The Muses Within

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Lifeline - Chapter Four

Harmony slowly opened her eyes as the sun came in through the window by her head. "Had it been a dream? Had Bill really sat right here beside me and told me his loved me? Was that even possible?"

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" Georg asked quietly from the kitchen area. He held the box of cereal in mid-air and cringed.

"Hmm? Oh, no." Harmony sat up and rubbed her eyes. "You didn't wake me up." She swung her feet over the side of the couch and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees as she yawned. A frown slowly creased her forehead. Last night seemed so real. "Is Bill up yet?"

"I think I'm the first one up." Georg shook his head and quietly poured milk into the bowl.

"Okay." Harmony cleared her throat and stood up gently. She tried to keep her balance as her tired legs held her up. She kept her hand on the wall as she walked toward the bunk area yawning.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Georg asked as she passed.

"No thanks." She smiled over her shoulder. She stood there between the bunks listening to the deep breathing and snoring of the guys around her. She lightly tapped the wall beside Bill's bunk and whispered. "Bill? Are you up?"

There was no response from inside so she carefully pulled his little drape back and leaned on the waist high bunk. "Bill?" She asked in a voice just above a whisper. His brows furrowed just the slightest bit at the intrusion and she repeated his name a tiny bit louder.

"Yeah?" He asked without opening his eyes.

"Bill, I need to go home." Harmony whispered.

"Huh?" His frown deepened as his eyes fluttered open. "What?"

"I need to go home." She said again softly.

"Harmony?"

"You're better and I really need to get back to my apartment and try to salvage my job."

"But, Harmony, I-" He wasn't fully awake and he was having trouble absorbing what she was saying. "Last night-"

"I know." Harmony nodded and blushed slightly as she looked down at his flannel sheets. "So it wasn't just my imagination."

Bill reached up and rubbed his eyes as he yawned loudly. He propped himself up on his elbow. "Why are you leaving?"

"I have to." Harmony didn't take her eyes off the sheet as she traced the white squares on the dark blue fabric.

"You don't have to, Harmony. Our tour will be over in three more weeks. Can't you stay that much longer?"

Harmony paused for a second before she took a deep breath. "I can't do this right now, Bill."

"What? Do what?"

"Do this." She looked up and met his tired eyes. "We're both still fucked up. The last thing we need to do is try and start a relationship."

Bill reached out and placed his warm hand on the side of her neck. "We're a good team, Harmony." He said softly.

"I know." She nodded. The shiver that went through her body when he touched her was something she had never felt before. She tried her hardest not to swoon.

"Will you stay?"

Harmony shook her head before her heart could change her mind. "No."

Bill let out a heavy sigh and swung his feet over the side of the bunk. He jumped down and faced her. "Just no?"

She stepped in front of him to keep him from brushing past her. "I only got back on my feet a few months ago. I need to go back to that. To my normal life. It's not that I don't want to stay here because this has been a great experience but I need to go back for me. I need to save my job if I can. And my apartment." She smiled slightly and rested her hand on his chest. "You dropped a bomb on me. Give me some time to assess the damage."

"Damage?"

"Maybe that's not the best word but, Bill, I need to think about this. A relationship is a huge step in the healing process and I need to make sure I'm ready for that. I can't figure that out until I've tried taking care of myself."

"Why do you have to be so damn rational?" Bill asked as the side of his mouth twitch into a half smile.

"I'm not trying to be rational. I'm still half asleep." She smiled slowly. "But I do need to go home as soon as possible."

"Are you upset?" He asked cautiously.

"No." She shook her head, "No, that's not it at all. You took me by surprise that's all. And you're doing so much better now it's just time for me to go."

"I'm not 100%."

"Nope. But you're a lot closer than you were when I got here."

"I know."

"So call Benjamin or whomever and send me home. You can call whenever you need and, when your tour is over, we can talk about the, uh- Other stuff."

"You're sure about going home?" He asked as one last effort.

"Yeah." She said quickly. If he kept challenging her she'd cave in.

"Okay." They stood motionless just inside the bunk area. He finally pulled her in for a hug. His bare shoulder was warm against her cheek as he stroked the back of her head. "I meant it though. What I said." She nodded under his hand and forced herself not to cry. "After my tour's done I'll come see you."

"Okay."

"Let's call Benjamin." He whispered as he let her go and stepped into the main area of the bus. Georg looked up from his breakfast quickly as they walked through but they didn't notice him. Harmony sat on the couch and pulled her blanket over her legs as Bill dug in his backpack for his cell phone. He called Benjamin and quietly explained that Harmony needed a flight back to Raleigh as soon as possible. Benjamin expressed concern for him but Bill reassured him that he was doing okay and that seemed to satisfy Benjamin.

Harmony reluctantly called Dr. Mueller's office and left her a voicemail telling her that she would be back within a few days and would come and see her. She made other necessary calls before she could change her mind. She took a deep breath and sat back on the couch.

"You're leaving?" Georg asked quietly from the kitchen.

"Yeah." Harmony nodded.

"Is everything okay?" He asked with a look of concern.

"Yeah." Harmony nodded again and forced a smile. "Everything's fine. That's part of the reason I'm going home."

"Cool." Georg said after a pause. "I mean, that things are fine. Not that you're leaving."

"Yeah, that's good." Bill nodded and tried to smile as the others slowly woke up and emerged from the bunk area. They fell into their morning routine as though nothing was out of the ordinary because, for them, nothing was.

Bill and Harmony kept quiet through the morning and she didn't make a fuss about packing up her things. Just before they got to the arena Bill got a call from Benjamin with Harmony's flight details. She'd be flying out that night before the show. He had arranged for her ticket to be waiting for her at the airport and for a car to pick her up in Raleigh and take her home.

"Your flight leaves at 5:30." Bill said as they followed the others off the bus.

"Okay." She nodded and held her duffel bag from one hand.

"So we'll want to leave here by 4:30."

"Yeah." Harmony nodded, "Wait, you're coming to the airport?"

"Of course." Bill smiled and took her hand as they entered the dark backstage area. "Do you mind?"

"No, I don't mind. But don't you have a meet and greet?"

"Stop worrying about everything." Bill laughed. "I'm going to go say good-bye to you at the airport. I'm not leaving the band to run away with you. They can do a meet and greet without me."

"But, Bill-" She started.

Bill silenced her with his finger against her lips. "You talk too much sometimes." He smiled and shook his head, "Just say okay and leave it at that."

"Okay." She said around his finger. He laughed and they continued through the backstage area where Harmony finally said good-bye to the others.

"You're leaving?" Tom asked as he spun a quarter around on the table.

"Yeah, tonight."

"After the show?" He asked.

"No, I'm leaving in about an hour."

"But we were gonna pull you up on stage again." Tom smirked.

"Then I'm leaving just in time." Harmony shook her head but smiled. She was actually going to miss these guys. Even Tom and Gustav. She hoped that she'd broken them down a little so that they would at least talk to each other and start to deal with Bill's cutting.

At a quarter after four, Bill and his bodyguard tracked Harmony down and they all headed for the airport in a black SUV. Bill sat in the back seat beside Harmony and laced his fingers through hers as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. They didn't say much on the car ride even though they both had a lot to say.

They pulled up in front of the terminal at almost five o'clock and the rush hour traffic was in full force. The police were handing out tickets like candy so they had to make it quick.

Harmony jumped out of the van and tossed her duffel bag over her shoulder. She had come with only a single change of clothes but she was leaving with a dozen. She took two steps away from the van before she stopped and took a deep breath. She turned around to face Bill who was slowly climbing out of the van behind her. "I know you're in a hurry." She said quickly. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Call my cell when you get home okay?" He shoved his hands in his pockets. He wasn't entirely sure what she was expecting. She wanted to go slow and think things through and he wanted to grab her and not let her go.

"I will." She smiled and put her duffel bag down. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

Bill was completely taken by surprise at her initiation of affection and hesitated as he circled her waist with his arms. He kissed her cheek softly and said. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." She whispered.

He didn't let her go and he wasn't sure if he could,. "Thank you, Harmony."

"You're welcome." She laughed lightly into his shoulder and tried to step away. "Come on, Bill. It's not like I'm leaving forever."

"I know. Just a second longer." He laughed uneasily and squeezed her one last time before releasing her. "Okay. Go before I pull you back into the van."

"Bye." She said again as she reached for her bag. She turned and walked into the airport before she could stop herself.

-----------------------------

"So tomorrow's your last show?" Harmony asked as she punched the numbers into the computer in front of her. It had been three weeks and she was slowly adjusting to her normal life. Bill was doing amazingly well on his own. Harmony was so happy to hear how well he was doing.

"Yeah." Bill leaned against the wall of the radio station where he was scheduled to do an interview. "How's work?"

"Good." Harmony smiled. She had begged at the feet of her old supervisor and gotten her job at Bath & Body Works back but she'd been stuck with the data entry crap instead of customer service. "It's fun having somewhere to go every morning, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Bill laughed.

"So how are things with you?"

"Okay." Bill nodded and bowed his head.

"Yeah?" Harmony asked with a hint of concern. "Did you talk to Benjamin?"

"Yeah, we're cool."

"No, I mean did you tell him?"

"Kind of. I told him that I wasn't ready to go public yet. But that I was thinking about it."

"What'd he say?"

"He's worried about the media backlash." Bill pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes. "Which I can understand but eventually I'll need to say something."

"Okay."

"And the longer I wait the harder it will be for the fans and everyone to accept it."

"You don't have to." Sometimes she felt more like his counselor than his friend. But at the same time it was hard to tell. Her feelings had changed so much since she came home. The kiss they had shared on the tour bus were still fresh in her mind even though they were never mentioned.

"I know. But someday someone will find out and say something and I'll look like a liar."

"It's your personal life."

"What's that? I don't have one of those any more." Bill laughed softly. "Don't worry. It's all good. I'm not gonna do anything until I'm ready."

"Okay." Harmony said reluctantly. She stapled the receipts together and started in on the other registers tapes. "How about everything else?"

"Everything's going great. They guys and I are at some radio station for an interview. Then we're off to the arena for the show and things there."

"Sounds like fun." She laughed. She was secretly grateful that she was missing the hectic schedule he lived with.

"Are you gonna be home later?"

"Later when?"

"I don't know. Midnight here so three there?"

"Yeah, I should still be up then. What's up?" She asked.

"There's been a slight change of plans but I have to go so I'll tell you all about it when I'm done with the show tonight."

"Oh." She said softly. "Okay."

"I'll call you later."

"Okay. Bye." She said softly as he hung up his end. She set the phone back on the cradle and sighed, "A change of plans, huh?" She mumbled to herself.

-----------------------------

At ten minutes to three that night, Harmony's phone rang by her side. She adjusted her thick cream colored robe and snatched the phone off the couch. "Hi there, you." She smiled.

"Hey, trouble." Bill smiled and kicked his shoes off as he lay across his hotel bed. "S there's been a big change of plans. Tomorrow's our last show and I know I said I'd come to North Carolina for a few days but we've just been given a month off."

"A month?" Harmony's mouth fell open.

"Yeah." Bill laughed. "We don't have any commitments for 27 days so almost a full month."

"Wow." Harmony said softly. She wanted to see him but for a whole month? She wasn't sure about that.

"Yeah and, um- Tom and I are going to go to Barcelona." He stood up and pulled his shirt over his head then unbuttoned his jeans.

"Spain?" That wasn't what she was expecting at all. She may not have wanted to spend a month straight with him but she did want to see him.

"Yes. For a few weeks."

"Oh- I, uh- Wow. Okay."

"I know you wanted a few weeks to think about everything so I'm just going to give you a few more. I'll see you when I get back." He shimmied out of his pants and tossed them toward his suitcase before he pulled the blankets back and lay back down on the bed.

It had been three weeks since she left him on tour and she had done a lot of thinking and soul searching. "So you won't be out here for another month?" Her heart sank.

"Three weeks. We're not staying the entire time." He smiled. It was going to be hard giving Harmony the space she needed but he was determined to win her over. "We leave from Florida in three days so I'm gonna have some packing to do. I'm working on a surprise for you though kinda. I'll have to show you when I get back."

"A surprise?"

"A big surprise." He laughed.

"What kind of a big surprise?" Harmony asked as nervousness crawled into the pit of her stomach.

"The kind of big surprise that you'll have to wait to see." Bill laughed. "Don't worry. It's nothing bad."

"Well, I didn't think you'd surprise me with two tons of elephant shit." She laughed lightly.

"Uh. No." Bill smiled and shook his head. "You'll like it."

"I'm sure I will." Harmony's forehead creased in thought. What could he possibly have to surprise her with? "So what are you doing tonight?"

"Talking to you." He mumbled in a very sleepy voice. He tucked the pillow under his head and switched the light off. "And thinking about sleep."

"Sleep is a good thing." Harmony said softly.

"Yeah, it is." He yawned. "It'd be better if I wasn't alone." He thought to himself but he stopped before the first sound left his lips. "Space. She needs space."

"I'll, uh- Let you go then."

"You don't have to." Bill said quickly.

"Well, you're tired. I don't want to keep you up." She said softly. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm doing good. Actually Gustav read an article on suicide or something so we sat and talked about it last night. It was pretty cool. Well, not cool but, you know, it got us talking."

"Gustav, huh?"

"Yeah, he's probably the last one I'd expect to sit and talk about it but he brought it up. Tom saw us talking too so he came to talk with us."

"That's awesome." Harmony smiled and meant it. "Those first little hurdles are the hardest. That's great that you guys talked about it. You'll be surprised how much easier it gets."

"It wasn't that hard. Gustav asked a lot of questions. I guess he'd been saving up." Bill laughed softly and yawned.

"I heard that." Harmony whispered. "I'm going to let you go to sleep now."

"Okay." Bill said reluctantly.

"Call me before you leave, okay? I don't need you leaving without saying good-bye."

"I'll call you before we leave. I promise." He let his eyes drift closed and licked his lips. "G'night, Harmony."

"G'night, Bill." Harmony whispered and sighed as she heard his phone disconnect. She pressed the end button on her phone and held it in front of her for a minute as she stared at the numbers. It was obviously too late to call Dr. Mueller. She made up her mind to go see the doctor the next morning to try and get her feelings figured out so that when Bill got back in three weeks she would have made some kind of a decision.

-----------------------------

Harmony walked through the familiar front door of Ahoskie Behavioral and cringed inwardly as she did every time. When she was patient she swore she would never voluntarily come back through those doors. She said they'd have to knock her out and drag her through. And yet there she was completely lucid and pulling the door open herself.

She waved quickly to Anna at the front desk and gave her a questioning look. "She's in her office." Anna nodded sweetly and stirred a sugar packet into her coffee.

"That'll stunt your growth you know." Harmony said softly as she leaned on the counter.

"I'm five feet nine already. I don't need to grow any more." Anna laughed lightly and blew on the hot coffee before she took a sip.

"Ugh. What I wouldn't give to be that tall." Harmony shook her head and headed down the hall to the doctor's office. She knocked lightly and waited for Dr. Mueller to answer.

"It's open." Dr. Mueller said from inside. Harmony pushed the door open and stepped in. She shut it carefully behind her. The doctor looked up from her steaming mug and raised an eyebrow at Harmony. "Good morning."

"I think I have a problem." Harmony said softly as she dropped herself in the chair opposite Dr. Mueller. It was just after nine in the morning and Dr. Mueller had just poured herself a fresh cup of coffee.

She removed her glasses and laced her fingers on the desk in front of her. "What's up?"

"Bill was supposed to come here to see me when his tour was done."

"Okay."

"His tour ends today. He was supposed to come for a few days but now he tells me he has a whole month off and-"

Dr. Mueller interrupted her. "A month is a long time to visit someone."

"I know." Harmony said slowly. "He's not coming here though."

"At all?"

Harmony shook her head. "He's going to Spain for three weeks. Then he'll come to see me and he said he had a surprise for me."

"So he is coming?"

"Yeah." Harmony nodded sadly.

"Okay. What's wrong?"

"Well, I don't know." Harmony frowned. "I haven't felt like this before and it's just weird. I haven't seen him for three weeks and now I won't see him for another three weeks."

"You miss him." Dr. Mueller smiled and brushed her thin gray bangs out of her eyes.

"I guess but I went a year without seeing him before." Harmony whined. "And I missed him then."

"Yes but that was when you were still trying out this whole friends thing. Now you're comfortable with being friends and you just spent a few weeks working very intimately with him. There's a special connection there now."

"I guess." Harmony sighed. "But-"

"But?"

"But he said that he thinks he loves me and I have no idea what to do about that. I mean, we met in a loony bin. We're both still all fucked in the head. What is he thinking?"

"I don't know." Dr. Mueller shook her head. "How do you feel about him?"

"I don't know." Harmony sighed. "It's like, I like him, Dr. Mueller. We're good friends. Even better friends now but I've never done this kind of thing before really. There are just a lot of issues with Bill. We're not ready for any kind of relationship."

"Well then there you go."

"But then how come I feel sick to my stomach when I think about going another three weeks without seeing him? Is this normal?" Harmony rested her head in her hands.

"Yes, it's normal because you like him." Dr. Mueller smiled. "He broke down that brick wall you've had up for years and, on one hand, you feel invaded and, on the other hand, you feel happy."

"Ugh. Why is this so hard?"

"I don't know, kid. I don't know." Dr. Mueller shook her head and smiled. Harmony was in love with the boy and it was only a matter of time before she realized it.

-----------------------------

Bill called once a week from Spain to keep in touch with Harmony. He sounded a lot closer than halfway around the world and Harmony felt more and more nervous every time he called. "So what's the surprise? Please tell me." She complained with a smile on his final call from the Barcelona airport.

"How fun would that be if I told you the surprise? I'll be there tomorrow and I'll take you then."

"Ooooh! You're going to take me somewhere?" She laughed softly. "I have to work, you know."

"I know, you told me you're working a late day, right? Noon to eight?"

"Yeah." Harmony nodded.

"Then that'll be enough time. My flight gets in at 7:15 am. I have some things to do first but I'll be at your house around ten." His voice crackled just a tiny bit as he continued. "We can get lunch or something."

"Won't you be jet lagged?" Harmony asked.

"I'll be too excited to see you to care." Bill said softly. "I have to go. They're getting ready to board our flight. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Okay, be careful."

"I will." Bill smiled and sighed. He didn't want to hang up. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye." Harmony whispered.

"Bye." Bill said softly. He hung up the phone and trotted across the waiting area to where Tom was flashing his boarding pass to the flight attendant. Bill dug his out of his pocket and followed Tom down the boarding ramp where they took their seats in first class and settled in for the long overnight flight.

-----------------------------

Harmony stood in her tiny bathroom and tried to get her curls to do what she wanted but they were not cooperating. She frowned at her reflection but a thought crossed her mind and she immediately smiled. Bill was going to be there any minute and she could hardly wait to see him. It had been more than a month and while they had talked a lot during that time she wanted to see first hand how well he was doing. She wanted to look in his eyes and see that he was being honest when he said he was doing well. But most of all she just wanted to let him know that, if he was still interested, she was willing to try having a real relationship with him.

The knock on her front door came sooner than she expected. She dropped her brush onto the counter and trotted for the door. "Hi!" She smiled excitedly as she pulled the door open.

"Hey!" Bill smiled slowly as he looked her over. She hadn't changed much since the last time he saw her but he noticed that she seemed much happier than he ever remembered seeing her. Bill was still for a minute. He let her image sink in before he wrapped his arms around her in a tight and friendly hug.

"How was Spain?" Harmony asked as she hugged him back. She seemed almost surprised that she had missed something as small as hugging him. The feeling of his arms around her waist and the faint mountain air scent of his clothes, she really missed it.

"It was beautiful." Bill nodded and took a half step back. He held her hand lightly in his. Now that he was back he didn't want to let her go. If anything the month apart had intensified his feelings for her and he hoped that it had the same effect of Harmony. "I brought you some souvenirs and stuff but I'll give them to you when we get to the surprise. Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." Harmony laughed and grabbed her little sweater off the coat rack before she locked her door and followed Bill out to his car. "So can I even get a hint?"

"You can ask three questions in the car." Bill smiled over his shoulder and she noticed that he'd picked up a tan while he was away. Her heart did a little dance in her chest as he unlocked the passenger side door and waited for her to slide into her seat.

He went around to his side of the car and got in and they were on their way. He glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye every few seconds. He didn't want to stare but he was unable to keep his eyes on the road. "So what's your first question?"

"Umm-" She thought for a second and rested her elbow on the window ledge. "Are we going to some kind of a business or establishment?"

"No." He shook his head and turned onto the main road.

"Does it have anything to do with Spain?" She asked a second later. She smiled slightly as Bill's eyes flickered from her to the road.

"No." He laughed lightly and turned to smile at her. "Have you ever been to Spain?"

"No. I've never really been anywhere." She shrugged and looked out the window.

"If you could go anywhere where would you want to go?"

"Hawaii." She smiled slowly.

"You've never been to Hawaii?"

"No." She shook her head and turned to face a surprised Bill. "There are people in America who haven't been to Hawaii you know." She laughed and pulled a CD out of the armrest to open and close it nervously in her lap.

"I thought your parents traveled all over the place?"

"They did. They still do but I didn't get to go. We'd go skiing every year when I was a kid and we went to the Grand Canyon and Yosemite but that's it."

"We'll have to go sometime." Bill said softly. Harmony blushed and knew that he meant when they were dating. They still had to talk about that but Harmony was anxious about asking without knowing where he was taking her. "What if this is his way of letting me down? What if making him wait changed his mind? Maybe it's too late." Out of nowhere a twinge of doubt nudged its way into her mind.

Her stomach did a flip flop as she cleared her throat without answering him. "Are we going to a park?"

"No." Bill smiled and said, "That's three. No more guesses."

"That's not fair." Harmony smiled nervously as she watched the city brush by out the window.

They rode in silence for a while before Bill cleared his throat and said. "I talked to Dr. Mueller this morning."

That took Harmony completely by surprise. "You did?" She choked out softly.

"Yeah, I called her on the way to your house."

"Why?" Harmony asked nervously as she kept her eyes on the road.

"Because I haven't talked to her in a while and I wanted to get her opinion on what I should do."

"About, uh- About what?"

"You were worried about starting a relationship and I wanted to see how she felt about that."

"You asked her about me?"

"No." Bill shook his head. "I asked her about me." He ran his finger over the steering wheel distractedly.

"What did she say?" Harmony asked softly.

"She said we have an undeniable connection and it's up to us what we do about it."

"Not very helpful, huh?" Harmony chuckled lightly.

"Not very." Bill agreed with a smile. "But I'm not sure what it is exactly but I feel like we need each other in a non-needy way. Does that make any kind of sense at all?"

Harmony didn't respond with anything more than a slight nod as she faced the window. She knew exactly what he meant.

After another four miles of silence, Bill turned up onto a dead end street and went halfway up. "Who's house are we going to?" Harmony asked as she watched the gated front lawns blend into each other.

"Mine." Bill slowed the car down in front of a comparatively small Spanish style house with a three car garage off to the left.

"Yours?" Harmony asked after a minute's pause. She let it sink in for a second then said. "You bought a house?"

"I bought this house." Bill turned the car off and got out to open her car door but by the time he circled the car she was already out and staring up at the gate leading to the front walkway. "I think North Carolina is a beautiful state and figured I'd buy a house here so I can enjoy the beauty any time I want."

"You bought a house? When did this happen?" Harmony asked as Bill passed her and held the gate open.

"It belonged to a friend of a friend who decided to sell it a couple months ago. Well I wasn't ready to buy anything then but when I called a month ago it was still on the market." He shrugged. "So before I left for Spain I worked with my lawyers and bought the house."

"It takes months to buy a house." Harmony frowned.

"Not when you have the money up front and you know the guy." Bill smiled and unlocked the front door to hold it open for her. "My mom was here from Germany helping to get everything ready with furniture and everything."

"You- How did you do this?" Harmony stepped into the entry and looked around at the sparsely decorated yet cozy house.

"Most of this came from my house in Germany but some of it's new." He shrugged. "Come on. Let's take the tour."

"Bill, wait." Harmony stopped as he took her hand with a smile.

"What?"

"You bought a house in North Carolina." She said as a fact.

"Yes." He nodded and gave her a strange look.

"Because you like North Carolina."

"Yes."

"What about when you're recording in Germany or whatever?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to stay here?"

"I bought the house." Bill nodded. "This is where I'm living right now." Harmony's mind spun through a million different thoughts. "What does this mean for us? Is this gonna be too close? What if it doesn't work out? Does he really love North Carolina that much? Or did he do this to be closer to me? Why does this feel smothering?" She suddenly began to doubt her decision.

"Harmony? What's wrong?" Bill noticed her growing frown and took a step toward her to squeeze her hand. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just-" She took a deep breath. "This is a lot."

"It's not a lot. I just bought a house. People do it every day."

"I know but this is different."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She sighed and half frowned. "I feel like I went from nothing to- Whatever. This is just too fast." Harmony let go of his hand and bit her lip. "I don't know why but as soon as you said you bought this place I felt like someone was sitting on my chest."

"Harmony, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything that you don't want to do."

"I know, that's not what I meant." She said softly. "I just felt trapped."

"We don't have to stay here. C'mon." He reached for her hand again as he pulled the front door open.

"No, Bill." She shook her head. "I want to see your house. It was just kinda weird. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I want you to be comfortable here. You're really the only friend I have in North Carolina." He smiled and shut the door as she sighed softly beside him.

She smiled nervously and took his hand as he led her through the main part of the house. Harmony nodded and commented on the quaint house with four bedrooms and the same number of bathrooms. All of the big furniture was there but it was missing the tiny knick-knacks that make a house a home.

Harmony didn't say much as they walked toward the back of the house and through the small family room. Bill stopped before he opened the back door. "Honesty, right?" He turned around quickly causing Harmony to almost run into him.

"Huh? Yeah." He caught her off guard and she took a small step back.

"I know this is bugging you so one of the reasons I bought this house was to be closer to you. Not to force you into anything but for my own sake. I want to have a relationship, Harmony. More than what we have now. And it's not that I don't love where we are. You're the best friend and support I could ever ask for and I don't want that to change. But I also can't stop thinking about you and what it would be like to know you felt the same as me. I know you're confused or whatever and you want to get back on track and everything and that's fine. I'm behind you one hundred percent. But we promised honesty and honestly, Harmony, I want this."

Harmony blushed and nodded slowly. "I know."

"So why do I feel like you're putting up this wall or something?"

"I'm not putting it up, Bill. It's always been there." She said uncomfortably.

"No, it hasn't." He shook his head.

"I'm not used to this." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Okay? I'm not. This is something you're used to. You've had these feelings before and you know how to deal with them but-"

"I haven't had feeling like this before."

"Yes, you have." Harmony nodded. "I just don't know what I'm feeling. I've hardly ever had friends, never mind something like this, Bill. Before you got here this morning I was all prepared to jump face first into dating you. I was excited and nervous and all of that. But now, with the house and everything I'm just looking at it and going 'Whoa!' You know? I just barely know how to be a good friend. Anything more and I'm clueless. That's not fair for you."

"There's no right or wrong way to act here." Bill laughed lightly.

"I don't want to push it away like I used to. I want to wrap myself in it but at the same time I'm scared out of my mind because it's crazy." She frowned. "I want it but what if?"

"Harmony, your life is full of new things you have to try. You can't keep saying no." He smiled.

Harmony sighed and bit her lip again. "What if it doesn't work?"

"What if it does?" Bill raised his eyebrow. "Ah ha! See? Think positive."

"How come you're the rational one now?" She laughed and shook her head as a blush crept into her cheeks.

"Because I know you over think everything and I hope that you trust me enough to know that I wouldn't tell you that you'd like something when you wouldn't."

"I trust you." Harmony managed to say softly.

"Good." He reached up and slowly brushed a stray curl off of her forehead. "I've missed you." Bill whispered and let his eyes trail over her face.

"I've missed you too." She nodded and met his eyes as her heart sped up.

"Can we try this?" He placed his hand on her hip and pulled her close.

"Bill, I-"

"It's a yes or no question." Bill said softly.

"Those are my only options?" Harmony asked sweetly.

Bill frowned down at her with a confused look. "What were you thinking?" Harmony licked her lips nervously and glanced down quickly then brushed her lips against his. That was one giant leap away from the old Harmony.

Bill didn't respond for a second. He let the shock of her lips dissolve any nervousness he may have felt. When he came to his senses he tightened his arm around her waist and brought his free hand up to the back of her neck. He held her close to prolong the kiss she had initiated. He never wanted it to end.

When she finally took a step back he licked his lips savoring the last little taste of her. "Was that a yes?"

"I can try, Bill."

"You can do it." He tilted her chin up to face him. "C'mon. We're a great team."

"I don't have any clue what I'm doing." She laughed nervously.

"You don't have to." He shook his head and laced his fingers through hers. "Come look. You'll love the back yard." Bill smiled and opened the tall sliding glass door. He showed her around his large backyard and worked their way back around to the front of the house and back into the front entryway where they started. "So what do you think?"

"It's nice." Harmony nodded and shuffled her feet. It had been a weird morning and she wasn't quite sure how to act anymore. Bill covered his mouth as he yawned and almost lost his balance. "You must be really jet lagged. I'll let you go take a nap."

"No, I'm okay." Bill insisted. He reached out to steady himself with the wall. "Let's go get some lunch or something."

"Bill, you're half asleep." Harmony smiled and shook her head. "I need to go run some errands and things before work and stuff. Give me a call later tonight if you're up and we can talk."

"I've been gone for more than a month-" Bill began to complain but was stopped by another yawn.

"And you're exhausted." Harmony smiled and reached for his hand. "If you're up later give me a call. Otherwise I'll come by in the morning before work, okay?"

"Yeah." He nodded and lightly ran his fingers over her palm. He wasn't quite ready to let her out of his sight. "You're okay?"

"I'll be fine." Harmony nodded. "Oh! You drove. Can you- I mean, how am I supposed to get back home?"

"Just drive my car. I'll see you tomorrow anyway and I have no plans to go anywhere tonight." Bill hugged her close and brushed his lips across her cheek.

"Thanks. Get some rest." She laughed and met his eye. "See you tomorrow." She grabbed his keys and smiled at him. She turned around and opened the front door before she could stop herself and left him standing in his entryway alone.

-----------------------------

Harmony knocked on Bill's front door the next morning before work with a bag of bagels in one hand and a cardboard cup holder with two cups of coffee in the other. She waited for a few seconds and almost knocked a second time before Bill pulled the door open.

"Hi. Sorry, I wasn't sure if I heard the door or not." Bill smiled and took the coffee from her.

"You look more rested." Harmony smiled and followed him to the kitchen where she set her bag down on the counter.

"Yeah, I slept really well last night." Bill held the coffee to his nose and sniffed. "This smells great. I can't tell you how much I've missed good coffee. They only coffee I could find was horrible. It was like burnt coffee."

"This is the good stuff." Harmony took the other cup and sipped carefully. "I only have a few minutes though. I have to go to work I'm gonna need you to drive me back to my car."

"Okay." Bill picked up the bag and nodded toward the sliding glass door. "Let's eat outside." He pushed the door open with his foot and Harmony led the way to the opposite end of the porch where she sat on the white washed swing. She sat with the bag of bagels beside her and took out a dark brown one. "Whole wheat?" Bill asked.

"Chocolate chocolate chip." Harmony laughed and took a bite.

"For breakfast? Ugh." Bill laughed and pulled the bag onto his lap as he sat in the chair across from her. "What else do you have in here?"

"There's a blueberry, an onion, I think there's a cinnamon raisin one in there and an everything bagel."

"You must be hungry."

Harmony shrugged. "I figured you probably didn't have much to eat around here."

"I don't." Bill laughed and took the blueberry bagel out. He took a bite and leaned back in the chair to watch Harmony rock the swing gently with her toes.

"So what are you doing after work tonight?" Bill asked.

"I don't know. Probably nothing." Harmony shook her head and gently kicked back which sent the swing into motion.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

"I usually eat at work." Harmony closed her eyes and tilted her head back as the swing rocked back and forth. She took another bite of her chocolate chip bagel and chewed slowly.

"Hey." Bill whispered as he stuck his foot out to stop the swing. "I'm asking you out on a date."

Harmony opened her eyes and looked at him smiling at her. "Oh." She blushed quickly before she started the swing again.

"So?"

"I'd love to go get something to eat." She smiled and closed her eyes again. "So will this be our first official date?"

"Yes." Bill laughed lightly and watched her swing.

"Are you going to pick me up and meet my parents and everything like that?"

Bill paused for a second and smiled at her innocence. "If you want."

"You don't have to meet my parents. They're impossible to impress and they're out of town anyway."

"Again?"

"They're never here." She shrugged.

"I'd like to meet them though."

"Ha! No, you wouldn't." Harmony laughed out loud and dragged her feet on the tile patio to slow her swinging. "They're really not that great."

Bill shrugged. "Still."

"Someday, maybe." Harmony nodded.

"What time do you get off tonight?" Bill changed the subject and put his feet on the swing beside Harmony.

"Six thirty."

"Do you want me to pick you up at work?"

"I'll need to change my clothes and everything. Why don't I just meet you here?"

"Okay."

"So tonight's my first date." Harmony said a minute later as she squished up her nose in a funny half frown half smile.

Bill stared at her for a second. "How did Harmony get through high school without a single date. She's cute and smart." That just didn't make sense to Bill. "Well, I'll have to make it memorable."

"It will be." She smiled and stood up. "So much for a nice leisurely breakfast, huh? I have to get going. You ready?"

"You won't be late will you?" Bill glanced at his watch. She had been there for only fifteen minutes.

"No, I have a half hour." She smiled and looked over her shoulder at the gate leading to the front of the house. "Are you gonna take me or what?"

"Just take my car again. I'll make dinner reservations for 7:30. Will that give you enough time?"

"That's fine." She nodded.

"Great." Bill smiled and reached for her hand as he leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth quickly. "Have fun at work."

"Oh yeah, tons." She rolled her eyes and released the latch on the gate. "Bye." She waved over her shoulder as Bill watched her walk down the side yard to the driveway and hop into his car. He kept watching with his hands in his pockets until she backed out and headed down the hill to the main street.

-----------------------------

Harmony showed up at Bill's house at a quarter after seven that night and rushed to his front door. "I'm sorry. I'm late." She said slightly out of breath when Bill opened the door.

"Don't worry. You're fine." Bill set his alarm and stepped out of his house. "The restaurant isn't that far from here."

"Okay." She sighed with relief and followed him out to his car. He drove her to a little hole in the wall Italian restaurant that looked like something out of one of the Godfather movies.

They were seated at a quiet table off to the side and were served a glass of wine while they read the menu from front to back. "Wow, this all looks really good." Bill said quietly as he turned back to the front page.

"Hey." Harmony looked around cautiously and frowned at Bill. "Where's your security team?"

"Hmm?" He looked up from the appetizers.

"When you were on the road you couldn't walk outside without a guard at your side." She said softly.

"I don't think I need it right now."

"But where are they? Just suddenly you don't need them?"

"They're on call. If we go somewhere for an appearance or some other big event they'll come with us but for now we're on our own."

"Do you feel safe?"

"Yeah." Bill laughed. "Now that the tour is over and we haven't been in the spotlight for a month. The hoopla is kind of dying down. And not many people know I live in North Carolina now so I should be left alone for a little while longer."

"Doesn't it just feel weird though? Being without them?"

Bill shrugged. "I guess. A little."

"Kinda like being out of Ahoskie Behavioral." Harmony smiled. "I know I was half paranoid for the first few weeks out."

"Yeah." Bill nodded in agreement and laughed. "Kinda like that. But I like it. I feel normal for the first time in a long time."

"Really?" She glanced at his shirt covered arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really." He said softly. He noticed her quick eye movement. "I think I needed this break from everything to kind of snap me back to reality. The guys need it too so when we get back together next month to record we'll all be able to sit in the same room together and not feel weird."

"You're not going to see them for a month?" Harmony asked completely taken by surprise.

"Well, I'm sure I'll see them. But not for work or anything. We don't start recording for another few weeks but I'm going to see Georg next weekend. We're working on an outside project together so I'll be seeing him a lot."

"Is that what you guys do with your time off? You work on other projects?" She smiled and closed the menu in front of her.

"Yes."

"You guys need a vacation. A real vacation where you don't do anything at all that even remotely resembles work."

"I just got back from a three week real vacation to Spain."

"True." Harmony nodded. "You need more vacations like that."

"I agree." Bill laughed and shut his menu as well. "We'll get another week or two off before our new tour."

"You're already starting a new tour?" Harmony gasped. "They just finished. How could they be expected to do that again so soon?"

"No, not until next year. We have to record the album still and plan the tour and everything." Bill tilted his head and smiled. "No more work talk. What are your plans for next weekend?"

"Bill, I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow never mind next week." Harmony laughed and shook her head. "Why?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to meet with Georg and our project leads for YourSafeChild.com and I was going to see if you'd like to come."

"To San Francisco?"

"Yeah." Bill smiled as the waiter came to take their order. They told him what they wanted and picked at the garlic bread he brought out for them. "So?"

"I'm not sure if I can afford to spend a weekend in San Francisco right now." Harmony explained softly. She had been trying to make it on her own without her parent's help and her job didn't pay that much.

"I have that covered. I just need to know if you'd like to go." Bill smiled and reached across the table for her hand.

"Bill, you don't have to pay for a tr-"

He cut her off with a laugh. "That's one of the perks of dating me." He raised an eyebrow at her and smiled. "Mini vacations and free dinners. Really, you can't go wrong."

"I'll have to check with work but it sounds fun." She smiled uneasily.

"You don't have to go if you don't want." Bill said quickly. "If you're not comfortable with that, I mean."

"No, it's okay." She took a sip of her wine and smiled. "I'm just worried that I won't be able to get the time off." It was only a half lie. She was indeed worried about that but she was also worried about spending an entire weekend in another city with him.

"I hope you can." He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Me too." She relaxed a little and took a deep breath. "So tell me about Spain."

Bill spent the next half hour telling her all about his trip to Spain and his adventures in Barcelona with Tom and some Spaniards they met there who volunteered to show them around the city. Harmony listened with a deep interest and took bites between laughs and comments. "You'll have to show me your pictures when you get them developed." Harmony said as Bill took her hand and swung it back and forth.

"I got them today." Bill said softly as he wove through the cars in the parking lot to get to his car.

"Already?"

"One hour photo places are my new best friend." Bill laughed and unlocked her door and went around to the driver's side. "Do you want to come over and see them?"

"Yeah, I'd love to." She nodded. She started to feel the slight effects of the wine she had before and with dinner.

"They aren't in a book or anything but you can flip through them."

"That's fine." She sunk down in the cool leather seat and watched out the window as he drove her back to his house.

Bill got the stacks of pictures from his room then came out with a thick wool blanket under his arm. "Let's go out back and look at them. It's a gorgeous night." He smiled and held the thick glass door open for Harmony. She walked out across the patio and down to the grassy lawn where he laid out the blanket and dropped onto his stomach. She slowly laid next to him and adjusted her skirt before she rested her chin in her hands and watched as Bill sorted through the pictures.

"This is our hotel from the outside and this is the view from our room. See that there? That's the cathedral that's about a block down the street. We could see it from our room and every morning the bells would wake us up. It was amazing." Bill smiled and scooted closer to Harmony on the blanket.

"It's beautiful." Harmony whispered as she carefully set the first set of pictures aside. He handed her the second set and watched over her shoulder as she looked through them. Bill had a dozen little stories to go along with the pictures. From the little old lady selling hand made wallets to the children playing in the canals.

"That's the little market place just west of the center of the town." Bill laughed lightly. "That's Tom trying to bargain with the guy for one of those shirts."

"Did it work?"

"I don't think so. He ended up getting six of them though."

"For souvenirs?"

"Yeah." Bill nodded. "Oh hey! That reminds me. I never gave you your gifts." He jumped up and crossed the lawn to the back door. He disappeared inside for a few minutes. When he came back out to the blanket he carried a small bag with him. "Here. I didn't wrap them or anything."

"That's okay. You didn't have to get me anything." Harmony blushed in the half darkness.

"I wanted to." He sat cross-legged beside her and smiled as she opened the gift bag. She pulled out a small stack of post cards and flipped through them silently. "Those are a lot better than the pictures I took and I forgot to take your address with me so just pretend I sent those to you." He smiled as she turned the cards over and read the messages on the back. They were written as though he was going to send them that day.

"Thank you." She smiled and reached back into the bag.

"I didn't know if you collected anything so I figured if you did it'd be one of those." Bill explained as she pulled a small silver spoon and a magnet from the bag.

"I don't collect anything but I guess now's a good time to start, huh?" She laughed and set them on top of the cards.

"There should be one more thing in there." Bill said as he tried to look in the bag.

"There's more? Bill, you really didn't have to do this." She shook her head but reached into the bag. She pulled out two small boxes and looked up at Bill expectantly. "Two more?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that one." He smiled as she rolled over and sat cross-legged beside him. She slowly lifted the lid of the first box and her mouth fell open almost to her knees. "Do you like it?" Bill smiled.

"It's beautiful." Harmony carefully lifted the stained glass box out of the casing. "Bill, it's gorgeous. Thank you." She gently lifted the delicate top and ran her finger over the leading between the colors. There was a barely recognizable flower design on the top and the inside was lined with deep blue velvet.

"You're welcome." He smiled proudly. He was glad he had made the right choice.

"I know just where I'm going to put it." She smiled and set it back in the box that it came in as she reached for the final gift. She tore the tape holding the top on and set the box top on the blanket beside her post cards, then lifted out the crumpled tissue paper and set it aside. "Oh." Harmony whispered with a small gasp. "You really shouldn't have, Bill." She took the thin gold chain out and held it in her fingers. A small gold medallion hung from the end with a 'S' etched on the front.

"I didn't know if you'd like the pendant or not but if not we can always take it off."

"No, I love it. Thank you so much, Bill. Really, you didn't need to get me gifts." She held the necklace in her hand as she leaned over to hug him tightly. "Can you help me put this on?" She handed him the separated ends and lifted her hair as he scooted around behind her. He clasped the necklace then lightly ran his finger over her hairline just above the clasp. The simple motion sent chills up her spine and she let her hair fall over his hand.

"It's getting late." Harmony said softly as she leaned back on her hands to stare up at the star filled sky. "I should get going."

"You don't have to leave." Bill looked over at her in the pale light from the porch.

"I have to work tomorrow." She sat forward and brushed the grass off her hands.

"I mean you don't have to leave. You could stay here." Bill said softly. He squeezed her knee through her skirt and rested his cheek on her shoulder.

"Not on a first date I can't." She laughed softly and shrugged his cheek away. She stood up and pulled him to his feet. "Now you're gonna have to drive me home so I can start using my own car from now on." She held his hand and pulled him back into his house. He grabbed his keys and they hopped in his car headed for her house. Bill walked her to her door and Harmony smiled up at him. "Say good night like a gentleman and I'll call you tomorrow."

Bill swung her hand gently as he placed one hand on the small of her back and slowly pulled her closer. "Good night, Harmony." He said in a voice just above a whisper.

"I had a really nice time tonight."

"So did I." He smiled and brought his lips within an inch of hers. "Do you kiss on a first date?" His playful eyes met hers as he smiled.

"What if I said no?"

"Then I'd have to be very un-gentleman-like." His breath tickled her lips as he gave a short soft laugh. Bill's lips brushed over Harmony's so softly that she wasn't sure if they actually touched. Any uncertainty she had disappeared as his hand on her back pulled her closer and he kissed her again.

Bill reluctantly took a step back a minute later and licked his lips quickly.

Harmony could still feel his lips on hers. She hoped the feeling would last all night. "Drive careful." She whispered.

"I will." He said softly as he slid into his car and slowly headed toward the main road. Harmony tasted the light minty flavor of his gum as she entered her little apartment and she couldn't stop smiling as she climbed into bed a half hour later.

-----------------------------

"Hey." Harmony smiled as she sighed and fell into the seat across from Dr. Mueller. It was after ten the next morning but Dr. Mueller was just finishing her breakfast at her desk.

"Well hi there, Harmony. You know, you spend more time in my office now than you did when you were staying here." She smiled sweetly and brushed the crumbs from her pastry off of her desk. "What's up?"

"We went on our first date last night." Harmony bounced her feet up and down and tried to stop smiling.

"I'm assuming by the look on your face that it went well?" Dr. Mueller smiled and sat back in her chair.

"Yes! It went really well. It was kind of like just hanging out with him but different. You know?"

"I know."

"And he asked me to go to San Francisco with him next weekend."

"Wow. That's a big step."

"Well, he's going up for work kinda so I'd just be tagging along. But we'd get to spend a day sight seeing."

"That sounds fun." Dr. Mueller nodded slowly.

"I think I'm going to like this whole boyfriend thing. I used to be totally anti-girly things. I'd make fun of those morons in high school talking about how they were just so totally in love with their boyfriends and how they'd just absolutely die if they broke up. I mean, that was just pathetic. But now look at me." She laughed lightly and blushed. "I don't think I'm like that but it's a weird feeling to be sitting there just barely touching him and feeling like he knows exactly what it means when I look at him."

Dr. Mueller's eyes danced as she laughed and tucked her silvery hair behind her ear. She took her glasses off and set them on her desk before she leaned forward. "I knew you two were something special from the beginning. I'm glad to see that you're actually happy for once but, Harmony, you need to keep in mind that these things, relationships like this, they don't always last forever." She said cautiously.

"I know." Harmony nodded.

"And with him being in the business that he is, well it's only going to make it harder."

"I know." Harmony nodded again. "But he has the next few months off basically. They're actually gonna be recording here in North Carolina for a bit and working on individual projects."

"Don't get me wrong, Harmony. I'm happy for you two, I really am. And I wish you the best of luck. I just don't want you to get too wrapped up in this."

"I'm not."

"Okay." Dr. Mueller smiled and nodded slowly. "How's Bill doing by the way?"

"He's doing well." Harmony looked up quickly and spun her ring around on her finger. "He's actually talking about going public."

"Really? With his stay here?"

"With everything." Harmony squinted her eyes quickly. "But maybe Bill should be talking to you about this."

"I'd love to talk with him. Can you have him give me a call?"

"Sure." Harmony sighed and leaned back in her chair to really look at Dr. Mueller. The older lady hadn't changed a bit since the first time Harmony saw her almost two years earlier. "That's not the only reason I came here though." She said softly.

"Oh?"

"I need some help." Harmony immediately dropped her eyes to her lap and picked at her fingernails.

"What can I do for you?"

"I want to go back to school. I've been helping out the kids here and everything and I've been talking with you for so long. I think I want to do this."

"To go into counseling?" Dr. Mueller's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Well-"

"I think that would be wonderful." Dr. Mueller smiled and tried to contain her excitement. "Really, Harmony, that's just a beautiful idea. I think you'd make a great counselor."

"But I don't even know where to start. I graduated high school but that was five years ago."

"That's okay. I didn't start college until I was almost thirty." Dr. Mueller smiled and reached into the cabinet behind her. "I have some information on UCSU around here somewhere. That may be a good place to start."

"A university?" Harmony frowned. Her courage dropped a little lower at the thought of attending an actual university.

"Well, they don't sell degrees at Walmart you know." Dr. Mueller smiled and placed a thin college brochure on the desk in front of Harmony. "Why don't you take this home and look it over. Read about the different majors and required classes. You can come on back next week sometime and if you'd like me to help you out there. I'd be more than happy. I'm good friends with several professors there and I'm sure we can find a way to get you in."

"I got good grades in school." Harmony nodded.

"I'm sure you did. You're a bright young lady."

"Do you really think I can handle it?"

"I think you can handle just about anything." Dr. Mueller smiled and stood up in front of her desk. "I hate to kick you out, but I have a new student coming in in about ten minutes and I'm going to need to prepare."

"Oh, okay." Harmony stood up slowly and reached for the door. "Thanks, Dr. Mueller." She hesitated at the door as the doctor smiled at her. Dr. Mueller had become more of a mother figure to Harmony than anything else and for a split second she wanted to hug her. Harmony shook the thought from her mind and turned to leave. She stopped with her hand on the door, "Hey, Dr. Mueller? What's your real name?"

"My real name?"

"What do your friends call you I mean?"

Dr. Mueller laughed lightly and slid her hands into the pockets of her starched white jacket. "Sonja."

Harmony nodded with a slow smile. "See you later, Dr. Mueller."

-----------------------------

"Are you packed?" Bill asked Harmony over dinner the next week. He took a bite and glanced up at Harmony across the little table in what had become their favorite little Italian restaurant.

"Yes. In fact my bag is already in my car and ready to go." She smiled.

"This is gonna be fun. Have you been to San Francisco before?"

"My aunt took me when I was 15 or 16." Harmony nodded.

"Oh, so not for a while?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Tomorrow we're meeting with the strategy guys but after that we'll be able to hang out with Georg if you want. Saturday morning is going to be pretty much filled with more meetings and stuff but the rest of the day is all ours."

"What about Georg?"

"He's leaving again after our meetings. He'll be flying back to Germany." Bill shook his head and wiped his mouth on his napkin.

"Oh, okay." Harmony said softly.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Harmony shook her head and forced a smile.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing." She repeated. "This is going to be a fun weekend."

"Who are you trying to convince?"

"Myself." Harmony said after a moment of thought. She smiled and placed her fork beside her plate. "I know it will be fun. I'm just not that fond of traveling."

"You don't like to fly?"

She shrugged and laughed. "I just don't like the idea of leaving. It's not a big deal." She was also unsure of spending a whole weekend with Bill as his girlfriend but she'd have to get over that sooner or later.

"We could take the train if you'd like."

"No, that's okay." She shook her head. "Sitting on a train for a million hours doesn't sound like any fun."

"It's not that long. We could leave first thing in the morning."

"No, that's okay. We can fly tomorrow as planned. You have meetings and things in the afternoon, remember?" Harmony shook her head.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." She smiled to reassure him. "Can I ask you something?" She asked a moment later.

"Sure. Anything." Bill said as he crammed another bite of food in his mouth.

"The locket-" Harmony started.

Bill frowned. "You don't like it?"

She shook her head. "No, I love it." She smiled as her hand reached up to stroke the locket that hung delicately around her neck. "I was just curious. Why'd you put the 'S' on it?"

Bill smiled. "I figured the 'S' meant something to you. I've seen you draw it everywhere. I first noticed when you drew it in the fog on my window. And it was written on the outside and in some of the margins in your notebook." He blushed. "I don't know what it means or if it means anything at all. It was just something I noticed."

"Oh." Harmony was surprised that Bill had noticed. "You're right. The 'S' does mean something to me. My parents were always gone. When they were home, we never got along. I was basically raised by my aunt and she really couldn't give a rat's ass about me either."

"I'm sorry." Bill said suddenly. "You don't have to tell me if it's gonna upset you."

Harmony took his hand. "It's okay. Let me finish." She smiled. "I've always hoped or wished for some kind of peace in my life. Peace from my parents. Peace from my aunt. Peace from the thoughts that plagued my mind. Peace from Ahoskie Behavioral. Just peace." She paused the took a breath. "The 'S' stands for 'serenity.' That's my main goal in life. To achieve absolute serenity."

Bill nodded. It made sense to him now. "I think we're all searching for that." He said as he held her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I hope we both find what we're looking for."

Harmony blushed and smiled. "Maybe this boyfriend thing isn't gonna be so bad after all." She thought to herself.

They finished up their dinner and went to the movies at the theater in the mall nearby. They went back to his house when they were done. Harmony made a cup of tea for herself and leaned on the counter beside Bill as she sipped it carefully. "What time do you want me to be here in the morning?"

"Four thirty." He said in all seriousness.

"Yeah right. Seriously, what time?" She smiled and warmed her hands on the ceramic mug.

"Five thirty." He smiled.

"For a flight that leaves at nine? You're insane." Harmony watched him over the rim of her cup as she blew on the tea.

"Well, you asked what time I want you here." He smiled and placed his hand on her side. "I want you here all the time."

"Specifically tomorrow. What time?" She laughed lightly but didn't move away as his arm circled her waist.

He checked his watch and said. "How about 12:04?"

"Is that what time it is now?"

"Yes." He nodded with a playful smile.

"I'm exhausted. I need to go get some sleep before we leave."

"You can sleep here if you want." He whispered as he leaned his forehead on hers.

"I know." Harmony whispered back.

"Will you stay?"

Harmony thought about it for a minute. She would give anything to stay in his arms all night long. To feel him solidly next to her and to hear his voice in the morning was ideal but she wasn't sure if she was ready for anything like that. This was all so new still. "Bill, I don't think-" She started to argue but stopped and nodded. She would have to get comfortable being alone with him sometime.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." Bill said as he brushed her hair off her cheek.

"I know."

"If you're not sure I'd rather if you didn't."

"It's not that." She laughed lightly.

"I just want you to be comfortable. Nothing's going to happen if that's what you're worried about. Harmony, I just want to be there when you wake up." He smiled slowly and kissed shoulder.

"I want you there too." She nodded as butterflies danced around her stomach. Bill smiled and dropped his hand to her waist to pull her closer.

"So you'll stay?" He smiled.

"Yes." She yawned and set her cup on the counter. "But I wasn't kidding when I said I was tired." She covered her mouth as she yawned.

"I am too." He nodded slowly as he took her hand. "C'mon. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." They walked down the hall to his bedroom and he gave her an over-sized T-shirt to sleep in. They changed in separate rooms and Harmony waited nervously beside the huge, intimidating bed.

"I'm not even close to ready for this. I need Dr. Mueller. Maybe I can call her real quick before Bill gets back. I'm going to make a giant ass out of myself." Harmony thought to herself. She fidgeted with her hair as Bill came into the room from the bathroom. His flannel pajama bottoms were loose fitting and his tank top didn't match. Harmony smiled at the image but that didn't stop her from feeling so nervous she felt she was going to throw up.

"I set the alarm for seven. That way we can get up and shower before we have to leave for the airport." Bill pulled the covers back and slid between the sheets as he flipped the small bedside lamp off.

"Okay." Harmony nodded slightly but made no move to climb into the bed beside Bill.

"Unless you're some kind of giraffe I don't think you can sleep standing up." Bill whispered into the darkness.

Harmony closed her eyes and pulled the covers on her side of the bed back. She climbed in as she held her breath. She lay flat on her back with the blanket pulled up to her shoulders and her eyes wide open.

"Why do you look terrified?" Bill whispered as he tried not to laugh.

"I don't." She said quickly.

"Come here." Bill reached over and pulled her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and she slowly rolled onto her side. "See? This isn't so bad, is it?"

"No." She shook her head and forced herself to relax into his arms.

"I love you, Harmony." Bill said softly as he snuggled deeper into the pillow and curled his legs behind hers.

Harmony nodded slightly in response and closed her eyes. She enjoyed the feeling of his warmth behind her. She let that feeling take her into dreamland as she rested her hand on his.

Harmony's eyes flew open the next morning and she hurriedly looked around. It took a moment for her mind to clear and for her to register where she was but when she did her stomach did a flip-flop. She'd spent the night at Bill's and he was still there beside her with his arms around her and his breath warm on her neck.

She rolled over carefully so as not to wake Bill and wrapped her arms around him as they faced each other. He grunted softly and let his hand fall to her behind in his sleep. She looked at his sleeping face and smiled at his hair sticking up like Einstein.

"You snore." He said softly without opening his eyes.

"I do not." She whispered back with a quiet laugh.

"You do to. Worse than Tom."

"You lie."

"I promise you, Harmony. You snore like a burly truck driver." He cracked his eyes open and smiled.

"You're mean."

"I'm not mean." He kissed her lips as he smiled again. "I'm the nicest guy you know."

"You think so, huh?" She raised her eyebrow and smiled.

"I know so." He kissed her again. "How many other guys would let you stay here knowing you snore like that?"

"If I snore why didn't any of the guys say anything? We rode in close quarters for weeks."

"Because Tom's snoring drowned you out."

"I didn't know Tom snored?"

"I have no idea how you slept through it." Bill laughed and propped himself up on one elbow. "Do you want breakfast?" He asked as he traced her bottom lip with his finger. She shook her head and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and tried not to yawn.

"Do you have coffee?"

"I think so." Bill nodded but didn't make a move to get out of the bed.

"Do you want me to go check?" She asked.

"No."

"Are you going to go see?"

"No."

"Bill-"

"I just want to stay here for a little bit." He laughed and pulled her close to kiss her again.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"There's a Starbucks in the main terminal at the airport so if we hurry along I can stop and get a mocha and then everyone will be happy." She stood up and stretched before going into the bathroom. She shut the door and turned the water on as Bill rolled back over and turned his clock radio on to the morning show.

They took turns under the hot water and were out the door with time to spare. They took a cab to the airport and stopped at the little Starbucks cart in the main terminal to get Harmony her mocha and a chocolate scone.

Bill's security team met them at the San Francisco airport when they landed and took them directly to the twenty story office building where their meetings were going to be held. "If you want to go to the hotel you can. You don't have to wait around here." Bill said as they walked down the hall.

Harmony cast a worried glance at the security team before she looked at Bill. "What about them?"

"One of them will go with you just to be safe." He noticed her look and lightly touched her arm. "There's nothing to be worried about but if fans are there you'll be glad to have him around. It shouldn't be that bad though."

"Hey, Harmony!" Georg smiled as he walked down the hall with a security guard of his own.

"Hi, Georg." She smiled and gave him a quick hug. "How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"I'm good." Harmony nodded and looked more at ease.

"How are you?" Georg nodded at Bill.

"Well, we're on time so that's a good start." Bill laughed and checked his watch. "But just barely. What's it gonna be?" He asked Harmony.

"I guess I'll go to the hotel." She looked over her shoulder at the guard. "Does he really have to come?"

"You won't even know he's there." Georg laughed. "He'll just be this big guy that hails you a cab and pays for it."

"We'll be done here in a few hours and then the three of us can get some dinner or something." Bill smiled and hugged her quickly.

"Okay."

"Tobi, can you take Harmony to the hotel and get us checked in?" Bill asked as he stepped back. The smaller of the two guards stepped up and introduced himself to Harmony before he took her little bag and headed for the door.

"See you later, Harmony." Georg waved as Bill blew her a kiss. She smiled and shook her head. She followed Tobi out the door and into the California sunshine.

Georg and Bill made it back to the hotel a few hours later. It was after five when they met up again and headed out for dinner. They ate at a little seafood place on the end of a pier and looked around at the collection of little stores lining the planks.

"Wow, look at you. You're all girly." Georg laughed as Harmony stepped into the hall in her little sundress and sandals.

"Shut up." Harmony blushed and giggled softly. Her hair was for once doing what she wanted it to and it curled delicately around her face in blonde ringlets. "I'm a girl. What did you expect?"

"I don't know." He shook his head and hit the elevator button. "Where's Bill?"

"He was right behind me." She looked over her shoulder to see Bill walking down the hall towards them.

"Are you making him take you out for a real romantic dinner now that I'm out of the picture?" Georg asked softly.

"Yeah, it took you long enough to leave. Damn!" She laughed and gave Georg a quick hug. "No, he wants to go out tonight because after this week you guys are gonna be crazy back in the studio."

"Oh, I see how it goes. Like the Last Supper or something."

"Something like that." Harmony nodded as Bill walked up and planted a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Something like what?" Bill asked.

"Last supper. Taking Harmony out tonight since we'll be in the studio next week." Georg explained as the guards turned the corner to follow them out of the hotel.

"Once we start we're going to busy." Bill nodded. The five of them stepped onto the elevator and rode down as they discussed the recording schedule.

They said goodbye to Georg in the hotel lobby as he left in a limo to go to the airport. Bill, Harmony and their security guy Tobi walked the dozen blocks to Pier 39 to do some shopping and sight seeing before their flight left later that night.

Harmony bought little magnets for Dr. Mueller and Cassey. They visited the aquarium and the Wyland art exhibit before they wandered into Bubba Gump's for a quick dinner. Harmony got a taste of what it would be like to date Bill when a fan came up during the meal to get an autograph. Bill smiled and signed the girl's napkin and T-shirt. He chatted with her for a minute before she went back to her table.

"Okay. That was weird." Harmony laughed and stirred the ice in her cup.

"That was nothing." Bill shook his head. "You've seen it worse than that."

"Yeah, but that was on tour. This is being normal. It's just weird."

"You'll get used to it. It's not that bad."

"I guess I'll have to, won't I?" Harmony smiled.

"I guess so." Bill nodded and stared at Harmony across the table. "How'd I get so lucky?"

They finished their dinner and walked hand in hand out of the restaurant. "Let's watch the sunset before we have to leave." Bill nodded down the length of the fishing pier. "We're okay." He said to Tobi who was following a few steps behind.

"You're sure?" Tobi asked.

"Yeah, we'll be fine. It's been quiet." Bill nodded.

"See you guys at the hotel then." Tobi reluctantly left the two of them alone and walked back up the planks to the street to catch a cab.

"You're such a romantic." Harmony laughed lightly and rolled her eyes.

"Of course I am." Bill smiled smugly then laughed with her.

"Had lots of practice, have you?" Harmony walked to the side of the pier and looked out towards the west.

"Not a lot." Bill shook his head. "Nothing like this."

"Oh really?" Harmony looked out at the sea gulls diving toward the water making little splashes where their beaks broke the water.

"I love you, Harmony." Bill said with a smile as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her bare shoulder. It was starting to get chilly out on the water and he held her close to keep her warm.

Harmony leaned forward and rested her elbows on the rail of the pier as Bill laced his fingers through hers and gently moved his hand back and forth. She heard what he said just like she heard it every time he said it. But as they stood on the rickety planks of the pier she knew that it would be different this time. She didn't respond or move at all.

"Can't you even say it?" He asked softly. He was serious but smiling.

"Bill-" She sighed and tried to wiggle out of his arms but he held her tighter.

"It's not that hard. Three words."

"You know I do."

"I know but I'd still like to hear you say it." He pulled back a few inches but kept his arms around her waist. "I'm not going to let you go until you say it." He said softly without a smile.

"Don't. Just- Just don't, Bill." Harmony frowned and pulled away with an exasperated sigh. She swatted his hand away as she turned to walk back up the pier with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Harmony." Bill sighed and took two steps to follow her. He stopped when he realized she was already out of earshot. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head slowly as he walked toward the parking lot. "Great." He walked back to the hotel alone and let himself into the room.

Harmony was in the shower when he got back and gave him a simple version of the cold shoulder until they left for the airport more than an hour later. She didn't totally ignore him but she didn't go out of her way to be friendly or smile. "I'm sorry." Bill said quietly as Harmony clicked her seat belt in place.

"It's okay." She said tightly as she opened the shade on the window to her left. Bill reached over and held her hand in his as they taxied down the runway and took off. He didn't let go until they landed in Raleigh and hopped in a cab back to his house. They rode in uneasy silence and stood together on his porch as he fumbled for his keys.

Harmony said goodnight to Bill in the yellow light of his porch light and declined his offer to sleep over. She had to work the next day and it had been a long and tiring weekend. She kissed his cheek quickly then got in her car and drove across town to her own little apartment. Harmony went through the motions of dropping her bag by the door and her keys on the table just like she always did but she was half asleep. She made it to her bedside where she pulled her jeans and bra off and fell asleep on top of her blankets in just her T-shirt.

-----------------------------

"I love you, Harmony." Bill whispered softly.

"Okay."

"Do you love me?"

Harmony thought for a minute. "No." She lied and shook her head.

"No?"

"No." She repeated as she took two steps backward.

"Okay." He nodded and turned around. Harmony followed him the length of the house and stopped in the doorway as he stood in the tiny bathroom. She looked on with confusion as he pulled a razor from the medicine cabinet and stared at Harmony.

Without looking he drew the blade up his arm and cringed as the blood dripped down to his fingertips and to the floor. Harmony didn't move. She couldn't. He bent and sliced his thighs. All the while, he kept his eyes on Harmony.

"Do you love me now?" He asked as he dropped the razor in the sink. Blood pooled around his feet and he began to slip on the slick tiles.

"No." She shook her head. She walked away and left him in his bathroom alone.

Harmony gasped loudly as she sat up in bed and flipped the light on by her bed. She panted for a minute and wiped the sweat from her upper lip. "Shit. Shit. Shit." She whispered to herself as she jumped out of bed and quickly paced back and forth. "Just a dream. It was just a dream." Harmony repeated that to herself as it started to sink in.

The water from the pitcher splashed onto the counter as Harmony poured herself a glass a minute later. She wiped it up quickly and drank it in three big gulps. The phone on the wall looked tempting. She could just call him and make sure he was okay. To make sure he could answer the phone.

Harmony placed her hands on the cool tile of the counter and took a deep breath. "It's three in the morning. It was just a dream. Bill is fine." She said out loud as if hearing it would make it real. It took several minutes of convincing before she carried herself back to bed and forced herself to lie down.

She didn't sleep well that night but waited until nine before calling Bill's house to completely alleviate her fear. It would have been alleviated much faster if he had answered the phone but he didn't. She let it ring through to his voice mail three times before leaving a message. "Hi. This is Harmony. Can you call me please? As soon as you get this? It's nothing urgent. I just- Just please call. Bye." She hung up and tugged at her lower lip. Now all she had to do was wait.

She took a shower and dressed. She forced herself to eat a bowl of cereal before calling him again. There was still no answer and she began to get more and more worried. Then an awful thought struck her. "What if Bill is avoiding my calls on purpose? What if the little scene I caused on the pier really upset him enough to make him not want to talk to me?" She knew he had been okay about it at the time but, now that he'd had time to think, maybe he was mad at her.

Harmony's brow furrowed in thought. "Have I ruined everything just because I'm scared to say those three short words?"

-----------------------------

She waited until the next day to call again, but there was still no answer. She began to get worried. She had noticed that Bill had been acting almost too normal. More normal than she had ever seen him and she was starting to worry about him. Now that she'd upset him her worry began to turn to fear. "What if he's not avoiding me? What if he's hurt himself?"

Panic began to set in when she hadn't reached him by the end of the day. She called the only other person she could think of who might be able to help. "Please tell me you've talked to Bill." She said when Georg answered his cell phone.

"Who is this?" Georg asked with a confused tone.

"Harmony."

"Oh! Hey, Harmony. No, I haven't talked to him since San Francisco. What's up?"

"Shit. Do you know where he is?"

"No. We aren't getting together until Thursday. I don't have any idea where he might be. Did you try his house?"

"Yeah, there's no answer." She said quickly.

"Is something wrong?"

"We got into a fight kind of." She said softly. The dream was a little too personal and possibly inconsequential.

"Oh."

"And I'm just really worried now."

"You think he may hurt himself?" Georg asked as he jumped to attention.

"I don't know." Harmony said softly. "I mean, it's possible. He's been acting kind of weird lately and with the recording and stuff coming up and now this fight thing- I just don't know."

"I thought he was doing okay."

"Well yeah, but it's like he's trying really hard to make us all think he's okay. I don't know how to explain it."

"Have you gone to his house?"

"I was going to head over there if you hadn't heard from him."

"I haven't." Georg shook his head.

"Okay." Harmony sighed.

"Are you going over?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to call someone and have them go with you?"

"No." She shook her head and stood up to grab her keys.

"Call me as soon as you get there."

"I will."

"He's gonna be okay Harmony."

"Yeah." She said with little conviction. "Bye." She hung up and left as quickly as possible.

She drove as fast as she could across town to Bill's house. Harmony parked in the driveway beside his car and was relieved to see it there. That meant that he was inside. Good or bad he was inside.

On the drive over her imagination ran wild with what she might find at the house. When she finally got there she jumped out of the car and ran up to the front door. She rang the doorbell and pounded on the door. "Come on. Come on. Answer the door." She said to herself. She waited what felt like an eternity. She raised her hand and knocked again. She wished now that she'd have thought to get a set of his keys made.

She was in the middle of banging when the door suddenly opened and Bill blinked back at her. "Harmony?"

"You're okay?" Harmony asked quickly as she shoved her way into the house. She grabbed his hand as she went. She was so relieved to see that he was standing she didn't even notice that he was only barely standing.

"What?" Bill asked softly. His voice was almost completely gone.

"You're okay." She said again as she held his arm out to check. Bill's left arm was scratch free so she grabbed his right and looked closely. There wasn't a mark on it except for the small red dot of a needle stick in his arm.

"No, I feel like shit." Bill dropped his arm to his side and frowned.

"Wait." Harmony knelt in front of him and ran her hands over his leg.

"Am I being strip searched?" Bill tried to be funny but the humor didn't make it into his voice.

Harmony's fingers found a patch of dried blood by his knee and she looked up sharply. "Bill?"

"Yeah?"

"You're okay though." She nodded with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She threw her arms around his neck and almost knocked him off balance.

"Hang on, Harmony- What's wrong."

"I had a dream that you cut yourself. "

"I didn't cut myself." Bill frowned and held her at arms length.

"Your knee?"

He bent quickly and touched the side of his knee. "Oh! No, Harmony! I fell."

"You fell?" She asked with a concerned look.

"At the doctor. I passed out."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. And embarrassed." He smiled weakly and placed his hand on his forehead. "They had to take blood and I worked myself up so bad I passed out. I banged my knee on a drawer or something and they got their blood sample from my arm." He held it out for her to see.

Harmony looked and for the first time noticed his red nose, puffy eyes and chapped lips. "What's wrong?"

"I have a horrible cough, a sinus infection and an ear infection." Bill reached into the pocket of his sweat shorts and pulled out a handkerchief. He paused for a second and let the strange scene sink in. "You really thought I'd cut myself?"

"It was so real." She hung her head and held her hands in front of her to make them stop shaking.

"I'm okay, Harmony." His head throbbed behind his eyes.

"I know."

"Hey." He tilted her chin up to look her in the eye. "I am."

"I know." She averted her eyes and sighed.

"I really feel too much like shit to be having this kind of conversation right now." He tried to blow his nose again but it was completely stuffed. "I don't want to get you sick."

"Oh. Uh- Okay." Harmony nodded and took a few steps backward toward the front door. "I'll give you a call later."

"Okay." He croaked before he coughed into his handkerchief.

"Bye." She said softly as she turned the handle and stepped out onto the porch. She didn't feel that much better than when she got there.

She called Georg from her car on the way back to her house and explained to him that Bill was fine with the exception of his head cold and ear infection. Georg was relieved and secretly happy to hear that Harmony would be that concerned for Bill. She kept proving to him and the others that she really was a great thing in Bill's life. She really did care about him more than Bill thought.

-----------------------------

Harmony stayed away for a few days to let Bill get better. She couldn't afford to get sick and miss work. Especially not after she had to practically beg to get her job back. She spent a few hours on the fourth day in Dr. Mueller's office talking to her about mundane things. She tried to avoid the topic of Bill.

"How are things? Really?" Dr. Mueller asked. She was no fool.

Harmony sighed and rested her chin in her hands. "I had a dream that Bill cut himself." She confessed.

"What happened?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Dr. Mueller raised her eyebrow.

"I had this horrible dream. I dreamed that he cut himself. A lot." She said softly with another deep sigh.

"What happened in the dream to make him cut himself?"

"He told me he loved me and I told him I didn't love him."

"Has he said that?"

"That he loves me?"

"Yes." Dr. Mueller laced her fingers together and rubbed her knuckles over her lips. "Yes." Harmony leaned back in the soft leather chair. "He has said it a couple times."

"And what do you say?"

"I don't say anything." Harmony sighed and covered her eyes. "We were having such a great weekend until then. The dream just seemed so real." She shook involuntarily. "It really scared me. And then I couldn't reach him when I called for two days so I started to freak out and I went over to see if he'd really cut himself."

"Have you talked to him since then?"

"Yeah. He's been sick though so we've only talked on the phone." Harmony pulled her feet up onto the chair. That was an indication to Dr. Mueller that she was planning on staying for a while. "Why do I do this, Dr. Mueller? Bill is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Why do I have to ruin it?"

Dr. Mueller took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes in preparation. "Well, first of all, Harmony, you didn't ruin anything. You can't control the dreams that you have and I doubt Bill is mad at you for not saying you love him."

"No, I know."

"Now how about this love thing?"

"What love thing?" Harmony asked softly.

"You said he told you he loved you but you didn't say anything?"

"In my dream I told him I didn't love him."

"Okay, but what about when he told you? In real life?"

"I didn't say anything. I just nodded." Harmony repeated.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Harmony tried to glare at Dr. Mueller like she had when she was a patient but it just didn't come out the same.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Then what's stopping you?" Dr. Mueller raised an eyebrow at Harmony. She hoped Harmony would break down that little barrier wall and answer the question from her heart. Instead Harmony just shrugged and fidgeted in her chair.

"I came here today because I don't know what's stopping me."

"You want to know what I think? I think you don't want Bill to love you." Dr. Mueller didn't wait for a response. "I think you love him but you don't know what to do with that. I think you have stuff going on up here." She tapped her temple. "And I think that you're scared."

"I'm not scared."

"Yes, you are." Dr. Mueller smiled. "But that's okay. This can be scary at first."

"You think I don't want Bill to love me?"

"That's what I think."

"Why?"

"I don't think that you believe you're worthy."

"What if I'm not?"

"If he loves you, Harmony, then you are." Dr. Mueller smiled.

Harmony just sighed and picked at her fingernails. "So what do I do now?"

"You come to a conclusion yourself and then you talk to Bill."

"What if he hates me?"

"You just said he tells you he loves you?"

"But what if me not telling him has made him hate me?"

"That's not how it works." Dr. Mueller shook her head. "Bill's a good guy. If he loves you then not much can change that."

"He hasn't said anything."

"Maybe he's giving you space."

"Maybe he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you."

Harmony made a face and stuck her thumbnail in her mouth. She thought about that for a minute then asked. "Promise?"

"Promise." Dr. Mueller nodded. "Now how are you doing with the school stuff? Have you talked to your enrollment counselor?" And with that, the therapy session ended and the friendly chat started.

-----------------------------

Harmony stood on Bill's doorstep and nervously shifted her weight from foot to foot. It had been twenty four hours since her session with Dr. Mueller and she had felt miserable since then. She didn't eat or sleep well and she couldn't think about anything other than Bill. She'd picked up the phone dozens of times to call to explain. She had even gone as far as dialing but she always hung up before he answered.

Harmony raised her hand to knock on the door but stopped herself as her hand got closer. Her stomach sank to her knees as she thought about what she was about to do. She turned around and sat on the front step then rested her head in her hands. She took a few deep shaky breaths and tried to mentally prepare herself. One of two things could happen, either he'd be pissed off and say, "Forget it!" Or he could understand what she was saying and everything would be okay,. That's what she hoped would happen. She knew she had to be prepared for either reaction. She only hoped she would handle it okay no matter what.

She took another deep breath and ran her hands through her hair as she began to stand up to try the door again but as she pushed herself up the front door opened slowly. Bill stepped out onto the small patio and asked. "Are you going to sit out here all day?"

"I, um-" Harmony stuttered and tried to regain her composure. Her chance to runaway was just taken away from her. "Bill, I- I think-"

"Come in." He said as he held the door open. Bill watched her as she brushed past him and into his house.

She stopped just inside the door and took a breath before she turned to face him. "I'm sorry, Bill." She said quickly. Before he could respond she continued. "I haven't been honest with you and that was the one thing I promised you that I would always do." She reached out and grabbed his hand but dropped it when she saw his lack of emotion.

A look of confusion crossed his face as he met her eye. "What? What haven't you been honest about?" His heart sped up with anticipation as he thought of all of the things she might have lied about.

"I thought that you deserved better and that I wasn't what you needed. No matter wh- "

"Harmony, you don't-"

"Please, let me finish." She held her hand up to silence him then continued. "I have spent my whole life virtually alone. Then you came along and changed everything and that was such a huge change for me. And just when I was getting comfortable being your friend you sprang this whole relationship thing on me and I-"

"Harmony, I-"

She cut him off again and finished her sentence. "I wasn't sure how to handle that. Then you said you loved me and you have to understand that no one has said that to me before that I can remember. No one. Not my parents. Not anyone. I know you meant it, Bill. That's not the problem. The problem was in my own head. I immediately thought that this couldn't possibly be meant for me. For twenty-three years I've been unlovable or unloved or at least felt that way. After feeling like that for so long you begin to think that's how it's supposed to be. As twisted as that sounds you start to believe it." She took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her. "Bill, you deserve so much more than I can ever give you. You're perfect and sweet and the most caring and compassionate person I've ever met in my life. I don't feel like I've earned the love that you're trying to give me. I've done nothing good to deserve it. But, Bill, every time you say you love me I feel like I'm taking something that's not mine." She frowned and tried to decide if she was making any sense at all. By the look on his face she could tell that she wasn't. "Over the last week I've really thought about everything you've told me and you always said to do what's right for me. You're right for me, Bill." She nodded and wiped at her eyes quickly. "I don't know if I can do this right and I don't know if I deserve it anymore or if I ever did. But I want it. So even if I haven't earned it, I want this. And I want to be able to say it back but that's just- It's just real hard for me." She took another deep breath and let it out loudly. She suddenly felt relieved to have shared all of her feelings with him.

"You can't be serious." Bill said softly as he shook his head.

Harmony's stomach took a nose dive. Her first thought was that he was going to spell out for her exactly why she was right to feel that way. "I am serious." She whispered.

"Harmony, you deserve so much more than that. Baby, you need more love than I even have to give you. You need it more than anyone else." He bridged the gap between them in one quick step and placed his hand on the side of her face. "I love you, Harmony. Nothing is going to change that. I can't believe that you would actually think that you were unlovable or that I deserve something more." He shook his head and smiled slowly. "We need each other in ways that other people can't even begin to understand. You've been there for me when I was below my lowest and I can't ever repay you for that. All I can do is go with what I have and all I have is me." He shrugged and placed his free hand around her waist as he kissed her gently.

Harmony wrapped her arms tightly around him and whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Harmony. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry if I freaked you out." He softly rubbed her back as she clung to him. This whole relationship was going to be harder than he expected. For both of them.

-----------------------------

Over the next few of weeks Harmony enrolled in the local community college and became a little more comfortable around Bill's affection. Georg and Tom came to town and joined Harmony and Bill for dinner the weekend after Harmony's classes started. It was a lot less intimidating than she thought it would be.

"Wow, Bill. North Carolina has been good to you." Tom hugged his brother quickly before he sat across from Bill in the booth of the restaurant.

"Thanks." Bill laughed.

"Really. You look a lot better than you have in a long time."

"Stop checking checking me out. It's creepy." Bill laughed again and looked toward the entrance. "Where's Georg?"

"He was on the phone when we got here so I think he's finishing that up." Tom shrugged and unfolded his napkin.

"You'd think that phone was his oxygen supply." Bill rolled his eyes.

"How was your vacation?" Harmony asked Tom.

"Oh, it was good. Lot's of fun." Tom nodded and took a sip of his water. "Did Bill show you the pictures?"

"Yeah. I love the ones you guys took on your hike or whatever. They looked amazing." Harmony smiled.

"It was. You wouldn't believe how pretty that whole country is." Tom scratched at his braids and looked around the restaurant uneasily. "Is it always this packed in here?"

"I don't know. I've never been here." Harmony smiled as Bill looked over the menu.

"It's weird being out with the guys without our linebackers."

"Linebackers?" Harmony asked.

"The security team." Tom laughed. "I guess after the last tour things have kinda died down when it comes to psycho-stalker fans."

"You can say that again." Bill looked up from the menu and saw Georg weaving through the crowded tables on the way to where they were sitting.

"Hi, Bill. Hi, Harmony." He said as he sat down. He dropped his phone on the table and sighed. "Can someone take that thing and toss it into the ocean? It hasn't stopped ringing since we landed."

Tom reached over and turned the power off. He handed the tiny phone back to Georg. "There. All better."

"So are you guys ready to start recording?" Harmony asked softly as Tom and Georg picked up their menus.

"We aren't going to be recording for another few weeks." Tom said without looking up.

"Oh, I thought Bill said you were going to be in the studio next week." Harmony blushed quickly and looked over at Bill.

"Oh, well yeah. But we have meetings and stuff to talk about the album before we actually start recording especially since it's a new studio for us." Georg smiled up at Harmony and glanced at Bill. He could already see the difference in both of them. They seemed truly happy together. "What have you guys been doing on our little break?"

"Not much." Bill shrugged.

"I started school this week." Harmony said as she opened her menu in front of her.

"Oh. You're going to NCSU?" Georg asked.

"No, not yet." Harmony looked at the appetizers and furrowed her brow. "I'm going to a community college for a year to take the basics, you know. I'm still working with my doctor to get into NCSU."

"Your doctor?"

"She's not really my doctor. She was. Dr. Mueller was our doctor at Ahoskie Behavioral. She's been helping me with the school thing." Harmony said quickly.

"You still go to a doctor for that?" Tom asked as he set his menu down.

"No, I-" Harmony cleared her throat softly. "I volunteer there a few times a week."

"She talks to some of the kids that are there now. Harmony's going to school to be a counselor like Dr. Mueller." Bill explained.

"Ahh, that's wicked." Georg smiled.

"I think you'll be good at that. Look at what you've done for us hopeless morons." Tom laughed and chewed on a piece of ice.

"Hopeless, huh?" Georg laughed and shook his head. "I wouldn't go that far."

"I just mean that she's helped us all a lot even though we didn't think we needed it."

"Aww. Tom's getting all deep and stuff." Bill smiled across the table at Georg.

"How sweet." Georg patted Tom's head and everyone laughed.

They enjoyed their dinner then said good-bye out at their cars. All evening they had been left alone but, as they all climbed into their cars, a small group of fans approached them. The three guys happily signed T-shirts and napkins and chat with them for a bit before they waved good-bye and left.

"That was a really nice night." Harmony smiled with content as she sat back in Bill's passenger seat. "Have you missed them?"

"The guys?" Bill laughed as though she'd just said the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. He sighed deeply and shook his head. "Yeah, I do. Especially Tom."

"You're such a softy." Harmony rolled down her window and let the cool fall air in.

"They're my family." He said softly as he reached to turn the radio on.

"Speaking of family, you haven't been back to see yours since you've been here."

"No."

"Hmm." She frowned.

"I'm going back after we start recording. We'll have some time off and Tom and I will fly to Germany to see them."

"Do you miss them?"

"My family? Yeah. Especially my mom." He nodded slowly. Harmony nodded in agreement and looked out her window. Her family lived so close but she hardly ever saw them. She doubted they missed her. "It's going to be crazy for a while after we start in the studio on Monday."

"I know."

"No, you don't." He caught her eye in the darkness and smiled. "Seriously, I will only be able to see you on the weekends. Maybe a call or two during the week."

"I'll survive." She laughed lightly.

"I know you will."

"And you will too. I don't see you that much right now anyway since I've been working and going to school."

"Yeah but this will be different."

"Bill, my dear, you worry way too much."

"I know." He forced a smile and concentrated on the road.

A look of worry crossed Harmony's face. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" He looked over at her again. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Really." Bill nodded. He leaned over and kissed her quickly still trying to keep his eyes on the road. "Honest."

"You'd tell me if you weren't?"

"Would I be able to lie to you? You see through me like I was made of glass." Bill winked and rolled her window up with the controls by his fingertips.

"True." Harmony leaned her elbow against the window and sighed.

"Now look who's worrying too much." He laughed.

"Shut up."

"Are you going to stay tonight?"

"At your house?"

"No, in the car."

"I think it'll get cold in the car. I'd rather go home."

"Yes, at my house." He laughed.

Harmony thought for a second. She didn't have anywhere to be in the morning and she didn't really want to drive home to an empty apartment but she felt like she was spending more time at Bill's than she was at her own place. "Sure." She smiled. She was a sucker for a warm body and soft music.

"Okay." He reached over and placed his hand on her knee as they headed to his house.

Harmony spent the night wrapped in Bill's arms to the sound of Van Morrison's Moondance CD playing softly. Bill could never fall asleep in silence. There was always some sort of sound on when she slept over. She had gotten used to it but usually stayed awake half the night listening to the musical choice of the night.

Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance

With the stars up above in your eyes

A fantabulous night to make romance

'Neath the cover of October skies

And all the leaves on the trees are falling

To the sound of the breezes that blow

And I'm trying to please to the calling

Of your heart strings that play soft and low

You know the night's magic

Seems to whisper and hush

And all the soft moonlight

Seems to shine in your blush

-----------------------------

After the first week of album meetings the guys began recording at Osceola Studios in Raleigh. For two months Harmony only saw Bill on the weekends. He was so busy in the studio and going to meetings that by the time Saturday rolled around all he wanted to do was sit in his backyard or lay on his couch. Both of which were fine with Harmony. She was just happy to see him.

Harmony's classes were going well. She was slowly getting back into the routine of early classes and pages of homework. "How's the recording going?" She asked softly as Bill sank into the corner of the couch one lazy Saturday afternoon.

"Ugh."

"Ugh?"

"Yep. Just ugh."

"No fun?" She asked.

"It's fun, I guess." He shrugged and dropped his arm over his eyes. "It's just ugh. That's the only way to describe it."

"You're a lyrical master and a poet and all you can think of is Ugh?"

"Lots of ugh." Bill laughed lightly. "How's school?"

"Interesting." Harmony smiled. "I forgot what a pain in the ass homework was though. I don't know how they expect us to read two chapters a week and work and try to have a life."

"You have to give up the life and stuff." Bill smiled.

"Well, that sucks."

"Yeah."

"Oh well. Live for the weekend, right?"

"Right." He reached for her hand and pulled her over to his side of the couch. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her quickly. "Saturdays rock."

"Yes, they do." She laughed. "Oh, Dr. Mueller invited me to speak at this visitor's night thing next week."

"Really? That's great. Are you going to?"

"Yeah, they're having dinner and everything. I guess she just wants a former patient to get up and talk about how Ahoskie Behavioral isn't the hell their kids make it out to be."

"I don't know. At the time I think we would both agree that it wasn't quite heaven."

"Well, of course not. But in retrospect, it wasn't that bad, right?"

"I suppose." He shrugged.

"So I need to come up with something witty to say."

"You shouldn't have a problem with that."

"Do you, uh- Want to come?"

Bill was silent for a minute then took a deep breath, "I don't know if that'd be a good idea." He said softly. "I talked to Benjamin today."

"How does that have anything to do with going to the meeting with me?"

"I'm going to make a public service announcement next week. It'll start airing in 5 weeks."

"A public service announcement?"

"Yeah, those commercial things that have role models telling kids not to do drugs and things like that."

"Okay."

"I'm going to be filming one for suicide." Bill ran his hand down the back of her head and held her closer.

Harmony sat up quickly as her stomach tumbled to her knees. "You're going public?"

"Yes."

"Whoa, Bill. Have you really thought about that?" She was suddenly worried that he might not be ready for such a big step.

"Of course I have."

"But with your album and everything." She frowned and shook her head.

"That's part of the reason we're doing it now."

"This shouldn't be a decision you make to increase sales. You should do it when you're ready."

"I'm ready." Bill nodded. "But if I announce this now, before the album comes out, I think that would be better. It's my decision. Benjamin's not even sure if I should."

"What do you think your fans will do?" Harmony asked as she lay her head back on his shoulder.

"That's the one thing I'm not sure about." He shook his head. "But this is me."

"What do the guys think?" Harmony's stomach sunk as she realized they could easily blame her for any negative repercussions that may come from Bill's announcement.

"Georg is doing the service announcement with me." Bill smiled.

"You're kidding!" Harmony sat up again and laughed. "That's great!"

"They all seem cool with it. We talked about it yesterday. You know, the possibility of media backlash and things like that. They're all ready for it."

"Bill, that's awesome."

"It's pretty cool that they're so supportive. I mean, we actually talked about it and they were cool."

"You have three of the best friends."

"Four." He smiled at her.

Harmony blushed and smiled. "Are you going to mention Ahoskie Behavioral?"

"Not by name, no." Bill shook his head. "My public relations rep said it may not be a good idea to draw attention to a specific facility in order to protect the privacy of other patients."

"That makes sense." Harmony nodded.

"So back to you speaking at Ahoskie Behavioral. I think if I showed up at a facility like that then made my announcement that might set off some red flags."

"True." Harmony nodded.

"But I want to hear what you're going to say so when you finished writing your speech let me know."

"Okay." Harmony smiled.

"You nervous?

"A little."

"You'll do fine." Bill said softly.

"I hope so." Harmony sighed and listened to his heartbeat beneath his shirt.

"I know so." Bill whispered.

"You rock."

"That's why you love me?"

"Uh huh." She smiled and blushed as he wrapped his arms tighter around her and they turned their attention toward the TV where Dirty Dancing was playing for the third time that week.

-----------------------------

Harmony walked into her dark apartment on Monday after a long day at work. She dropped her keys and purse on the small dining room table. She yawned and kicked her shoes toward her couch then pulled the hair tie out of her hair. She hit the play button on her answering machine.

"Hi! This is Marshall calling from AT&T. If you're the decision maker in your-" The monotonous male voice droned on as Harmony sighed and hit skip. She took the kettle off the stove top and held it under the faucet to fill it with water for her tea.

"Hey, it's me. I'm calling to see what you're doing tomorrow." Cassey's voice laughed through the small apartment. "Give me a call later. I'll be home after six. Bye!" Harmony smiled and made a mental note to call Cassey in the morning since it was already after ten.

"Hi, Harmony. It's me." Harmony smiled and set the kettle on the stove top. She leaned on the counter beside the answering machine. Bill's voice always brightened her day even when the day was almost over. "I know you probably thought I'd forget but I didn't. Happy early birthday, Harmony. Call me when you get this. No matter what time it is. I have something for you." He laughed lightly and she could almost hear him running his hand through his hair. "Talk to you later. Love you."

"Who told you it was my birthday?" Harmony said under her breath as she reached for the phone.

"It's a school night. You should be in bed." Was how Bill answered the phone.

"Hello to you too." Harmony laughed. "And my Tuesday morning classes don't start for another month. Only Monday, Wednesday and Friday."

"You need to get into the habit of going to bed early though." Bill smiled.

"Okay, Dad." She took the phone and sat at the dining room table and played with her key ring. "I'll hang up right now and go to bed."

"No, don't do that. I mean, you're already up." Bill laughed and looked at his watch. "Perfect timing though. Go to your hall closet and look in the pocket of your leather coat."

"Huh?"

"Just do it."

"What for?" She smiled slowly but stood up anyway.

"Because I want to give you your birthday present and this is how I'm going to do it."

"Over the phone?"

"Are you going to play along or not?" He laughed.

"I'm playing." She rolled her eyes and laughed as she pulled the hall closet open. A single white balloon floated out and hit the ceiling "A balloon."

"Don't lose that." Bill said.

"A party in the closet?"

"Check the pocket."

"Okay, okay." Harmony reached into the pocket of her leather coat and pulled out a thin matchbook. She flipped it open and read it out loud. "First date. First clue. If you were in Australia you'd call this the loo." She laughed and flipped the matchbook over. It was dark green with the restaurant name embossed in silver on the front and it was the restaurant they went to on their first date. "The loo, huh?" Harmony smiled and grabbed the balloon on her way to the bathroom. "This could take all night."

"Stop whining." Bill smiled.

"I'm not whining. I'm-" She stopped as she opened the bathroom door and saw two balloons bouncing around the ceiling. "More balloons." She laughed.

"I hope you like balloons." Bill laughed and stared at his cuticles.

"I like them just fine." She smiled and sat on the toilet to take the top off the box sitting on the edge of the tub. Inside was another note and a pale pink rose. "Roses are pink. This room sure can stink. Look under the sink to get your drink." She laughed and sniffed at the flower. "I'm not drinking anything under the sink."

"That's fine. I'll drink it."

Harmony opened the little cabinet under the sink and two balloons floated past her face. "More balloons." She got down on her knees and took out the bottle of wine and two delicate wineglasses. "Ooooh! Gallo of Sonoma Cabernet Sauvignon. Very nice." The next note was tied to the neck of the bottle with a satin pink ribbon. "Go get in your car. You don't have to go far. Pop your trunk and prepare for some junk."

"What have you done to my car?" Harmony laughed and stood up.

"Grab your cell phone. I'll call you back on that."

"Wait, do I have to drive anywhere?"

"No."

"Do I have to take the balloons and stuff?"

"No." Bill smiled. "Turn your phone on."

"It's on."

"Okay." Bill clicked his phone off.

Harmony grabbed her cell phone and her car keys and headed out to the parking lot. The phone rang in her hand as she crossed the well lit parking lot to her car. "Hi."

"Are you there yet?"

"Not yet." She stepped over the car stoppers and put her key in the trunk lock. "Okay."

"Be careful when you open it."

"If something jumps out at me I'm going to have a heart attack." Harmony laughed as she turned the key slowly.

"Nothing will jump out." Bill smiled.

"Okay." She carefully lifted the trunk and caught the balloons that tried to escape. "Two more balloons. Am I sensing a theme here?" Bill just smiled as she looked at the other things in her trunk. A new spiral notebook, a pack of pens, a ring of keys, a magnet from Texas, a piece of blue lined paper with numbers written on it, a Get out of jail free card from a Monopoly game, a dessert cookbook, two linen napkins, a birthday card and a CD.

"Do I need to explain the gifts?"

"I think so." Harmony nodded at the odd assortment and leaned on her bumper.

"Okay, the paper with the numbers are my alarm codes and phone numbers."

"I have all of those."

"I changed the codes." Bill said with a smile. "And I wanted to make sure you had all of them."

Harmony picked up the paper and laughed. "Your mom's number? Who's Dunja?"

"She does my communication."

"Why do I need that?"

"I don't know. I just gave you all the numbers I had." He laughed. "The keys are the keys to my house and garage. The notebook and pens are for your new journal that you were talking about needing. I looked for one of those pretty little leather things but this just looked more like you. The magnet is because when I was in Texas for that meeting last week I thought about you a lot and from now on when I see Texas I'm gonna think about you." He smiled timidly into the phone and she bent over the open trunk.

"The cookbook?"

"You can choose anything in there and I'll make it for you."

"You don't cook."

"I'm going to make an exception for you." He laughed lightly.

"This could be fun." She flipped through the first few pages of the sugary sweets.

"The napkins go with that. The Get out of jail free card isn't really a gift. It kind of is because you can use it. But right now it's for me to get out of the dog house."

"You're in the dog house?"

"I think I might be after tonight making you run around like this." He smiled. "So I'm using that in advance. If you ever need it you can give it back to me."

"This could come in handy."

"I think so too." Bill laughed. "What else is there?"

"Umm-" She looked over the stuff in the trunk. "A CD."

"Oh yeah, the CD is something I made with some of your favorite songs. Sara McLachlan, that one by us that you like and a few others. You don't have many favorite songs so they're all on there twice." He laughed.

"That's okay." Harmony smiled. This was her best birthday ever.

"Okay, now open the card."

She dutifully opened the envelope and took the card out. "I know it's not hailing but what if you got a mailing? Go check the box and unlock all the locks." Harmony laughed and said. "That's cute."

"I try." He said smugly.

"Do I need to take everything with me?"

"Whatever you can carry." Bill nodded.

"Okay." She loaded up the contents of the trunk in her arms, grabbed the balloons and walked over to the bank of mailboxes where another two balloons were tied to the pole. "I should have guessed." She untied the balloons and held them all in one hand. She fumbled with her keys and opened her mailbox. She set her trunk things on the ground and pulled out the little red box that was sitting on top of her bills with a tiny key taped to the top. "You're crazy!"

"No, I'm imaginative." Bill laughed. He could picture her standing in the brightly lit alcove looking into her mailbox with a huge smile.

"That's for sure." She took the small key off and opened the red box, only to find a little wooden box with a fleur-de-lys design burned onto the top. The wood key was sitting to the side so she unlocked that box and found a small paper box with a key drawn on a tab that was sticking out. She pulled the tab and the paper unfolded to reveal a note, "Wow, did you make this?"

"The paper box?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, my mom used to make them all the time when I was a kid. Do you know how hard it is to follow folding directions over the phone?"

"I'll bet." Harmony laughed and read the note. "Getting tired yet? Well, don't you fret. On to your bed where you lay your head." Harmony laughed and shook her head. "You're a poet."

"Yeah, right." Bill blushed at the pathetic rhyming he'd had to come up with.

"Do I need to take everything with me?"

"Yeah, take it in."

"Okay." She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder and loaded up her things in her arms again. She shut and locked her mailbox then made her way back across the parking lot to her apartment. She pushed the door open and set her things on the couch and said. "If I complete this challenge to I get a handsome reward?"

The phone clicked in Harmony's ear as he hung up. "I think so." She heard him say from the bedroom.

"Bill?" She asked with a light laugh.

"Who else would it be?" He shouted from the back room. Harmony giggled to herself and trotted down the hall to her room where she threw the door open and bounded in. "It took you long enough."

"Were you here the whole time?"

"No." He shook his head. "I was up the street when you called."

"But I called your home number."

"I had my calls forwarded to my cell phone so this would work. I let myself in when you were out at your car."

"You are crazy." She laughed again then went to the bed to give him a big hug. "This is the best birthday present ever." She kissed him quickly as she sat on his lap.

"I haven't even given you your gift yet." Bill reached his hand up to tuck a curl behind her ear.

"Bill, you don't have to give me anything. This is all perfect." She couldn't stop smiling as she kissed him again. "No one has ever done something this cool for me. Thank you so much."

"Well, you're welcome so much." He kissed her and reached behind him for a medium sized box. "Here you go."

"You really didn't have to." Harmony blushed and ran her finger over the thick satin bow.

"It's too late. I can't take it back now." He nudged the box closer to her.

Harmony sighed and scooted off of his lap. "Well, in that case." Bill reached over and helped her tear the paper off. She tossed the bow and crumpled wrapping to the floor. The lid was taped down so Harmony ran her finger under the tape and popped it open with a warning look at Bill. "Did you go a little tape happy?"

"You think I wrapped this myself?"

"Oh! You had some chick at the store wrap it for you? Did she pick it out too?" Harmony laughed.

"It was a guy and no." He raised his eyebrow with a smile. "Come on already." He reached across her lap and tossed the lid to the ground beside the paper and bow.

Harmony pulled the tissue aside and smiled broadly. "Oh my god, Bill. That's beautiful!" She pulled out a picture of the two of them in a deep mahogany frame. It was only 5x7 but it was perfect. They were standing on the grass with the Golden Gate Bridge behind them. Bill took the picture himself so it was almost lopsided and a little fuzzy but they both had genuine smiles. Her crazy curls were blown across his cap and his cheek was pressed against hers. "That's perfect! I remember that. I can't believe it came out!"

"That's the only one that did. I got two shots of just my eye and one of the tops of our heads. We need to practice that whole 'taking our own picture' thing." He laughed.

"I guess so." Harmony laughed and looked in the box. Inside was a thin, dark blue cardigan sweater just like the one she had on in the picture. "What's this?"

"You lost your sweater on the trip and I remember you saying it was your favorite one." He shrugged. "This one is kind of close except it doesn't have that little design thing around the buttons."

"How do you remember these things?" Harmony laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "How did you get to be so amazing?"

"It just comes naturally." He smiled smugly.

"Ha ha." She rolled her eyes. "Of course now I feel terrible because I completely missed your birthday and only got you a sweater the day after."

"I love that sweater."

"Well, yeah, but how does that compare to all of this?"

"Because I love it just as much as you love all of this." He smiled and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Yeah but still-"

"Harmony, stop. This isn't a competition." He placed his finger over her lips. "Just say 'thank you' and leave it at that."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He nodded and kissed her quickly.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Twenty four is gong to be a good year, I think."

"You think so?"

"Well, it's starting off pretty good." She smiled and laced her fingers through his. It couldn't have started any better.

-----------------------------

"Hi. I'm Bill Kaulitz from the band Tokio Hotel." A still picture of Bill from a recent photo shoot flashed on the screen.

"I'm 21 years old. I have brown eyes and black hair." Bill's eyes blinked as they took up the entire screen.

His sneakers flashed on the screen next as he shuffled his feet. "I have big feet. I like to sleep. I hate like broccoli." Bill made a face and shook his head with a smile.

"And a year and a half ago I tried to commit suicide." Without warning a close up shot of his scarred wrists flashed on the screen.

"Every seventeen minutes someone between the ages of 15 and 24 commits suicide and for every success there are 25 attempts." Bill's voice seemed to echo in the silence that followed.

"The suicide rate in America for young people has risen 300% in the last 30 years." Georg said as he stepped into the shot. "Everyone needs someone they can talk to so if you've been thinking about suicide or if you know someone who is please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE."

The number flashed against the black screen as Bill said. "Because deep inside we're all the same."

Harmony's hands turned to ice as she reminded herself to breathe. "Are you okay, miss?" A salesman asked as he walked up cautiously.

She blinked and smiled up at him nervously as she realized she had stopped in the middle of Sears. "Uh, yeah." She blushed and picked up her bag then headed for the store exit. She could get a bread maker any time. As soon as she reached the parking lot she stopped walking and leaned against the cool stucco wall. Her head cleared as the fresh air entered her lungs. "Whoa." She closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose. "Whoa."

Her hands shook as she reached into her pocket for her keys and she laughed at herself. She slid into her car and took another deep breath. "Don't be such a baby." She said to her reflection in the rear view mirror. She started her car and drove back to school to attend her afternoon classes.

Bill spent the day in the studio with the rest of the guys where they all avoided the topic of the public service announcement. They concentrated on their task at hand and joked around off as usual. What could have been an awkward situation turned out to be a great day for Bill and for once he didn't feel like he was separate from them. He felt like they were all in this together.

Benjamin let them leave the studio early since they got so much work done in the morning. "Hey guys, you wanna do a barbecue at my place?" Bill asked with a smile as he pulled his jacket on over his T-shirt. They were in the lobby of the studio getting ready to leave for the weekend.

"I'm having dinner with Carrie and her parents." Tom cringed.

"Oooh, you're meeting the parents tonight, huh?" Georg laughed. "Don't kick the dog or anything."

"I've met them before. We're just having dinner over there tonight." Tom shook his head and zipped his backpack shut. "Plus she doesn't have a dog. She has two cats."

"How about you guys?" Bill looked around.

Georg ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm heading over to the Rum Runners. You wanna come?"

"No, I'm going to barbecue." Bill laughed. "How about you Gustav?"

"It's Friday night. Where do you think I'm gonna be?" Gustav looked at the others like they were foolish to even ask.

"Maybe this weekend then or something." Bill nodded and waved over his shoulder as he headed for the door. "See ya Monday."

"Later." Gustav waved and pulled his cap on over his hair.

Bill drove home alone and decided to have a little solo barbecue anyway. Steaks sounded really good and it was a gorgeous evening in North Carolina. He pulled the grill out of his storage shed and set it up beside his back door. He spent an hour getting it ready to grill while he let his steaks marinate inside.

It was after six when Bill finally stopped to look at his watch. Harmony's last class would be ending any minute so he called her house and left her a voice mail inviting her over for dinner if she was hungry.

As soon as he hung up the phone with Harmony's machine it rang in his hand. "Hello?" Bill asked as he poured himself a glass of water.

"Hey, Bill. It's Benjamin. Are you busy?"

"No, not really. What's up?" Bill set his drink on the patio table and sat on the hard metal chair.

"I've, uh- We've gotten some feedback regarding the PSA." Benjamin said slowly. "The tabloids are already jumping on it and calling around to almost every recovery facility in California and North Carolina."

"Have they called Ahoskie Behavioral?" Bill sighed. They didn't waste any time. The public service announcement had been on the air for 24 hours and the vultures were already on it.

"Not yet." Benjamin shook his head though Bill couldn't see. "But I have been in contact with the director there as well as the doctor that was helping you over there."

"Well, they can't say anything, right? I mean, it'd be against the law, right?" Bill asked quickly.

"Right, you have the doctor/patient confidentiality agreement thing going for you. They seem like good people. I don't think there will be a problem there." Benjamin said softly.

"How about the fans?" Bill asked softly.

"Nothing's going on there. I've had Natalie and Dunja on the internet all morning and all they've reported back was a lot of sympathy and concern. You have great fans."

"Yeah, we really do." Bill nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. "How about the parents? Are they freaking out?"

"It's almost too soon to tell. The feeling I'm getting though is that this is a positive thing. Some kids Dunja has talked to online have said that they actually talked to their parents about it so that's good."

"Yeah, that's good." Bill added softly. "Parents need to talk to kids about this stuff."

"Hey, you don't have to convince me." Benjamin smiled.

"Do I have to convince anyone? Make a statement or something?"

"Um, we're still working with that. It'll be up to you but right now I don't know if that'll be necessary."

"Okay." Bill nodded as his heart returned to normal. "What about Harmony?"

"What about her?"

"Has she been mentioned at all?"

"No. Not regarding this." Benjamin frowned.

"Is there any way to make sure she's not?"

"I'm not sure I'm getting what you mean."

"Benjamin, we met at Ahoskie Behavioral. We're dating now. I just see that information blowing up here for us and that would not be cool. Harmony hasn't done anything and the last thing I want is for her to be dragged into this."

"I don't think it will be a problem. If they can't connect you to Ahoskie Behavioral they shouldn't be able to track her back." Benjamin said. "But I'll keep my ears open for any talk like that."

"Okay, anything else?"

"The usual rumors. Overall it's been pretty quiet."

"Okay." Bill nodded. "Thanks a lot, Benjamin."

"No problem. I'll keep you updated, okay?"

"Thanks." Bill nodded. "Talk to you later."

"See ya." Benjamin hung up and shook his head. He hoped that this was going to be the end of it. He hoped the press would find something else to clamp onto and soon. This could definitely blow up and it was his job to keep it under control.

Harmony's English class ended at six thirty but she couldn't remember anything they had covered over the past three hours. Her mind had been on Bill all day and, every time she replayed the PSA in her mind, her stomach would sink and she'd have to catch her breath. As soon as the class was dismissed Harmony got in her car and drove across town to Bill's house. She hoped the entire time that he'd be there. He had been late at the studio almost all week. They were busy wrapping up the recording and only expected to be there another week or so.

Her headlights reflected off the chrome bumper of Bill's car as she pulled into the driveway and she sighed with relief. Bill opened the front door before she had made it halfway up the walk. "Hey! What are you doing here?" He smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. The nights were getting colder in North Carolina and his tank top didn't keep him very warm.

"I had a long day." Harmony sighed and kissed him quickly before she ducked past him and into the house.

"Did you work this morning?" Bill followed her inside and shut the door behind him.

"Yeah, and I did some shopping before class."

"Sounds fun." He said softly as he stopped her in the hall. Bill wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her closer to him. "Guess what I get to do this weekend?"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing." He smiled. "Wanna come?"

"Oooh, doing nothing all weekend. What fun." She smiled and feigned excitement. "We could go to Kings Dominion."

"You and roller coasters." He rolled his eyes but knew they'd end up going anyway.

"I saw your PSA today." Harmony said as she took a step back.

"Yeah? What did you think?"

"I almost had a panic attack in the middle of Sears." She shook her head and laughed softly.

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know. It was just really weird."

"It was weird?" Bill laughed and stepped into the kitchen where he grabbed his glass of water off the island and pulled up a bar stool.

"Not the PSA. Just seeing you on there was weird. Kinda made everything real. As dumb as that sounds since it doesn't get more real than this." She waved her hand around indicating him and the room. "But it's like everyone knows now. It's nothing private any more."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Was today the first day it ran?"

"They started yesterday on MTV."

"Wow. What has the feedback been so far?"

"Benjamin and his staff are handling most of it." Bill swirled the ice in his cup.

"Handling it? Why? What's come up?"

"Nothing that needs to be worried about." Bill smiled and nodded toward the back yard. "Are you hungry?"

"What's come up?" She asked again.

"Nothing." He repeated. "The fans are just concerned, the parents haven't staged a protest, no word from anyone in the industry. That's about it."

"Then what is Benjamin handling?" She asked with concern.

"Tabloid stuff. It's too early to know anything. Don't worry about it. Benjamin will take care of anything that goes on."

"Are you worried?"

"No." Bill smiled and shook his head. It wasn't entirely false. He was a little worried but not enough to concern Harmony. "I have steaks cooking and a great bottle of wine. Let's go eat." He kissed her quickly then walked out to where the grill was set up on his patio.

They ate their dinner and didn't mention another word about the public service announcement. Harmony had a few glasses of wine with her meal and didn't feel well enough to drive herself home.

"You can stay here, you know." Bill repeated his offer every time she said she had to go home.

"I know." She smiled and picked up her purse. "But Cassey and I are heading out early in the morning tomorrow."

"Where are you two going?"

"Atlantic Beach." She smiled. "She wants to get one of those henna tattoos and I wanted to check out toe rings."

"Sounds like a blast."

"You can come if you want."

"Some people have to work tomorrow." Bill laughed. "Maybe some other time."

"Okay. Drive me home?" Harmony smiled up at him.

Bill nodded and pulled the front door open. He followed her out to the driveway and unlocked her door before he climbed in beside her. They headed to Harmony's apartment.

"Hey, what, uh- What are you doing for Christmas?" Bill asked as he draped his arm over the back of her seat. He had put off asking because she hadn't mentioned anything but he wanted to meet her family and he wanted her to meet his.

"I'm not sure." She said softly.

"Well, are you getting together with your family or something?"

"I don't know." She shook her head and looked out the window. "What are you doing?"

"I'm flying out on the 26th and I'm staying through New Years." He reached forward and turned the radio off sending the car into silence. "Do you want to come?"

"To Germany?"

"Yeah." Bill smiled. "I'm going to my grandparents'."

"Oh." Harmony creased her forehead in thought. She pursed her lips and sighed deeply. Bill wanted to take the next step and Harmony wanted to hide.

"So?"

"I have to work."

"You don't have any more vacation time?"

"I only get two weeks a year and the stuff from earlier this year when I was on the road kind of messed things up." She shrugged but didn't look over at him.

"Can you come for an extended weekend or something?"

Harmony sighed and brushed her hair off her forehead. "I don't know, Bill. I have to wait and see if I'm scheduled."

"Okay." He nodded and let it go for a few minutes. "Does your family do anything for New Years?"

"Bill, you don't want to meet my parents." Harmony looked over at him and shook her head.

"Yes, I do." He smiled and moved his hand from the back of her seat to her shoulder and rubbed gently.

"No, you don't." She held her frown and licked her lips. "They're not like normal parents."

Bill laughed lightly. "Harmony, no one thinks their parents are normal."

"I know they aren't. I don't just think so."

"You don't have to introduce me to them but if you're gonna do something with them just keep in mind that I would like to meet them." He leaned over and brushed his lips across her cheek. "No worries. We have a few weeks."

"Yeah." Harmony nodded as a knot of nerves bundled in her stomach. This was the situation she had dreaded since their first date. Meeting the parents.

-----------------------------

The guys finished up their album close to Christmas. They got some food together and had an impromptu celebration in the studio with chips and drinks from the little convenience store down the street. It was after nine at night and they were all too exhausted to really party. They'd planned to go out that weekend with the crew for a wrap party.

"Bill?" Benjamin shouted across the room as he pulled the door open.

"Yeah?"

"Come on." He nodded toward the hall and Bill followed with a frown. "I just wanted to give you a heads up. This is tomorrow's Star Magazine." Benjamin handed Bill the flimsy magazine with a Lady Gaga bisexual sex scandal on the cover.

Bill took it and looked carefully. He knew Lady Gaga wasn't the important part of the magazine. The tiny picture of himself in the corner was what he needed to look at. "Shit, Benjamin." Bill scanned the headline. "Tokio Hotel frontman heading down the rock and roll road to drugs, rehab and destruction."

"The article inside is just as nice." Benjamin said softly as Bill flipped through the pages. He stopped only when he saw his tired and worn out face splashed across the page.

Bill read the article quickly then looked up at Benjamin. "Their source is reported as saying that that I was in rehab in Utah for a month last year?" He asked.

"Apparently."

"A drug rehab?"

"According to their sources." Benjamin nodded.

"For crack cocaine, meth and alcohol." Bill nodded as he read the list from the article.

"You've been busy."

"They can't print this." Bill shook his head. "Isn't this illegal? Defamation of character or something? These are obvious lies."

"Our legal team is looking into it but since it specifies that the allegations are not confirmed I don't know how much they can do."

"This is bullshit, Benjamin!"

"Don't worry. We all know the truth. That's not an issue."

"Shit, no matter what now people are going to wonder about that." Bill sighed and tossed the magazine to the floor as he leaned back against the wall. "What if I just made a statement about being in a recovery home here in North Carolina? Have Dr. Mueller confirm it or something?"

"That would open up the door to Ahoskie Behavioral." Benjamin shook his head and picked the magazine up off the floor.

"No, never mind. I don't want any of this leading to Ahoskie Behavioral. If people make the Harmony connection- I don't want that."

"No."

"So what now? What can I do?"

"You'll be on MTV next week talking about the album. They had agreed not to mention the PSA but this may be a good opportunity for you to touch on that."

"I don't want to mix the two. The new album and this." Bill shook his head.

"Has Caroline talked to you about doing the MTV special about teen suicide and depression?" Benjamin asked.

"Yeah." Bill nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets. "She's working out the details this week. But when we go to MTV we're going for the album, not for me to wipe my slate. You know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean." Benjamin nodded. "I'm just saying, the rumors are already out in full force. This magazine is only going to amplify that."

"Waiting a week isn't going to help any." Bill sighed. His party mood was crushed long ago.

"We've already been in touch with the major media and denied the allegations of drug use. The statement we've released is that, yes, you were in a recovery center for depression and suicide but in no way were drugs involved. Every show or magazine that mentions this new line of crap will also be slapping our denial on there and MTV news will be putting it on their hourly news as soon as this hits the press. We've already made a statement on the Tokio Hotel official website and we're also gonna get Tom to post an official statement on his blog." Benjamin nodded.

"So you've got the site covered?"

"That's where most of your fans get their official news. They won't believe anything until they hear it from the site." Benjamin shrugged and sighed. "We expected this, Bill."

"I know." Bill said softly. "It still sucks."

"Yeah."

"Well keep me posted." Bill reached into his pocket for his keys. "I'm gonna head home. Let the guys know I'll see them this weekend." He nodded toward the studio.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Bill nodded and headed for the door.

"I'll give you a call tomorrow to touch base."

"Great. Merry Christmas." Bill rolled his eyes and stepped into the lobby with a quick wave over his shoulder.

He drove home with his radio blaring a random choice of the six CD's he had loaded into his player. His anger started to get the best of him when his garage door opener wouldn't work. He took a deep breath and pressed the button again. The door opened without complaint and he pulled his car in.

Bill sat behind the steering wheel for a minute to let his heart rate go back to normal before he let himself into the house and punched his code into the alarm keypad. He grabbed a glass of water and carried it to his room where he kicked his shoes off and set the glass on his cluttered nightstand.

His hair stood on end as he ran his hands through it and sighed with his eyes closed. Everything seemed to be coming at him: the tabloids, the album, the holidays, everything. He reached over to turn the bedside lamp on but when he flipped the switch nothing happened. He shrugged to himself and pulled his shirt over his head then held it in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees.

The silence of the house surrounded him until he couldn't tell where the silence ended and his breathing began. His mind raced to a tune of it's own as he tried to think far enough ahead to dodge the next bullet. He'd been lucky so far but with going public like he had, he'd put everything at risk.

He tried to convince himself not to worry and that things were going to be fine as soon as things died down but deep inside he wondered if it ever would. As soon as the public was done with this part of his life they'd pounce on another. They'd forever wonder if the drug rumors were true.

"Bill?!" Harmony's voice broke through his sound barrier and he looked up sharply just in time to see her run past his room then backtrack and step into the dark silence. "Bill?" Harmony flipped the switch by the door and the spell was broken.

"Hey." He looked up and took a deep breath.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Bill forced a smile and stood up on his tingling legs. He had been sitting there long enough for them to fall asleep and pins and needles shot up his calves.

"You didn't hear the bell? I've been out there ringing and knocking for five minutes." She crossed the room in three long steps and grabbed his hand. "Didn't you hear it?"

"No, I guess not. I'm sorry. I was just sitting here thinking about stuff. I guess I tuned everything else out." He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and took another deep breath.

"You scared the shit out of me." She laughed nervously and dropped her bag to the floor.

"I'm sorry." He laughed with her as he picked up her fallen bag and headed down the hall to the kitchen where he got himself a peach out of the fridge. He took a bite then sat at the bar watching Harmony. "We finished recording today."

"You did? That's great." She hopped up on the counter across from him. "So will it be released soon?"

"After the new year." Bill nodded. "It was supposed to be out in time for Christmas but, seeing as how that's only a week away, that's not gonna happen."

"Then what? The album comes out and then what happens next?"

"A tour. They're already booking dates for the Spring."

"Again? You were just on tour this year."

"Yeah, we were originally planning on having a second leg of this tour but decided against it. We'll be playing stadiums and bigger arenas this time around so we'll only have one show per city. Not like last time."

"Okay." Harmony nodded as if she knew what he was talking about. She'd spent a month with them on the road but hadn't paid enough attention to know how many shows they played in each city. They all blurred into one continuous show.

"Enough work talk. What brings you all the way over here tonight?"

"You asked me to come over to drive you to the studio tomorrow because you were going out after with Georg."

"Oh yeah." Bill rolled his eyes. Georg and I are meeting with the guys from YourSafeChild.com tomorrow but since we've finished the album I won't need a ride. I'll just go get Georg at his hotel."

"Okay, well I-" She looked down at her duffel bag on the floor.

"You can still stay." Bill smiled and hopped off his bar stool to walk over to where she was sitting. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she sat on the counter and kissed her. "You can stay here whenever you want and for however long you want. You know that."

"I know."

"Do you want to?" He smiled and brushed his lips over hers again.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Yeah." He pinched her hip to make her flinch. "In the flesh."

"I still have to go to school in the morning."

"Okay."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Harmony asked as he leaned his forehead against hers. The image of him sitting alone in the dark in his room was one she just couldn't get out of her mind. He hadn't even known she was in the house or that she had been ringing the doorbell.

"Yes, I'm sure." He smiled to set her mind at ease. The truth was, he was okay now that she was here. He'd felt horrible all evening since Benjamin handed him the tabloid and he could feel himself sinking. He wasn't worried about hurting himself but he was worried about even thinking that.

They took turns in the shower and got ready for bed as eleven o'clock rolled around. "What time do you have to get up?" Bill asked with his alarm clock in his hands.

"I need to be at school by eight so set it for six."

"Ugh! On my first day off?" Bill pretended to pout.

"I don't have to stay, you know?"

"I know." Bill smiled over his bare shoulder. "I was kidding. Anytime you have to wake up is fine with me as long as you're waking up here."

Harmony smiled as a blush crept up into her cheeks. He'd been trying to get her to stay over more often but she didn't like the feeling of living there. She loved her own place and made a point to sleep there at least half the time.

Bill turned the CD on in the player next to the bed and switched the light off before sliding under the sheets. His arms found Harmony in the dark and pulled her close to him. He circled his arms around her waist as Van Morrison's voice softly filled the room.

Harmony covered his hands with hers and sighed as his breath warmed her shoulder. The thin sheet conformed to their shape as they settled into their pillows. The warmth from Bill's body radiated into hers as she pressed her back against his chest. It was a position that was feeling more and more comfortable every night she stayed. It had gotten to the point that, on the nights she stayed at her house, she missed the feeling of him in the bed beside her. Even if they didn't touch, just the feeling of having him there was enough to comfort her.

She couldn't shake the worried feeling she'd had and it showed. "What's wrong?" Bill whispered as he sensed her uneasiness.

"I'm worried about you, Bill." She whispered a few minutes later.

"Worried? About me? Why?"

"You just- You seem too normal. It seems like you're trying really hard to convince me that you're okay."

"I am okay."

"But it'd be okay with me if you weren't." She said softly.

"I know."

"It feels like with as close as we've become over the last week or so, you've moved further away."

"I'm right here, Harmony."

"Bill, will you please go see Dr. Mueller?"

"Harmony, really?." He laughed softly. His breath blew through her hair.

"I'm serious." She turned to look at him over her shoulder. "Please?"

"You want me to go see Dr. Mueller because I'm normal?" He laughed again and gave her a look.

"Yes."

"That doesn't make sense."

"I go see her all the time." Harmony raised her eyebrow in the darkness.

"Well, yeah but-"

"Yeah but what? I'm still fucked up? Is that what you're implying?"

"No, Harmony. That's not what I meant." He sighed. "You've been going to see her this whole time. If I show up now she'll think I'm slipping back."

"But that's okay, Bill."

"But I'm not."

"I think you might be."

"I thought the whole goal of healing was to get back to normal? How come when I finally get there you start telling me I'm not okay?"

"I'm not saying you're not okay. I'm saying I'm worried about you because this all seems really sudden. A few months ago you were cutting yourself because one of the guys said something that hurt your feelings and now, with the help of no one, you're over that?" Harmony shook her head and sighed. "You of all people should know that the quick fixes don't last."

"Just because I don't go about it the same way you have doesn't mean I'm not getting better."

"I know that." She whispered. "Will you please just call Dr. Mueller this week?"

"If you're really that worried I'll call her. But I'm fine. No cutting. No nothing."

"Okay." She nodded but continued to frown as he wrapped his arms tighter around her and yawned. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

"It's okay." He whispered and kissed her neck quickly.

"Okay." She sighed and frowned as she settled into Bill's arms.

Chapter Five