiving together and her family was there. It was time to just live in the moment. He hated the feeling that he was going to have to leave and go back to New York, or wherever the hell they were planning to send him.

He snapped out of this thoughts quickly as he felt Ferryn's soft lips brush dangerously close to his ear. "I'm really glad you're here."

Tom turned to smile at her. "Me too."

Ferryn reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. "There's so much I want to say."

"I know. Me too."

"We can leave," she suggested.

Tom shook his head as he pulled her closer. "Being with your family is a big part of Thanksgiving too, babe."

She looked around at her family and smiled. Some sat around in food comas while others talked animatedly. "Okay, but not much longer."

He winked at her and that seemed to temporarily pacify her. His mind raced with the thought of kissing her. Did she want him to? What would her family think? He decided things needed to be discussed soon. It was hard to sit there and just not know when he was feeling so many emotions.

Ferryn's brother came to sit on the couch and Ferryn positioned herself on Tom's lap to make room. As she chatted with her brother, her hand slid down Tom's back and slipped under the hem of his sweater. Her fingertips grazed over his skin. He tried to keep his concentration on the conversation but it was hard to ignore her touch. His body reacted to hers like the flip of a switch. He knew Ferryn just wanted to be close to him and he hoped she wasn't putting on a show for her family. His fear that she was playing nice but things would change once they left her sister's house.

When the conversation hit a lull, he nuzzled her neck and whispered, "You ready?"

She looked down at him. "Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

They said their goodbyes and Tom thanked Raluca for helping him in his scheme of getting there. It wasn't long before they were in Ferryn's car, making the fifteen minute drive to her loft. The radio played softly, providing some break from the silence that loomed between them. Finally, Tom spoke up. "I don't know where to begin-"

Ferryn glanced over at him. "Me either. Thank you for coming. I'm glad my family finally got to meet you."

"I like your family."

She laughed softly. "Are you sure you're not going to be in any trouble-"

"Ferryn, let me worry about that, okay?"

"Are you sure I'm worth all this?"

"What the hell, Ferryn?" Tom's eyes widened. "Yes, you're worth it! I wanted to be here with you!"

She shrugged. "I was just surprised."

"That comment makes me feel like a shitty boyfriend." They were getting nowhere quickly. "I'm trying and I thought our relationship was worth fighting for but if this is a one-sided thing-"

"I never said that," she interjected.

"It's how I feel!" He waved his arms for emphasis. "I don't know how to fix this. You have to help me."

She let out a defeated sigh as she pulled up in front of her loft. "I don't know either."

"So everything back at your sister's, all the touches and stuff, was that all for show?"

Ferryn seemed to soften and she let her guard down. "No, Tom. I hope you know me better than that."

"I thought I did," he said as they got out of the car. He grabbed his bags from the trunk of her car.

Once inside, Tom took in his surroundings. A part of him had remained here. He remembered the smells and feels, it was comfortable to him. It was one of their first stepping stones. It held so many firsts for them in becoming more than just friends. It almost pained him to know that he could walk away from the loft with nothing. He needed to clear his head. "I'm going to take a shower," he said as he passed her on the way to the bedroom. He didn't ask. He didn't feel the need to. he just knew they both needed a few moments to gather their thoughts and come at this with clear minds.

Ferryn stood there, almost dumbfounded. Her emotions had been all over the place since she first lay her eyes on him hours earlier. She was excited from seeing him, confused as to why he was there, frustrated and out of sorts thinking about their future. She had already put him in a bad mood and made him feel like shit because of her attitude.

Twenty minutes later, Tom emerged from the bathroom wearing lose gray sweatpants with no shirt. Water still clung to his shoulders where it had dripped from his hair. His bare feet slapped across the floor and he bit his bottom lip nervously. He noticed her facial expression. "I just forgot my shirt."

"I didn't say anything."

"You looked surprised," Tom said as he pulled on a white T-shirt.

"I'm surprised, not mad."

"Okay." He stood there, unsure of what to do next. She was already dressed for bed, wearing a pair of boxers and a long sleeved shirt. Was she planning to invite him to bed with her?

She fidgeted nervously as she looked down at her hands. She looked up at him with unsure eyes. "I'm sorry, Tom, for all of this."

He wondered if there was a hidden meaning behind her actions. "What did you do?"

Ferryn began to slowly pace the room. "For all of it. For putting you through shit. For not being clear and for not knowing. I hate myself."

He went to her and pulled her into his arms. He wrapped her trembling frame against his own. "Hey, stop it. You have no reason to hate yourself." He stroked her hair. "We can take things one step at a time. We'll go through all of the good and the bad. This isn't all your fault and we'll figure it out together."

She shook her head. "I don't know why you keep fighting. Why do you keep pushing for us?"

He pulled back and looked at her as if she was insane. "Because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. I love you with every fiber of my being."

His declaration took her breath away. No matter where their roads took them, she'd never forget the look in his eyes at that moment. They were so fierce, so sure.

"Even after all of this?"

He tipped her chin up so she could see how serious he was, "Even after all this." Ferryn crashed and burned. Hot tears came down steady. He pulled her against him again and kissed her cheek softly. "It's okay, Ferryn. I'm not giving up on us."

"I've never known anyone like you, Tom. After all the uncertainties-"

"It's life. You fight for what you want and who you love and what you believe in." Slowly, he walked them over to the bed and pulled the covers back. Once she was in, he waited a moment with hesitation before wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"I know I've said it before but I really don't know where to begin, Tom. I just don't know how much more I can take tonight."

"Then don't." He snuggled against her. "We're both tired and drained from today. Who knows where we would we'd end up if we tried to talk now. There's always tomorrow."

"You'll be here?"

Tom swallowed thickly. "Yes, I'll be here."

"Okay." Her reply was simple. Silence fell in the room and all that could be heard was their breathing. Ferryn broke the silence. "Tom?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

He closed his eyes for a second as he tightened his arms around her. His heart skipped a beat as if it was the first time she'd said those words to him. He reached over in search of her lips and was surprised to see she was meeting him halfway. He brushed his lips over hers, just enough to get a feel of her against him. It had been so long. He needed something to hold onto, to keep him going.

"I love you too, Ferryn. Just rest. I'm not going anywhere." He just hoped he'd survive whatever the morning brought.

-----------------------------

When Ferryn woke, it was still dark. It took a moment for her to remember she was at her loft but something was different. There was a solid heat pressed against her back. His warmth brought back a flood of memories from the day before. She thought about how she felt the moment she saw him standing there in her sister's house, how it felt to hug him after all of the ups and downs they've endured, then the argument they'd had on the way home. In all honesty, Ferryn felt like shit. She was dealing with her inner demons and dragging Tom along for the ride. She wondered why he'd hung on for so long up until last night. "Because I love you, Ferryn. More than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. From my fingertips, down to my toes and everything in between," he had told her. She remembered her entire body felt something she'd never experienced before when he spoke those words. It was at that moment that she totally believed him.

She rolled over to face him, which was hard to do with his arms hung tightly around her. She watched his face while he slept. It still amazed her at how beautiful he was, even in sleep. She wondered how she could possibly make things right. She tried to recall all they'd bee through since she'd first met him. All that time ago, all the flights, the distance, the uncertainty, the little steps they'd taken to somehow lead them to this point. Ferryn realized that it was up to her to fix it.

Tom's eyes blinked and focused on her. A sleepy smile crept across his features, "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

Ferryn tried to keep her tears at bay. She knew this was going to be more difficult than she'd expected. "Can't sleep."

He pulled her slightly closer. "Wanna talk?"

She nodded. "I think I need to."

"Go for it," he encouraged.

Ferryn took a deep breath and tried to find the right place to start. So much needed to be said. "I'm sorry," she stated. Her voice began to quiver. "For all of this-"

Tom cupped her chin in his hand. "You've said that already but this isn't all your fault. I'm not perfect and I know it." He tapped his index finger on the tip of her nose. "You need to start from the beginning. I know something had to bring this on."

"I guess it all started with my birthday."

"Your birthday?" He suddenly looked scared. He knew she'd spent her birthday with Blake. He hoped she wasn't going to spring some news on him that he wasn't prepared to hear. He swallowed hard. "What about it?"

"This is going to make me sound so selfish and stupid."

"Don't worry about how you'll sound. I need to know the truth. We're never going to get anywhere without it."

"I guess I just expected you to somehow just be there. Like I said, I know it's selfish but you and I have the tendency to just pop up for the other one, no matter where the other is and all distance aside. We would just be there whenever we needed each other. It was almost like a psychic connection. I'd be lonely and wanting to hold you for hours and you'd just be there. I thought maybe you'd do the same thing on my birthday. You were the one person I wanted to be with that night. I just felt kind of..." she trailed off, unable to meet his eyes.

"Let down." Tom finished for her.

She looked up, feeling guilty. "Yeah. Like I said, I know how the music business is and I know I should have expected you to just stop what you were doing."

Tom began to feel guilty and could understand her perspective. "I understand why you'd feel that way. You learned to rely on me on a deeper, more emotional level and when I wasn't there, a piece of your trust felt let down."

"I suppose."

He laced his fingers with hers. He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. "I'm sorry. Please don't think that I didn't want to be there with you because that's certainly not the case. I tried so damn hard to get out of some stupid promo thing they'd set up for me. When I called you, I just wanted to hear your voice, to be close to you somehow even thought I couldn't be with you physically, then you blew me off and it hurt. Not only could I not be there with the woman I love, she was out with another man, having drinks which lower her inhibitions. Do you understand how scared I was? All I wanted to do was make sure you were safe."

She sniffled a little. "I'm a big girl, Tom."

"I know, Ferryn, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." He placed their joined hands against her heart. He looked her in the eye, his face etched with seriousness. "I've worked too hard on us, on this, to just give it all up and throw it away."

Ferryn's heart melted as  Tom's eyes glistened with tears. "I'm sorry. I let my anger get the best of me."

"I think we need to communicate better."

"I agree."

Tom tipped her chin up to make sure she was looking at him. "You put a wall up around you for protection and just when I get it knocked down, you rebuild it with strong materials than before. I don't know what more I need to do."

"I'm afraid of this, Tom. Of us. Of how much I love you." She noticed the confusion on his face before she continued. "I was in love once before only to have death rip him from my life. I was devastated, then all his dirty secrets surfaced and I felt stupid. It was like I was given a ticket to go on a fabulous ride through the tunnel of love not knowing there was a 500 feet drop at the end. Not only did I lose him but I lost all the trust I had for him and all the people I associated myself with. Everyone knew about his cheating but no one ever bothered to tell me until after he was gone."

Tom frowned. "I didn't lose someone but I was cheated on. I know how that feels."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. What we need to do at this point is to put the past where it belongs: behind us." He smiled weakly.

"I want that too. Through all of this, the walls I put up, the crap I put you through, I thought you'd just walk away."

Tom sat up and leaned against the headboard. "If I was going to walk away from all of this, I would have left a long time ago."

A tiny sob escaped her throat. "Can I ask you something?" He nodded for her to continue. "Why do you want to be with me? I mean, I know you love me but well, you're you and I'm just a tiny music producer from North Carolina. You live in LA, you go to parties and award shows, you could have anyone you want. Why me?"

He looked back at her through clear brown eyes and shrugged. "Because you're Ferryn." He could tell his answer wasn't convincing so he pulled her into his lap and reached for her hand. "You're a confident, gorgeous woman and when I met you, you performed like you had the world in the palm of your hand. You have self assurance and that makes you so much sexier than you already are. You make me laugh, you have an amazing heart, you're always on my side in everything I do. You're mu biggest fan." Her eyes welled up with tears. He nuzzled his nose against her neck. He smiled as he felt her shiver. "You have the softest skin and you always smell amazing. Don't even get me started on your kisses. I still remember the first time I kissed you, here at the loft. I swore it was strictly a friend's only type of deal but in all honesty, I had to know what it felt like, what your lips felt against mine. I knew right then that I wouldn't be able to keep my promise. I tried telling myself I wasn't falling for you but I knew better."

It took every ounce of willpower he had not to kiss her right then. He forced himself to not pull back and take her lips between his, chase her tongue with his own, swallow her gasps, feeling her breath against his face. He wanted to prove that their relationship wasn't about sex. It had a foundation to build on, regardless of the physical contact. The urge to kiss her had been nagging at him since he'd shown up at her sister's house less than twenty four hours ago.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. He brushed some of her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "So to answer your question, I have a million reasons why I chose you and why I love you but I can assure you, no one else has ever made me feel like I do when I'm with you. If I had to convince you for the next fifty years that we're meant to be, that's what I'll do. But in the end, I love you because you're you."

He leaned back and looked at her. Hot tears were spilling down her cheeks. "Wow."

"Is that a good wow?"

She nodded and his heart began to swell. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "Thank you. I needed to hear that. I love you too."

"You're welcome."

She took a second to process all the things he'd just said. She looked back up at him. "Are you sure? Even with all my uncertainty, insecurities and fears?"

Tom nodded. "I'm sure."

Her hands went to cup his face. "No one ever made me feel the things that you do. I could list just as many reasons why I love you too, you know."

Tom smiled. "I'd love to hear them someday but I don't need you to stroke my ego right now. I want to fix things. Tell me what's bothering you."

Ferryn took a deep breath. "Distance."

"What about the distance?"

"It hurts too much," she finally confessed. "You're here. I'm there. I know it's a requirement with the careers we have but I hate it. I never thought I could miss someone like this. I guess I just have this dream of something solid."

Tom had been down this road before with other women. His career never worked with relationships. The other girls had wanted more attention than he could provide. He was at a point in time where he had to choose what mattered most in his life and that had always been his career and music. "Then I'll stop this whole thing. I don't even want to-"

"No," Ferryn interrupted. "As much as I love you, I refuse to let my selfish want for your time be a hindrance from you doing this. Your talent deserves another chance."

"Ferryn, you can't tell me that it hurts you, then disagree with my option to make it better."

"I wasn't asking for a quick fix right this second. I just want to know that someday in the future maybe things could be more solid." She yawned as she slid out of Tom's lap and pulled them both down to land on a pillow. They lay on their sides facing one another.

"I asked you to move in with me but never got an answer."

"Moving in means nothing when you're in New York and I'm in LA, you know."

"You're right. Maybe it'd be a good idea to take turns. When it's possible, we can fly to wherever the other is. That will keep things healthy between us and keep us from missing too much of the others life."

"If you want to," she stated with a hint of uncertainty.

"I do. Trust me, I do. You?" he raised his eyebrows.

Ferryn nodded. "I'm willing to make a better effort. I know my pride has gotten in the way before."

"That's to be expected," he grinned. "You never answered my earlier question about moving in."

Ferryn looked pensive for a moment. "I practically live there now, Tom."

"It's not the same and you know it." His nose bumped hers.

She shrugged. "Another fear."

"I'm trying to figure out how someone who's as  bold and strong as you can have so many fears." Tom lowered his eyes and asked quietly. "Am I worth taking a chance on?"

Ferryn took a deep breath. It suddenly became hard to breath as his face was buried in her neck. He was just breathing her in as he waited for her answer.

"Yes," she said, her voice solid and sure. "It's just that my loft is a lot to give up. It's where I started on my own. It's my home. Then there's my family-"

"I never said that we had to live in LA forever, babe," he said, his voice just above a whisper.

Ferryn's heart skipped a beat and she looked at him in surprise. "You mean that?"

"Yeah," he said as he frown. He was comfortable against her neck and she had pulled away. "I pretty much live out of LA for convenience because of work. Who knows where things could go? I could just as easily make things work in North Carolina one day too."

"Wow." Ferryn sighed wistfully, then frowned. "But won't you have to start touring and stuff soon? It could be a long time before things settle down."

He gently tugged on a few of his loose braids. "Was that a good 'wow' or a bad 'wow'?"

Ferryn smiled. "It was a good wow." She looked at him confused and noted that he was trying to ignore her other concern.

He seemed to read her mind. "And don't worry about that other stuff. Who knows what's going to happen?"

"You're going to let it all slip away by being here, aren't you? They're going to drop you."

Tom shook his head. "No they're not. Just don't worry about it, Ferryn. This is where I need to be. This is where I want to be. People sometimes forget that I have a life too. Besides, it's Thanksgiving and it's not gonna kill them if I'm gone for a few days."

"If you're sure," she said hesitantly.

He pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her as he nuzzled her neck. "I'm sure. I want us to work, Ferryn. I want solitude and to know we're both on the same page."

"We're getting there, Tom," she said right before she yawned, her eyes heavy with sleep.

"Good. Tell me what else."

"What else what?"

"What else we need to discuss." Tom smiled.

Ferryn shrugged. "This isn't about me. I'm sure you have things you wanna talk about too."

Tom couldn't get it off his mind so he decided to ask. His hand slid down her side and around to her back as he lightly brushed his fingertips over the small of her back. He leaned in closer. "I want to know why I've been here for this long and I haven't gotten a kiss yet." He felt Ferryn tense up and wondered if he'd just taken it too far. He wasn't thinking about sex but Ferryn didn't know that and he feared she may have thought that's the direction he wanted the night to go for them. For him, it was just feeling her close and having some reassurance.

Ferryn ran her hand up his arm and over his shoulder. She walked her fingers down to his jawline. "All you had to do was ask. I can't say no to your kisses."

The corners of Tom's lips curved upward. He met her halfway and their lips finally met. They savored the taste of one another. Tom took it slowly. He didn't want to rush or have her misinterpret his intentions. He simply wanted to taste her lips, feel her soft sigh meshing with his own, feel the texture of her tongue against his. He allowed himself to breath in the woman he loved and he relished in the fact that she was still with him despite all the ups and downs. This one moment solidified what he already knew in his heart; he loved Ferryn and he wasn't going anywhere.

When he reluctantly tore his lips from hers, they were both breathless. He let their breath mingle together as his smile mirrored hers. "You shouldn't have waited so long," Ferryn said softly.

"I wasn't sure you'd want to kiss me."

Ferryn frowned as she traced over his eyebrows and around his eyes. "I'm sorry I made you think that but like I said, I can't say no to your kisses. Next time, don't think so much. Just do it."

"I didn't want it to turn into sex because I knew we needed to talk."

"You should know better, Tom. I can read you pretty well." Ferryn winked at him. "It's okay to want to feel close. We've been like that since day one. In fact, kisses were all you had from me for a long time."

He laughed softly. "You were waiting until you were sure things were right for you. I have no complaints."

"None?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow.

"None." He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "Everything has its place and time."

"I agree." She poked his side. "You got your kisses, now back to talking."

"I thought we could continue with the kisses."

Ferryn giggled. "Later. I need to hear your thoughts too. I know I'm not perfect."

"You're perfect for me." He winked.

"Tom-" she warned as he began nipping at her neck.

"Okay, okay," he groaned. "You have to promise you won't get mad at me."

Ferryn put her hands up, surrendering all of her anger. "This is a anger free zone. Talk."

Tom laughed nervously. "Okay. When you were in the hospital because of your appendix, I overheard that nurse talk about the possibility of you being pregnant."

Ferryn pulled away but Tom reached for her hand and held it firmly. "Okay, what about it?" she asked, looking confused.

"What'd you keep that from me?"

"Keep what?"

He thought she was just trying to avoid the subject but her concern looked sincere. "You thought you might be pregnant?"

"No, it wasn't like that. The nurse asked if I could be. They usually ask that to anyone who is sexually active. You and I have always been careful but I had been busy and wasn't sure about the last time I had my period. I was just trying to remember. Just to be safe, they did a pregnancy test before I went into surgery. It's like a safety thing."

Tom's forehead creased. "But after the surgery when you were home with me, I asked you about it and you seemed so- I dunno. You were almost broken or hurt by it."

She hung her head and stared at her hands. "So much was going through my mind. I wondered what would have happened if I was pregnant. I wondered if I was ready, what you'd think about it, if we were okay together or if you'd leave me, what it'd mean to my career or yours. It just scared the shit out of me, to put it bluntly. You know I think too much."

"I think deep down you knew I'd stay. I want to be with you, Ferryn. We had this conversation a while back."

Ferryn let go of Tom's hand and sat up in bed, felling restless. "I know we did but I didn't know if you still felt the same. We never really talking about it when things started getting serious, then I guess when all was said and done and I was home with you after the surgery, a part of me felt a little- Ugh, I don't know."

"Disappointed?" He answered for her,  his voice soft but sure.

"Yes." She felt his hand on the small of her back and shivered but she couldn't look at him.

"Ferryn, look at me." When she turned around, it hurt to see the look on her face. Though it was dark, he could have sworn her eyes were glossy with tears. "Baby, come here." Tom said as he opened his arms to her. "This is what I'm talking about. Things like this. Don't worry about me all the time or what I'll think. If something is bothering you, please just come talk to me."

Her lip began to tremble at his words. "I know I should have. I just didn't know how."

"Well, I must be a lousy boyfriend then," he stated.

She shook her head quickly to interject. "It's not like that. It's my own stupid insecurities. I told you, I'm not used to this. I told you, I'm learning."

He kissed her forehead. "I know that now but saying you were afraid to tell me makes me feel like a jackass. I love you and we've managed all these other ups and downs but but if you can't-"

"We're better now. A lot better. I promise if something like this happens again, I'll come and talk to you about it."

"Good." He tipped her chin up. "And just so you know, I wouldn't have been mad. I think we're both at a point in our lives that we can deal with whatever comes our way but like I said, you have to include me. Don't shut me out."

She nodded and took a shaky breath as she lay her head on his shoulder. She was amazing at how far they'd gotten from when he'd arrived at her sister's house to this moment. Things were falling into place so easily that she regretted all the fears she had. Of course she knew from experience that not all things turn out like this.

"And I think," Tom said confidently. "When and if the time is right, we'll be good parents." He noticed fear in her eyes so he repeated, "When the time is right."

As she looked up into his eyes, Ferryn was surprised to see no worry on Tom's face. He wore a confident smile. It seemed that everything was slowly fitting together and Ferryn was sure Tom was right. They could work things out once they were on the same page. Yes, both of their careers were demanding and required a lot of their time but distance no longer seemed like a problem once they had mutually reached an agreement. Tom was so confident that it transferred to her, causing her to see a future with them together. The past year flashed before her eyes, making her remember all the little moments that had happened that built up to her falling in love with him, and putting them where they were today, in spite of everything.

"When the time is right," she nodded.

"Sounds good to me," he said before taking Ferryn into his arms and laying her down. He positioned himself over her and nuzzled her nose with his before he kissed the corner of her mouth. "Thank you for giving me a chance, for taking the time to hear me out, for letting me know, and for hanging onto us."

She pulled him back down and her lips met his in a tender dance. She let it linger so they could savor the moment. "You're welcome," she said as their lips parted. "I'm hanging on. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered. The got comfortable and Tom snuggled up to Ferryn. He took a deep breath as his eyes melted into hers. "Marry me, Ferryn."

-----------------------------

Ferryn's eyes widened. She pulled backward and fell against the pillows. "What did you just say?" she asked as her heart rate quickened and felt as though it'd beat out of her chest.

Tom took a deep breath and tried to swallow. His mouth had suddenly become dry. "I mean it, Ferryn. Let's get married. I love you."

Her hand went up to meet his cheek. She looked deeply into his brown eyes that showed bits and pieces of how vulnerable he really was. Through it all, he remained confident and sure in his question. "Tom, you know I love you but this isn't the answer. I wasn't asking you to propose to me."

His head dropped slightly. "I know you weren't. It's just something I've been thinking about for a while now. I got a rush of feelings and it feels right."

Her gaze held his. "You just said it, Tom. You had a rush of feelings."

His face fell and his hand suddenly let go of hers. Instantly, Ferryn felt like a jerk. Her mind was going crazy. They were all over the place, from not knowing to where they stood to slowly fixing the bumps along the way to him asking her to spend forever with him. She was still reeling over the fact that he had shown up for Thanksgiving, ready and willing to do what he could to make their relationship work, and the fact that he was there in her loft, in her bed, lying in her arms. It's the one place she had wanted him to be from the second she'd left his house in LA.

Little pieces of her heart broke as he pulled away and sat up in bed. "You don't want to marry me, do you?" His voice was soft, hurt, and held a bit of edge at the end.

Ferryn sat up and crawled up behind him. She tried to choose her words carefully to keep from hurting him. "I didn't say that. I don't want to marry you right now though. It just seems too soon. We're still trying to fix us, Tom. I don't think rushing into a marriage will solve our problems. That's all I'm saying."

Her turned to look at her. His eyes were slightly glossy. "What problems do we have now? I thought we just sat here for the last three hours discussing things and trying to fully understand one another. Tell me what I have to do to make this work."

She watched as he rubbed his hands over his tired face and her heart broke. She loved Tom and could see herself spending the rest of her life with him but the timing seemed wrong. Asking someone to get married at this point would be like putting a bandage on top of a festering would. It just wasn't big enough to cover the problem. Every second she sat there, small pieces of her faded away and it was at the tip of her tongue to shout 'YES!' but she knew that as much as she loved him, it wasn't right.

"Tom, look at me." He finally turned back around to face her. "I love you with all my heart and soul. I love you more than I've loved anyone in my entire life. All I'm saying is that right now, us getting engaged isn't going to solve everything. We have so many uncertainties but I know we'll get through them and we'll get back to the place we used to be at and everything will fall into place. Asking me to marry you isn't going to make it all go away, okay? We have work to do on us but we'll get there. I know it."

His breath hitched in his throat as he tried to find the right words. "You're right. I guess I just got caught up in the moment."

"It's okay. Just please try to understand where I'm coming from and know that I do love you."

"Yeah," he said lamely.

Ferryn could feel every emotion inside her breaking apart and knew he was going through the same thing. "Tom?" She reached out to touch his hand. She wasn't expecting him to pull away and turn away from her. "Please don't be mad."

He stood quickly stood from the bed and began pacing. "Mad? Right. The only woman in my life I've ever felt this strongly for just turned me down. I'm just great, Ferryn!"

She jumped up and went to face him. She looked him in the eye and threw her hands in the air. "Do you want me to say yes and not even mean it? Is that what you want? You have so much on your plate right now that I don't even know when I'll see you again. You want to do this long distance thing a little more, Tom? Well, excuse me if I don't feel like adding another weight to our relationship. Do you enjoy sleeping alone at night? Because I don't! I've never trusted anyone like you. I never saw this kind of future with anyone else. But this-"

"You've thought of things like that?" He interrupted her.

She looked up at him confused. "Things like what?"

"A future."

Ferryn folded her arms defensively. "Yes. I have."

"But?"

She took a step closer and reached for his hand again. This time he didn't pull away as she threaded her fingers with his. "Right now isn't the time."

"Then how am I supposed to know when the time is right?"

"You'll just know." She sighed. "Things won't be so crazy."

"You want me to propose again?"

She shrugged as she tried not to laugh. "If you want. I just think that we'll know when the time is right."

He looked back at her confidently. "I told you I'd give up the whole album things in a heartbeat just for you."

She shook her head. Her hand went up and traced the dark circles under his eyes. "I never asked you to give up anything for me."

"And what if I want to anyway?"

"You know you'd be crazy for giving up and opportunity like this, Tom."

Tom bit his lip. He kept everything he wanted to say to her to himself. She wasn't understanding what he was trying to tell her. "I've done it before. It's not like it used to be."

She slid her fingers down to his chin. "You and I both know that you have to fight tooth and nail in the music business these days."

His voice dropped again and suddenly he didn't feel like talking anymore. "Yeah." He pulled away. "You know, I think I need to go home and see my family for a while. Just to clear my head."

Ferryn's brow knitted together. "You- You're leaving?"

He shrugged as if it was no big deal and for once, Ferryn felt the sting of his side of him. "Yeah. I just- I need time to think. Plus, I can't remember the last time I was home."

"Oh." She watched as he got up and gathered his bag and stuffed random things inside. "In the middle of the night?"

He shrugged in answer. He could tell she was hurt by his lack of explanation but for some reason, it was hard to care. He was hurting deeply. "I'm gonna make some phone calls," he mumbled as he left the room.

Ferryn could only stare at the empty space Tom had once occupied, feeling the actions of her recent decision sink in.

-----------------------------

Tom came back into the loft, seeing not only his bag but Ferryn's green suitcase beside it. He looked at the stairs that led to the bedroom to see her coming downstairs dressed in a pair of running pants and a hooded sweatshirt. She was casually pulling her hair up into a ponytail. He was nearly speechless. "What are you doing?"

"I thought we were going to Germany to visit your parents," she said matter-of-factly.

"I- Um- You want to go with me?"

She cocked her head to the side. "Do you want me to go?"

He looked from the suitcases back to her, "I guess."

"Yes or no?" She replied a bit harshly. She softened her tone a little and added, "I messed up everything, didn't I?"

"I don't know. My mind's just on overload right now."

That was all he needed to say. "Then go home. Clear your head. Spend some time with your parents," Ferryn said as she bit her lip, then turned to walk away.

It took a moment but he called out to her. "No," he said loudly. "I want you to come. We spend enough time apart as it is. If you want to go, I want you with me."

Her heart pounded in her chest as she looked back at him hopefully. "I want to go." Maybe there was a chance, a chance that one day she'd look back at him and not see that heartbroken look that had seemed to overtake his features.

-----------------------------

Two hours later, they sat on the airplane getting ready for take off. Ferryn looked to her left to see Tom sitting beside her. He looked a million miles away in thought. She knew it was all her fault that he'd begun to second guess everything and he was mentally beating himself up. What hurt most was that he'd barely said two words to her from the time they'd left the loft. She cleared her throat once the plane had finally taken off and they were safely in the air. "Tom?" He didn't turn his head. "Is this how it's going to be?"

He finally turned to look at her. "Is this how what's going to be?"

She used her hands to indicate the space between them. "Us. You not talking to me the whole time."

"I'm talking to you now."

Ferryn looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

She reached her hand over and felt the stubble on his face. "For putting that look on your face."

Tom closed his eyes for a second at the warm feel of her hand but pulled away. "You just don't get it."

Her hand fell limp to the arm rest. "Get what?"

He shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you, Ferryn. I've always been the one with the short end of the stick. It's time for you to figured it out on your own."

She felt the sting in the back of her throat. "Do you want me to say yes right this second?"

He turned to her, giving her a look she'd never seen before. With each second that passed, she was regretting that she tagged along.

"No. I don't."

"Then you're just gonna sit there and sulk?"

Tom rolled his eyes and reached down to unbuckle his seat belt as the captain flipped off the seat belt sign. With a heavy sigh, he turned toward her. "I have a lot of shit on my mind right now. I'm sorry if I'm not Suzie Sunshine at the moment but this is all icing on the cake. Just give me some time."

She took a second to really look at him and she finally understood. This was one of those moments where she needed to just let him be alone. There was nothing she could do now. Prying and apologizing was getting her nowhere. She'd rarely dealt with Tom in a bad mood but she knew it wasn't going to just go away on its own. She suddenly felt stupid for forcing herself to come with him. Maybe what he needed was some more time apart from her to figure out what he really wanted in life.

She bit her lip and gave him just what he asked for, "Okay. Just know I'm right here if you need me."

He nodded before laying his head back against the seat and closing his eyes.

-----------------------------

Sixteen hours later, Tom and Ferryn were pulling into Tom's parents' home. Ferryn sat looking outside the window, taking in the sites of Germany. Their conversation had consisted of one word answers since Tom's mood changed on the plane. If she were honest, she really wished she would have stayed home. This was hardly how she wanted to meet Tom's parents She's just rejected his proposal and knew it was part of the reason for his bad mood. He'd slept through most of the entire flight. Ferryn wanted to lift up the arm rest and lean against his chest. She was regretting so much at that moment and she had a feeling it was only going to get worse.

"We're here," Tom said quietly. He opened the door to their rental car and went to the back to open the trunk to retrieve the bags.

Ferryn stood and stretched her legs before meeting him at the back of the car. "I don't know if I should have come," she said hesitantly.

Tom's face relaxed a little. "They're just people. You'll be fine."

That seemed to calm her racing heart. "You sure?"

He attempted a smile. "Yeah, I'm sure. Come on." He walked up the drive to the front door.

"They don't know about-"

"No," he shook his head. "Stop worrying."

"Right. I feel like the worst girlfriend on the planet right now. You're mad and hardly speaking to me. What a perfect time to meet your parents."

Tom laughed.

"This isn't funny," she scoffed.

He shook his head as he opened the front door. He smiled as his mother came to him with open arms. "Tom! It's so good to see you!" His mother gushed as she hugged her son close.

"Hi, Mom!"

"You okay?" His mom asked as she looked him over. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

Guilt settled in Ferryn's stomach and she wondered if there was any possible way to become invisible.

"I'm fine. I've just been busy working." He shrugged. "You know how it goes." He turned back to Ferryn and reached for one of her hands as he pulled her up beside him. "Mom, this is my girlfriend Ferryn. Ferryn, this is my mom Simone."

Simone reached forward and gave her a quick hug which surprised Ferryn. "Nice to meet you, Ferryn. I've heard a lot about you."

Ferryn let out the breath she'd been holding. "Nice to meet you too. I hope you've been told nice things about me." She laughed nervously.

Simone smiled as she led them into the living room. "Yes, I can promise isn't all been good."

"Good," she smiled. Ferryn was surprised when Tom didn't release her hand as they sat down on the sofa.

"Your brother surprised us yesterday morning. He's out with Andi right now though," Simone announced.

Tom's ears perked up. "Bill came? He didn't say anything about it!"

Ferryn couldn't help but feel slightly at ease. At least Bill was on her side. She could use someone on her side.

Simone smiled. "He said he wasn't it to be a surprise. The house felt empty since you guys have both been gone."

"Poor baby," Tom mocked. "Where's Gordon?"

"He just took the dogs out. He should be right in," Simone smile.

Just as she said that, Gordon came walking in with a big smile on his face as he walked over to his oldest son and introductions began all over again.

Ferryn started to breathe normally again. First hurdle, done. Next, fix whatever was going on with Tom. She didn't like the feeling of him being mad at her. He was putting on a good show for his parents and Ferryn knew it but she was happy to play along.

-----------------------------

The day had gone surprisingly well, considering the lack of sleep and traveling the day had held for Tom and Ferryn. She half admitted to herself that she was glad she'd tagged along. She felt an odd sense of family being around Tom's parents and in his home. If she didn't know any better, she could tell his mom and step-dad could pick up on his edgy moods and tired features but she figured they were used to it. After all, he'd been through the ringer since he was very young. She was still learning the ropes.

Tom stretched awkwardly in the chair he'd been sitting in and finally stood up while yawning. "I think I'm calling it a night," he smiled at his parents. "You can come up when you're ready," he said, looking down at Ferryn.

She sat there for a second, not feeling particularly welcome to going up to bed just yet. "Maybe it'd be better to wait until he's asleep," she thought.

"Okay. I'll be up in a bit," she said, forcing a smile.

As Tom left the room, she didn't know what to say. Tom's parents sat in the room with her. She didn't feel exactly awkward with them but was at lost for words.

"I'm not trying to pry but is everything okay with you two?" Gordon asked.

Ferryn shrugged. "He's been in a mood all day. I don't know what's going on."

Gordon stood but before leaving the room, he stopped to pat Ferryn on the shoulder comfortingly. "He gets in moods like these when he's been working a lot. He kind of just shuts down. I promise it will pass," he said, reassuring her.

Ferryn nodded. "I hope so," she smiled, then stood and stretched. "I think I'm gonna go sit outside for a bit before I head to bed."

Simone stood and gave her a quick hug. "Okay, dear. I think I'm going to head to bed myself. Help yourself to anything you need."

Ferryn smiled. "Thank you, Mrs. Trümper."

The woman stopped and turned back to her smiling warmly. "It's Simone, honey."

Ferryn's heart skipped a beat. Never before had she felt such open kindness from a boyfriend's family before. Even though she hadn't particularly dated that much, she knew this was rare. More regret settled in the bit of her stomach. Why hadn't she just said yes?

-----------------------------

Ferryn looked out over the lake at night that lay in the backyard, taking in the gorgeous view. Lights from various places bounced off the water creating the perfect backdrop for clearing her head. It felt like heaven compared the city view she had in North Carolina. She tried not to think about anything in particular, letting her thoughts just scatter aimlessly. She wondered how she'd gotten here in Germany, at her boyfriend's parents' house. She was just a girl from a small town trying to do what she loved with music.

Never in a million years would she have thought she'd be dating Tom Kaulitz, a man who had once claimed fame across world, been on tour in places she could only think of going, and years later, he was back at square one with her beside him, along for the right. She laughed, thinking of the first time they'd met and how she'd acted towards him. Her thoughts meandered all the way to where they were today. It was like a roller coaster. That was the only way to describe the two of them. One second they were up, the next they were down.

"What's so funny?"

Ferryn nearly jumped out of her chair on the deck. She turned around to see Bill coming toward her. He took a seat in the chair next to her.

"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me, Bill!" she said, putting a hand to her chest.

He laughed. "Sorry. How are you? I didn't know you guys were coming to Germany."

She shrugged. "It just kind of happened."

Bill looked at her and knew something was up. "What's wrong, Fairy?"

Ferryn rolled her eyes but still smirked. "You know I hate that name!" She poked him in the side. "I don't know what's wrong. Everything's a mess right now."

"Spill it."

She felt a bit awkward telling her boyfriend's twin brother their relationship problems. Ferryn hesitated at first, then remembered Bill usually gave pretty good advice.

"We were at a weird spot in our relationship. Mostly because of me and my stupid insecurities but we'd been arguing, then out of nowhere, he shows up at my sister's for Thanksgiving. I was so shocked that I couldn't even speak. We went back to my loft and I guess I let everything get the best of me because we got into an argument. In the middle of the night, we had this really good long conversation and we were finally starting to make some headway. I was feeling really good about things, like really good and out of nowhere, Tom proposed to me."

Bill looked up surprised. "He finally did it?"

Ferryn's brows came together in confusion. "What do you mean finally?"

Bill scratched the back of his neck nervously, much like his brother often did. "I picked out the ring with him like two weeks ago when I went to New York to visit him."

Hanging her head low, Ferryn felt instantly felt like horrible. "Shit."

"What?"

She looked up at him guiltily, her eyes instantly welled up a little. This was not happening. "I said no."

"Wow."

Feeling like the scum of the earth, Ferryn turned to look at Bill. "I thought he just blurted it out. I just didn't think it was the right time when we were just slowly fixing the bumps in our relationship. I had no idea he'd actually thought about it before last night, let alone bought a ring. I feel like such a jackass."

Bill reached over and pat her back comfortingly, like any friend would do. "Ferryn, don't beat yourself up. As long as you didn't nail him to the ground when you turned him down."

"I didn't. I just said it wasn't the right time. He seemed to agree with me after he listened to my reasoning, then all of a sudden, he like shut off on me."

"Do you love him, Ferryn?"

He head nearly caused her whiplash as she looked at him strongly. "Did you really just ask me that, Bill? Of course I do. With all my heart and soul."

"Do you want to marry him?"

She was surprised how quickly the answer left her lips. "Yes."

Bill smiled. "Then tell him."

Ferryn shook her head. "I can't just go to him and say I take back my answer. I told him, when it's right, it'll happen."

"So he's been in a bad mood since?" Bill asked, kicking his feet up on the chair in front of him.

"Yeah. He seemed fine, then out of nowhere, he was just- I don't know- Not the Tom I know."

"I'm willing to bet you he's just burnt out and exhausted and this just added the icing to the cake. He'll come around," he smiled reassuringly.

"Your parents said that too. I just- I don't like this side of him. I told him I was here if he needed me."

"Keep letting him know. He shuts people out when he gets in these moods and half the time he doesn't realize it."

Ferryn nodded, her mind was already reeling. "Okay."

"Go talk to him. I'm sure it's fixable."

"He's sleeping." Ferryn told him.

Bill winked. "You're his girlfriend. I'm sure you have ways to wake him up."

"First of all, you're sick. Second, I don't know if he really even thinks of me as that anymore. The look on his face-"

Bill chuckled. "Trust me, Fairy, you wouldn't be here if he didn't love the hell out of you. Girlfriends meeting the parents is rare for Tom and you're one of the very few he's brought home. Now, go talk to him!"

Bill's confession startled her for a second. One of the few? She was brought back to their first meeting and how she'd judged him solely on rumors. She stood and hugged and thanked Bill for his advice. She turned to walk into the house, trying to find what she was going to say once she saw Tom.

-----------------------------

Ferryn stood by the door of the room that she and Tom were staying in and her heart began to pound in her chest. He lay on the bed in an awkward position dressed in dark blue basketball shorts and a white tank top. His glasses were perched on his nose and a book lay on his chest. She'd be lying if she said he wasn't the most gorgeous site her eyes had ever seen. Even in times like this and stress written all over his face, he was still the most handsome guy she'd ever come across. Looks didn't complete that package though. His heart had a lot to do with it and she felt like she was the one who'd done the damage to his.

She quietly stepped into the room. She grabbed a pair of shorts and one of his T-shirts before she quickly changed and brushed her teeth in the adjoining bathroom. Once she finished, she grabbed the book from his chest and placed it on the bedside table. She easily slipped his glasses off. He stirred for a second before tired eyes turned to look up at her.

"Ferryn?" he mumbled.

"Yeah, it's me. You fell asleep with your glasses on and a book on your chest. I was just getting them off of you."

He blinked a couple times. "Oh." He looked around the room and sat up a little. "Where were you?" he questioned, as she came around to her side of the bed.

"Outside. Just thinking and talking to Bill."

"Oh. When did he get home?" he asked.

"A little bit ago." Ferryn shrugged.

"I'm sorry I've been such a jackass today."

She looked back at him surprised. She quickly chose her words carefully. "It's okay," Ferryn said as sat cross-legged on the bed.

"No, it's not. Come here," he said as he opened his arms to her.

She hesitantly turned towards him. She took a deep calming breath as his warm arms enveloped her. His chin landed on the top of her head as his hands rubbed up and down her back. Ferryn shivered as his fingertips came in contact with her skin where her shirt had ridden up.

"Don't worry about it, Tom. I mean it."

He shook his head and tipped her chin up to look at him. "I'm just exhausted. Mentally and physically, and eventually it gets to the point where I'm an ass and don't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry."

Running a hand up to his face, Ferryn closed her eyes at the warmth against her palm. She pulled away quickly and moved to straddle his waist. Tom could only look back at her and smile. "Don't get any ideas, mister. Your parents are down the hall."

Tom pretended to pout. "They know I'm a big boy."

Ferryn couldn't prevent the giggle that escaped her lips, as she raised an eyebrow at him. "Do they now?"

His cheeks instantly stained a lovely shade of pink. "Shut up," he said, looking down and pouting again. His mood had definitely changed in the short amount of time he'd been asleep.

She leaned forward and her forehead resting against his. "There's this quote that reminds me of myself and I think it fits me kind of perfectly," she said, pulling away and shivering as his hands moved around her waist settling at his hips. "It says 'I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times, hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best'."

Tom's hand came up to the side of her face to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear that had escaped her pony tail. "I don't know if that fits the you I see. I don't think you're selfish even though we all have selfish moments. You do have your fair share of being impatient at times but as for insecure, I think I've only seen that maybe once since I've met you. In fact, your confidence in yourself is something I find extremely sexy and one of the reasons I fell in love with you." He moved forward, close enough so that their noses were barely touching. "And as for mistakes, I say we're equally human on that level." He pulled away looking at her seriously. "I've seen you at your worst, Ferryn, and I can handle you just fine. That is, if you think I deserve you at your best?" He asked quietly.

Her eyes now glittered with tears. "I think you do."

His hands covered her cheeks and his thumbs swiped below her eyes. "Good. I don't know how we got here but I don't like it," he told her as his voice quivered a little.

Ferryn tried to lighten the mood. "I think it had something to do with a club in LA about a year or so ago."

Tom smiled at the memory. "And you hated me."

She shrugged. "Defense mechanism. I once believed all LA people were jaded."

"And you were a little sassy pants from day one."

"Which was your way of sugar coating calling me a smart ass."

Tom laughed. "You still are a smart ass."

Ferryn blinked her eyelashes at him playfully. "And your point?"

Tom tickled her sides quickly before looking back her, seriousness etched over his face. "I said I don't know how we got here but I don't like it."

"It's my fault."

Tom immediately tipped her chin up again. "No, it's not. You were right about the timing. It wasn't right."

Ferryn thought about mentioning what Bill had told her but decided against it. "You know that I love you, right? And that I'm not going anywhere."

Tom leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then moved down so his lips rested against hers as he spoke. "I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere either."

"Good." Ferryn barely breathed out before his lips claimed hers in a kiss more fierce than she'd remembered sharing with him in a long time. One hand reached back and cradled her neck while the other rested on her side, bringing her more tighter against him. Ferryn gasped as he pulled away for a second but quickly retrieved his spot, taking more control of the kiss. He deepened it as his tongue slid against hers, their breath became as one as they moved fluidly against one another. Ferryn moaned against his mouth as the hand on her side crept up her back and his fingers slowly climbed up her spine, leaving tiny goosebumps in their trail. Her own hand threaded through his braids as the other slid between them and rested on the exposed part of his chest, feeling his heart thundering beneath her palm.

When his lips slowly backed away, he didn't pull his body away from hers as their labored breath mingled together. "Don't give up on me, Ferryn. Please. I don't know what's going on in my head these days but one thing I'll always know is how much I love you."

Her hands moved up to wrap around his neck. She had no idea that coming into his room tonight would result in this but she couldn't say she regretted it one bit. Placing a quick kiss just below his ear, she smiled as his body trembled. "I won't, Tom. As long as you don't give up on me."

"I won't." She heard him whisper back. For the first time in a long time, Ferryn could see things a little clearer and it was much more easier to breathe. All her uncertainties seemed to fall by the wayside and she couldn't think of feeling anything more intense. They'd seem to weather their first big storm. She just hoped they'd last through any others that came their way.

-----------------------------

Ferryn pressed her nose into Tom's neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of him as she looked down between the two of them to see their fingers laced together laying against the gray airport seat. She smiled when he turned his head against her face, softly pressing a kiss against her temple.

"Are you sure you can't come?" He asked, pulling back a little.

Ferryn looked back guiltily. "I just have to finish some stuff up back in Greenville. I promise, I'll be there next week at the latest."

Tom took a deep breath, regretting that he had to leave so quick. The time they'd spent at his parents was short but very much needed. Things had seemed so unsure, so unpredictable, but as he held Ferryn against him, waiting for his flight to be called so he could go back to New York, there was a bigger part of him that felt everything was finally back on more solid ground. They'd spent the night awake, talking and trying to fix the bumps that they'd missed when he'd come to surprise her in North Carolina. Even though Tom couldn't predict the future, he had a good feeling that they'd made some headway.

"Okay. If you're sure." Tom trailed off, yawning.

Tracing a hand over his cheek, Ferryn could see the exhaustion written all over his face.

"I'm sorry I kept you up all night." She confessed, feeling guilty.

Tom smiled back at her, his brown eyes heavy but still sparkling. He leaned forward to kiss her head tenderly.

"It's okay. We needed that."

She nodded back at him, smiling as his nose bumped into hers. "I don't want to leave you like this."

He took it upon himself to lean forward and brush his lips against hers, going back again when he could feel her smiling against him. "So come with me."

"Tom," she trailed off as his lips moved to her neck, her breath quickly catching in her throat as she shivered. "This isn't fair game," she complained.

Tom didn't stop there. He turned in his seat, his hand quickly detaching with hers before it found its way to her hip. His fingers brushed the skin where her sweatshirt had ridden up. He smiled, feeling Ferryn tremble beneath his touch. He inched his fingers north, feeling her soft skin below the hem of her shirt. He caressed the small of her back before tracing his way up her spine, where he gasped. "No bra?" he questioned, whispering against her ear.

"Tom, I'm about to be on an airplane for the next 16 hours. It's uncomfortable," she confessed, cursing herself now for not putting one on. Suddenly the T-shirt and baggy hooded sweatshirt didn't seem to be enough.

"And convenient, if I do say so myself," he grinned, speaking against her neck now. He looked around the airport, surprised to see it somewhat vacant this early in the morning.

"Tom," Ferryn gasped, as she felt his hand slide around to the front of her shirt, gliding up her stomach. "We're in the middle of an airport. People can see you."

"Let them look," he whispered against her cheek.

Ferryn couldn't prevent the moan that escaped deep in her throat as Tom's thumb brushed over the peak of her breast but he quickly drowned it out with his lips against hers. Her hand now lay against his chest, his T-shirt grasped in her hand.

"Please," She said breathlessly as she tried to pull away but his lips were persistent. She knew she'd be a fool to resist them. It'd been a while since she'd been caught up in his kisses, his touches. She felt completely helpless because there was nothing she could do about it.

"Please what? Tell me what you want."

She looked back into his eyes, so dark and heavy with love and desire that it was almost enough to make her agree to go back to New York with him but she knew she had other obligations.

"I want you, Tom, but your flight's about to be called any minute now."

Tom let out a sigh. "And I want you. You sure you can't come? I'd find a way-" he trailed off.

Ferryn pulled back a little. His forehead still rested against hers. "A way?"

He grinned evilly. "Use your imagination. There are bathrooms."

Ferryn couldn't prevent the small laugh, despite the smoldering look in his eyes. "I am not about to join the Mile High Club with you, mister. No matter how long it's been since we've- Well, you know."

Tom's hand came down from under her shirt, resting against her hip once again. He laughed, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I told you we could last night," he reminded her.

She brought her hands up to play with his braids. "I'm sorry, Tom. I wasn't about to do the deed in your parents' house, no matter how much I love you."

He let out a noise, a cross between a groan of frustration and a whine, as his forehead came to rest against her shoulder. "I said I'd be quiet."

Laughing, she wrapped her arms around him. "You don't know the meaning of quiet. Besides, you needed sleep and I feel bad I kept you up all night." She told him.

Tom shrugged. "I'll sleep on the plane."

Ferryn looked at him seriously, tracing the dark circles under his eyes. "If you're sure," she said, just as his flight was called and suddenly she felt lost. She wasn't ready to let him go. The sad look he gave her as he pulled back didn't make her feel any better. They had to take separate flights out of Germany since she was going to North Carolina and he was going to New York. It sucked for both of them because that was 16 hours they could have been spending together.

"I don't wanna go," he confessed.

"I don't want you to go either," she whispered, feeling her eyes sting.

Things had changed for them and it seemed like now more than ever Ferryn was becoming more and more sure of her feelings for him. The constant traveling had always been the norm for them. It was just how things were. It seemed now that they were on the same page with almost everything, the letting go left her feeling empty without him, even though she'd been seeing him soon. It didn't matter if it was a week or a day, it wasn't soon enough.

His flight was called again and Tom finally stood, pulling his messenger bag over his shoulder. He waited as Ferryn stood, her face hung low. When she finally walked into his arms, he didn't expect to feel her body shake softly or her tears against her neck.

"Ferryn, honey. It's only a week or two."

She pulled back, finally looking into his eyes as he tipped her chin up with one finger. "Not soon enough."

Running his fingers through her hair, he leaned forward to kiss her softly. "I know, babe. It won't always be like this. I promise."

Ferryn nodded, still looking hesitant. She still had some doubts but it was only times like these when they came to mind. She tried to pull herself together and smile confidently. "You're right. I love you. So much."

Tom smiled brightly back at her, his arms still tightly around her waist. "I love you. So much." He leaned forward nuzzling his nose with hers. "So you just gonna hang out until your flight?"

"Yeah. Let me know when you land. If I don't answer, I'm in the air but leave a message."

He nodded, leaning in for one last kiss as Ferryn took a second to memorize the smell of him, the feel of his arms around her, the taste of his lips. It was like she couldn't get enough of him and suddenly it felt like they had gone backwards in their relationship.

"I will. You do the same. Love you."

"Love you, handsome. Get going." She smiled, trying to look confident as she watched him walk towards his gate.

"Two weeks," Ferryn told herself. "It was only two weeks."

-----------------------------

"What do you mean I have to re-do them?" Tom asked, his face beginning to boil with anger.

Rick looked back guiltily and shrugged. "I don't know, man. They said they didn't like they way we mixed them."

Tom shook his head. "This is bullshit. It's my damn album. The songs are suppose to be that way."

Rick nodded, not wanting to open a can of worms but he knew he had no choice. "You're probably going to kill me for this but they've got you booked in the studio for the next few days, then back to back radio spots and press stuff lined up. They also said something about booking a couple of shows here and there to test out the new stuff."

Running a hand through his hand, Tom tried not to lose his temper. "Fabulous. Just what I wanted. So much for a light week."

"Tom, I tried to go over it with the people backing this deal. They said you need to do it. It's going to make you or break you this time around."

He shook his head. "I'm not re-doing the tracks."

"Come on, don't do this. We're this close." Rick said, holding up his fingers.

"You promised me the next few weeks would be pretty light. I told you Ferryn was going to be here."

"Didn't you just see her for Thanksgiving?"

Tom's temper began to boil. "Yeah, Rick. I saw my girlfriend for five days. FIVE! And most of that was on an airplane!" he said, his voice raising with anger. "I never see her for more than a day and you know what, I've been busting my ass to keep us together. You know what pisses me off even more? Is getting four phone calls from people reminding me that clock was ticking and I needed to get back as soon as possible."

"Tom, you knew this would be hard."

He shook his head. "No, I didn't. It wasn't suppose to be anything like this, Rick. You knew I had doubts and it was you that reminded me that it was going to be low key and that since I already had my tracks laid down, it wouldn't such a big deal with all the press, the media, the walking around with my tail between my legs, busting my ass every single day. It was suppose to be about the music."

Rick let out a weary sigh. "Some things just don't work out the way you planned, Tom. I'm not the bad person here. Try to remember that. It's the game you play in the music industry."

Tom was about to completely lose his cool just before he felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. It was the only thing keeping him together.

Made it back to NC. Miss you already. Have a good week. Love you!

He smiled, surprised by her message. It had been a while since they'd done that on a regular basis. Tom suddenly felt that any contact with Ferryn was going to be the one thing that got him through this week of hell he knew was about to begin. He sent her a quick message back.

I'm glad you made it safe and sound. Still sad you weren't with me to get full use out of the bathrooms on the plane. Maybe another time. I miss you too. This week is going to be hell. I can feel it. Can't wait til you get here. Love you too!

He smiled after he'd sent the message before giving Rick his attention again. "Okay, let's fix these damn tracks." He just silently hoped he had the patience do what needed to be done. Tom knew Rick wasn't the bad person in this situation but he also knew this week was indeed going to be hell and he tried to think back to why he agreed to do this album in the first place.

-----------------------------

"I didn't expect to see you back so soon," Raluca told her sister as she walked into the loft and gave her a hug.

Ferryn shrugged. "Tom had to get back."

"So I take it him coming here for Thanksgiving worked out well?"

"Not really at first," Ferryn said, digging clothes from her closet. "It's been a rough few days."

"What happened?"

"Well, we came back here after dinner and I don't know. Everything just kind of fell apart. We ended up arguing and everything I talked to you about just came pouring out," Ferryn said as she turned to pull out another suitcase.

"And?"

Ferryn looked at her sister and rolled her eyes. Raluca knew there was more to the story. "I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling horrible so we finally talked and ended up finding some common ground. Then when things started to look up and I was feeling better about everything, we had this moment where everything seemed to slowly be coming together, then out of nowhere, he asked me to marry him."

Raluca looked back at her sister, her eyes wide in surprise. "He what?"

Ferryn looked back. "You heard me."

"And you said?" Raluca asked in shock.

"I said no."

"What? Why?"

"It just wasn't the right time."

"You love him don't you?" Raluca asked, walking over to help Ferryn as she lifted a box from her closet.

"Of course I do. It just wasn't the right time. I don't know how you can go from falling apart to wanting to get married. It's not like putting a bandage on a wound."

"Does he know that's why you said no?"

"I told you, we talked," Ferryn said.

"Have you guys ever talked about getting married before?"

Ferryn was quickly becoming annoyed, feeling her sister was trying to prove a point. "Sort of. A while back a little, I guess."

"Do you want to marry Tom?"

"Raluca!" Ferryn yelled annoyed.

"What? I'm just asking. I'm trying to figure out what's going on here."

"There is nothing to figure out."

"So are you guys even together?" Raluca asked, trying to read Ferryn's face.

"Yes. We went to see his parents in Germany. It didn't start off the best but it ended well."

"So you met his parents, huh? Sounds pretty serious to me."

Ferryn groaned, walking across her bedroom. "Stop reading into this so much, Raluca. It's getting on my nerves."

"Okay, then. I'll just keep my thoughts and suggestions to myself."

"Good. Help me drag that box over here please." Ferryn said, pointing to the mess that had just accumulated in her room.

"Spring cleaning in November? Seriously?"

Ferryn looked away, avoiding her sisters eyes. "Something like that."

"So you're going out to New York in a few weeks to see him?"

Nodding, Ferryn brushed her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ears. "That's the plan."

"So does that mean the next time I see you, you're going to be engaged?"

Ferryn had had enough already. Suddenly, the idea of inviting her sister over to keep her company didn't seem like the best idea.

"Raluca, seriously. I should have never told you. I just- I can't predict the future, okay? But if it does, I promise to let you know, okay?"

"Before the world knows?"

"Yes. Before the world knows."

Raluca walked over and wrapped an arm around Ferryn's shoulders. "Just try to keep an open heart, sister. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He loves you and I think he'd jump over the moon for you."

Smiling, Ferryn wrapped her arms around Raluca. She loved her sister for her good intentions. What made her smile even more was that she believed every word her sister had just told her. Tom had proven time and time again that he wasn't going to just give up on her. Now it was time she proved she wouldn't give up on him.

-----------------------------

Tom dragged himself to his hotel room for the fourth night in a row, completely exhausted. He didn't even have to look at the clock beside his bed to know it had to be past 4AM New York time which meant if his body clock was anywhere near still on LA time, he was way past his bedtime.

He quickly kicked off his shoes and shed his jeans, saving his boxers and T-shirt before falling into bed. He groaned, remembering he was going to call Ferryn back but knew it was way to late. He contemplated waking her up but the more he thought about it, the heavier his eyes became and to make matters worse, he was due back in the studio at 8AM. The thought instantly went right to his head, causing a dull ache as darkness claimed him and finally let himself succumb to sleep.

-----------------------------

Ferryn woke early, checking her phone as she walked out the door for the day and frowned when she didn't see any missed calls. She knew Tom was busy but their night time calls had been sort of a routine recently. She'd be lying if she said it didn't help with the distance. Still it had been a while since she'd heard from him and something was nagging her insides, wondering if he was alright.

She dialed his cell and brought the phone to her ear, waiting for it to ring. "Hello?" a voice answered, a little deeper than the one she remembered.

"Tom? Are you okay?"

She heard him cough on the other end before he responded. "Yeah. I'm just tired. I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night. I didn't get finished until around four."

"As in this morning? Did I wake you?" she asked, feeling guilty.

"Yeah and no you didn't wake me. I've actually been at the studio for a few hours now. We're about to leave for this radio thing."

"So you basically got no sleep last night?"

Tom couldn't prevent the groan and yawn that came across the phone. "Correct. I feel like shit."

"I'm sorry, baby. You get a day off soon though right?"

He sighed and she could predict his answer. "No. They've got me doing shit for the rest of my life, it seems. We've been doing back to back studio stuff for the last four days because they didn't like how we mixed some of the tracks so I had to re-do them."

"What the hell, Tom? They're your songs."

"Don't get me started, Ferryn," he said and she frowned, feeling some edge in his voice.

"Sorry. I just- You know what you're doing. Tell them how it is."

"If I tell them like it is, they'll be a lot of f-bombs dropped and I'd probably get fired," Tom told her, matter-of-factly.

"Tom, you know you don't want that."

There was a few seconds of silence and Ferryn thought she'd lost him before he finally spoke.

"Right."

His voice was laced with sarcasm and even a little anger if her ears weren't deceiving her, Ferryn noted. "I guess I'll let you go. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine," Tom lied, right before he sneezed.

"If you're too busy, I don't have to come out-"

"No!" Tom interrupted her before coughing again. "I want you to come. Please, Ferryn?"

She looked hesitant even though he couldn't see her. "You just said you're busy and you obviously need as much sleep as you can gather. I don't want to be in the way."

Ferryn heard some rustling on the other end of the phone and a door close before she heard his voice once again. "No. Hopefully I'll get everything done this week and I can have some down time when you get here. I miss you, honey. I'm sorry I'm being a jerk. I'm just tired. Please?"

"We'll see how your week goes, okay?"

"It'll be fine. I promise," he said, trying his best to soften his graveled voice. "I know it'd do me some good to have you to fall asleep with every night. I'm sick of this going to bed alone, waking up alone. I need you, babe."

Feeling the longing in his voice, she finally told him what he wanted to hear. "I miss it too, Tom. I'll be there."

"Thank you. Next week can't come soon enough."

Ferryn couldn't put a finger on it but something in his voice didn't sound right. She knew he was tired, probably run down, and not taking care of himself but something was off with him, missing from his voice.

"I'll see you then, Tom. I love you."

His reply came through another raspy cough. "I love you too. See you soon."

Hanging up the phone, Ferryn took a deep breath right as her taxi pulled up to the Raleigh-Durham International Airport. Once she retrieved her suitcase and paid the driver, her mind began to wonder as she walked inside. Maybe this surprise had really bad timing.

-----------------------------

Tom walked into the classy business office. His eyes were bleary and his skin pale.

Rick looked at him an instantly frowned. "Are you okay, man? You look like shit."

Tom instantly flipped him off, then crossed his arms over his chest as he felt a quick chill shoot through him. "Thanks. I feel like shit. Can we just get this over with?"

Rick looked at his watch. "They said it'd be about ten minutes."

"Ten minutes? How long do they expect me to wait?"

"Tom, these people are the big shots. Kind of important when it comes to promoting your album. We'd wait all damn day if we had to," Rick told him.

Tom rolled his eyes, as he took a seat in one of the white leather couches, feeling his stomach flip flop. "I don't know how long I can sit here. I feel like death."

Rick looked at his watch again, hoping that they'd hurry up. The last thing they needed was for Tom to get sick all over these people.

"Just try and stick it out. You've gotta do this."

Biting his tongue, Tom fought off the urge to get up and punch Rick in the face, if he had the strength. He had to keep reminding himself that Rick was his friend, somewhere in between all of this big mess.

Fifteen minutes later, a dark haired man dressed in a suit finally emerged from the office on the other side of the room. Tom looked up, trying his hardest to keep his eyes open and alert and shook the mans hand. He hoped once again for the strength to make it through this meeting. He was already counting down the hours until he could fall into bed and sleep half past forever.

-----------------------------

It was late again when Tom finally made his way back into his hotel room. It was quickly becoming old, he told himself as he slid his key card in and unlocked his door. He could barely stay awake during his meeting, let alone have the energy to listen to everything the man rambled off that would sure enough take over the next nine months of his life. He mentally cursed and bit his tongue from calling the whole thing off right there.

Music was still his love, his passion, but the bullshit that came along wasn't. It just wasn't the same anymore. Having three other guys beside you everyday as he once had was different. Everything was still fresh in his mind and his body could keep up but that was a while ago. A long while ago, he mused.

As he opened the door to his suite, he didn't even take note that the light in the small living room had been turned on, as well as a dim light from the bedroom. Panic went to his brain instantly before he caught a glimpse of a suitcase at the end of his bed that definitely wasn't his. His heart beat quickened slightly. "It couldn't be."

"Ferryn?" he called out. He turned his head as the bathroom door opened. His lips turned up in a sleepy smile, seeing her standing there in a pair of pink and white flannel PJ pants and white tank top.

She stared back at him, smiling almost shyly like she'd been caught. "Surprise." It quickly faded as she walked towards him. Her hand instantly went to his cheek, feeling the bristly texture beneath her palm showing that he hadn't shaved for a while. Her finger tips traced the dark circles under his eyes as he let them flutter shut, his lashes brushing against her. Concern was etched all over her face. "Tom, are you okay? You look like you've been through hell and back."

"I feel like shit. Just tired. I'm sure it's no big deal," he said as he stepped closer. His arms circled her waist as his head dipped down to rest against hers, happy to just feel her, breathe her in. "I'm so glad you came early. I was seriously about to lose it today."

Ferryn smiled, finally happy she'd made the right decision to travel to New York more than a week early. Her hand moved down to his face to rest at the nape of his neck. "I'm here. Why don't you come to bed?"

He nodded against her but didn't move. "I just want to hold you," he whispered, reaching up and running a hand through her hair.

"We can do that in bed too you know," she said, reaching for his hand and pulling him to the big bed.

As if routine, he kicked off his shoes, then off came his belt, jeans and shirt, leaving him in his boxers. Ferryn had already pulled the covers back as she climbed in on her side and waited for him to do the same. She opened her arms as his tall, slender form, practically fell into bed. His head lay against her chest. Her arms wrapped around him, holding him against her heart. Finally she felt like coming early wasn't just for her but for him as well. He seemed to melt against her, enjoying the feel of her arms as she skimmed her fingers up and down the warm skin of his back. Tom practically purred, the vibration coming deep from his chest.

"This wasn't how I planned when you came out here," he said, his voice muffled against her chest.

Ferryn laughed as she continued caressing his back. "Dare I ask what you'd cooked up in your head?" she asked, though she had a pretty good idea.

Tom looked up through tired brown eyes. His movements were weak and a lazy grin played on his lips. "What we didn't get to finish in the airport."

"Ah, I should have known," she smiled, cupping his chin. "A weak man must rest, not engage in more physical activity."

Tom groaned and shook his head as he leaned up slightly, his lips close to hers. "It's been forever, Ferryn. I just miss you," he said before kissing her softly. "I miss being close to you. Feeling your skin against mine. Making your skin shiver and your breath catch. I miss the aftermath. Laying there with you, the blissful moments we share together. It's more than a state of being."

Ferryn quickly became fair game to his words. She was sucked in like a moth to a flame, knowing that he could easily make love with just his words. It was a talent Tom had. He knew how to put any kind of emotion into the form of words, better than any song writer could ever imagine doing.

"I know, Tom, but you- You need to-" she started to say but her words were halted as she felt his nose bump into hers. He was nuzzling as if asking permission but he knew she was already sucked into the spell of his lips. He gave and she readily accepted. Her hands combed through his dark braids as his moved up to cup the side of her cheek, bringing it up ever so slightly to reach his lips better.

"Please? I need you." Tom begged as his tongue teased the bottom of her lip. He was silently asking permission to deepen the kiss, to which she readily gave. It had been in her head to remind him that rest was the best thing for one who had been as rundown as he was but his his kisses caused all the thoughts in her head to fall by the wayside. If it was her he had claimed to be needing, who was she to deny him? Ferryn knew deep down that she wanted exactly the same.

Timing had never seemed right for them recently. All that she could think of was the fact that she was here with Tom and until morning came, he was hers and she was his with no interruptions. If he chose this as opposed to sleep, despite his exhaustion, she was going to give it to him; her love, her body, her heart, in the most intimate ways possible. As his lips moved to her neck, his tongue reached out to trace her ear, knowing exactly what it did her. He whispered once again, "Please, Ferryn?"

She'd never heard desperation in his voice like she had in that moment and suddenly her heart went out to him, knowing it was probably the roller coaster they'd been on that had put the doubts in his head. Tonight wasn't about sex. It was about the closeness he'd craved and what they hadn't had in a long time. Right now, at this moment, he needed to know that everything was okay and that it was going to continue to be. Moving her body so she was fully underneath him, she arched against him. Pulling his chin up to look him in the eyes, her heart did a flip flop when she could only see signs of love and passion. "I'm here, Tom. I need you too."

He smiled down at her, his eyes heavy as his hand came to her side, slowly inching up her tank top. Ferryn lifted her hands above her head, giving him permission to continue. She shivered as the air hit her skin. His hands caressed her breasts slowly, and Ferryn's eyes snapped shut, reveling in the feeling. It had been a long time but Tom didn't rush. He took his time, his lips brushing against her skin, the familiar shivers running up and down her body, the gasps leaving her lips.

Her pajama bottoms were next to go as they were carelessly tossed away and his hands came into contact with the outside of her thighs. Running her hands up his chest, the pushed at his shoulders, sending him back against the bed as she came over him. Her hair framed around her face and he moved to tuck it behind her ears. His hands went to her sides, moving up to caress the sides of her breast with his thumbs. Bending down slightly, she met him half way and kissed him lovingly as her body arched against his, their skin hot against one another. From there, Ferryn's hands made a path to his chiseled jaw, his neck, moving to his chest. She smiled when a moan slipped past his lips. His body practically vibrated against her. When she lifted her head, his eyes looked back into hers. She almost found it hard to breath.

"I love you, Ferryn. More then words can say."

She smiled and leaned down to kiss him hard and deep before rolling off of him and he came above her again. "And I love you, Tom. More than words can say."

He smiled down at her as he removed his boxers and her panties, tossing them away on the floor. Her legs parted slightly to accommodate him. He fit between them perfectly. He relished the feeling and the sound of their mingled gasps echoing throughout the bedroom. Ferryn opened heavy eyes and smiled back at him, her body moving slowly with his. "Mmm, it has been a long time."

He smiled, his face showing only signs of pleasure and love as he bent down to kiss her. "Too long. Feels like heaven."

Ferryn agreed as he moved to rest his face in the crook of her neck, whispering against it every now and then. He pressed his lips against her skin every so often as they continued to move in unison. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders, hands brushing the skin of his back before tangling in the braids against the nape of his neck.

Their pleasure began to coil tight within. They cried out together, not only wrapped up in the feelings they had given to one another but the closeness. Tom rolled to his side, fitting his body against Ferryn's chest where it had once been before as his eyes drifted shut, humming against her skin.

The room had remained quiet for some time and Ferryn thought he'd finally given in to sleep when she heard this voice, vibrate against her. "I think that was way better than anything we could have done in an airplane bathroom."

Despite the high she was on, Ferryn giggled at his comment. "Way better."

Snuggling deeper against her, he placed a quick kiss against her heart. "I love you, baby. Thank you for surprising me."

"I love you too, Tom. And you're welcome. This is where I wanna be," she told him before following him into a deep slumber.

-----------------------------

The sun crept into the hotel room, waking her slumbering body. Ferryn looked beside her, missing the heat that was once against her as she slept.

"Tom?"

He walked in looking more exhausted than when she'd seen him the night before. "I didn't want to wake you. I was just about to head out," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning in to give her a kiss.

Her hand went to his cheek. "You feel okay? You still look really pale."

He turned against palm, nuzzling it against him. "No. I feel kind of out of it but better," he waggled his eyebrows. "After last night."

Ferryn smiled but something still felt off. "If you're not feeling well, why don't you take the day off?" she suggested.

He leaned forward, nuzzling her nose. "Don't tempt me, babe. I have some interviews to do. Besides, I'm afraid if I don't show up, they'll come pull me out of the hotel room."

"Tom, they don't own you. If you're sick, stay here."

He groaned as the sheet slipped away from her, exposing her body to him as she sat up more. "How about-" he placed a kiss on her cheek. "I call you when I'm done." A kiss on her neck. "And we can go to lunch," he suggested, landing on her lips.

"I think you've got yourself a date," she smiled, opening her eyes as he pulled back.

"Good. I'll see you later," he said, wearily walking out of the bedroom.

Ferryn watched him walk away, hoping that he wasn't just trying to convince her that he was alright but himself as well.

-----------------------------

Pacing around the hotel room, Ferryn looked at the clock and noted it was past 1:30. She wondered exactly when Tom found the time to eat lunch. She knew he was going to be busy for a better half of the afternoon but made it seem like it wouldn't be this far into the day.

Something just didn't feel right.

She'd tried his cell phone a few times, to no avail and figured he was probably still in the interview. Finally taking a deep breath, she took a seat on the sofa and flipped on the TV trying to calm her wondering mind.

Five minutes had passed since she looked at the clock and Ferryn nearly breathed out a sigh of relief as her phone finally chimed against the coffee table. Not even looking at the screen, she picked it up expecting to hear Tom. "Tom?"

"Ferryn? Is that you?"

She frowned, noting the voice on the other end of the line wasn't Tom. "Yeah, who is this?"

"It's Rick. Look, they just took Tom to the hospital."

Her heart rate instantly quickened. "What? What happened, Rick?" she practically yelled, already grabbing her purse and making a mad dash out of the hotel room.

"Just get here," he rushed, quickly rambling off where he was.

Ferryn quickly hailed a taxi as she hung up her phone and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. The only thing that ran through her mind was that Tom needed her and she was trying her best to get to him fast enough.

-----------------------------

Ferryn walked down the hallway and tried to swallow the dry lump in her throat. Rick hadn't given her any further details. Her heart hadn't stopped beating rapidly ever since. She could tell something was off with Tom the second she had stepped out of the bathroom the night before. It was just an instinct. Of course her instincts could be wrong. This was New York City. It was full of traffic, people hustling and bustling all over the place, and there was your fair share of freaks. Someone could have hurt Tom, even a fan. She recalled the insane stories Tom had told her about such instances back when he toured with Tokio Hotel. She tried to calm her breathing. "In an out, in and out." Ferryn told herself.

Ferryn stopped at the front desk to get the number to the room that Tom was in. When she came down the hallway, she let out a small breath as she spotted Rick leaning up against the wall outside of the room. Her immediate reaction was to start yelling, to go into protective mode, but she still didn't know what the hell was going on. All she cared about was that Tom was okay.

"Rick!" she called as she trotted toward him.

"Ferryn!" He stood up straight.

"What the hell happened? Is he okay?" she asked, ready to open the door to his room.

"Yeah. He just passed out. He said he hasn't been feeling well."

Ferryn scoffed as she shook her head and tried to swallow her outrage. "He passed out? Why the hell was he even working, Rick? You knew he wasn't feeling well. It's clearly written all over him."

Rick looked back at her, shock written all over his face. "He's done it before, Ferryn. It's not like it was a big deal."

"Not a big deal? That man has been busting his ass like a damn puppet for you. Spending his days and nights recording, being dragged here and there. You were suppose to be his friend, Rick. Not dragging him around until he just collapses."

Rick shrugged innocently. "It's all a part of the business, Ferryn. You know how this stuff goes. Besides, I'm sure what he used to do back in the day was ten times stressful than the schedule we have."

She let out a deep sigh of frustration, trying her best to bite her tongue. "Newsflash! He's not a teenager anymore!"

"This isn't all my fault, Ferryn. He's been under a lot of stress recently."

Her eyes went wide as her blood being to boil. "You're going to blame this on me?"

Rick held his hands up in defense. "I'm just saying he's been under some stress with what was going on with you too."

Ferryn bit her lip, taking his words to heart but she refused to show it. She knew he'd been through hell with the roller coaster they were constantly on but that was in the past. She didn't want to think about those days. It all seemed so pointless now. It almost made her sick to think about causing Tom any kind of added pain with what he was already dealing with. She suddenly felt like a horrible girlfriend. "Thanks. I'm pretty sure I know him a little better than you when we're concerned."

"Ferryn, I wasn't trying to-" he started but his objection was quickly silenced.

"Save it, Rick. I need to go see how he's doing. Oh, and just so you know, he will be going back home to get some rest and to recover. I assume this won't be a problem."

Rick stood there speechless. Ferryn didn't wait for his response as she turned on her heel to open the door to Tom's room.

Her heart stopped, and her breathing faltered a little as she looked at Tom's tall, slender form, laying on a hospital bed. An IV machine lay beside him, the long tube leading his hand, as another machine beeped every once in a while. His once chiseled cheekbones were even more defined and there were dark circles under his eyes, the rest of his skin paler than she remembered. She felt right away that Rick had left out a great bit of details on how serious Tom really was. She jumped a little as a gray haired man tore open the curtain across the room and walked over to record Tom's vitals on his clipboard.

"I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Dr. Anderson," the man said, extending his hand.

Ferryn shook it easily. "I'm Ferryn. Is he okay? What happened?"

Dr. Anderson nodded. "He was severely dehydrated and run down. I guess he hit his head when he passed out."

Ferryn's eyes went wide. "He hit his head?"

"That's what they said when they brought him in. It might have given him a small concussion. I advise he get a lot of rest and fluids and cut back on whatever he's been doing. I'd never seen vitals that out of whack before. I'd say he has a serious case of exhaustion going on right now."

"A concussion? Does he have to stay?" Ferryn asked, breathing out a small sigh of relief but it still didn't calm her nerves. For some reason, she wanted to vent her anger on Rick more than she already had.

"We're waiting on the results from his CT scan and we're going to watch him for the next few hours and give him some IV fluids and see if we can get him more stable, but it's possible he could be discharged today if everything comes back alright."

She nodded. It was all Ferryn could do not to take a few steps forward and wrap Tom in her arms as her eyes began to sting. "Thank you," she told the doctor,shakily. He nodded kindly and left the room.

She took the small steps over to his bed. Anger boiled inside of her. She had a feeling something wasn't right and she wanted to kick herself for not being more adamant with him. He needed some time off, more than a day or two. Guilt ran over her with all the stress she knew he'd probably been through because of her and her insecurities and uncertainties. He didn't need it. She should have listened the handful of times he'd complained about working so much, about how making an album wasn't what it used to be and maybe deep down, this is what he was trying to tell her. He just couldn't keep up. Once again, she felt like a terrible girlfriend.

Cautiously, she brought a hand up, brushing it against his forehead. His skin was warm against her hand which somehow made her feel a little better. It wasn't long before brown eyes, heavy and dazed, fluttered open under long lashes and looked back at her. Tom looked around for a second, trying to take in his surroundings. His eyes focused back on Ferryn and he smiled weakly. His free hand that wasn't attached to tubes and machines traced over her arm until it reached the hand on his face. Ferryn wrapped her fingers through his, slowly lifting it to her heart where she held it there for a second before she kissed his knuckles. Tom smiled back at her as she carefully sat down on the bed beside him. She tried to choose her words carefully, knowing there was so much she wanted to say. She'd been through it all within the last hour. Regret, fear, unconditional love, but Tom beat her to the punch.

"I should have listened," he said. His voice was dry and cracked.

She shook her head and brought her lips to his forehead. "Don't. I'm not here to place blame. How are you feeling?"

Tom shifted slightly but laughed despite his condition. "Kind of like I got hit by a truck. But better now."

"The doctor said you hit your head."

He looked back at her as if he was registering her words. "That explains a lot. I remember standing up and feeling really dizzy but that's about it."

Ferryn reached a hand up to trace the side of his face and smiled when he leaned into it. "You over did it, tough guy. The doctor said they were waiting on the results of your CT scan to see if you have a concussion or not. He said you could probably be discharged later today."

"Good. I hate hospitals. I have no idea how in the hell they got this IV in my hand either."

"I think you were pretty much out of it. I'm just glad you got here. I was scared to death, Tom."

He reached for the hand that had been on his face and kissed it reassuringly. "I'm sorry, Ferryn. I honestly thought I'd be fine."

"Stop apologizing. I'm just glad you're okay. You've needed some time off for a while now."

"Yeah but I have all this shit to do and-"

Ferryn looked back at him like he was crazy. "Tom, no. You need to rest before you really get sick. I told Rick you'd be going home."

He looked back, surprise written all over his face. "You told Rick?"

"Yes, I did. And you're coming with me. Don't make me call your mother," she told him firmly but her smile broke through at the end.

Tom chuckled weakly before tugging her hand so she lay against his chest. Ferryn tried to protest, not wanting to bump him or any of the machines or wires attached to his body. When she finally relented, she gently lay her head against his shoulder and twisted her body so her knees rested beside his. Her hand went around his stomach, trying to get as close to him as possible without crushing him. Tom seemed to be needing the same thing as his body seemed to gravitate against hers. Her turned his head easily, brushing his lips to her temple, before speaking once again. "It's good to have my sassy pants back."

"Good. You're stuck with me."

"Promise?" he asked. His tired eyes looked down into hers, holding their gaze.

Her breathing faltered a little and she couldn't put a finger on why. He was just looking down at her so intensely. So sure. "Mmmhmm."

He brushed some hair off of her forehead before tucking it behind her ears. "Good. And 'stuck' isn't the right word. More like, wonderfully attached."

"Yes, that," she said, wondering why he chose now to get technical with his words. "Rest, Super Man."

Tom laughed softly before  he reached for her hand again, placing it over his heart and shutting his eyes. "Whatever you say, Sassy Pants."

Ferryn finally took a reassuring breath knowing that thus far, Tom was going to be okay. He was lucid, he was talking, she could feel his warm skin against her own. He had to be okay. From the moment she'd picked up her phone and Rick mentioned the world 'hospital' in reference to him, she couldn't think straight. They'd been through so many ups and downs that she had no idea what she'd do without him. She didn't want to think about it. He was here, safe with her at the moment and right now, that's all that mattered.

Several minutes had passed with no dialogue and Ferryn was sure Tom had fallen asleep until he stirred a little and tightened his hold on her, bringing her closer to his side. "Ferryn?"

She looked up into hesitant eyes. "Yeah, baby?"

"I don't know if I can keep doing this."

Instantly confused, she tried to sit up but his arm around her would budge. "Keep doing what?"

"This," he waved a hand aimlessly. "Pushing myself. It's not like it used to be."

Ferryn thought she understood what he was saying. He'd made similar claims before but she always told him it'd pass. Maybe this was nature's way of confirming what he already knew. Still, he was exhausted physically, mentally, and probably emotionally. She refused to agree with anything he said in this state. Instead, she tried to offer the best advice she knew. "You need to rest, Tom, then you can reassess. Just know that whatever you decide, I'm right here."

Her answer seemed to pacify him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now rest," she sassed, winking up at him.

His soft smile and the wink he gave her in return was enough of a response before he finally closed his eyes.

-----------------------------

Ferryn paid the taxi driver as she rounded the car to help Tom out. After getting the okay from the doctor that Tom's CT scan had come back fine, and he'd been pumped with fluids for a good three hours, the doctor had released him from the hospital, advising him to rest up and drink plenty of fluids. Ferryn had gone into protective mode, assuring that she'd see he did exactly what was advised. It was late and the flight had been long. They'd been unable to find anything without a layover at the last minute. Thankfully, Tom had done well, using the down time to sleep. She could only hope he'd keep up with the habit. After all, it was one of his favorite past times.

Once the luggage had been carried inside, Ferryn carefully led Tom up the stairs and into the house. No matter how many times he had protested and told her that he wasn't handicapped. She could only laugh at him, knowing all too well that if she were the one that had just been in the hospital, he'd be doing the same thing. It flashed in her memory that she had indeed been on that side. He'd always taken such good care of her. It never even crossed her mind not to instinctively do the same. Not out of obligation but out of love.

"I forgot how much I missed home," Tom said, plopping down on the couch and kicking off his shoes.

"And to think, you protested leaving New York."

Opening one eye that had heavily fallen shut, he looked back at his girlfriend. "I still can't believe you told Rick off."

She simply shook her head. "I don't care for him."

He peered back with questioning eyes. "Why not?"

Ferryn knew she couldn't tell Tom what Rick had said, at least not right now. He was tired, worn down, and it was late. He didn't need to deal with that. Maybe she'd tell him later that Rick had practically blamed Tom's exhaustion on her and totally devoiding himself of the situation. She knew better but it still stung. She took a deep breath before she spoke again, silently praying he'd let it be. "Protective instincts. That's all." Ferryn shrugged.

He smiled warmly. "Always a ball buster. Always on my side."

She winked back in return. "You get to sleep in your own bed tonight."

"Mmm, yes. With my girlfriend too," he smirked, quirking a sleepy eye open and pulling her gently so that she fell onto his lap.

"I do make a good pillow."

Tom's face fell. "Among other things."

She adjusted her legs so that she was now straddling his lap and brought her hands against his cheeks. "Sorry, Superman. The doctor said you needed rest and I don't think that involves rolling around in the sack." She tried to suppress her laugh at the scoff off disappointment that escaped his lips.

"I never agreed to this," he pouted.

She kissed him quickly. "Sorry, Tom. Doctor's orders."

Tom moved forward, capturing Ferryn's lips with his own again. This time, he didn't let up. He deepened it quickly as his hands traced her sides where her shirt had ridden up.He smiled against her lips, feeling her instantly shiver. When they couldn't breathe, the both pulled apart panting.

"I bet I could make you break the rules," he whispered.

"Ugh, Tom, you really don't play fair. I have no doubt you could make me break the rules but you need rest. As much as I'd rather finish what you started, your health means more to me." Despite his frustration, her constant concern for him went directly to his heart. It was like all she cared about was him and his health and forget whoever got in the way. She'd be by his side. Dropping his hands, he wrapped his arms around her until her chest was pressed against his own. He smiled against her shoulder when she squeezed back, warm and comforting.

"Okay," he finally relented. "But can I at least get a rain check?"

Ferryn leaned her forehead against his until her nose nuzzled his. "Yes, you can. Just understand why I'm saying no for now. I don't want to have to get out a dictionary and read you the definition of physical exhaustion."

He swatted her butt playfully. "Well, well, well. Miss Sassy Pants must have sneaked her way into your carry on."

Laughing, Ferryn batted her eyelashes prettily. "You love me."

"Well, I suppose," he rolled his eyes.

Deciding to play the dramatic card, she looked back at him and her eyes wide. She was ready to protest before she squealed feeling his hands on her legs as she was flipped back against the couch, landing on her back as a heavy eyed Tom lay softly between her legs. Her arms automatically came around his neck. She bit her lip but gave him a look telling him that he knew better. He seemed to feed off of it because his head came down to lay in the crook of her neck, just like they'd slept many nights before. She began playing with the soft braids at the base of his neck and smiled as he practically purred.

"I told you to never second guess that I love you, babe. More than music even."

Ferryn smiled, her heart swelling a little. He was playing by the rules for the moment. "And I don't think you should ever second guess that I love you. More than music, or the moon and the stars in the sky."

"Oh, look at you. Getting all poetic on me," he whispered, followed by a soft laugh as he felt Ferryn playfully smack his back.

"You're such a brat sometimes. I think you need to go take a shower or something and go to bed."

Tom sat up a little, evil smile etched all over his chiseled face. "Or something? In the shower?" That comment made him receive a slap on his side as Ferryn shook her head and laughed.

"Is sex always on your mind?" she asked, then put her hand up at his eyebrows raised. "You know what? Don't answer that."

Now sitting on his knees, Tom pulled her up against him, burying his face in her neck again. "I can't help it when my girlfriend is as hot as you are."

"Oh, you're just a charmer tonight, huh Kaulitz? I'm pretty sure I gave into you when I got to New York and look where you ended up?"

He pulled back, his face serious. "That's not the cause for it, Ferryn, and you know it."

She was semi shocked by his tone. He seemed so sure but his voice showed hurt, like he was trying his hardest not to place blame on her. "Okay, Tom." She went to run a hand through his braids but was surprised to see him pull away and get up from the couch.

Ferryn sat there, partly shocked by the sudden change in his behavior. She wanted to go after him and apologize, but for what? She didn't know. Deciding to give him some time, she went to drag their suitcases back to the bedroom and unpack. Unpack. The word kind of startled her as she began placing her clothes in the dresser Tom had given her as her own. It had seemed so long since she unpacked her clothes and had nothing for work lined up in the near future. She tried not to think of Tom's career being on a ticking clock. He'd eventually have to get back to finishing up the album, and promoting it, and he even mentioned something about a small tour before it came out.

Ferryn tried to stop the ache in her heart. "He had said it wouldn't always be like this, didn't he?"

Hearing the shower start in bathroom just steps away, she pondered the thought of going in an joining him and giving into his less than subtle hints. Ferryn knew the doctor was right though. He needed rest and sex was not exactly restful, at least not the type he had glittering in his brown eyes. She did her best to keep busy, trying to shake it from her thoughts, hoping she hadn't hurt him earlier.

Fifteen minutes later, she was just pulling a tank top over her head when Tom emerged from the bathroom door. A white towel was around his waist and his hair was still semi damp. His chest was broad and muscular and she swallowed thickly, trying to figure out why she hadn't run after him, joining him in the shower as memories flashed back in her head. He'd come to Chicago, conveniently surprised her when she did everything to push away her feelings for him. Then he'd answered his hotel room door, this exact same way and her thought process had been shot to hell. Her breath hitched as he moved over beside her, into the large closet she was standing in, and she could almost feel the heat radiate off of him. This was where her willpower would come in handy only she didn't think it'd take much. He'd walked away mad. Still she couldn't stay away long. Taking a leap of faith, although she stood there in just a tank top and her bikini panties, she turned to him. Her arms slowly wrapped around his slender waist. "I'm sorry, Tom. I didn't mean to upset you earlier."

She felt him take a big breath and let it out. Ferryn could tell he wasn't mad. "It's fine. Just forget about it." His voice still sounded somber.

"I can't just forget about it when you look at me like that. What's wrong?" she asked softly.

Ferryn's arms fell away as he reached for a pair of boxers, quickly pulling them on as the towel was discarded from around his waist. When he turned around, his features looked deep in thought among the fatigue that had come back. "I just hate this," he said softly.

Ferryn raised an eyebrow. "Hate what?"

He tossed his hands in the air as the muscles on his stomach moved easily, his anger boiling. "This! I hate that I have to be in the damn hospital to get some time off. I hate that because of that, I have to spend this time fucking sleeping and resting and whatever else they told me to do or not to do. I don't want to have to have permission to make love to my girlfriend either! I hate that this time is just doing to be like a giant ticking clock until I have to go back. This isn't what I asked for, damn it!"

It clicked in Ferryn's mind that he was thinking exactly what she had been. She wrapped her arms around him once again, the heat of his skin searing through her thin tank top. "Tom, stop thinking so much. Pretend there is no clock. Rick didn't give you a date to be back so just relax, okay? I know you have deadlines and schedules but try not to think about it. Let's let this time be about you getting better and about us and no one else, okay? I know exactly what you mean. It seems there's never enough time to just be us. To not have worries and doubts and constant stress of work and what not. You just need a few nights of good rest," she smiled against his shoulder when he pulled her tightly against him.

"I guess you're right. I'm sorry I'm being such a baby."

Ferryn pulled away, keeping one of his hands laced with hers as she led them to the bed. Sliding under the covers, she smiled as he opened his arms easily inviting her against him. She reached up, kissing him quickly, tracing the dark circles under his eyes. "You're not a baby, Tom. Those are all valid complaints. You just voiced them a lot better."

"You've really been thinking all this too?"

"Mmhmm. And don't think you need permission to make love to your girlfriend, Tom. I'll admit that maybe I overreacted. I just want you to get better."

His hands began softly trailing up and down her arms, leaving goosebumps in their trail. "It's okay, Ferryn. I love that you care so much. I guess I just feel like we have to fit it in when we can to make up for the days and nights we're both gone. I didn't think I could ever miss someone like I do now."

Her heart instantly ached. It was like for once he was really telling her things he wouldn't normally say. His vulnerability was clear right then. "I know what you mean but just try to think, the quicker you rest and get better, the more time there will be for the fun stuff. I promise I'll make it up to you."

He opened one eye as he turned on his side, his legs tangling with hers. "Make it up to me how?"

It'd be so easy to just throw in the towel and have her way with him right then but she knew better. "I have my ways."

A groan came deep from his chest. "Babe, that's not fair."

She smiled back at him. "Oh, what I have in my head seems pretty fair."

"Can't you at least share a little bit with me?" he begged.

She laughed when his nose bumped against hers. "Hmm. I just know that it's going to be me and you, naked, hot and sweaty, tangled up in one another, making love like it'll never be enough."

"Hmmm," he said, pulling her body flush against his as he trailed his lips down her jaw. "Now there's something to fill my dreams with."

"Mmhmm. But might I remind you that you're just going to make it harder on yourself if you keep this up, stud." Ferryn breathed out while she told herself to pull away but she just couldn't do it. His touches were addicting.

"Sorry. I was just-" he pulled away, his hands trailing down her to rest at the small of her back, holding her to him. "Getting a quick taste to last me until you make it up to me," he grinned, his eyes heavy with lack of sleep.

"Oh well then, let me help you out there," she grinned down at him, her eyes shining evilly almost. She brought her lips to his where she took control, starting out slowly, working her tongue against his. Ferryn pushed him on his back, quickly straddling him and continuing where they'd left off. When it became hard to breathe, she pulled away. She almost felt guilty once again.

"That should be illegal." Tom rushed out.

"You asked for a taste. I was only a willing participant. That's what you get, baby."

Tom groaned uncomfortably and shifted their bodies so they lay side by side. Quickly reaching over for the bedside lamp and turning it off, he returned and wrapped his arms around Ferryn. "Yeah, I know that was my fault. I think it's time to go to sleep because if I'm not better soon, some rules are going to be broken. Doctors orders or not."

Ferryn laughed, snuggling back against him. "Sounds like a plan. I love you, Tom. G'night."

"Love you too, babe."

Chapter Six