One Heartbeat - Chapter Three
Ferryn walked down the hallway toward the studio in London. She was dressed in her low-rise jeans and a form fitting T-shirt. She couldn't help but smile. Visiting Tom was just what she had needed. He was becoming more special to her as the days passed by. He wasn't just her boyfriend but her lover and her best friend. She never would have suspected that he, out of all people, would be the person she'd fall for. She also didn't think he'd fall for her laid back personality and sassiness. She felt lucky to have found Tom and giving him a chance.
She was glad to know that the rumors of him sleeping around were untrue. It made her feel at ease so that she could get to know the real Tom. Truth be told, she was completely head over heels for him. Ferryn knew he cared about her and he proved it to her every day. She was excited to see what life had in store for her.
She turned the handle on the door to enter the studio. She was met by a very somber Blake. He was hunched over on the couch in the corner, looking like he'd just been through hell and back. "This can't be good." She approached him slowly. "Blake?"
He looked up. His eyes were bloodshot and stressed covered his face. "Hey."
She took a seat beside him and placed a hand on his knee carefully. "What's wrong?"
His eyes lost focus as he spoke softly. "She left me."
Ferryn's face fell. He had flown home to try and fix things with the woman he loved but came back empty handed and brokenhearted. She pulled him into a friendly hug. "I'm so sorry, Blake. What happened?"
He pulled away slowly and swallowed thickly. "I don't even know where to start. I flew home, willing to do whatever it took to keep us together. I love her so much. But she came up with a thousand excuses as to why we'll never work. Distance, schedules, you name it. I think she's seeing someone else."
"That's such bullshit! She really has no idea what she's giving up on."
He laughed slightly. "I love you, Ferryn. You're such a good person."
Ferryn smiled. "I love you too, Blake. You don't deserve this shit! You're such a great guy!"
He frowned. "I used to think so but now I'm not so sure."
"I know things suck right now but you really are an amazing guy. I bet it won't be long before you'll be relying on bodyguards to peel women off you!"
He shook his head as he stood to stretch his aching limbs. "You're good for my ego."
She smiled as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. "What can I say? I try."
"Enough about me." He waved his hand in the air. "How was your time off with your man?"
Ferryn couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. Her heart skipped a beat at the memory. "I was only just wonderful. You're the best for allowing me to go."
Blake pretended to punch Ferryn's shoulder. "What can I say? We're a rare breed."
She walked over to the soundboard and sat down. "You're too much but yes, it was wonderful. It was just what I needed."
"Good. Let's get back to work. I'm in the mood to write some sad and angry ex-girlfriend songs."
"I think you'll end up calling this album 'The Saga of Blake's Broken Heart'."
He chuckled. "Knowing my luck, the record company will listen to it and think I'm a depressed, love-sick freak and deny me the power to release it."
Ferryn shook her head."Whatever. Your music kicks ass and we're a team here. They'll like it or we'll have to do some damage."
Blake laughed loudly. "Ferryn's ready for a show down, ladies and gentlemen! Watch out!"
She looked at him seriously, raising and eyebrow. "Are you denying my ability to hurt someone?"
He held his hands up in defense. Ferryn grabbed his T-shirt in her fist and pulled him against her in a mock fight. Their eyes locked and held for a moment before Blake swallowed hard. He tried to stop the sudden thud in his throat as they stood there. The clock on the wall ticked loudly. He nervously coughed before an awkward smile appeared on his lips. "I'd never dream of it."
Ferryn rolled her eyes and let his shirt slip from her grasp and returned to her place at the sound board. "I thought so."
Blake looked confused as he wondered what had just taken place between them. Their friendship was good and he was lucky enough that they understood one another and could joke around while remaining on the business side of things. But suddenly keeping things on a friendly level with Ferryn proved to be a challenge for him.
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Tom stepped out of the studio and reached for his cell phone. It had been a few days since Ferryn had left and he hadn't spoken to her yet. He knew they'd both planned on diving into their work and he hadn't expected her to call immediately. He was fine with that. Or at least that's what he told himself. He really just wanted to hear her voice.
He pressed 3 on his speed dial and listened as the phone rang. He paced back and forth slowly down the hallway. He hadn't expected her to answer so quickly. The smile on his face quickly faded when he heard what could only be the sound of Ferryn crying. "Ferryn? What's wrong?" His voice was laced with panic.
He heard her sniffle. "My sister. She was in a car accident. I'm on my way to the airport to fly home to North Carolina."
Tom wished he could be there to hold her. He could only offer his words. "I'm so sorry, baby. What happened? Is she gonna be okay?"
"They're not sure. I'm not sure. I just have to get there for her and Star. My brother-in-law is barely holding it together. I just want to be there now."
"Do you want me to meet you there? I'll drop what I'm doing and-"
"No, Tom. You stay there. I don't even know what I'm gonna do once I get there. I'm sure you're busy-"
"Ferryn, stop. If you need me, I'm there. I'll find a way to get to you."
She smiled through her tears. "You're amazing but I'll just go by myself now. I appreciate your offer though."
"The offer doesn't expire. Call me when you get there and find out something. Have a safe flight. I love you."
Ferryn wiped the fresh tears from her eyes. She wanted to reach through the phone and hug him tightly. "I love you too, Tom. I'll call as soon as I can."
Tom hung up and slid his phone back into his pocket before going back into the studio. "I think we're done for the day guys. Let's wrap it up."
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Tom rolled over for the seventh time in his bed. He begged his eyes to stay closed but it was useless. The space next to him felt like a vast desert without Ferryn beside him. The loneliness was only multiplied with the worry he felt. He knew he'd never be able to sleep until he knew how Ferryn was doing and if she had made it back to North Carolina safely. He pictured her there with her sister. He imagined her being stubborn and putting up a front until she finally crumbled. He wanted to be there for her, holding her and telling her that everything was going to be okay.
He reached out and picked up the frame that sat on the night stand. It was a picture of himself and Ferryn on the beach that she had taken on her first visit to LA to stay with Tom. Everything he felt that day came flooding back. He couldn't prevent the smile that formed as he traced the outline of her face before setting it back on the night stand.
He signed deeply and rolled over. He willed his eyes shut. Forty minutes passed by and Tom was just about to fall into a peaceful slumber when his phone brought him back to reality. He grabbed it and hit the button to answer the call. "Ferryn?"
"She's in a coma."
He could hear the fear in her voice. Tom ran his hand over his face as he sat up. "Tell me what happened."
"She was on her way to the market. The car hit her on the driver's side. They said they'll know more in the next few days. Her arm is broken. She broke several ribs. Her face has a gash along the side." She heaved in a huge breath. "This isn't fair! Thankfully Star wasn't in the car with her but Star needs her mother. I just can't stand looking at her lying in that hospital bed-"
"She'll be okay."
"What if she isn't, Tom? Star is only five months old. Carter is hardly holding it together. They're a family. They need one another."
Tom spoke softly. "You have to believe she'll be okay. You're gonna have to be strong for Raluca and Star and Carter. Be the wonderful sister and aunt I know you are. You're brave enough for all of you."
She let out a shaky breath. "I'm trying so hard, Tom."
"I know you are. I'm here if you need anything."
Ferryn was silent for a moment. "I miss you."
"I miss you too. Just say the words and I'll be there."
"What words do I need to say?"
Tom chuckled. He loved she could still be sassy, even in her weakest moments. "Say you want me there with you."
"I want you here with me, Tom."
He smiled again. He glanced at his clock. It was 4:15 LA time so it was in the wee hours of the morning in North Carolina. He stood up and grabbed his duffel bag. He began to throw his clothes inside. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Where are you?"
"I'm at my sister's. I'm taking care of Star so Carter can sit with Raluca. I'll text you with the address."
"I'll be there soon. Just know that I love you and we'll get through this together."
"I know, Tom. I love you."
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Six hours later, an exhausted Ferryn glanced at the monitor that showed her sleeping niece snoring softly in her bedroom before walking toward the light knocking coming from the front door. All her worry, anger and fear seemed to dissipate as she opened the door to see Tom standing on the front steps. His face showed signs of light stubble. He wore loose fitting jeans and a T-shirt. A ball cap covered his head and his long braids were pulled into a low ponytail. His square framed glasses rested over his eyes and Ferryn nearly lost her breath. He wasted no time in opening his arms to her and Ferryn wasted no time in filling that space between his arms. Her hands wrapped around his waist as his slid around her shoulders to hold her against him tightly. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. The longer he held her, the more intense her feelings became. Finally, she pulled back and he took a few steps into the house as the door closed behind him.
His fingertips wiped across her cheeks, swiping the tears away. She smiled, remembering just how much she'd missed his touch. They'd only been apart for a few days but it seemed like forever. "I'm so glad you're here. You have no idea."
He cupped her jaw softly and placed a kiss over softly over her lips. "I know it's only been a few days but I missed you so much."
She grabbed his hand and laced her fingers with his. He set his bag down by the door and allowed her to pull him into the living room. She led them to a large sectional couch where Tom seated himself and pulled Ferryn into his lap. He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. She lay her head against his shoulder, savoring the feeling of having him there. It was more than words could even express. "How was your flight?"
"Good. Any news on Raluca?"
Ferryn shook her head. "Nothing since this morning. Carter's with her though and they say her vitals are good."
"How's the baby?"
Ferryn pointed to the monitor beside the couch. She smiled as Star continued to sleep. "She's doing well. Sleeping like a rock. I just fed her."
"Have you eaten yet? You look exhausted."
"I don't have an appetite. I've been concentrating on taking care of Star."
Tom ran a hand up her back and felt her shiver before she leaned heaver against him. "That's no excuse. You need to take care of yourself. I know how you get. Let me fix you something."
Ferryn turned to straddle his waist. She pushed Tom so that he fell back against the pillows. "I just want to rest. Maybe take a nap." She smiled. "With you."
Tom kicked his shoes off and smiled at the sweet weight of his girlfriend atop of him. She was dressed casually in cotton sweatpants and a white T-shirt. His arms closed around her as she rested her face in the crook of his neck. "I can live with that."
"Mmm." She said as she breathed in deeply. "You smell good. I'm so glad you're here. If I weren't so tired, I'd try to seduce you, Mr. Kaulitz."
Tom chuckled as his fingers ran through her soft tresses. "Rest, baby. There will be plenty of time for seducing later."
"Keep playing with my hair like that and I'll be asleep in no time." She said. Tom laughed and continued his gentle movements. "I love you, Tom. Thank you for coming."
"I love you too. Now rest."
He relaxed as her even breathing indicated that she'd fallen asleep. If rest and comfort were all he could offer to bring her mind some kind of sanity, then flying all this way was already well worth it.
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Ferryn bounced a screaming Star in her arms. Fat tears feel from the infant's eyes. She stuck her chubby thumb in her mouth and found comfort in sucking it. Ferryn brushed her forehead with a kiss before taking a seat in the rocking chair. She wrapped a blankets around Star as she rested up against Ferryn's chest. Ferryn rubbed her hand up and down Star's back soothingly.
It took less than ten minutes for Star's breathing to become deep and even, indicating she was asleep. Ferryn smiled and stood to place her in the comfort of her crib. Ferryn kissed the tips of her two fingers and brought them down to meet Star's cheek.
She heard movement behind her. She turned her weary eyes to the door to see Tom leaning against the frame. He looked around at the delicate pinks and greens of the baby's room. "She sleeping?" He whispered.
Ferryn nodded. "Yeah. Out like a light."
She sighed as Tom came up behind her. His arms encircled her body as he looked over her shoulder. He stared at Star for a moment. "She's cute."
Ferryn turned in his arms to face him. "I'd give my life for her."
"I can tell you love her. She looks kinda like you."
"Really?" Ferryn beamed. "You think so?"
"She has your chin and nose." He said as he kissed the tip of her nose.
She laughed lightly. "Wait until I tell Raluca that! She's gonna-" Her smile faded.
"Positive thoughts, babe." Tom pulled her tighter. "She's gonna be okay. You have to think positive."
"I'm trying. It's just hard." She smiled weakly. "I keep waiting for her to burst through the door and take Star into her arms, telling me how much she missed her. I never thought I'd say that I even miss her grilling me on every detail of my life since we last spoke."
Tom followed Ferryn's eyes to a framed photo sitting atop Star's oak dresser. It was the day Raluca had brought Star home from the hospital. Star was wrinkly and pink in her mother's arms with her father flocking around her. It was the perfect little family. "I take it that's Raluca and Carter?"
Ferryn nodded as she picked up the frame. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer before setting it back in its place. "They're still in love after all these years. They met in junior high and have been together ever since. I've always been so happy for her. I love my sister too much to live without her."
"No wonder Star looks like you! You and your sister could pass for twins!"
Ferryn leaned back into Tom's arms before she let out a small chuckle. "She and I don't think we look alike but it's a compliment that people still think that. It was always Ferryn Layne and Raluca Elizabeth. We were inseparable."
"Ferryn Layne." Tom laughed.
She craned her neck to meet his eyes. "Yeah?"
He kissed her cheek quickly. "I didn't know your middle name was Layne. It's cute."
She shrugged. "I thought I told you already."
"Do you need anything?" Tom asked concerned. "You look like you're about ready to crash and burn."
"Just a hug from you."
Tom smiled down at her and his lips met hers in a sweet kiss. "I have plenty of those for you."
She sighed and squeezed him tighter as she inhaled his manly scent. "Good. I may need a few million more. I'm still so glad you're here. It means so much to me."
Tom smiled and kissed her forehead softly. He trailed down her jaw where he stopped at her ear. "This is where I want to be. I'm glad I came. I just wish it was under better circumstances. Have you heard anything from Carter?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm hoping her calls soon. I'm going insane not knowing but you know what they say, no news is good news." Ferryn pulled away from Tom long enough to lace their fingers together and track down the hallway and into the living room. Tom took a seat on the couch and she fell into his lap.
"Why don't you go take a bath or something? Maybe a hot shower."
She eyed him curiously. "Why? Do I smell?"
Tom laughed as he shook his head. "No! I was just thinking it would help you relax."
"The idea sounds tempting but I'm not sure I could relax if I tried. What if Carter calls and I'm-"
"If anyone calls, I'll take your phone to the bathroom. You don't have to worry about that."
Ferryn pried herself out of the comfort of Tom's lap and stood. "Okay, okay."
He stood and followed her into the bathroom. Once inside the door, Ferryn turned on the tap. She turned to see eager eyes staring at her. "Need help?"
"If you want." She smiled as she stood in front of the mirror. She pulled her hair up and secured it in a clip. Her hands went to the hem of her T-shirt to find Tom's already there. He slowly lifted it from her body as his fingertips grazed her sides. She trembled as his fingers came in contact with the sides of her breasts. He gently brushed them through the thin lace of her bra. Tom tossed her T-shirt aimlessly to the floor as his hands slid around her waist. His palms glided across her bare skin. He pulled her against his body as his eyes met hers in the mirror. His lips dipped down to meet with the exposed skin of her neck.
Ferryn shivered and leaned more heavily against him as her body helplessly succumbed to the pleasure pulsing through her. His lips moved to her ear before his tongue traced the shell of her ear. "You're beautiful, Ferryn Layne." He whispered in her ear. "I'm still amazed every day that you chose me. Out of all the men in the world, you chose me."
"I don't see in them all that I see in you."
He smiled. "What do you see?"
"A man with nothing but love in his eyes. A man who's asking for just one chance to prove that he can love me like I deserve. A man that saw the world through my eyes. A man looking for a shot to be loved for who he really is. A man who'd do anything for me and ignored the fact that I was a bitch and pushed him away."
He kissed her cheek quickly causing her to giggle. "I think I fell in love with you from the beginning. You pushing me away helped keep my feelings at bay. Each time we'd end up together, each time you'd let your guard down a little, I could feel it. Parts of your wall crumbled every time. When you'd leave, I'd feel more empty than the last. I think about you all the time."
Ferryn turned in his arms to look up at him. Her eyes shimmered with tears. "I didn't want to be in love with you but when I'd spend time with you, I saw the beautiful man behind what the public eye portrays. You were just looking for someone to see the real you."
"I've never been anything but real with you, Ferryn."
"I know. You amaze me every day."
His lips met hers in a soft kiss. He teased the seam of her lips, silently asking permission for entry. Their tongues dance with one another. Nothing could be heard except the soft gasps that came from their heated kisses and the water filling the tub.
His hands moved to her back, smoothly unclasping her bra. It easily slid down her arms and found its way on top of her discarded T-shirt on the floor. His hands came to her waist and one finger tugged the drawstring of her sweatpants. The loosened immediately. Both his hands sneaked under the waistband and to her backside. His hands felt the thin material of her panties. He gave a gentle tug and smiled against her lips as her pants simply pooled at her feet. He traced over her curves and up to her bare breasts.
Ferryn moaned loudly as she pulled her lips from his and leaned against his chest breathlessly. "What are you trying to do to me?"
He continued on his mission, letting his fingers tease the sensitive skin of her nipples. He moved down to the waist of her panties. "I'm helping you relax, baby."
She ran her hands up ran under his shirt and up his abs. They stilled so she could meet his eyes. "This is leading to more than mere relaxation."
"It doesn't have to."
She felt her panties fall down around her ankles. She stepped out of them before looking down at the clothes strewn around her. "What if we want to?"
"Do we?" He asked.
Her eyes were intense as her hand cupped his dick through his jeans. Her lips moved merely a whisper away from his. "This feels like a yes."
"Touching it only increases the chances"
Ferryn laughed as she pulled his T-shirt over his head. Her hands went to unfasten his jeans. She pushed them down, along with his boxers. He stepped out of them just as she'd done earlier. Ferryn reached into one of the bathroom drawers and retrieved a small square packet. She shut the drawer and reached for Tom's hand. "Come on."
Tom followed, stepping into the shower with her. The hot spray immediately met their already heated skin. He reached out for her and his lips found hers as his body brushed against hers. "I want you so damn bad right now."
Ferryn allowed himself to be hauled up against him. Her feet left the slippery floor and her legs wrapped round his waist. "I want you too."
She helped roll the condom over his cock before welcoming the heat of his body as he slid slowly into her. Their moans echoed throughout the bathroom. Tom backed them against the cool tile of the shower wall. They moved fluidly, swallowing each others gasps with passionate kisses. Ferryn allowed herself to be swept away for a moment. She lost herself in her lover's body as it meshed with her own, loving and filling her.
Their climax crashed around them all too soon. They held tightly onto one another as their breathing calmed. When her legs slid from his waist, he made sure she was able to stand before he turned to exit the shower. Ferryn reached for his hand. "Where are you going?"
"I thought I'd let you clean up and relax. Have some time to yourself." He smiled at her.
"You don't have to go."
He brushed her forehead with a kiss. "I know. Just finish up and relax. I'll be out here when you're done."
He was giving her time to re-group. She could tell he wanted to stay but could sense her worry. "I love you, Tom."
He winked before reaching forward to take her lips with his. "I love you too, Ferryn."
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Tom paced nervously outside the bedroom as the baby inside cried. He prayed that Ferryn would come out of the bathroom to the rescue but it'd been nearly five minutes with no Ferryn yet. Star's cries were increasing in volume.
He finally walked into the room and to the crib. He looked down at Star as she looked back at him, her chubby arms moving in all directions. Large tears rolled down her temples and Tom couldn't stand to see her like that. He reached in and lifted the crying infant. He held her against him. She looked up at him with curiosity and began to settle a little. Tom let out a sigh of relief as he smiled awkwardly. "So you must be Star, huh? Your Aunt Ferryn loves you so much and I can see why."
Her green eyes gazed up at him. They were a slightly lighter shade than Ferryn's. New tears formed and began to roll down her cheeks. She looked at him as though he should know what do to. When he didn't comply, she cried harder. Tom reached into the crib for her fleece blanket. He wrapped it around her lightly. He sat down in the rocker, cradling her in his arms and held her against his chest. "I'm not really good at this, Star. Give me a little break here, okay?"
She whimpered once before grasping the blanket between her tiny fingers. She rubbed her eyes as Tom hummed a soft melody. He noticed her cries subsided a little and decided to go a step further. He looked down at her and began to sing softly. "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May." He stopped singing and watched as Star looked up at him intently. Her cries had stopped. "Oh, so that's what it takes to make you happy? You like when someone sings to you?" He smiled as she made a happy noise so he continued singing. "I guess you'll say, what can make me feel this way? My girl, my girl, my girl. Talkin' 'bout my girl. My girl."
Star continued to look at him, making soft noises almost as if she was humming along with him. Tom was completely distracted by singing that he didn't see Ferryn standing in the doorway. She slowly inched her way inside. Tom smiled when he felt soft arms around his neck and her chin resting on his shoulder. The clean scent of flowers met his senses. He blushed a little at being caught singing to the baby but the grin on Ferryn's face let him know there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He glanced back and winked at her as she looked down at her niece.
"Don't you dare stop." She whispered.
He knew she was enjoying his performance. He saw how happy his singing always seemed to make her. He continued singing. "I've got so much honey, the bees envy me. I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees. I guess you'll say, what can make me feel this way? My girl, my girl, my girl. Oooohhhh."
Tom made sure to hit the high note at the end of the verse. It added that dramatic effect he knew Ferryn was swooning over. He looked down to see that Star's eyes had fallen shut and she was soundly asleep again.
He stood carefully and placed her back in her crib. When he turned around, he couldn't really read Ferryn's expression. He brought his arms around her shoulders and smiled against her forehead as her arms slipped between his. Ferryn pulled away and led Tom to the bedroom where they'd be sleeping. She'd already placed Tom's duffel bag on the bed. She lay down and watched him changed into a pair of light cotton pajama pants and a T-shirt.
He joined Ferryn in the bed and she molded herself around him. "I didn't know you were so good with babies."
Tom chuckled as he tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'm not but I couldn't just let her lay there and cry."
"You're a natural. She loves you."
He shook his head. "She's just a sucker for a good song, like her aunt."
"Could be. I'm a little jealous though. She got to hear you sing."
"She's so chubby and adorable. I couldn't resist." He smiled widely.
"If I gain twenty pounds, will I qualify?"
Tom rolled on top of Ferryn, pinning her beneath him. "You could just ask. I guess I could sing for you."
"I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself or anything, Kaulitz."
He blinked his eyelashes innocently. "I won't. So I never got to ask. How's the album going with Blake?"
"Good. I feel horrible though. Little things keep getting in the way and it seems like we'll never finish. He came back from seeing his fiance and was single and depressed."
"She broke up with him?"
Ferryn nodded. "It sucks. He's a really great guy."
'As long as he knows his sexy producer is taken."
Ferryn rolled her eyes. "He knows I went to see my boyfriend."
Tom nipped at her jaw playfully before his kisses became softer. "Good. Just making sure."
"He doesn't think of me like that, Tom. No worries."
"Sorry for asking. I just worry. I know I shouldn't but I don't think you see how men react to you."
"How do they react to me?"
Tom narrowed his eyes as if she should know. Ferryn looked up at him clueless. "They look at you like they've just seen the most gorgeous, sexy woman ever."
Ferryn giggled as Tom sucked at her neck. "Do they?
"Mmm hmm" His response was muffled against her neck. "They undress you with their eyes, too."
"They do not!"
"It's okay as long as they don't try to make that imagination a reality." He sealed his declaration with a kiss, tasting her lips slowly until she was whimpering against him. Just as his hand went to graze the skin exposed by her tank top, the phone rang and Ferryn bolted upright.
She pulled it to her ear. She was standing from the bed and walking from the bedroom in an instant. Tom tried to calm his breathing as he rolled over and sat up. His hands covered his face as his breathing returned to normal. It was fifteen minutes later when Ferry came back to the bedroom. She looked as thought a large weigh had been lifted from her shoulders. She took a seat beside him. "She's awake."
Tom pulled hi hands into his, rubbing the tops of her knuckles. "That's great, baby! Is she okay?"
She nodded before she continued. "Besides her broken bones and being banged up, they didn't see much else they were really concerned about. They're still testing her memory and such since she just woke up but Carter is there with her and I told him I'd be there to see her first thing in the morning. My parents are with her now also."
"I'm glad she's doing well."
"I felt like I was going to lose my sister. I don't think I've ever prayed so hard in my life."
"I think it's because you learned how to have some faith. Sometimes that's really all it takes."
Ferryn shut off the light and crawled into bed. She curled up into Tom's arms. "I think you're right. I just changed Star though and put her back to sleep so I think she'll be out for the rest of the night. My mom's coming over to take over baby duty so I'll probably head back to the loft until I know Raluca is 100% back to normal before I go back to London."
"Now you can breathe, baby. Just relax. Everything's going to work out." Tom rubbed his hands up and down her back as they lay together on their sides.
"I'm trying."
"I know you are." He smiled. "You've been through a lot. Just try and sleep."
"Keep rubbing my back like that and sleep will be here at any second."
He pulled her closer and continued. "Only if you insist."
"Tom?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"You said that all I had to do is ask if I wanted you to sing to me, right?"
"Mmm hmm." He hummed his answer.
"Well, this is me asking."
He cleared his throat. "Okay. I'll sing."
Smiling against his shoulder, she kissed the exposed skin at his neck. "You're the best. I love you."
"I love you too. Now close your eyes."
Ferryn did so as Tom's voice starting singing a soulful melody that flowed straight into her heart.
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Tom tried to keep his composure as he walked down the hospital hallway with Ferryn. His fingers were laced with hers and he gave her a reassuring squeeze although he was a bundle of nerves. He noticed how pale and worried she looked.
They finally stopped outside a glass window marked 'Intensive Care Unit'. Tom kissed Ferryn's forehead lovingly and let her hand leave his grasp. "I'll be right here if you need me."
Ferryn nodded and smiled weakly. "Thanks" She said before she disappeared through the door.
Tom looked around for the waiting area. He took a seat in one of the chairs. His heart ached for Ferryn. He couldn't imagine being in her place, having Bill teetering on the edge of death. He was thankful that his schedule was flexible enough to allow him to be here for Ferryn.
He picked up a magazine and leafed through it, not really paying attention to its contents. Hospitals always creeped him out. Something about them always made him feel uneasy. A gentleman with wavy blonde hair and black framed glasses entered the waiting area and took a seat next to Tom. "You're Tom, right?"
Tom nodded as he recognized the man he'd seen in the picture in Star's room. "Yeah. You're Carter?"
The man stuck out his hand to shake Tom's. "Yeah. I'm Raluca's husband. It's nice to meet you."
"Likewise. How's she doing?" Tom asked cautiously.
Carter ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I'm not gonna lie, it was a rough night. I'm just glad she's finally awake." He smiled. "Everything is looking good. She's been able to pass all the tests they've performed on her."
Tom said a silent, thankful prayer. "That's great! I'm glad she's doing well!"
Carter nodded. "I thought I was going to lose her. I've never been so afraid in my life."
"I bet." Tom said as Carter picked up a magazine. "You just have to have faith. I kept telling Ferry that. I thought she was going to lose her mind."
"Raluca's face lit up the second Ferryn walked in." Carter said as he flipped a few pages of the magazine without even looking at them. "I really appreciate you coming all this way to be with Ferryn. She puts up a good front most of the time but her weaknesses sneak through sometimes."
Tom laughed softly. "Ferryn weak? I can't even fathom such a thing!"
Carter smiled back warmly. He appreciated Tom's humor. "She has built a strong backbone. Don't take that strong personality the wrong way. She's been through hell and back but she always manages to come out stronger in the end."
Tom hated to pry but he knew there was so much he didn't know about Ferryn. "Does this have to do with her ex?"
Carter nodded as he continued. "They were together off and on for a while. He treated her like a princess but everyone warned her that he wasn't the best. Ferryn chose to ignore it and was planned to spend the rest of her life with him. When he was in the car accident and died, all of his dirt surfaced. Ferryn was so hurt. She felt stupid and swore she'd never go blindly through a relationship again. She lost her trust for everyone. As far as I know, you're the only guys she's been with since it all happened."
Tom took in what he'd just heard and absentmindedly played with his braids. "I didn't know all of that. It explains a lot though."
"That's the main reason behind her prickly personality. She's a great girl but she's not gonna put up with any bullshit. She's one of the most genuinely real people you'll ever meet." Tom nodded in agreement. "Her music is her escape. She loves new adventures and new places. You must have walked into her life at just the right time."
Tom shook his head. "We didn't have the best first meeting. She actually hated me. I guess little by little something just fell into place. She already had an image of me painted into her head. I still to this day don't know what exact moment got us to where we are but I'm glad it happened. I loved her as my best friend before I ever loved her as a romantic partner. I love her with all my heart, all of me."
Carter grinned. "I can tell. I've heard her telling Raluca about you. You can hear it in her voice that she's happy."
"She came into my life at the most random time. I had gone through a horrible public breakup and had decided I was done with trying to love someone. When I met Ferryn, her sassy attitude did something to me. Like you said, she puts up a front but her heart is right there if you choose to look close enough."
"I'm glad she found you, Tom. She deserves it. We really appreciate you coming to help out with Star. I know we both feel better knowing someone was there in case Ferryn went haywire."
Tom leaned back in his chair. "Don't mention it."
Thirty minutes later, footsteps could be heard coming toward them. Tom looked up to see Ferryn walk into the waiting room. He was surprised when she took a seat in his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. A look of concern clouded his face as he wrapped his arms around her. "Everything okay?"
She nodded against him before sitting up. "I'm just overwhelmed. I've never been so happy to see her in my life."
"I'm glad she's doing well."
Ferryn looked around the room. "Where's Carter?"
"He went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. I told him I'd stay here and wait for you."
Ferryn wrapped her arms around his neck as she leaned in and inhaled the warm comforting scent that could only belong to Tom. "I know I keep repeating myself but I'm really happy you're here."
"I am too." He kissed her forehead softly.
"Are you ready to go? They have to run more tests on Raluca and she insisted that I leave." She laughed lightly. "She really wants to meet you but she made me swear that it wouldn't be in a hospital bed."
Tom laughed with her. "I'll have plenty of time to meet her."
Ferryn smiled widely and realized that it was easier to breathe. "You're right. Come on. Let's go home."
He smiled to himself, wondering if Ferryn realized what she had said. Home. The two of them in her home together. It made his heart skip a beat and he couldn't help but think about what it'd be like if it was their home together. The thought of marriage had never really entered his mind but the more time he spent with Ferryn, the more the subject seemed to creep into his thoughts. He knew they weren't ready for it and the fact they lived on different sides of the world didn't make things any less complicated, especially with her career about to take off. Regardless, he knew they hadn't been a couple very long and had spent most of their relationship apart but he still could see them moving forward together as each day passed. He knew Ferryn was becoming something special to him and this spur of the moment trip had proved it to be true. He knew she needed him and for her to admit that made Tom realized that he'd go to the moon and back for her. It had been a long time since he'd had that feeling. He no longer looked at his life as his own but as theirs together. She was slowly becoming embedded deep within him.
-----------------------------
Tom came up behind Ferry and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She looked out the long window of her loft. He sighed as the warmth of his body melted against hers. She felt good in his arms. "You okay? You've been quiet since we got back."
She snuggled against his body and nodded as she continued to gaze out at the beautiful picture the city painted. "Just thinking."
"Anything I can do for you?"
She hummed softly. "You're going it."
He kissed the side of her neck and tightened his embrace. They gently swayed together to an unheard melody. He knew she was worn out and just mentally and physically exhausted. After all, she was flying back and forth to London which was no quick flight. Once there, she was constantly working. She had just barely been back when she got news of the life altering events of one of the most important people in her life. Ferryn had a right to feel defeated.
Tom didn't want to break the comfortable silence. He hesitated before asking, "Do you know when you have to go back to London?"
He could feel her tense in his arms. "No. I don't even want to think about that right now. I just want to take a day with nothing on my shoulders."
"I'm sorry. You're right." Tom let the subject drop. "Would you like for me to run you a hot bath or something?"
"That sounds nice. I think I'll take you up on that offer."
Tom smiled. "Give me a few minutes. I'll be right back."
Ferryn nodded and immediately missed the warmth of his arms around her.
Fifteen minutes later, Tom was shutting off the big whirlpool style tub in Ferryn's bathroom. It was built for relaxation at its finest. Blue and green tiles covered the walls and set the tone for the sunlight that shone through the window. The shower was separate with clear glass surrounding it. Not one, but two large shower heads finished it off. The space looking inviting and was the perfect place to unwind. He finished lighting the last candle that he'd set around the tub and called Ferryn to the door. "It's all set, babe!"
She smiled at him, yet fatigue was clear in her eyes. "You're amazing."
He cupped her face gently as he kissed her lips softly. He watched as she disrobed. "Go relax. I'll be out here when you're done."
She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow as he watched her sink into the warm bubbles. "You're not gonna join me?"
He shook his head. "Not this time. I'm gonna let you relax alone for once."
Ferry leaned against the bath pillow and closed her eyes. "Okay. I'll be in here if you change your mind."
Tom walked to the door and turned to look at her once more before leaving the room. "I'll keep that in mind."
-----------------------------
Ferryn emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed and feeling better. She followed a soft piano melody through the loft and found Tom sitting at the black baby grand. His glasses were perched high on his nose and he was dressed in track pants and a white T-shirt. He seemed relaxed and looked sexy.
She sneaked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He turned and brought his hands up to trace the smooth skin of her arms. "Feel better?"
"Mmm. Much." She smiled. "It was just what I needed."
Tom encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her onto his lap. "Good."
"So what have you been up to, Mr. Kaulitz?" She asked as she leaned her head to the side. "We haven't had any real time to sit and talk. I feel bad for monopolizing all your time."
"Don't apologize." He tilted her chin up with his index finger. "You've had a rough few days. Things back home are fine. I've been working with a new pop artist."
"That's good. Any more thought about doing your own thing?"
He shook his head. "I just don't think it's the right time."
She brought her forehead forward so it rested against his. "The world has no idea what they're missing."
"They'll hear it one day."
"Do I get my own personal concert tonight?" Ferryn asked as her lips began a soft trail from his jaw to his ear. She smiled as he sighed deeply.
"Keep that up and you can have whatever you want."
"If that's the case-" Her fingers trailed up his back and gently tugged on his braids. She rearranged her legs so she was straddling his lap on the piano bench. His hands went down her sides and pulled her close against him.
Her lips made their way down to his neck. She nibbled softly as her fingers moved down to inch inside the hem of his T-shirt. His skin reacted instantly and Ferryn could feel the goosebumps underneath her fingertips. She looked up to see his dark eyes staring intently at her. Their lips suddenly met in a passionate kiss. He took his time, slowly nipping at first before his tongue traced the seam of her lips, begging for more.
Ferryn chased his tongue with her own. His hands found their way to the tie of her robe. He slowly tugged it undone and pulled the soft cotton away from her shoulders. He was pleased to see her naked flesh. He dipped his head and his lips kissed her collar bone before moving down to the swell of her breasts. Ferryn gasped lightly. He reached one strong arm behind her as she bended backward, leaning against the piano. Random keys played as she moved. She held onto him as he continued to kiss, lick and suck inch by inch of her heated skin. Ferryn couldn't stop the moan from escaping her lips. "Tom... Mmm, baby..."
"Tell me what you need, Ferryn."
"You." She moaned. "I need you."
The piano keys continued to play their own erotic melody as Ferryn moved and writhed against the torment of Tom's lips. His hand trailed down, moving her robe off her as he went. His fingertip danced over the silky skin of her stomach and he smiled as she shivered. He moved back up and took each of her breasts in his hands. His thumbs traced around the sensitive nipples. Her hands reached for his T-shirt and she urged his arms up so she could discard it. He hugged her against him to feel her naked body against his bare skin.
"Too many clothes." She whispered.
"Bedroom?" He asked in between kisses.
"No. Here."
He smiled against her skin. He kissed her once before pulling back to look into her eyes. Neither of them could break their gaze. They reeled in the intimate moment that was taking place between them. He nuzzled his nose with hers before dipped down to place the lightest of kisses on her lips. "I love you so much. With everything I am, I love you."
"I love you too." Ferryn said as a lone tear slipped down her cheek while more threatened to fall. "I never thought I'd be able to feel this again."
"Things happen for a reason."
She kissed him deeply, tongue delving in slowly to taste him. He hand trailed down her body, gently moving over her most intimate area. She gasped and arched her body against him. Ferryn let herself get lost in the moment and the feel of his body as he continued to bring her to new heights. For a moment, she forgot about the rest of the world and all of the stress she had been holding onto.
Her eyes closed and she pulled her lip between her teeth. The pleasure almost drowned out the sound of her phone ringing in the kitchen. Her eyes suddenly shot open. She willed reality to stop but her thoughts swiftly drifted back reality.
She bolted upright and pulled her robe around her as she jumped off Tom's lap. He looked at her hungrily, trying to pull her back against him. "Baby..."
"My phone, Tom. It could be about Raluca."
He nodded and tried to calm his raging hormones.
Ferryn reached for the phone, answering right before her voice mail kicked on. She tried to control her ragged breath. "Hello?"
"Ferryn. Hey. It's Blake. How's your sister?"
She was relieved the call wasn't about her sister and she fought the urge to roll her eyes. "She's-" She took in a deep breath. "She's better. She's out of a coma."
"That's good. I'm so glad." Blake said softly.
Ferryn nodded. "Yeah. It's been rough. Is everything okay there?"
"Actually, no." He frowned. "I'm sorry for bothering you. It's just- Well, they sent over this asshole of a producer to fill your shoes. I can't stand the guy. He walks around like his shit doesn't stink. I'm about to bitchslap him."
Ferryn laughed lightly as she picture Blake going off on someone. His temper had a hair trigger. "I'm really sorry for leaving like I did. Just stay calm and don't hit anyone. I wouldn't know the first thing about bailing you out of a London jail."
"I just miss you. Things aren't the same. Your style is so much different- Better than his."
She could understand where he was coming from. They had been working together almost non-stop, however his comment didn't sit well with her. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Okay." He sighed. "I'm sorry for bothering you. I just needed to vent."
"I understand." She smiled warmly. "I'll see you soon."
"Okay, Ferryn. Bye."
"Bye, Blake."
Ferryn hit the end call button on her phone and made her way back into the living room. Tom was still seated at the piano, shirtless with his glasses still perched on his nose. She had never seen anything more gorgeous. She resumed her place on his lap.
He looked up concerned. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah. It was Blake."
His brows furrowed as he tried to conceal his jealousy. "And?"
Her arms snaked around his neck. "Apparently they sent a temporary producer and the guy thinks he's God. Blake's not taking it well."
"He's a big boy. He can deal with it for a few days."
"Oh yeah?" Ferryn smirked as she placed kisses around his neck.
"Yeah." He closed his eyes. "You're not going back because I'm keeping you."
"Oh?" She trailed her bottom lip across his collar bone. "What are you gonna do with me?"
He pulled her up to kiss her. "Hmmm." He hummed from his throat and made her heart race. "I'm gonna do things to you that'll make you walk funny."
She smiled against his lips. "Tempting."
His hands went to remove the robe from her body again. This time he tossed it to the floor. "We won't be needing this for a while."
"Oh really?"
He nodded as his hands slid around her back and cupped her ass, lifting her to the top of the piano. Her feet grazed the keys to play a few notes. She looked down at him and held his gaze as his hand trailed the inside of her thighs. Ferryn moaned loudly as his head dipped down to pepper her with kisses from her breast down to her belly button.
Her body tensed slightly as his kisses trailed lower. "Tom?"
"Relax. I've got you."
"This isn't fair to you." She breathed.
"I'm not keeping score. Just let me love you."
Her back arched against his kisses as he continued south and his touch became more intimate. She savored every movement as his lips trailed over her most sensitive flesh. The moment stood still for Ferryn. Their loving seemed to get better each time, bringing them to new levels. It wasn't long before her body began the soft tremors of ecstasy before she went ridged and let herself go. He held onto her, soothing her as she came down from her first rush. He stood and wrapped his arms around her.
Finally Tom couldn't take it anymore. "Bedroom now?" She nodded wordlessly and he moved quickly, climbing the stairs to the loft of her bedroom. He lay Ferryn on the bed as he smiled down at her. He kissed her once before kicking his pants and boxers off. "Finally."
Everything felt right. Perfect. She traced her hands up his arms and over his broad shoulders. She could feel his muscles flex as he held himself above her. Her nails grazed down his back and over his ass. She gently flipped them over and straddled his waist once again. She leaned down and took his mouth in hers quickly before trailing her lips downward. She allowed her tongue to trace over his erect nipples.
"Baby, you just don't know what you're doing to me."
"You're always giving to me. I wanna give you something in return."
Tom laughed. "Ferryn, you've given me plenty. This isn't a game to keep score."
"You want me to stop?" She raised and eyebrow in question. Her soft fingers trailed down to his aching member and he gasped.
"Unh, god." He arched upward, relishing in the feel of her hand stroking him into a blissful pleasure.
"That's what I thought." She said before kissing his stomach. She moved lower and brushed the head of his dick with her lips.
His cell phone suddenly buzzed loudly in his pants lying carelessly on the floor.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Tom groaned as he felt her lips move away from his aching body.
Ferryn giggled as she went to fetch the annoying device. He'd had every intention to ignore it so they could finish what they started. The realistic side of him knew that his job required more than that. "Hello?" He barked into the phone.
"Mr. Kaulitz? This is Epiphany Music calling. I was wondering if I may speak with you for a moment regarding a record label."
Tom groaned in frustration. "This isn't a good time right now."
"May I return this call at a better time?"
He couldn't prevent his eyes from rolling. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever." He hit the end call button before the person could say goodbye. He realized what he'd done and the severity it could have on his career but he didn't care. He wasn't interested in making an album at the moment. The one thing he wanted the most was lying on the bed beside him.
He shut his phone completely off and tossed it onto the dresser nearest him. He fell into Ferryn's welcoming arms. His urgency caused his nose to bump with hers.
"Slow down, baby."
"I can't help it! I've never hated cell phones more than I do today."
"We'll get there. I promise." Ferryn said as she kissed him gently.
"Now?" He looked down with pleading eyes, welcoming her kisses that grew more frequent as time slowly ticked by.
"Now would be great." Ferryn said as she opened her legs slightly, making room for him as he slid in slowly.
"Oh, Tom..."
"I know, baby..." He went to raise himself with his arms but Ferryn pulled him back down until they meshed together. Her slender legs went around his waste, crossing at the ankle. "Like this."
He groaned as his tongue swept out to trail the dips of her collar bone. "I love you."
"I love you too." She whispered as she began moving her hips in rhythm to his shallow, downward thrusts. They continued moving, kissing, making sweet love to one another as the city of Greenville moved around them throw the bay windows of the loft. It should have felt like a deep invasion of privacy but it didn't. Tom suddenly understood Ferryn's love for the city. His eyes focused on hers as he watched her face contort with pleasure. He quickened his pace, rocking into her. His body went tight and her moan mixed with his groan as they came crashing into blissful rapture.
"Tom! Unh..."
His head rested in the crook of her neck as they both panted, filling the silence of the loft. Their skin was slick with sweat at they held onto one another and their rapid heartbeats slowly returned to normal.
"Oh my god." He panted.
"Mmmm, yeah." She traced a finger up and down his back.
"That was- Just- I have no words."
"I have to agree."
He rolled them over and tucked Ferryn against his chest. She curled against him lazily. Time ticked by as they lay and relished in the end result of ecstasy. It wasn't long before reality sunk in.
"Baby, please don't shoot me but I forgot-" Tom said as he realized he hadn't sheathed himself first.
"Don't worry. I forgot too."
"I just got so caught up in you."
"Let's not worry about it. We'll drive ourselves crazy with worry."
"You're right." He said as he enjoyed her soft weight against him. He decided that this is exactly what love felt like. Things weaved together and finally were making sense. Just as he was getting used to it, he knew she'd have to leave again to go back to London. "How much longer do I get to keep you?"
"I'll probably need to leave late tomorrow night."
He sighed as he felt the heaviness in his chest. "Okay."
"I don't want to go."
He looked deep into her eyes, his own eyes pleading with her. "Stay. Or come back to LA. Every time I get a second with you, I have to tell you goodbye."
"It won't always be this way." She felt her eyes stinging with tears.
"When you're finished in London, come stay with me for a few weeks. You'd love to have you there with me for more than just a day or two. Bill loves having you around too!"
"I want to be with you but I'll have to see, Tom."
"You don't have to leave if you want. You can stay in LA as long as you want." He looked down at her with hopeful eyes, silently hinting at what he really wanted to ask her.
"My family. My home. I just can't leave it all."
He sighed in defeat. He missed her already. "Just think about it, Ferryn. I love you too much to keep telling you goodbye."
"I will." She sighed with him. "And I love you too. Reality just gets in the way of things."
He responded by tightening his grip on her. Reality always seemed to get in the way.
-----------------------------
Ferryn dragged herself down the hallway of toward her London hotel room. She carelessly unlocked the door and stumbled inside. She was exhausted beyond belief and as much as she loved her job, being in London was on the bottom of the list of things she'd like to be doing. Life seemed to have taken a hectic toll and even though she knew she could handle it, things had taken an interesting turn. She already found herself wondering if her sister was okay and if her niece was being taken care of. Of course, Tom was on the top of her list of things she'd like to be doing. As much as she loved him, she had no idea how she could make a relationship work when he was in LA and she never really stayed anywhere for a long period of time. Meeting him had been one thing but falling in love was something she never saw coming.
She tossed her suitcase in the closet before walking into the bathroom to wash her face and change into her pajamas. Once all that was done, she threw herself into the queen sized bed and buried herself in the Egyptian cotton sheets. "Yes. This is what I needed. Sleep. Lots of it with no interruptions."
Just as she was about to drift off, her cell phone rang out annoyingly. She cursed herself for forgetting to shut it off as she pulled it to her ear to answer it. "Hello?"
"Ferryn? It's Black. Did you make it back okay?"
She smiled. "Yeah. I just got in. Thanks."
"That's good. Is everything okay? How's your sister?"
"She's good. She's doing much better now."
"Good. I just called to see if you were back yet."
Ferryn laughed as she could hear there was more behind the reason why he called. "And why's that?"
"I'm outside your door."
Ferryn slapped a hand silently over her face. She dragged herself from the comfort of her bed and walked to the door. She opened it to see a smiling Blake, looking about as haggard as she felt. He was wearing baggy gray sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt.
"Surprise." He smiled at her.
Ferryn shook her head. She stepped to the side to allow him entry. It wasn't particularly late but she felt as if she would fall asleep while standing. She convinced herself that her body clock was permanently messed up. "Hi."
She opened her arms and accepted the friendly hug he gave. She kept telling herself that he was just being nice. They'd spent nearly all of their time together since she first went to London. They'd done a lot of writing, recording and getting to know one another. He had become a good friend after she was able to get past his cockiness.
"You look whipped." He mused.
"I feel whipped." She groaned. "I want to sleep for a month."
"I'll let you get back to sleep."
She shook her head and walked to the small living room of her suite. She took a seat on the couch as he grabbed a chair across from her. "You're fine. So you survived the dreaded producers they sent?"
Blake rolled his eyes. "The guy was an ass. I have no idea why they sent him. You can't just step into a recording studio, pretending like you're the king of the planet and boss me around."
Ferryn laughed. "Yeah, I can see where that wouldn't go over well."
"It just-" He paused, looking at her intently. "Wasn't the same."
Ferryn immediately sidestepped his comment with a large yawn. She made a scene of it, covering her mouth with her hand dramatically. She hoped he'd take the hint. "Sorry."
He chuckled as he stood and headed back to the door. "I can take a hint. Get some sleep. I just came by to make sure you were okay."
Ferryn followed him and stood by the door. "Thanks."
He nodded and leaned down for another hug. Instead of pulling apart right away, he stilled. Ferryn realized his lips were directly beside her ear as he whispered. "I'm just glad you're back."
She froze for a moment, taken completely off guard by the closeness of his confession. Finally he pulled away but kept his face within inches of hers. He gazed into her eyes while she stood, unmoved. Ferryn opened her mouth to protest but before she could, Blake's lips were on hers.
-----------------------------
Ferryn rolled over as the alarm on her cell phone sounded. Her body wanted to resist the urge to wake up and she cursed the existence of different time zones. It's just wasn't a natural thing for someone's sleep pattern. In fact, she was no where near a pattern when it concerned sleep. The more she dealt with it, the harder it got.
She carelessly rubbed the fatigue from her eyes and begged her body to wake up. She lay there a few moments and did a mental check of where she was and what she was supposed to be doing. "I'm in London. I'm in my hotel room." Suddenly, what happened with Blake the night before came flooding back to her.
She hadn't seen it coming and cursed herself for getting into a position where he had opportunity to do such a thing. They were friends. Yes, they were a little closer than most male and female friends but she thought it was understood that's where it ended. She was in a committed relationship with a man she loved more and more every day. Blake was nursing a broken heart from a woman who never thought he was good enough. It was a sad dynamic. The kiss might have only been a kiss but it seemed as thought it was an interlude to more.
Ferryn finally pulled herself from the comfort of her hotel bed. She dragged her body into the bathroom and turned on the water for a shower. She undressed and stepped in, letting the hot water pour over her aching body as she tried to clear her head.
She felt a gnawing guilt in the pit of her stomach. She knew she would have to tell Tom about what had happened and she honestly had no idea how he'd take it. He had been cheated on before and was absolutely heartbroken because of it. With the distance that came with their relationship, she knew no good was going to come of the news. She contemplated calling him immediately but did a mental check of the time in LA and realized he'd still be sleeping. This also wasn't something she could just blurt out to him. She would have to ease into it. Not being there to tell him face to face was going to be hard. When you're face to face with someone, you can read their body language, judge the look on their face and maybe even hug them for reassurance. It wouldn't be the case with this situation.
Tom was only half the problem. Ferryn had to figure out exactly what to say to Blake. She needed to speak with him maturely and let it be known that she was taken and she was very happy in her relationship with Tom. After he'd kissed her, she'd been so shocked and pissed off that she had less than kindly shoved him out her hotel room and slammed it behind her. Blake knew he had crossed the line but last night was not the time to get into the tirade she knew would have come. She sighed as she finished the last of her hygiene and stood against the hot spray of the shower. She prayed that all the answers to her questions would pour out along with the water.
-----------------------------
Ferryn rolled her eyes as she stopped in front of the studio door. She really didn't want to be there anymore. London had been amazing until the recent events. Before Blake's little stunt, Ferryn loved the beauty of London. At this moment, that wasn't the case. She bit her tongue as she pulled the door open. She had to maintain her composure so she wouldn't go on a tirade and rip Blake a new asshole. She knew better. That wasn't how the situation needed to be handled. Regardless of what happened, she was still a producer, a professional. She'd have to learn to swallow her pride.
She stepped inside the room and immediately spotted Blake warming up his voice with the help of one of the sound techs they'd been working with. They were getting down to crunch time. His album had a deadline that was quickly approaching. When it was signed, sealed and delivered, Ferryn knew she'd be on the first plane back to North Carolina. Or LA for that matter.
Blake's eyes shot up when he heard Ferryn walk in. He looked as if he were guiltily sulking. Ferryn rolled her eyes in return. "Morning." He greeted her.
She nodded. "Are you ready?" She asked with no warmth in her voice.
He turned to the sound tech who gave him a nod. "Yeah."
The tech left, leaving Ferryn and Blake in the room by themselves. The tension was thick in the air. "So..." Blake began.
Ferryn took a seat at the sound board and tweaked several knobs while she pushed a few buttons. She simply wanted to get to work and get things set for him to start recording. "Let's get started. Get in the sound booth."
Blake mumbled something under his breath and stood to walk to the booth. He stopped in front of her ans stared at her steadily. "I'm sorry about last night."
She fought the urge to laugh. "You should be."
He shifted his weight from one foot to another as he stuck his hands in his pockets. "I just- I don't know what I was thinking."
"You weren't thinking obviously." She scowled. "You know I have a boyfriend."
"I know." He sighed. "It's just- I'm sorry. Okay?" He looked down at the floor. "I hadn't seen you in a while and then you were there and you were looking cute and vulnerable and I just went with it." His cheeks burned pink. "I really like you. I know it's stupid of me but it's just- Whomever your boyfriend is better realize how lucky he is."
Her response took him off guard. "He does."
He looked her in the eyes. "You just never talk about him. It's just easier for me to picture you as single."
She shook her head as she once again rolled her eyes. She wanted to make sure he knew how ridiculous his excuse was. "I choose to keep my love life private. We're here to work."
"I said I'm sorry. I know it doesn't take it back. I just wish things were different." He said just above a whisper.
"You need to know that it cannot and will not happen again. I'm fine with being your friend but not if you're gonna cross the line like that. My boyfriend and I are apart more than we are together and I'm sick to my stomach with the guilt of not having told him about what happened yet." She frowned. "I can't be there to reassure him that it won't happen again."
Blake shrugged his shoulders carelessly. "Don't tell him."
Ferryn's eyes grew wide with anger. "I can't not tell him! Are you crazy?"
"Sure you can." He half-smiled. "Forget it happened and don't mention it."
She shook her head. "That's not how real relationships work, Blake."
He held up his hands dramatically. "Well, excuse me! You must know everything. We all know I'm the best at fucking relationships up."
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get in the sound booth. We have deadlines." Ferryn locked her eyes on him and set her jaw.
He walked forward to the booth and muttered to himself. "I'm aware of the deadlines."
"Good." She smirked. "Then let's hurry this up. This is the last place I want to be right now."
He turned to look back at her. "Well, don't let me keep you from your precious boyfriend."
Ferryn bit her lip to keep from playing his childish game. It wasn't worth it. Blake wasn't worth it. Boarding her plane home couldn't come soon enough.
They worked late into the night, trying to perfect everything they possibly could. The tension had settled somewhat but it was still floating around and they were both consciously aware of it. Ferryn would give him direction and he's snap back at her. She kept from lashing out at him by telling herself that he was just feeling stupid for his actions.
Blake had a personality similar to a small child. If he didn't get what he wanted, he usually had some kind of pathetic ploy to fire back with. Ferryn took his complaints as they came. She wanted nothing more than to get finished as quickly as possible so she could leave and not look back on London or Blake for a long time.
-----------------------------
Ferryn paced in her hotel room. She took time to retie her ponytail and would randomly stop in front of the window, overlooking the London nightlife. She glanced over at the lounge chair. The cell phone was placed on the arm and stared at her. She mentally cursed herself. She hadn't spoken to Tom all day. He knew she'd been working hard since she'd left. Her mind argued with itself. She had been back at her hotel for a while and she knew it was a perfect time to speak with him but she just couldn't make herself pick up the phone.
She searched her mind for the right words. She tried to predict whether he'd be mad or upset or a combination of the two. They hadn't crossed that line in their relationship yet and until now, she was convinced they'd be able to avoid it. Finally, her heart stepped in and won the argument over her head. She finally picked up the tiny device and pressed the speed dial to connect to Tom. She sat on the edge of the bed and bit her lip as she listened to the ringing, waiting Tom to pick up.
"Hey, baby! I was hoping you'd call!"
Ferryn smiled. The sound of his voice was the perfect ending to a stressful day. "Hey!"
"How'd it go today? You get a lot done?" Tom smiled into the phone.
She shifted her weight and crossed her legs. "Yeah. We were in the studio the entire day. I'm hoping we're almost completely done."
"That'd great! Then you could come back home."
She raised an eyebrow, wishing she was there to see his face. "Where's home, Tom?"
"I wish it were here in LA with me." His voice was so sure and strong.
"Tom!" She wasn't expecting such a blunt offer. "Maybe I'll tell him about the Blake thing later."
"What?"
"Don't you think that'd be moving a little quickly?"
"Would it be, Ferryn?" He drew invisible circles on the table in front of him with his finger. "I know you enough to know that I love you- No, that I'm in love with you. This game we're playing is killing me! I know it's your job but still, it doesn't stop me from wondering what it'd be like to wake up next to you every morning in my bed and not have to drive you to the airport all the time or fly to wherever you are. I just-"
"Don't, Tom. Don't do this when I'm not even in the same country as you. You know I love you too. I'm just too tired to explain why it's too soon. But I may say yes if you keep up all the sweet talk." She couldn't help but grin.
Tom laughed lightly. "Maybe I should keep talking then."
"You're cruising for a bruising. Some big trouble here, mister."
"And just what kind of trouble would that be?" He asked, arching an eyebrow though she couldn't see.
"The kind where I kick your ass."
He let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a scoff. "Oh, sassy pants is back!"
"Whatever, Kaulitz."
"You okay? Your emotions seem all over the place tonight."
She brought her hand to her head and rubbed soothing circles against her temples. "I'm fine. Just tired. What have you been doing?"
"Uh, I've just been hanging out with Bill. We thought about going home to see our parents. I don't know if we're going to though."
"That sounds fun! You should go!"
"I'm actually waiting to hear back about a producing gig."
Her ears perked up. "Oh yeah? That's great, Tom!"
"Thanks! So you won't miss me if I go to Germany?"
She giggled. "I never said that. You know I miss you."
"Aww, you really do care! I knew it!" He mocked.
"Oh please." She was silent for a moment as the pressure fell thick against her chest.
"Ferryn?"
"I'm here." She said quietly. "I just- I need to tell you something." He was silent for a second. It was almost as if he knew she was about to hit him with bad news. "It was just a kiss." Ferryn told herself. "It's not like I slept with the guy. We can get through this."
"What's wrong, Ferryn?"
She sighed. "Can you promise me you won't get mad?"
"I can't promise anything until I know what you're going to tell me."
"Just promise me. And know that I love you and only you."
He sighed heavily. "Okay."
"When I got to London last night, it was late and I was exhausted. I went directly to my suite and Blake called. He seemed- I don't know. Upset? Annoyed? Next thing I knew, he was at my door and excited to see me." She took a deep breath as she stood and started to pace the room again. "Deep breaths." She told herself.
Tom was stoic and his breathing was even. "And?"
"He came in and was venting about one of the temporary producers. I let him know that I needed to get to bed if he expected me to function normally in the studio. So he goes to hug me goodbye and lingered for a bit. The next thing I knew, he pulled away and kissed me." Ferryn held her breath as the last words slipped out in a rush. She heard a small gasp on the other end of the line. She was already regretting being so damn far away.
"He kissed you?" His voice was full of surprise.
"Yes." It was a simple confirmation. And suddenly it was hard to breathe.
"He fucking kissed you?!" This time there was an obvious edge to his voice.
"Yes, Tom. I don't know why."
"What did you do?"
Her heart rate quickened. She could see this was headed for disaster. "What do you think I did, Tom? I pushed him away and told her to leave. I don't know what the hell he was thinking!"
"I had such a bad feeling about that guy."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ferryn snapped.
"Exactly what it sounds like. He's had a thing for you since day one."
Ferryn scoffed. "I really don't think so. I'm pretty sure I was a bitch to him for the first few days."
"Obviously not enough to let him know where you stand with your boyfriend."
"Damn it, Tom! Don't do this. I let him know I have a boyfriend. I mention you all the time."
"So he missed you so much that he had to come to your room in the wee hours of the night and randomly kiss you?"
"I don't know, Tom. Maybe he was drunk. All I know is that it meant nothing to me! And trust me when I say I laid down the law this morning when we began working. I hope you don't think I'm dumb enough to let something like this just breeze by."
"You yelled at him?"
"Yes, I did." She breathed deeply. "He's a friend. Plain and simple. He's lucky if I'll even grant him my friendship after this."
"I hate being so far apart." His voice softened.
"Me too, Tom." She felt her heart melt. "It's over and done with though. I just- I knew I had to tell you. I didn't know how you'd react."
"How am I supposed to react? You're my girlfriend and you're gorgeous and sex and you often fail to see that about yourself. You're on the other side of the world working with a man who thinks it's okay to kiss a girl who's in a committed relationship. It's just not right. I've been down this road before."
Ferryn stopped in front of the window again. The reality of this was beginning to be too much. She still felt she had a point to prove. "I'm not her, Tom."
He let out a shaky breath and she did the same. She wished she was by his side. "I know that, Ferryn."
"Do you? I hope you know me better than that. Like I said, I love you. I'm committed to you. If this wasn't a business situation, I'd be on the first plane back to LA." She waited a second to let that sink in. "Yes, LA. With you. Because it's where I want to be. You have to learn to trust me."
He was quick to answer. "I do."
"You'd better because this will never work if you can't."
"I do trust you. I can trust you. It's just hard. It's bad enough being away from you. Now I have to paint the picture of the asshole kissing you and thinking it's okay to do so!"
"Tom, he knows it's not okay. I think he's actually a little scared of me now."
Tom let out a small laugh. "Afraid of my little sassy pants? Now why doesn't that surprise me?"
She laughed with him. "Because it's true and that's just how I am. It's a gift."
"You're a gift."
"Are we gonna be okay, Tom?"
"Yeah, I think we'll be fine." He laughed again with relief. "This will be a lot easier when you're not in London."
"I know."
"How much longer will you be there?"
"I'm not sure yet. I know we're really behind which is why we worked all day today. I know Blake wants me to re-do some stuff they did while I was gone. The countdown is ticking."
"Ugh! His name just pisses me off!"
"Tom, this is strictly business. Forget it happened."
"Forget it? Right. How would you feel if I kissed another woman?"
She was silent for a moment. "I see your point."
He snickered. "Told you."
"Okay, Kaulitz. I need to get to bed."
"I wish I could be there to hold you."
"Me too. You got to do that night before last." She reminded him.
"And it was heaven." He sighed.
"You romantic sap. You're not making this any easier."
"Fine. Go to sleep. I love you, Ferryn Layne."
She softly kissed the receiver of her phone. "I love you too, Tom. I'll call soon."
"Okay." Just as he was about to hang up, her voice drew him back to the phone. Ferryn refused to end the conversation without letting him be very sure that she meant what she had said.
"Hey, Tom?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm serious, Tom. It meant absolutely nothing to me at all and it never will. I love you so much and no one can that that away. Believe me when I say I'd leave right now if I could but I have to finish my job. I can't blow something this big when I'm trying to make something of myself. You have to understand that. And understand how much I love you."
She could tell he was smiling as he said, "I understand. I love you too, so much. I'm sorry for being all macho about it."
"It's fine. I know it's hard but we'll get through this. You'll see."
"G'night, baby."
"G'night, Tom."
-----------------------------
The week only seemed to get worse for Ferryn. She growled as she slammed the studio door closed. She walked out into the hallway and hit the down button on the elevator. She'd had enough of Blake!
He'd started off the day by coming in and insisting the last song they had recorded didn't sound right and didn't meet his specifications. Much to Ferryn's annoyance, that meant they had to tank the entire song and start over from scratch. Sometimes she felt like Blake's doormat. He was hardheaded and wanted everything his way. She was merely there to do his dirty work.
His mood had also seemed to go sour once he realized that she wasn't caving in and falling into his arms. He made several comments and Ferryn had reminded him she was very happy in her relationship with Tom. She finally had to tell him that whatever friendship they once had was squashed. She was there for business and business only.
They worked very long hours at Ferryn's insistence. She reminded him that she wanted a good album for him but she also wanted to get it done quickly. He seemed to follow her lead and do the work but no without throwing in a cocky remark when he could. Every with her witty and sassy personality, his constant whining and snapping had her worn down very thin. To top it all off, Blake had informed her that they were bringing in another producer to help speed up the process. They had already passed their first deadline and having the extra hands would help speed up the process.
Ferryn officially needed a break. She stepped out into the late evening air and sighed deeply. She waited at she felt herself slowly calm down. She just needed a moment to herself, not dealing with anything musical. Being cooped up in a recording studio and having to deal with a man she was growing to strongly dislike was really taking its toll on her. She dug her phone out of her pocket and sighed when she realized she had no missed calls.
Her nightly chats with Tom seemed to lessen as her schedule became more hectic. They'd send an occasional text back and forth and sometimes those texts were all Ferryn needed to get through the day. She was grateful that Tom didn't hover over the subject of Blake and the kiss but he did make sure everything was going well and that Blake hadn't tried to cross the line again. It was almost a pestering feeling having Tom check up on her but she tried to see it from his point of view. In a way, it was cute and it made Ferryn miss Tom more. In other ways, it clawed away at her patience.
She checked her watch before dragging herself back into the studio. She could feel a headache dancing around behind her eyes and her body ached. She needed a strong alcoholic drink to relax her. Normally she avoided drinking whenever possible but this was an exception.
She pressed the up arrow and waited for the doors to open. Once it opened, Ferryn dragged herself inside carelessly. She bumped into a man who was also entering the elevator and his brown bag fell from his hand and hit the floor. "Sorry." She grumbled without looking up. She heard a light chuckle and she felt slightly embarrassed. The elevator doors closed and the tiny room was suddenly filled with the stranger's scent. Ferryn's senses finally caught up. She knew that scent anywhere! Her heart rate quickened as she looked up into the familiar chocolate brown eyes. Ferryn blinked rapidly as the tried to get her brain to register who was standing in front of her. She tried to find words, any words, but fell short.
"Are you gonna say something, baby?" His smoother voice broke the silence.
She shook her head and grinned up at him. Her mouth fell open slighting in shock. "Tom? I just- I can't believe you're here!"
He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and held her close to him. It hadn't been very long since they'd seen one another but he still missed feeling her against him. "I miss you." He sighed. "I got a call about someone needing an extra producer yesterday."
Her eyes widened. "They called you?"
He nodded and pulled her even closer.
"I can't believe you came after-"
"After that jerk kissed my girlfriend?" Tom whispered as his lips brushed against her neck.
Ferryn pulled away from him as she felt anger redden her face. "Tell me that's not why you came here."
"Ferryn, it's business. You've been carrying this weight for a while now and I wanted to help you. Besides, did you really think I'd miss out on an opportunity to see you?" He raised his eyebrow in question, drawing her back into his arms.
"If you're sure." She hesitated.
"That I missed you? Absolutely!" He stared down at her as he slowly backed them against the wall of the unmoving elevator. He dipped his head down and kissed against her jawbone. "That I needed to see you? Definitely!" He slowly inched the material of her tank top up her body, smiling as he felt the goosebumps on her skin.
Ferryn finally wrapped her arms around his neck and she looked at him curiously. "Tom?"
He kissed back down to her neck as he hummed, "Hmmm?" against her neck.
Ferryn took a deep breath as she tried to shake the dizzy feeling Tom gave her. She knew better than to ask him more about his intentions but the way his body was pressed against her, it reminded her how much she needed him. It had been over a week since the kiss with Blake and since then, she'd been counting the days before she could feel Tom's lips against hers again. She needed to be close to him, to familiarize her body with his, to know that he was the one that was supposed to be touching. Finally, when it all seemed too much, she pulled his head away from her neck and asked the one thing she'd been dying to know. "When are you going to kiss me?"
He smiled and bent so that his lips were brushing against hers lightly. "Would now be a good time?" He asked and his breath fanned against her face.
Ferryn nodded, not trusting her voice. She cleared her throat. "Yes, please."
He smiled as his lips finally claimed hers hungrily. He tasted her eagerly and his tongue traced the inside of her upper lip. One of his hands moved up to cup her jaw, tilting it slightly. She could tell he was trying all he could to erase the memory of another man from her mind. However, in all of his hungry kisses, licks, nips and tatses, his love for her showed through. He made her feel adored despite his tad possessiveness that lingered deep within.
Ferryn gasped into his mouth as the hand that held her hip had suddenly moved up to her breast. He took that opportunity to slide his tongue against hers, fully tasting her sweet cries.
She pulled away, nearly out of breath. "Tom-"
He held himself with one hand against the elevator wall. "I miss you."
Ferryn smiled against his sweet words. She missed him too. She pulled his head back to her and trailed kisses up and down his neck as his lips went on a hungry adventure over her as well. He outlined the scoop of her tank top with his lips. His tongue darted out to taste her skin. Her hands went to the front of his T-shirt, pulling it up slightly as her nails traced the dips of his stomach. She lightly skimmed her fingers in the hair that dusted his lower abdomen, knowing exactly where it led.
He pulled her body against him as his fingertips traced the waist of her low rise jeans. He brought his hands around tot he front and she felt him swiftly undo the button. His fingers quickly inched inside, doing just enough to drive her crazy.
She pulled away reluctantly as she became more aware of where they were, what they were doing and where she was supposed to be. Before she could ask any questions, his lips were against her ear as he breathed, "Ever made love in an elevator?"
She gulped in a breath of air. She'd never seen this side of him but she liked it. "In here?" She squeaked.
He arched an eyebrow. "This is an elevator, isn't it?" He challenged. His fingers inched further down into her jeans, causing her zipper to open quietly. He moved to kiss her neck, then to her ear to nip at the lobe and finally landed on her lips. "Yes. In here." He breathed.
"What if someone sees us?"
He leaned over and pushed a button that sent the elevator moving upward. A smile spread across his face as he pressed another button, causing them to come to a screeching halt. He looked back at her and raised his eyebrows.
She smiled back at him and her head tipped back as his fingers continued lower in her jeans, sending sweet waves of pleasure over her. "I need to get back to work." She gasped as his fingers hit a sensitive spot.
"It won't take long." He winked. He removed his hand and lifted her tank top over her head. He dropped it carelessly to the floor.
Her fingers grabbed the hem of Tom's shirt and he lifted his arms as she pulled it over his head. She tossed it on the floor next to her tank top. "Protection?"
"In my pocket." He smiled before kissing her hard.
"Did you plan this?" She asked him between kisses.
He laughed. "I was hopeful but I didn't think it'd happen in here. I'm not gonna complain though. I missed you so much."
Her hands caressed his back, skimming lightly over his skin which caused him to tremble. "I've only been gone a few weeks."
Tom's eyes twinkled as he backed her further against the wall of the elevator. His body meshed with hers and she could feel just how excited he was. He cupped her cheeks in his hands as he gazed down lovingly into her green eyes. "A week is too long for me. When you're gone, I miss you. I want to be with you. It doesn't matter how long. Every time you leave, I count the days until I get to see you again. When you're gone, I lay in bed at night and hate how empty it feels. I love you so much, Ferryn. You're in my heart now and for eternity."
Ferryn was at a loss for words. Something deep inside told Ferryn that the distance and the incident with Blake had his something primitive and protective inside Tom and she feared it made him a little insecure. He had always been very open with his words and it seemed to increase with each day they were apart. She couldn't fault him though. Ferryn felt it too; all of the love, insecurities and passion. She just wasn't as good at voicing it as he was.
She told herself that they had lasted months and were venturing closer toward their first anniversary. They'd been doing pretty well with all things considered. Most couples don't last as long as they had. They weren't like most couples though. Ferryn decided to throw away all of her respectable morals for the moment and shed her good girl work persona. No thinking, just feeling.
Her boyfriend was standing before her and while an elevator wasn't the most conventional place to make love, the change in location turned her on more than she had expected. She told herself to stop trying to put up a front. She had missed him like crazy. She swallowed the uneasy feeling she had about him being there and put all thoughts of Blake out of her mind. She just wanted to focus on the man in front of her. "I missed you too, Tom." She smiled almost shyly as she looked up at him.
He continued his soft caresses as their clothes were quickly discarded. He lifted her against the back of the elevator and entered her slowly in a long overdue union. Tom held still for a moment to savor the moment before he started a slow steady rhythm. He leaned down, kissing her cheek, her jaw and finally her lips. His pace slowed, almost to a stop. "Baby?" He whispered against her neck.
"Hmmm?" She hummed.
"Something's on your mind." He looked down at her. "What are you thinking?"
She tilted her head to the side as her hips stopped grinding against him. "I'm thinking that I can't believe that you're here. That I've missed you more than you know. And that I love you more than I've allowed myself to believe."
His hand came up to caress her face. "Is that all?"
"No." She shook her head. "I'm thinking about how good you feel. How you consume me. How I love you so much that you easily convinced me to have sex with you in an elevator in one of London's biggest recording studios."
He let out a soft chuckle. His lips come down on hers hard. His tongue didn't hesitate before chasing hers. He took his time to taste her thoroughly. "That has to be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Even the last part."
Ferryn laughed. She quickly turned serious again as his hands grasped her hips tighter. He pulled her more closely against him and quickened his pace. He knew she was close as she squeezed her eyes closed and her forehead came to rest against his. He could feel her breath quicken, coming in airy pants against his skin. His hand moved up to cup her breast. He needed to be touching her, feeling her. He needed to remind himself that she was finally there in his arms, loving him the way he'd been waiting for.
"Unh, Tom...." Her cry came as a warning, letting him know she was close.
"I got you, baby girl." Tom grunted as he sped up, feeling the familiar tingle building in his stomach.
It wasn't long before they both came crashing down from their euphoria, merely seconds from one another. Their gasps and moans echoed through the small confines of the elevator. Tom held Ferryn close until each tremor and shudder had subsided in their bodies. They helped one another dress as they shared soft, guilty smiles. Once redressed, Tom retrieved his bag and pulled Ferryn close. He kissed her forehead and finally turned off the emergency stop button. The elevator jolted to life again.
"What an I gonna tell Blake?"
Tom scoffed. Ferryn tried not to roll her eyes. She still had a bad feeling about Tom and Blake working together. "You tell him your boyfriend just got in so you took a longer break than you had planned."
"Are you sure this is gonna work, Tom?"
"Sure what's going to work? I'm here to help the guy out like I was sent to do. As much as I already dislike him, this is my job. If it means being close to you and working with him, then I can bite my tongue. I can be the adult."
"If you're sure-"
He smiled at her before leaning in to kiss her lips. "I'm sure." He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers goether as the elevator doors slid open. Ferryn led him down the hall to the studio they'd been working in. She walked in to find Blake standing over the sound board. He looked up and his face seemed full of questions. "There you are. I thought you got lost or something."
Ferryn shook her head. "I, uh- I was coming back and I got a little surprised."
He looked to Tom and took a step forward to shake Tom's hand. "You're a closet Tokio Hotel fan?" Blake asked.
Tom accepted Blake's hand and shook it firmly as he laughed.
Ferryn couldn't help but laugh as well. "Not really, Blake. This is my boyfriend, Tom."
She swore she saw the color drain from Blake's face as he pulled his hand back from Tom's grip. "Your, uh- Your boyfriend?"
Tom stood still beside Ferryn. Her hand was still holding his. It was a very awkward moment but Tom felt a little better about it. He could tell Blake was suddenly afraid of him and he couldn't prevent being slightly amused by that. He tried not to size Blake up but it was difficult not to. He had rugged good looks, he was talk and thin. He had a bad ass look to him, something that screamed danger. Tom could see why girls would fall into his lap. He just prayed it would never be his girl.
"Yeah. Did you know they were sending him as the extra producer?"
Blake scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Yeah, I knew it was him. I just didn't know he was your boyfriend."
Ferryn shrugged. "I didn't see how his name was relevant. He's always just been Tom to me." She looked at Tom and winked.
"So, uh- Yeah, uh- We could really use the extra help. We have a deadline and the album has to be done by the end of this week." Blake said as he looked toward Tom.
"That's what I'm here for. Let's get to it." Tom placed his bag by the door. He was determined to keep his professional mask on.
-----------------------------
Ferryn was pleased to see that Tom and Blake were getting along so well professionally but she could still feel the awkward moments that lingered in the air during any downtime they had. She noticed how Tom paid attention to every glance Blake shot her way or when Blake would lean a little too close to her to explain or show her something. She didn't think it was cute at all. As a matter of fact, she didn't like it one bit. She decided against saying anything considering they were finally making progress and she didn't want to kill the flow they had going.
Blake's actions were obvious. He'd pull away quickly if he and Ferryn were too close and he tried not to stare at her. The worst part is that Blake seemed to have lost all the sense of humor he'd once had with Ferryn. With Tom there, everything was coming together musically but Ferryn knew that the friendship she had with Blake was lost.
Ferryn hated to admit that she was annoyed with Tom. She didn't like the face that he didn't trust her. He was trying to be macho around Blake, as if they were in a pissing contest to win Ferryn's affection. What Tom didn't realize is that it was all moot. Ferryn had no romantic interest in Blake and Tom should have known better.
-----------------------------
Ferryn kicked off her shoes and watched as Tom followed suit as they entered her hotel suite. Ferryn immediately walked into the bathroom. She could see the hurt look on Tom's face as she closed the door behind her.
When she emerges a few minutes later, she was dressed in her cotton pajama pants and tank top. Tom was seated on the couch and a confused expression clouded his features. She knew if she spoke to him, it'd end in an argument. She brushed past him and headed out to the balcony to sit on the small bench and read.
It didn't take long for Tom to join her. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and he stared at his feet. He sat on the lifted her legs from the cushioned couch and plopped down next to her. He dropped her legs in his lap. "What's wrong?"
She looked up from her book, annoyed. "I'm reading, Tom."
"You act like you're mad. Or upset."
She rolled her eyes and tossed her book on the table beside her. "I wonder why."
He was taken aback by her tone. "I don't know but I'm gonna guess it's my fault."
"You think?" She rolled her eyes. "I could feel your eyes burning into me every time I'd move. Did you think Blake was gonna jump me right in front of you and we'd just go at it like rabbits?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Seriously? I don't know what you think is going to happen but you need to get over this jealousy thing. I don't like it nor do I need it."
Tom didn't move. "I'm sorry you felt like that, Ferryn, but I don't like Blake at all. He's cocky and thinks he's the shit. He's never going to make it in the music business with his attitude."
"That has nothing to do with me." Ferryn said quickly.
"I can tell he has feelings for you." Tom spat.
Her eyes went wide in shock. "Are you stupid? Where did you get that idea?"
"Ferryn, I see the way he looks at you. I've seen the way you guys talk. I'm a guy and I know how we operate."
"You're out of your damn mind. I told you we used to be friends before he kissed me. I've been his shoulder since he's been here. It's not a crime to be friends, Tom. I've been a bitch to him for the past week and we were finally starting to rebuild some of that friendship. It was just a kiss. It was over and that was that."
"Just a kiss." Tom mumbled.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing, Ferryn." Tom said as he stood up. "Nothing at all."
"I can't believe we're really arguing about this. It's stupid. We'll be done with all of this soon. He'll go on with his musical life and I'll go on with mine."
"Don't act like you're not gonna bump into him. You know he's gonna rave about you and your wonderful producing skills."
"Damn it, Tom! Don't bring my work into this." She waved her arms to emphasize. "This whole argument is stupid."
"I'm sorry." Tom said shortly. "I've been down this road before. Everyone is always 'just friends' or at least that's what they want the world to believe until 'just a kiss' turns into something more. I'm not stupid, Ferryn."
"You are stupid if you think that's how Blake and I are. This is never gonna work if you're gonna be like this."
"What's not gonna work? Me being here?"
"No, Tom." She sighed. "You and me. I could list a million reasons why this is such bullshit but you'll just continue to think what you want." Ferryn said, grabbing her book as she stood and made her way toward the door.
"Ferryn, wait! I'm sorry! I just- She- My ex- It was the same story-"
"And I've told you before that I'm not her, Tom! I suggest you think about that and let it really sink in. I'm going to bed."
He nodded. He knew she was right. He plopped himself back down on the bench and ran a hand over his face in frustration. It all seemed to be replaying itself for him. The story of his ex and the heartbreak it led to. He tried to tell himself that he knew Ferry better than that but he knew she was still new to the music business and dealing with these types of people, people like Blake. He also knew that she often failed to see the full potential of herself and the beauty she radiated. Hollywood had the ability to swallow people up and spit the out. He was determined not to let that happen to Ferryn.
The light was dim when Tom finally made his way inside. He shed his clothes and climbed into bed in his boxers. It didn't feel right laying there, having Ferryn so close but not being able to hold her. His thoughts drifted back to their days as friends and how they'd end up sleeping in the same bed together. Back then, he'd lay there and wish he could have reached out and brought her against him. He didn't want to ever go back to that.
"I'm over-thinking this." He said to himself as he scooted closer to Ferryn and draped his arm over her. He breathed out a sign of relief when she didn't push him away. He tried to ignore his thoughts and feelings and followed her into sleep. "Tomorrow will be better."
-----------------------------
Tom woke early. He hoped to get to the stupid before Ferryn. He wanted to smooth things over with Blake or maybe just to get to know him better. He wanted to at least try to make an effort to get over his jealousy. It was a necessity if he wanted to keep Ferryn and he refused to lose her over something this stupid. His chance to chat with Blake never came. Ferryn came in not too long after her had arrived, looking nothing less than professional.
He tried to read her mood by stealing glances at her. Tom wanted to kick his own ass as he thought about the hole he'd dug for himself. He never thought of himself as a jealous man and he couldn't figure out why Ferryn made him feel that way. He knew he loved her with all his heart and he would fight tooth and nail for their relationship to keep moving forward. She had filled that void in his life that he didn't even know was missing. His hands itched to reach out and hold her, to apologize as he inhaled her lavender smelling hair. Something told him it wouldn't go over well if he tried it at that moment.
Tom tried to put all his jealousy aside and get to work, just as Ferry and Blake had been determined to do when they had come into the studio that day. His drama would have to wait until later. "Are we gonna finish the background vocals on the song we started yesterday?" Tom asked.
Blake nodded as he got up and walked into the sound booth. "Yeah, sounds good. You remember what you wanted to add to it, right?"
Tom nodded. "Yeah. Try it out and I'll see how it sounds."
"Okay, man. Let's get to it."
Tom adjusted the settings on the soundboard, preparing for Blake to start singing. He suddenly turned to Ferryn with a look of guilt. "Am I stepping on your toes?"
She looked up from the stack of forms she was going through. "No."
He didn't miss her tone. It was simple but he could tell she was still angry. "I'm sorry about yesterday."
"Okay."
He looked defeated. He hung his head and soft a little softer. "I'm trying to be better."
"Good."
Another one word answer. Things weren't going well. "Ferryn, I'm trying."
She looked at him with annoyance written all over her face. "Mmmhmm."
He didn't have a chance to reply as Blake's voice came through the speaker. "Uh, I can't hear anything, guys."
Ferryn moved over by Tom and took control of the situation. Always the professional, she moved a few knobs and pushed some buttons. "How about now?"
He shook his head with his hands up in confusion. "Nothing."
"Hang on." She got up and moved into the sound proof room.
Blake looked at her guiltily. "Sorry. I really don't know what's up."
"Lemme see your headphones." She said as she reached her hand out for them.
"You okay?" He asked softly as he handed his headphones to her.
She looked up surprised. "I'm fine. Why?"
He shrugged. "You just seem- Kind of like, in your own little world today."
"Tom and I had an argument last night."
He looked down in thought. "Because of me?"
"It's just- Just stuff he brought upon himself."
"I'm sorry if it's because of me. I know I fucked up, Ferryn, and I'm sorry. I wish we could just forget about what happened and go back to being friends. I miss you."
"I haven't gone anywhere, Blake."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I know but our friendship has. We used to joke around and have fun. You were the one I told all my shit to."
Ferryn caved a little. She laughed lightly. "I'm still here. We're just gonna have to rebuild things slowly."
"I don't want a stupid mistake to affect our friendship."
She punched him in the shoulder, trying to get him to loosen up. "Stop worrying so much. Let's try these things out now."
His hand lingered on hers as she handed him the headphones and his eyes held hers. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug her but decided against it. Her words were enough. "Okay."
Ferryn came back out from the recording booth, ignoring Tom's questioning looks. She restarted the music and received a thumbs up from Blake. She took a seat beside Tom and nodded her head in approval as Blake began to sing. She tried to ignore the burning stare from Tom and she knew he must be burning with questions. It was almost like he was hovering over her like a babysitter. She felt smothered. Her place of work had become a daycare and she didn't like it.
Blake continued to sing through the verses effortlessly, making little mistakes. It pleased the producer in Ferryn, knowing how pressed for time they were. Tom sat back and did his part in mixing and blending the vocals in a way he and Blake had discussed. Just as Blake was about to finish the song, his cell phone rang out loudly, coming through the soundboard along with his voice.
"Shit, guys. I'm sorry. I forgot to turn it off!"
Ferryn's voice sounded through the soundproof room. "It's fine. I'm gonna bring it back to the beginning of the first line just in case it got any of your phone ringing."
"Okay. I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking."
She laughed. "Don't worry about it. Do you need to take the call?"
"No, it's fine. I'll just- Oh, shit!" He said quickly as he looked at the caller ID display. "Do you mind? I'll make it quick."
"Not a problem. Take five." Ferryn said.
He came out of the room. "Are you sure?"
Tom nodded. He was secretly begging for a free moment alone with Ferryn. "Yeah. It's fine, man."
"Thanks." Blake said as he quickly walked from the room.
The couple sat there in silence. The tension was building until Tom finally had enough. "Are you gonna just ignore me all day?" He asked easily.
She turned to him with an unamused expression. "Are you gonna hover over me like a babysitter while I'm trying to work?"
He flinched at her harsh tone. It reminded him of the first days of their friendship. She definitely had a stubborn side. He knew it was the wall she once had. It had come up to defend her heart again. "Hovering? How?"
"Every time I speak to Blake or get close to him, I can almost feel your eyes burning a hold in my head. I can practically see the wheels in your head turning as your crazy mind makes up scenarios about me and Blake together."
"I can't help it, Ferryn! I see the way he looks at you!"
"You're seeing things! There's nothing wrong or unprofessional about the way Blake looks at me. He was my friend, Tom."
"It seems like he wanted more than that."
"I told you, Tom. It was a mistake. Will you get over it already?"
Tom laughed. "Get over it? You've been gone in this relationship more than we've been together. Things like this don't just leave a guy's brain."
I can't help that this is my job. You knew that when you entered into this relationship."
"I know." He looked up and caught her eye. "I also know what it does to people."
She raised an eyebrow in question. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
"It's just- You know what? It means nothing. I'm sorry I care so damn much."
"This is not caring, Tom!" She threw her hands in the air out of frustration. "I'm starting to think you came here just so you could watch over me. It's stupid. That's what it is. Stupid."
Tom scratched his nose. "I told you, Ferryn, this was business."
"Me being here had nothing to do with your decision to come all the way to London?" She sighed and pursed her lips together.
"You know it did, Ferryn. I wanted to be close to you."
"Close enough to keep an eye on me."
He scoffed. "It's not you I'm worried about."
Ferryn's eyes widened. She was shocked he would openly admit it. "This is so far beyond stupid. I told you before that in order for this to work, you're gonna have to learn to trust me. Blake was my friend before all this happened, and he still is. You're gonna have to get over this. Nothing is going to happen."
"It's easier said than done."
"Whatever." She glanced at her watch. "I'm gonna see what's holding him up."
"Whatever."
Ferryn rolled her eyes as she ignored his comment. She wondered how things had gone downhill so quickly. From making love in his first moments there, to arguing over his jealousy. She walked down the hallway and found Blake in the small lounge area with his back to her. As she approached him, she noticed something was off. He turned around, shocked to see her there. When his eyes met hers, Ferryn could see they were damp. His face was blotchy and she could tell he'd been crying. "Blake, what's wrong?"
He pulled the phone from his ear and tossed it carelessly onto one of the chairs. He looked as though the wind had just been knocked out of him. "She- She's pregnant."
Ferryn tried to piece his information together. "Who's pregnant?"
"My ex." He choked out before heavily coming down to sit on the floor. He leaned back against the wall and drew his knees to his chest.
"Shit." She gasped.
"My thoughts exactly. I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. How could she-"
Ferryn didn't hesitate before she knelt beside him. He choked out a small sob. "Hey, come here." She pulled his trembling body into her arms and wrapped herself around him. She'd never seen him this weak and vulnerable. It hurt her to know it was under these circumstances. Ferryn held him as he continued to let out all of his frustration and anger. She was happy she could be there for him.
"I just wish I knew when everything got so fucked up. What did I do to make the world hate me?"
"Hey." She pulled away from him and urged him to look at her. "She obviously has her own shit to work through. You didn't do anything. Stop beating yourself up about it."
"I miss her, Ferryn. I miss her so much."
"I know you do. Things just have a way of working out. You have to believe that."
He shook his head before laying it on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms tighter around him. They sat that way for several moments. Silence took over the room. Ferryn had no idea how much time ticket by until she heard footsteps come down the carpeted hallway and the gasp that followed.
"What the hell, Ferryn?"
She looked up and quickly pulled herself away from Blake. He also pulled away and stood up with bleary eyes. "Tom, don't. It's not what you're thinking-"
"The hell it's not! It's obvious he can't keep his hands to himself."
Blake held his hands up in defense. "Nothing happened, Tom. I swear."
"It doesn't look like nothing!"
"You know what, Tom? You believe what the hell you want. I'm sick of this!" Ferryn stood rigid in place. "Did you come to London so you could watch my every more? I haven't, nor do I hve any intentions to cheat on you. I've told you before, I'm not your ex. When you learn to grow up and get over this shit, you let me know!" She yelled. She gave Blake a sympathetic look before she shook her head and left the two standing there.
Several minutes passed before anyone said anything. The tension in the air was thick enough to taste. Tom resisted the urge to step up into Blake's face and give him a piece of his mind. Once he gathered his composure, Blake picked up his phone and started to walk away. "You know, you need to fix things with her. She's not gonna just let you get away with this." He said to Tom.
"I don't need you telling me how to fix things with my girlfriend, thanks. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for you."
Blake took the stab as easily as it came. He knew Tom was right. He had made a mistake but Ferryn didn't deserve this jealousy. "I admitted my mistake, Tom. I'm not perfect. I think this goes beyond my wrong doings. You do what you want though."
And with that, Blake left Tom standing alone with his thoughts.
-----------------------------
It was a few hours later when Tom finally came back to his senses and silently finished mixing the track in the studio. He made his way back to Ferryn's hotel suite, hoping to find her in a calmer mood.
The second he walked in, something felt very wrong. Her flip flops weren't by the door. Her notebooks weren't scattered throughout the room. In fact, he saw no trace of her at all. He panicked as he walked into the bedroom and saw that her suitcase and laptop were gone. His heart thudded heavily as he spotted a note sitting on the bed side stand.
Tom,
I can't do my job with you hovering over me like this. I don't like the jealous side of you. I told you things would never work out if you couldn't trust me. I'm going home, as in back to North Carolina. I don't know when or if I'll ever be back.
Ferryn
Tom stood there with his head hung low. He knew he'd just fucked up the most important thing in his life.
-----------------------------
Ferryn got up early and stopped to glance out at the morning view of the city. That would usually make her happy but she was miserable. It had been almost two weeks since she'd left London, pissed at Tom and his jealous ways. He had tried to call numerous times but she didn't answer his calls or return his emails. She felt they needed time to reassess their relationship as well as a while of not constantly flying back and forth from place to place. She had managed to leave Blake's project without it jeopardizing her career. Ferryn knew that having Tom there was probably what saved her job and Blake's album. She was sure that Tom wouldn't leave until it was complete. That's just the type of guy he was. The only part of life that seemed good at that time was knowing she was home and that her sister had been doing very well since her accident. It was a huge relief.
Ferryn dragged herself down the loft stairs and into her kitchen in search of coffee. When she finally looked up, she screamed at the sight of someone sitting at the island counter. "Raluca! You scared the shit outta me!"
Raluca was unamused. "You wouldn't answer your phone so I had to make sure you were still alive."
"It's called rest. It's good for the body."
Raluca stood to pour her sister a cup of the coffee that had just finished brewing. "That's bullshit and you know it, Ferryn. I've known you forever and you don't rest. If you sit still for more than an hour, I'm convinced you'd combust."
"Whatever."
Raluca laughed. "Good comeback. So when are you gonna tell me what's really wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong." Ferryn looked down at the coffee mug in her hands. "Are you trying to win an Oscar for the biggest nag?"
"It's my job as a sister." Raluca shrugged. "Seriously though, spill it. Something happened with Tom, didn't it?"
Ferryn sighed before taking a seat on one of the bar stools and setting her mug in front of her. "Yes, if you must know."
"'Are you gonna share with the class or am I gonna have to choke this outta you?"
"You're starting to piss me off, Roo." Ferryn rolled her eyes. "Tom and I got into a fight. You remember me telling you about Blake, right?"
"The musician you've been working with in London? Yeah."
"He kissed me."
"Are you serious?" Raluca's eye grew wide. "I'm guessing Tom didn't take it well?"
"He didn't freak out like I thought he would." Ferryn traced a pattern on the counter top. "Things were find until he showed up in London. He swore he'd been called to come help us work on the album before the deadline but he was jealous as hell. I could fell him hovering over me every second, analyzing every conversation or eye contact between Blake and me."
"So you left?"
"Yeah." Ferry looked at her sister like her answer should have been a given.
"That was dumb. He's only human, Ferryn."
"I can't deal with jealous, Raluca. Especially while I was trying to do my job. Blake and I were good friends for the longest time. He's really a good buy but he has his highs and lows in life just like everyone else. He's not perfect. Kissing me was definitely a low point. He has apologized plenty of times."
"I think you should give Tom another chance."
"I just need some time right now. I need to not be working or flying from this country to that. It's wearing me down." Ferryn plucked a piece of lint off her shirt and absentmindedly threw it onto the floor.
Raluca nodded. "So take some time to think or whatever you feel you need to do. Have you spoken with Tom since you left?"
"No. I didn't want to hear it." Ferryn shook her head slowly. "I didn't want to think about any of it for a while."
"Don't give me that. You've never walked away from anything and I'm actually surprised by this." Raluca frowned. "You told me you love him, Ferryn."
"I do." She defended.
"Then why are you making him go through this? You know he's probably hurting just as badly. I know he loves you to pieces. I'm sure you can get through this."
"Yeah, I know. I just- His ex cheated on him in front of the world while he was completely oblivious to it. I know he's just as worried the same thing is gonna happen. I told him we could never work if he didn't trust me."
"Think about it, Ferryn. His break up was when? And he has dated how many women since then? He probably scared to death for two reasons. A: He's dating again. B: That he's gonna mess up somewhere. You can't blame him for worrying too much."
Ferryn looked away. "I understand that but in this industry, a lot of people I work with are men. You have to have a great deal of trust."
"Maybe he's slow catching on."
"Or maybe I'm scared of where this is leading." Ferryn whispered.
Raluca looked surprised. "Scared? Of what? That he loves you or that you love him?"
"Both. All of it. Everything. I never saw myself with someone like him. Hell, I didn't even like him when we first met. I just feel like I've been swept off my feet and one wrong move could leave me flat on my face."
"I can understand you're scared. With a past like yours, I would be too. I think Tom is different though. You just have to give him a chance."
"It's hard to give him chances. It's hard to get to know him and spend the time with him that normal couples have when I'm always gone. I love my job. I just don't see where a serious boyfriend fits in."
Raluca stood and pat her sister's leg. "Call him. I think you'll be surprised if you just give him a chance."
"We'll see."
"You know I'm right."
Ferryn rolled her eyes. "But of course. You're never wrong, are you?"
Raluca laughed. "It's a rare occasion."
-----------------------------
"Damn, Tom. Are you trying to break every heart in the world?" Rick asked with a smile.
Tom put his headphones down and took a seat at one of the black computer chairs in his home studio. "Not necessarily."
"When are you gonna stop bullshitting around with this and put your own stuff out there?"
Tom shrugged. "When it's right for me."
Rick raised a brow in question. "And when exactly is that?"
Tom let out a frustrated sigh. "When I can find someone who backs me 150%. Someone who will let me do an album my way and not shit all over me. I want to have a say in things. That just seems impossible these days."
"You know, it won't be long before I get my own label up and running. I'd be more than willing to back you and give you the reins as much as I could."
Tom looked hesitant. "I don't know, man."
Rick nodded, trying to encourage Tom. "You know you have more talent than anyone I know. And look at you, holed up in this studio, recording these depressing love songs."
"Sometimes it helps for me to get it off my chest, even though I know no one else will hear it."
"Still no word from Ferryn, I take it?"
Tom's head hung low. "No. Thanks for reminding me."
"She'll call. I know she will."
"I don't know. I think I really did it this time. I didn't know the severity of her anger until she left."
"Maybe she's taking the time to think."
"I can give her that time. It's been two weeks. I just want to know she's okay."
Rick nodded. "I'm sure she's fine. Stop moping around and let's go out somewhere tonight. It's been forever since we got out just for the hell of it. Come on! Drinks are on me."
"I dunno." Tom shrugged.
"Seriously, Tom, this isn't good for you. It's not gonna hurt for you to come out with me and loosen up a bit. Maybe it'll help take your mind off Ferryn."
Tom threw his hands in the air in defeat. "Fine. I'll go."
Rick smiled. "It's about damn time!"
-----------------------------
Ferryn bit her lip as she waited for another one of Tom's messages to play on her voice mail. Each one she listened to seemed to tear at her heart even more. His voice was soft but thick with emotion.
"Hey, Ferryn. It's me again. I know you're probably sick of hearing my voice but I just thought I'd call anyway. I'm worried about you. Even if you don't want to talk to me, let me know you're okay. Please? We can't work anything out if you won't talk to me." He paused and sighed. "I guess I'll let you go. I love you."
She closed her eyes to prevent the tears that threatened to fall from her green eyes. Ferryn hated to admit that it was killing her just as badly as it seemed to be hurting him. She could be spending time with him right now instead of sitting at home, wallowing in her anger. It still didn't give him the right to behave the way he did. She wasn't ready to give in yet.
She swallowed her price for a moment as she sent Tom a text. "I'm fine. Stop worrying."
She let out a deep breath and tried not to stare at the screen as she waited for his reply. When her phone beeped seconds later, she didn't even have to look. She knew who it was.
Tom: I'm glad, baby. Thanks for letting me know. I'm here if you need me.
She didn't even try to stop the smile that crept across her lips. Just that simple message had somehow made her feel a little better, even though he was the problem. She felt maybe she had been thinking about it long enough and it was time to talk.
-----------------------------
"It's about time you got your skinny ass out here to have some fun!" Bill yelled over the loud music of the club. He pat his brother on the back.
Tom rolled his eyes. "Okay, you guys have said that enough already."
Rick grinned over at Bill. "I think our boy needs a drink." He summoned a waiter.
Bill nodded. "You need to relax a little. Let's get you feelin' good!"
Tom shook his head and laughed as Rick kindly passed out shots to each of them. He tipped his back easily and stood there waiting for Tom to do the same. When Tom finally tipped the brown liquid back and swallowed, both Rick and Bill yelled even though no one could hear over the thumping music.
"I'm gonna go find a hot little thing to dance with." Rick said as he grabbed his beer from the counter.
Bill laughed and looked at his brother. "Has she called yet?"
Tom shook his head slowly before taking a long drink from his beer. "I got a text letting me know she was okay."
"Well, that's something, right?"
Tom gave his brother an annoyed look. "Yeah, it's great. I haven't spoken with my girlfriend in two fucking weeks and all I get is a text message. It's fantastic, you ass."
"You must have really pissed her off."
Tom slammed his bottle down, getting more agitated. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."
Bill put up his hands in defense. "Don't bite my head off. I didn't do anything. I'm just saying, Ferryn loves you. I bet you anything she'll call."
"Yeah but until then, I'll just sit around and wait like it's no big deal."
Bill ordered himself another beer as he place his empty bottle on the counter. "Whatever. I'm gonna go dance or some shit. You're depressing me."
"Good. Go." Tom waves. He continued to nurse his beer until it was gone, then ordered another. By the end of the second one, he had to admit he was finally starting to feel a good buzz.
"Hey there, handsome."
Tom looked up to see a tall blonde with her cleavage hanging out. "Hi." He smiled lamely.
"What are you doing sitting here all by yourself? Why don't you come dance with me?"
He tried not to roll his eyes. She was killing his buzz. "I'm good. Thanks."
"You sure about that, darling?" She leaned forward against the bar to order a drink, making sure to give Tom a clear view of her breasts.
"Yeah. I'm sure." He grabbed a new beer and tipped it back in a farewell. He walked cautiously through the swarming bodies of people. He could feel the bass vibrating in his chest. He squeezed through, pulling off people who randomly grabbed him and tried to dance. This wasn't where he needed to be, even if things with Ferryn were rocky at the moment. He finally spotted Rick in the corner. He was in a both with a drink in his hand, speaking to a group of people.
"There you are, ass!" Rick slurred. "I was looking for you!"
"I hadn't moved, dumbass."
Rick laughed. "Let me introduce you to some of my friends from college. This is Taryn and Brad. Guys, this is my good friend Tom."
Tom kindly shook hands with everyone. He noticed how much Taryn resembled Ferryn. He began to feel sorry for himself again and took another swing of his drink. He suddenly had a wave of confidence shoot through him. "Wanna dance?"
Rick looked surprised as he moved out of the way for Taryn to move closer to Tom.
"What?" She laughed, raising her voice.
Tom leaned forward, moving close to her ear. "I said, do you wanna dance?"
She nodded as she handed her drink to Rick, who set it on the table. Tom set his beer on the table and led Taryn out to the busy dance floor full of bodies. His hands went around her hips casually. He didn't trust himself to get any closer. She looked too much like Ferryn in many ways but she didn't feel like Ferryn. When she tried to get closer, Tom felt himself pulling back. He knew things weren't leading anywhere good. He may have been close to drunk but he wasn't about to completely sabotage is relationship. The guilt would eat him alive.
He tried to forget about everything and have a good time. Even if it was only to get lost in the music for a few minutes, it'd be worth it. The alcohol coursing through his veins did little to help. He missed Ferryn. He'd thought about the idea of possibly flying to Greenville but had decided against it. If Ferryn needed time, throwing himself at her would only do more damage.
It wasn't long before the song ended and to safe his sanity, Tom led Taryn back to the group of people. Bill had made his way over to the group as well. Tom was glad that his invitation to dance wasn't misinterpreted into something more because he had to admit, he was feeling weak willed as he downed another beer. His inhibitions were disappearing by the second.
"Hey, some friends of mine are in town for the weekend and are having a party at one of the hotels not far from here. You guys should come." Brad offered.
Rick looked to Tom and Bill. "Tom? Bill? You guys in?" He asked as he draped his arm around his college buddy's shoulder.
Tom shrugged, knowing that if he declined, Rick would make a drunken scene. He knew he'd rather be at home, waiting and hoping that Ferryn would call but a change of scene couldn't hurt.
As everyone continued to sit around and talk, Tom's phone vibrated in his pocket. He retrieved it and prayed it was Ferryn. He let out a huge sigh of relief when he realized that it was her. He knew he had to quickly make his way out of the noisy club before she hung up. By the time he had made it outside, his phone had stopped buzzing. "Shit." He pressed a few buttons to call her back.
He paced across the cigarette covered cement as the phone continued to ring. Tom was beginning to feel like he'd missed his chance. The glanced at his watch and did the math in his head. It was nearly 4 in the morning, her time. Just as he was sure her voice mail was going to pick up, he heard the phone go silent for a second.
"Hello?" Her soft voice answered.
"Ferryn? Baby, I'm sorry I missed your call."
"Are you busy?"
He looked around as cars drove by, honking obnoxiously. He wished he was at home where it was quiet. "Not if you'll talk to me."
"Where are you?"
"The guys dragged me out with them. We just went to have a few drinks. No big deal."
"Oh. I can let you-"
"No!" He said quickly. "I want to talk to you. This is killing me."
"I don't know where to start." She sighed.
"Are you in Greenville?"
"Yeah."
"Is everything okay with Raluca?" Tom asked as he tried to cover all the bases.
"Yeah, she's fine. You'd never even know she was in a coma."
Tom laughed nervously. "That's good."
"Yeah." She was silent for a moment. "Everything get finished with the album?"
"As far as I know. I did what I could."
"That's good. I'm sorry I left."
He let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I was such an ass."
Ferryn laughed a little. "So am I."
"I didn't mean to act like that. I just love you so much, Ferryn. I need for you to keep me in line. I don't want to slip back into my old ways."
"I- I've been doing a lot of thinking, Tom."
His heart nearly stopped. "Yeah? About?"
He could hear her let out a breath. "Us."
Tom swallowed hard. He wasn't liking the direction this was going. He didn't want to lose her. "Yeah? Good things, I hope."
"I was thinking that we-" Ferryn started but was stopped when she heard a voice in the background. A very female voice.
"Tom, are you coming back to the hotel?" Taryn called.
"Shit!" Tom cursed in his head. He turned quickly. "No, I'm taking a cab home."
He hoped Ferryn hadn't heard Taryn but he knew better. He waited for his cue to start explaining.
"Who was that?" Ferryn asked as she tried to keep calm.
"It was one of Rick's friends."
"Oh."
"I'm really sorry about that. Keep going. You have my full attention, babe."
"You're busy. It's fine. I'll let you go."
"Ferryn! No! I'm sorry-"
It was too late. She'd hung up.
Tom ran a hand over his tired face in frustration before hailing a cab. He tried dialing Ferryn's number but it went straight to voice mail. He'd been so hopefully when she called, thinking things could finally be resolved. He slid into the taxi and counted down the seconds before he was home. He just wanted to wallow in his own misery, alone and without any possible interruptions. He hoped that maybe, just maybe his girlfriend would call him back.
-----------------------------
"Do you really think we can do it like this?" Tom asked as he scanned over the documents.
Rick nodded. "Yeah, if you're willing to give me a shot with this whole record deal thing. I'm no professional but I wouldn't screw you over."
"I know you wouldn't." Tom flipped the page he was reading over and set it on the desk neatly before reading the next page. "But you've been in this business long enough."
"Just look over everything. I tried to get you hooked up with the best gig I could." Rick rubbed his hands on his jeans. "Your music will sell itself. I'm sick of you letting those amazing songs collect dust on your computer. It's not fair to the world of music."
Tom laughed. "You sound like some sappy teeny bopper, you know that?"
Rick rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You could have your fans eating from the palm of your hands. Don't you want that again? To have fans singing along with your music, knowing the lyrics. You know it feels good to see people lose their minds over your shit."
Tom sighed and tossed the papers aside. "I don't know. I honestly don't know if this is where I need to be right now. I did my thing with Tokio Hotel. We played our stuff, broke records, you name it. I just keep thinking my time is thin. I'm older now. Music is still my priority but I'm just not feeling being on the stage. I'm perfectly content with producing."
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
Tom shrugged. "I guess I could give it a shot. If someone's willing to back me, I'd be stupid to pass it up."
Rick laughed. "You are an idiot. I'm laying it all out on the table for you. You have the music. You have the talent. You have the support. What more do you need?"
He watched as Tom checked his cell phone for the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. "Now that's a loaded question."
Rick frowned. "What's the obsession with checking your phone? Still nothing from Ferryn?"
Tom shook his head.
"I'm sorry, man. How long has it been?"
"Long enough. Almost three weeks since I've seen her. Five days since I talked to her last and she hung up on me then." Tom grumbled.
Rick pat Tom's arm comfortingly. "She must be really mad."
"I don't know what's going on. She's never done this. Something tells me something more is going on. I just feel like I deserve an explanation. It's killing me."
Rick nodded and stood to grab a bottle of water. "Give her time. I'm sure she'll call. Maybe she's busy or just needs to clear her head."
Tom ran a hand over his weary face. "Yeah. Maybe that's it."
-----------------------------
Ferryn scoffed. "I can't believe someone screwed up the shit I worked on forever!"
Sam nodded apologetically. "I'm really sorry. Something got messed up in the transfer, Ferryn. I knew if anyone could fix it, it'd be you."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I just flew five hours overnight to fix someone else's mistakes. This is gonna take me hours. I hope you know that."
"Don't worry. I have help coming. I told you we're past deadline. This is costing our company a shit ton of money."
Ferryn raised an eyebrow. "What help?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't know. The team said they'd send someone good, reputable."
"Reputable?" Ferryn laughed, though she wasn't amused. "I wouldn't be here if that was the case."
"I'm really sorry, Ferryn. I know it will probably mean nothing to you but I appreciate you flying in on such short notice."
"Don't mention it. I can always sleep some other time."
Sam laughed at the no nonsense attitude he had come to love about Ferryn. "I'll let you be so you can work. Call me if you have any problems."
Ferryn nodded as she went back to the computer and read over the list of errors she had to fix. "Yeah, yeah."
She continued to work for the next few hours, oblivious to the time. She tried not to grumble as she mentally cursed the person who had messed up Blake's music in transition process from London to LA. She hadn't planned on being back in LA for a while. Time was what she had wanted and asked for but work had called.
She decided it was time for a coffee break. She dragged herself out of the studio she'd been holed up in. She gazed out the bay windows that lined majority of the building. It wasn't a surprised to her that it was already dark out. She tried to suppress a yawn as she did a mental check of the time. Night in LA meant later in the night in Greenville and having been interrupted from a peaceful slumber only added to her tirade. She stopped at the coffee machine before walking back to continue her work. She hoped the caffeine would kick in soon. She was crashing quickly.
She jumped back to where she'd left off and was pleased to see she had made some progress. Sam was right. It was gonna take forever if she did this alone. She would be needing an extra hand if he expected it by a certain time. Apparently when people messed up, they did an amazing job of it. She only hoped Sam sent her someone who knew what they were doing.
Ferryn stopped as she heard people talking down the hall. She wondered who would be coming into the studio this late into the night to work on anything. Surely Sam wouldn't send something at this hour.
She turned to face the door as she heard it open. She figured it was one of the other employees of the studio coming to let her know they were locking up. When their eyes met, her breath hitched. She was unable to think, speak or breathe. Out of all the people Sam could have sent, it had to be him. "He did say reputable, didn't he?"
Tom stood there looking quite plain and comfortable. He donned light blue track plants, a white T-shirt and flip flops. Ferryn couldn't remember him looking more gorgeous. It had been a long time since she'd seen him, too long actually. It took everything in her not to burst into tears at that moment.
"Tom." She gasped.
"Ferryn." His voice was a mere whisper.
"They sent you?"
He nodded. He came further into the room but kept his distance from her.
"Yeah. Same said something went wrong when they went to make the final copy."
Ferryn swallowed hard. She had to put up her professional front again. "Yeah, it's worse than I thought. I've been working non-stop. I'm gonna be here forever."
He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets nervously. "Well, I'm here now. Two is better than one, right?"
She gave him a half smile. She didn't know what to say as he took a seat beside her. "Why'd you come this late?"
He shrugged. "You needed help."
Her eyes widened and her breathing quickened. His scent enveloped her as he moved closer. "You knew I was here?"
"Yeah. I did." He nodded slowly. "Sam said you'd flown overnight. I knew you'd be tired and could use the help."
"Is that the only reason?" She whispered.
His brown eyes met hers in an intense stare. Questions and tension filled the room. His voice was husky as he responded. "You know it's not, Ferryn."
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I, um- I needed time."
His eyes never left hers. "I know. I tried to give it to you."
"But?"
He reached out his hand to touch her face but quickly pulled it back. He was still conscious of where they stood. Every second that ticked by hurt more and more. "I couldn't sleep knowing you were in LA and I wasn't here with you. A part of me is committed to this job and the other part of e is committed to you, to us. Since you left London, it's been nothing but hell for me, Ferryn."
Her eyes welled up but she quickly gathered herself. "I can't be in a relationship when you don't trust me, Tom."
He ran a hand over his face and nodded. Exhaustion was evident in his voice. "I know that and I'm sorry. I acted like an idiot and I shouldn't have. I don't know what came over me but picturing the two of you together- I- I just get bad feelings about that guy."
"You were an idiot. You have nothing to worry about."
"I know that now. It's just not having you around has been killing me. I don't want to lose you over something so stupid-"
"The way you were behaving was stupid, Tom."
He was surprised by her interruption. "I know that now. I said I'm sorry."
"There's going to be other times when I'm away, most likely working with other male artists. If this is going to become a trend, we will never work."
His head snapped up. The fear was apparent on his face. "We will work, Ferryn. You just have to be patient with me. I'm trying to tell myself that you're not my ex and that this can work. I can't be without you."
She shook her head. "You never once asked me how I felt, Tom. You just assumed this was all about the way you were acting. I needed this time to think things over. To think about us. We're apart more than we're together and there are times we get shoved into the realm of serious and that scares the hell outta me. It's going to take a light of fighting."
"Did you?" He whispered.
She turned toward him as she rubbed her tired eyes. "Did I what?"
"Think things over?"
She sighed. She was suddenly not in the mood to hash it all out right then. She has work to do, deadlines to meet. Her paycheck and career depended on it. "I have to get this done, Tom. Sam has me on a time frame. They're paying extra for the editing studio."
He nodded. He knew she was done talking about their relationship. "Damn it, Ferryn. I think this is a little more important."
She shook her head again. She knew Tom was right but her wall had come up. It was too late to go back now. "I can't do this right now. I have to get this done."
Tom turned away. He was obviously pissed by the situation but tried to keep his frustrations at bay. It would only make things worse. "Fine. Work. I'm sorry I care so much."
Ferryn let out a deep sigh. She was thankful he was going to drop it. She couldn't get into the root of the problems at the moment. Not when there was work to do and the fact that sleep deprivation was wearing her emotions thin. It was hard to block out the scent of his cologne and the heat radiating from his body. Ferryn cleared her thoughts and tried to erase the memory of what if felt like to hug him, to touch him. She couldn't allow his presence to ruin the fact that there was a job to be done, even though it was killing her deep down.
-----------------------------
It had been several house since they had begun the countless corrections on Blake's songs. They perfected and edited every single glitch and mess up. Tom worked hard yet stole glances every now and then. He was surprised that the atmosphere hadn't turned awkward. It gave him a glimmer of hope. He figured the quicker they were done, the quicker he'd have a chance at speaking with Ferryn in private where she couldn't use the 'work' excuse she had come to love. He couldn't help but steal small glances at her. It was still sinking in that she was in LA, regardless that she hadn't meant to run into him. He noticed several times that her face would flinch and she'd stop and hold her stomach as she took deep breaths. She was obviously in pain.
"You okay?" He asked concerned.
Her brows knitted together as she tried to hide the discomfort. "I'm fine. Just a stomach ache."
Tom leaned forward and cautiously placed a hand on her knee, "Want me to get you anything?"
Ferryn exhaled the breath she had taken in. "No. I think I'll be fine."
Tom nodded and tapped her leg softly before going back to work.
-----------------------------
Another few hours passed before Tom checked his watch and cracked his neck. He smiled softly as he noticed Ferryn had dozed in and out of sleep for what seemed like the millionth time int he past fifteen minutes. He thought about telling her to take a break but he knew she'd turn him down. His love and concern for her won over. "Ferryn, why don't you go to sleep for a bit?"
She looked over at him through bleary eyes and quickly tried to appear awake. "I'm good. I just- Yeah- I'm fine."
Tom chuckled softly. "Stop trying to be a hard ass and go rest, Ferryn."
She started to speak, a snarky remark no doubt, when she was cut off by a yawn. Tom shook his head and smiled, knowing Ferryn had lost the battle. "I don't need sleep." She said as she stretched her arms over her head. She quickly doubled over in pain. "Ouch! Shit!"
Tom was on his feet in a flash. He caught her in his arms and led her to the couch. "Are you okay?"
She panted with her arms wrapped around her waist. "I don't know what it is. There's like a sharp pain or something. Maybe it's just from sitting all day."
"Don't you think we should go to the Emergency Department to be safe?"
Ferryn shook her head immediately. "No. I'm sure it's nothing serious."
"Will you at least sleep for a little bit? I can keep working on this and we can pick up again after you rest." Tom reached a hand up to rub her shoulder. She instantly relaxed.
"Fine but make sure you wake me up in an hour or two. I have to finish this. I don't have time for sleep."
"Stop fighting, babe. I've told you so many times that you need to take care of yourself. The works is getting done. Chill out."
"I do take care of myself, thanks. This is just a little more important. I didn't fly all this way to sleep on a couch in a recording studio."
"Who's couch did you plan to sleep on?" Tom questioned, knowing he was pushing her buttons.
"Don't start with me, Kaulitz."
He rolled his eyes and laughed at her stubborn antics. He covered her with the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch. He leaned down and ran a hand softly over her cheek. "Sleep. I'll wake you in a bit."
He watched her toss and turn from his seat, where he tried to continue working. His thoughts wouldn't stop haunting him. He had so much to say, so much to prove, so much time to make up for. Finally he decided he'd had enough. He made his way over tot he couch and knelt down in front of her. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, knowing it had lulled her into a peaceful sleep many times before. She instantly settled with her back to him at the perfect angle to keep his hand where he wanted. When he knew she was soundly sleeping, he leaned over her shoulder and pressed a small kiss right under her ear. He then whispered what he had wanted to say since she'd walked in.
"I'm here, baby. Don't give up on me, okay? I love you too much to let you go without a fight."
Once he had spoken, he turned and went back to work. He turned just in time to miss the silent tear that fell from Ferryn's eye.
-----------------------------
Tom continued to work as he tried desperately to keep his mind from wondering. It was difficult when Ferryn was laying merely four feet away from him on the couch. He tried to avoid glancing back at her but it was hard to ignore how cute she looked as she slept. He couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable she seemed as she tossed and turned. He wished he could fix whatever was bothering her but knew she'd put up her 'business as usual' attitude. He removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. He replaced his glasses but they were no help. He'd read over the same thing five times without retaining the information. He was about to give up when he was interrupted by Ferryn as she sat up behind him. He turned and smiled softly at her. He noticed all of the color had drained from her face. Something was wrong.
"Ferryn, are you okay?"
She looked at him through heavy eyes and stood weakly. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I think- I think I'm gonna be sick."
Tom jumped to his feet as she scurried out of the studio and down the hall to the restroom. He followed her and waited just outside the door. He cringed at the sound of Ferryn as her stomach contents were emptied into the toilet. Normally, this type of situation would have him running as far in the opposite directions as possible but all he wanted to do at that moment was be there for her.
"Ferryn? Can I do anything for you?"
He didn't expect the weak voice that floated through the thick wooden door. "Tom, it hurts."
He didn't hesitate as he pushed the door open and stepped into the on stalled bathroom. She looked small and fragile hunched beside the toilet. Tom grabbed a few paper towels and ran them under the cold water of the sink. He crouched next to her and ran them across her forehead. Her skin was hot and clammy. She looked completely drained of energy. "What hurts?"
She held the side of her stomach. "Here."
"Has anything like this happened before?"
She shook her head quickly before tearing herself away from his reach. She leaned over the toilet as her stomach lurched and emptied itself again.
Tom rubbed her back gently. "I think we should go to the emergency department."
"No, Tom. It's probably just the flue or something."
"Not if you have pain in your stomach." Tom squeezed her shoulder softly. "Please, Ferryn? Let's get it checked out just in case."
She tried to respond but it was lost as she leaned over the toilet and got sick once again. Tom held her hair back as she continued to get sick. He could feel her body shaking beneath his fingers. When Tom was sure she was done, he went to retrieve another cool paper towel. He ran it over her flushed face. To his surprise, she leaned forward against his shoulder as she took deep breaths.
Tom held her as he whispered in her ear. "Baby, please? If it's nothing, we can just come back."
Her response wasn't convincing at all. "Work first."
"Fuck work. Your health is more important to me. If Sam wants to get pissed over it, tell him to call me. We're going to the emergency department."
Ferryn grunted. Tom wasn't sure if it was in pain or in protest. "Fine." She mumbled.
Tom didn't want to waste any time. He didn't want her to come to her senses and reject the idea of going to the hospital. He stood and swooped her up in his arms. He didn't even waste his time going back into the studio to shut things down. That would have to wait. It took less than ten minutes before they were already in his car and en route to the nearest hospital.
-----------------------------
Ferryn was curled up into a ball on the hospital bed. Tom sat in a chair beside her as they waited for the doctor to come in. She looked young and tiny in this moment of weakness. Tom rubbed soothing circles against her back as he tried to calm her as well as himself. His fear of hospitals were on his mind but he concentrated on Ferryn. He just wanted her to be okay. They waited for what seemed like years until a nurse finally came in to get her stats again. Tom knew they'd been there at least an hour. They always took stats in triage and came back every hour to make sure things hadn't changed. Tom felt sorry for Ferryn as the nurse took her blood pressure and temperature again. He could tell Ferryn was nervous and that just didn't sit well with him.
When the doctor finally entered into the room, Tom stepped out while they did all the necessary examinations to Ferryn. He was unsure of what procedures they needed to do and he wanted to give Ferryn some privacy. He paced the white, shiny hallway outside her room and tried to think of positive things. It has been a long time since Tom has met Ferryn Phillips and it was amazing to think about where they had come from and where they were now. He knew he loved Ferryn and he was sure she love him too. She has just hit a bump in the road of their relationship. Traveling meant that their time together was limited and Tom's macho, jealous, asshole side just didn't go over well with Ferryn. He knew he only had himself to blame. He just hoped that she'd realize that he'd messed up and be able to love him like before.
Tom glanced at his watch. It'd been fifteen minutes and he figured it was safe to go back in. As he approached the door he could hear the doctor ask where the pain was located.
"Here." Ferryn said as she pointed to her lower stomach.
"When was your last period?"
Ferryn paused as she frowned. "I, um- I don't remember. A few months ago, maybe? I've been traveling a lot for work and the stress of it all has messed up my cycle."
The doctor nodded. "Any chance you could be pregnant?"
"What?" Ferryn didn't quite understand his question at first. "I don't think so. I'm always-"
Tom chose that moment to walk back into the room. His face was slightly pale and he noticed that Ferryn wouldn't meet his eye.
The doctor made a note on Ferryn's chart. "We'll run some more tests."
Tom stood at her bed side. He leaned over and kissed her forehead softly. He tried to calm the thudding in his heart from what he had just heard. "Is that a typical medical question? Why is it so hard to breathe?" Tom squeezed his eyes tightly and shook his head. "Feeling any better?" He asked as he caressed Ferryn's face.
She shrugged slightly. "About the same."
He took a seat beside the bed. "Did the doctor say what it could be?"
"They're gonna run some tests and take me for some scans or something like that. They said I'm running a really high fever." His palm immediately went to her warm forehead. A nurse came in to start an IV in Ferryn's hand. Tom took a deep breath, trying not to look at what she was doing. "They said it could be a kidney stone or maybe something with my appendix."
Tom swallowed hard. "They can fix that, right?"
She nodded. "Yes, Tom. They can fix it." She smiled warmly at the nurse as she finished the IV and left the room quickly.
It wasn't long before they wheeled her off to get a CT scan. Tom wasn't far behind. He didn't want to let her out of his sight. Shortly thereafter, they were once again in her small room in the emergency department, awaiting her test results. They had given Ferryn some pain medication in the hope that it would help her rest. It seemed to be working as she dozed in and out of sleep. Tom watched her quietly for a while. He couldn't resist the urge to touch her. He ran his fingers through her soft tresses, then traced one finger from underneath hear ear, down to her neck. He was lost in his thoughts. His mind was reeling so much that he didn't hear when a group of nurses and a the doctor rush in. Tom came to his senses as he looked up and rose to his feet at the same time. They stepped around him and he was gently pushed toward the end of Ferryn's bed. "What's wrong?" The alarm was apparent in his voice.
"Her appendix is inflamed. We need to do emergency surgery."
Tom's eyes widened. "Will she be okay?"
The doctor continued to work as he answered Tom. "Yes, as long as we get her into surgery in time. Are you her husband?"
Tom cleared his throat. "Boyfriend."
"Do you know when she last ate?"
Tom scratched the back of his neck. "I'm not for sure but I know she had some coffee earlier. She got really sick right before we came. Whatever she had inside her, she got rid of." He said, knowing that Ferryn would never stop to eat while working.
"We'll give her something to make sure her stomach is empty, then we'll take her upstairs to surgery." The doctor scribbled something on her chart before looking up at Tom. "Someone will be down to get you once we start the surgery."
Tom looked confused. "You're taking her now?"
The doctor nodded as a nurse checked Ferryn's IVs. "The sooner we get her to the OR, the better. This can be life threatening."
"I don't want to leave her." Tom smoothed down Ferryn's hair and her eyes fluttered open.
"Miss Phillips, your appendix is severely inflamed. We need to do emergency surgery. I need you to sign these consent forms."
Tom leaned down and kissed her forehead. "You're gonna be okay, Ferryn. I'm not going anywhere."
She nodded and sloppily wrote her name at the bottom of the consent form. She looked Tom in the eye as she handed the form back to the doctor. "Promise?"
"I promise, baby." He said firmly. "I'll be here when you wake up." He laced his fingers with hers, doing his best to comfort her. He was elated that she didn't fight him but knew that situations such as these caused people to crumble and let their guard down. Her family was thousands of miles away and he knew he had to be there for her, even if she hated him, he'd be there.
He stepped back as the nurses came around her and check her vitals again. They pulled up the railings on her bed as they prepared to move her. Tom could only stand and watch. He sidestepped a nurse and placed a lingering kiss on Ferryn's cheek before whispering softly in her ear. "You'll be fine, baby. You're one of the strongest people I know. I'll be right here when you wake up. I love you."
He pulled back and was surprised at the look on her face. He wasn't prepared to see the tears escape the corners of her tired eyes. "I'm scared." She whispered.
Tom swallowed the lump in his throat. The tears stung his eyes. "You're going to be fine. I promise." He whispered as he used the tips of his fingers to brush her tears away.
Ferryn smiled weakly as the nurses stepped in. "We're ready to take her."
Tom nodded but couldn't make himself let go of her hand. He tried to give her an encouraging smile. "Love you." He mouthed.
She smiled through her fear. They began pulling her away and Tom could only watch. He tried not to concentrate on the pain in his chest, knowing she hadn't said she loved him. He knew she was about to have major surgery and he needed to know that she still loved him. He pushed the thought from his mind.
Just as she was almost completely out of the room, he heard her voice. "Wait! Tom!"
Tom's head jerked back as he looked in her direction. With two quick steps, he was at her side. He looked at Ferryn curiously as she reached up and grabbed his shirt. She pulled him down so that his face was even with hers. "I love you." She let go of his shirt and held his face in her hands. He searched her face for a moment before she crushed her lips against his.
Tom couldn't prevent the soft smile that took over his lips. He didn't even care that everyone had seen there slight public display of affection. He felt a warmth envelope him and it became easier to breathe with those three small words.
"We really need to go." The doctor said firmly.
Tom nodded and stepped back and watched them wheel her down the hall.
-----------------------------
It seemed like days as he paced the squeaky hallways of the surgery floor. His mind raced and he was forced to slowly take in everything that happened within the last twenty-four hours. Things weren't back to normal with Ferryn but knowing she still loved him was a huge step in the right direction. He had every intention of repairing their relationship and was willing to give her the time she needed. It wasn't until Sam had called Tom about finishing the project errors on Blake's album that Tom knew it was time to start making the repairs. He hated having to trick her into being in the same room with him but in his defense, he would have lent his talent and effort had she not been there. He hadn't been prepared for the awkward tension she had put between them. He wasn't used to being in the same room with her and not being able to touch her, be close to her or have free rein to kiss her when he felt like it. Tom knew she was more than likely tired and agitated from being dragged across the country to work but he wondered if her oncoming illness added to her agitation. He had felt the strong need to be there for her and protect her even though she wanted nothing to do with him. He knew she was putting up a front and in the end, it all came down to his love for her.
Being in the hospital and watching her go through like this threw their entire relationship into something serious. He wanted to be there for her, be the one she counted on in times of weakness. He just didn't know how that was possible with her living in North Carolina and him being in California. All hints and suggestions of her relocating had been declined. However, he still had hope. He thought over everything that had happened while they were apart. There had been so many times that he wanted to call her just to hear her voice or her opinion on things. He was finally working on a solo album and having Ferryn there for support would have meant the world to him. She was part of the reason he decided to even give the offer any consideration. She had told him numerous times that he was wasting his voice and talent for beautiful melodies and harmonies. The thought suddenly occurred to him that releasing a solo album would make things even crazier for their relationship and he quickly contemplated backing out of the deal.
"Take your time, Kaulitz. Think about it before you react." He could hear her words reverberating through his head.
He glanced at his watch again. "What's taking so long?" He asked the empty hallway. They had said the surgery would only take two hours at the most. It had already passed the two hour deadline. He tried not to think the worst. His phone vibrated in his pocket for the sixteenth time and he ignored it. He wanted to keep his head focused on Ferryn. He'd deal with Sam later. Ferryn was more important. He finally resigned his pacing and took a seat in on of the uncomfortable hospital chairs attached to the wall. He ran his hand over his face in an attempt to wipe off the exhaustion. He yawned and debated going to the small vending machine for a snack and grabbing a cup of coffee but he was scared to leave, in case one of the nurses came to get him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment before a voice brought him back to reality.
"Mr. Kaulitz?"
"Yes." He said sitting up. He was suddenly fully awake. "That's me."
The nurse smiled gently. "Miss Phillips is out of surgery. We did well and is in recovery. You can come with me if you'd like to see her."
Tom nodded as he stood. "Yes, thank you."
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Ferryn looked very fragile and innocent as Tom watched her sleep. A great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, knowing the surgery had gone smoothly. Tom stopped playing the 'What if' game and focused on the present as he did his best to comfort the woman he loved. He pulled up a chair next to her bed and supported himself on his elbow as he brushed her hair away from her face. He reminisced about the times they had fallen asleep together and the comfort he found calling the soft purr of relaxation she gave him. He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her cheek. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding as he felt her warm skin against his lips.
"I'm here, baby. Just rest." He whispered softly.
Ferryn inched closer to his touched as he continued to soothe her. He tried to stop himself from yawning but it released itself from his body. He looked toward the windows and could see the faint oranges through the small slit in the curtains that indicated the sun was coming up. He looked back and Ferryn and knew he didn't want to be anywhere else but by her side, regardless of the situation. He knew they had crossed one hurdle and he hoped he had what it takes to cross the others that were sure to be ahead.
His mind began to nag him from a word the doctor said earlier in the morning. Baby. The word seemed to be on repeat and he tried to tell himself he was overreacting. "Doctors have to ask that sort of thing, right?" Tom had never really known much about periods or ovulation or anything like that but just hearing the doctor ask if she was pregnant made his heart skip a beat. "Is Ferryn pregnant? Is that why she's been so distant? Had she been trying to tell me this all along but was too scared? We've been having sex so it's possible. And then that one time where I didn't have a-"
Suddenly it was hard to breathe again.
"Do I want a baby with Ferryn? Having a child is serious business. Am I ready for that? Is Ferryn?" He shook his head and tried not to get ahead of himself. He knew he'd only drive himself crazy. He knew Ferryn better than that. She would swallow her pride and put whatever ill feelings they had between them to the side to tell him she was having their child. Tom felt new obstacles being thrown at him.
The first was getting Ferryn healthy again. The second was mending their relationship.
Chapter Four