The Muses Within

Das Letzte Lied - Chapter Fifteen

When they got to the airport and began to board, Tayla took Bradyn and they went to visit the cockpit. "Tayla, doe touch." Bradyn said sternly as he shook his finger at her.

"Oh, I won't touch anything."

"Only he fyes a pane."

"That's right. Only the pilot gets to fly the plane." Tayla nodded and laughed with the captain as he handed Bradyn a small pair of plastic gold wings.

"There you go, Bradyn. Now you can pretend you're a captain too." He tapped his own wings fastened to his chest and smiled.

"Yeah." Bradyn smiled and held the pin tight.

"What do you say, Bradyn?" Tayla prompted him.

"Tank you." Bradyn smiled and showed off all of his baby teeth.

"You're welcome. Have fun on the flight, okay?"

"Kay." Bradyn nodded and handed the pin to Tayla. "Have it on?"

"I'll put it on you when we get you strapped into your seat, okay?" She turned to the captain and the flight attendants standing near the exit. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." They all smiled and nodded.

Tayla took Bradyn to his seat and strapped him in. "My wing, Tayla."

"I won't forget your wings." She smiled. She carefully pinned them to Bradyn's sweatshirt. "There you go. Are you ready to fly?"

"Yeah!" Bradyn pumped his hands in the air and caught the attention of Georg sitting in front of him. The older man turned around in his seat and entertained Bradyn with a puppet made from the vomit bag. Bradyn thought it was hysterical so Tayla spent the take off drawing a face on the waterproof bag for Bradyn to use.

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By the time they got to San Francisco, Bradyn was asleep with his vomit bag puppet dangling from one hand and his stuffed alligator discarded on the floor by his backpack. They were all tired from the flight and time change but somehow they made it through the crowded airport to the baggage claim, then out to their awaiting rides to the hotel.

Once checked in, Tom, Tayla and Bradyn went to their room to crash while Georg, Gustav and Bill decided to check out the nightlife. For a few minutes, Tom wished he could have the kind of life where he could stay out until three in the morning even if he did have a meeting scheduled for seven thirty the next day but one look at Bradyn sent those thoughts packing. Georg,Gustav and Bill would have fun that night, that was for sure, but Tom would have fun for a lifetime and that seemed like a fair trade.

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The next day was full of meetings with several new producers that they'd be working with over the next few days and then at least five hours actually in the studio. Tayla and Seppel took Bradyn to see the new Disney movie at the theater downtown then had lunch at the wharf. Bradyn had stopped asking for his Father after the first week and by then he would just ask if his Daddy was going to be home at bedtime. Tayla shook her head and bit her lower lip. "I don't know, sweetie. I'm sure he's going to try but, if not, we can call him, okay?"

"Kay." Bradyn nodded but she could see his disappointment.

"You guys will be home soon and then you can see your Daddy all the time."

"Yeah." Bradyn sighed and swung Lello by one scraggly ear.

"But in the meantime, how would you like to go see some big huge sea lions?" Tayla feigned true excitement and bounced Bradyn on her hip. "Does that sound like fun?"

"I can touch em?"

"No, we can't touch them but we can look at them and walk around." She messed his hair. "What kind of sound do seals make?"

"I doe no." Bradyn frowned and looked at Seppel. "How do they talk?" He asked the guard.

"You know what? I don't know. Why don't we go see if we can find out how they talk." Seppel winked at Tayla and they headed over to the famous gathering of seals on the pier.

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They spent some time watching the seals and barking back at them before Tayla took him shopping where he could make his own stuffed bear. They walked around and rode the trolley before heading back to the hotel to wait for Tom. There was a message for Tayla when they got to the room. "Hey, guys. I guess you're out having fun. I hope you're enjoying this weather more than I am." Tom's laugh made her smile. "Anyway, we're on a little break right now. It's like- I don't know. It's around two or so. I don't think we're going to be here too late tonight but David is going to be on a call with us at about five so- Well, we'll see what that's about. Okay, I'm gonna get back to work. I just wanted to check in and say hi. I'll try to give you a call later. Love you. Both of you." He laughed again and hung up.

Tayla replayed the message before she started the bathtub to start getting Bradyn ready for bed. When he was washed, dried and dressed in his pajamas Tayla brushed his hair and teeth in the mirror. "We need to get you a haircut pretty soon, don't we? Your hair is almost over your ears!"

"Is like Gay-og."

"You're right. It's getting long like Georg's hair. That's kinda crazy."

"Yeah." Bradyn laughed.

"Who else has long hair?"

"You."

"You're right. I do. And who else?"

"Mommy."

"Mmm hmm and who else?"

"Miss Hedder."

"What about Bill?"

"No." Bradyn laughed at her silly question then put is finger in his mouth. "Nay-dee havs long hair."

"She sure does. What about your Oma?"

"Yeah!" Bradyn shook his hair.

"What about Seppel?"

"No!"

"What about- Oh, what about Gustav?"

"No, his is sort hair." Bradyn giggled behind his hand. "I hava owie."

"You did, yeah. But now it's all fixed." She raised his finger to her lips and kissed the tiny scar. "See? It's all better."

"Yeah. Daddy put my hand ina door."

"Aw, he didn't put it there. It was an accident."

"Yeah." Bradyn nodded and walked around Tayla's legs to get to the bedroom. "Kay, we can cawin Daddy now." He climbed into the big bed and swung his feet expectantly.

Tayla looked at her watch and sighed. "Yeah. We can call him now. It's about time for you to go to bed." She got him situated on her lap before she picked up the phone and dialed Tom's cell phone. She hoped that she'd somehow catch them during a break, though she doubted it.

"Hello?" Tom asked quickly as he stuck his finger in his opposite ear.

"Hey, it's me." Tayla said softly.

"Tayla? I can barely hear you."

"Yeah, it's me."

"Is everything okay?" Tom stepped out into the hall where it was a little quieter.

"Yeah, everything's fine." She cleared her throat softly. "Bradyn just- He wanted to call before he went to bed."

Tom sighed softly into the phone and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Is it that late already?"

"It's ten after eight."

"Okay." Tom bit his lip and raised his finger for one more minute when Georg poked his head out of the studio. "Yeah, put him on."

"I'm sorry to bother you. I know you're working." Tayla said quickly.

"No, it's okay."

Bradyn took the large handset and held it to his ear with both hands. "Daddy, come here?"

"I can't come back right now. I have to work."

"I go nigh-nigh now."

"Yeah, it's time for you to go to bed." Tom nodded and bit his lip.

"An you?"

"I'll go to bed soon."

"I see a moobie today an I hava paw corn an candy!"

"Wow, you got popcorn and a candy? You're a lucky boy."

"Yeah an my Tayla an Seppel."

"Awesome."

"An you can see?"

"I'll see the movie later." Tom lowered his voice as Bill waved at him through the window. It was time to get back to work. "Okay, buddy, I have to go back to work now. I love you."

"Love too." Bradyn sighed and frowned into the phone. He pressed his lips to the mouth piece with a small kiss. "Bye, Daddy."

Tom heard the soft pucker of the kiss and fought tightness in his chest. "Bye, Bradyn." He whispered.

The phone on Bradyn's end dropped on the table as Bradyn slid off Tayla's lap and headed for the big bed on the far side of the room. Tayla picked it up and licked her lips. "Okay, I'm sorry. I promised he could call if you weren't back yet."

"It's okay." Tom nodded.

"Are you okay?"

Tom sniffed, embarrassed by the sudden rush of emotions. "I'm fine. I have to get back to work now though. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, Tayla."

"I love you too." She smiled slowly.

"Thank you for watching Bradyn."

"You're welcome." Tayla nodded and heard the catch in his voice. "You guys will be home soon and you'll have all kinds of time to spend with him."

"I know." Tom licked his lips, forever glad that Tayla could read his mind.

"Okay, now get back to work so you can finish up and come home."

"Home." Tom sighed.

"You know what I mean."

"I know." He smiled and gave a little laugh to let her know he'd be okay. "I'll see you soon."

"G'night." Tayla hung up the phone and sighed. The one thing she loved most about Tom was his complete love for his son. "All parents love their kids." She truly believed that. "Even the ones who don't do it well." She added, thinking of Astrid. She'd seen Tom go from clueless new Father who didn't know where Bradyn was half the time, to the adoring father he was now who could barely stand to be away from his son.

Tayla pursed her lips and lifted Bradyn up onto the bed and under the covers. "Okay, sweetheart, it's time for bed."

"I hava Dill an Lello an Moo."

"Moo? Is that you're moose?"

"Yeah." Bradyn giggled and crawled to the opposite end of the bed and pulled all three stuffed animals under the blankets with him. They were in varying stages of tough love but they all showed signs of Bradyn.

"He's pretty big." Tayla raised her eyebrow and turned the bedside light off. She leaned down and gave him a quick kiss. "I love you."

"Love too, Tayla." Bradyn sighed and wrapped his little arms around her neck. He left a wet kiss on her cheek and flopped onto his side as he hugged Lello to his chest.

"G'night." Tayla whispered softly as she stood up and crossed the room to the chair in the corner. With a book in her hand and the radio playing softly, she settled in to wait for Tom to get back from the studio.

It was after eleven when she gave up and put the book aside to get ready for bed. Tom said they'd be back soon but for them soon could be two hours or four hours. Tayla changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. She was on her way to the empty bed when the lock switched in the door and Tom tip-toed quietly into the room.

"You're still up?" He whispered.

"Not for much longer." Tayla smiled and reached to hug him as he dropped his bag by the closet.

"How was he?"

"Perfect, as usual."

"And how were you?" He brushed his lips over her temple.

Tayla smirked and uttered a short laugh. "Perfect, as usual."

"I'll bet." Tom laughed with her and reached over his head to pull his sweatshirt off.

"How was your day?" Tayla asked, trying to sound interested though she was already prepared to sleep.

"It was good. They changed our schedule though so we're leaving earlier than we're supposed to."

"That's good though, right?"

"Yeah." Tom shrugged. "We'll get home earlier."

"That's definitely good." Tayla stood on her tip toes and kissed him. His lips held the lingering flavor of pizza and she smiled. "Pizza, huh? At least they're feeding you."

"I'm going to get fat if I keep eating like that." He held his hand over his stomach.

"What else have you eaten today?" Tom thought for a moment and in that silence Tayla laughed. "Exactly. You're not going to get fat. You need to eat more, if anything."

"Ugh." Tom closed his eyes and rubbed his full belly. "I couldn't possibly." He fell backwards onto the bed and kicked his shoes off. "We're going to be in the air for Astrid's next call." He sighed and sounded like he'd rather think about something else.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm hmm. They made our flight earlier so-"

"You'll need to call her and let her know. Maybe she can do the call earlier. Or after you land or something." Tayla shrugged and bit her lip. She was glad to see that Astrid was doing better with her calls but at the same time she wasn't sure if she or Tom were ready to completely give in to that.

"Yeah. I suppose I could do that." Tom nodded and ran his hands over his face. "It was working out good though. All of the calls were timed perfectly so we were in the hotel or studio or whatever. But since they're getting us out early that kind of screws everything."

"Yeah but you get to go home earlier. That's cool."

"Yeah, it is." Tom smiled and shimmied out of his pants, taking his socks off at the same time. He threw everything into a growing pile by his suitcase and laid back down. "Too bad you won't be there." Tom patted the bed beside him and took Tayla's hand as she sat beside him.

"I have to do Thanksgiving with my family. You know that."

"I know."

"Okay then."

"But we'll be home on Saturday and Thanksgiving isn't until Thursday so you could come home with us and stay for a few days and fly home on Wednesday." Tom tried to convince her but the smile on his lips proved that he knew she wouldn't really be able to.

"You're sounding kind of desperate there." Tayla laughed and laid down beside him.

"I am kinda desperate." He laughed. "I've had you here for what? Like, two weeks? And I've barely been able to see you. I just want to get you alone for a few days."

"Tom-"

"I know. You have to go home for Thanksgiving."

"And I have an apartment and everything."

"So you keep saying." Tom stuck his tongue out at her and smiled. "Then again, if you'd say yes already you could-"

"I've given it thought."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good thoughts?"

"Yes, good thoughts." She laughed and rolled onto her side to curl up against his chest.

"And?"

"And I have some things to settle at home but-" She paused and licked her lips nervously. "It's looking like a better possibility."

"Is that a yes?"

"Not yet." Tayla said quickly.

"So what is it?"

"It's a I'm still thinking about it."

"Tayla. You're killing me."

"It'll eventually be a yes."

"Eventually?"

"I still have things to sort out in my head." She kissed his jaw line quickly. "But, yes, I would love to move in with you. Just not right this minute."

"Well, you just be sure to tell me when."

"I will."

"You'll have to make a big deal about it."

"I will." She laughed. "Big neon sign or something."

"A sky writer-"

"Singing telegram-"

"Maybe have it spelled out in sparklers on my lawn." Tom laughed and ran his hand down her arm as he held her close. "Or you can just slide under the covers and whisper it to me. You know. Whatever works."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"In fact, I'd probably like that last option best."

"Okay." She smiled and kissed him again.

"Do you want to practice? You know, just in case?" Tom gave her a sly sideways smile.

Tayla reached for the top of the blankets and pulled them down over Tom's torso. After a moment of repositioning, he was mostly covered by the blanket so she slid in next to him and placed her hand flat on his chest. She supported herself on her hands as she leaned over his face, her hair falling around his shoulders. "Tom? The answer is yes." She whispered as she slowly lowered herself to kiss him. "Like that?"

"Exactly like that." His arm went around her waist and pulled her down before he growled and rolled over to pin her to the bed. "If you do it just like that, that would be perfect."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I hope it's soon." Tom whispered as he cast a quick glance toward the other bed in the room. Bradyn didn't move an inch and his light snores came at equal intervals. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tayla lowered her voice and followed his gaze before bringing her eyes back to his deep brown ones. "You're exhausted."

"No, I'm not." He tried to protest but he yawned over the final word. "Okay, maybe I am."

"Let's go to bed then." Tayla laughed. Tom held her close to him all night and wished that he could stay awake and just stare at her all night. His eyelids fell as though guided by heavy weights and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He would dream about her and wake up in her arms and, for now, that would have to suffice.

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The next day was spent running between the recording studio, a photo shoot and three radio shows. Bradyn and Tayla tagged along for most of the day but ducked out after lunch to allow the little boy a proper nap time.

Driving between meetings, Tom took his cell phone and leaned further into the corner of the back seat to call Astrid. He shushed Gustav in the seat in front of him, then frowned and curved his shoulder to block out their voices a little better.

"Hey, Astrid. This is Tom." He said softly when she answered.

"Oh. Hi." She sounded surprised to hear from him and he guessed she would be. They never spoke other than the times when she called, by her choice. "What- Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just- We had to make some schedule changes and on Saturday we aren't going to be able to make the call." He explained quickly. "We're going to be leaving earlier than we expected so we'll be on the plane when you're supposed to call."

"Oh, well that's okay."

"But I can call you earlier if you want. When we get to the airport or something?"

"What time will that be?"

"Um, we'll probably get to the airport at six."

"Oh."

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that'll be fine I guess." Astrid nodded and spoke slowly. "So you want me to call?"

"I can call you." Tom shook his head.

"Okay."

"I can call other times too if you'd like." He offered.

"No. No, it's okay. You can call on Saturday."

"Okay." Tom nodded. "Do you want to talk to Bradyn? He's talking to Gustav but he'll probably want to talk to you."

"No, that's okay." Astrid forced a smile. "Let him, uh- Let him talk to Gustav. I'll talk to you later. Thanks for calling."

"No problem." Tom bit his lip and frowned.

"Alright, well- Bye."

"Bye." Tom hung up and closed his phone. For as good as she had been doing over the last week or so, he couldn't ignore the sinking feeling he got in his stomach every time he heard her voice. There was something else going on with her, he just wished he knew what it was.

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Their third night in San Francisco was spent in the heated indoor pool playing with the guys and enjoying the little bit of privacy the windowless room offered. The guys were able to act like children without being concerned about paparazzi hiding out in the bushes. Tom was able to let Bradyn be a child without worrying that his photo might show up in some rag magazine. Tayla and Tom were able to show as much affection as they wanted without legions of fans screaming in protest.

"We should do this every night." Georg said as he pulled himself from the deep end. "Seriously. Can we call ahead to every hotel and have them lock up the pool for us?"

"Won't work." Gustav dripped water over Georg as he tried to dry himself. "How many hotels do you know have indoor pools?"

"Lots." Georg countered.

"How many of them don't have windows to the outside pool?"

"I don't know."

"None."

"Then we have to come back here more often." Georg laughed and stretched out on the concrete floor with only a towel to support his head.

"Tokio Hotel headlines a fourteen week tour with one venue!" Gustav laughed and shook his head over Georg.

"You smell like a wet dog." Georg swung out and punched Gustav's knee. "Get out of here."

"I'm going. I'm going." Gustav laughed as he jumped into the pool and took Bradyn from Tom. "Come on, Bray. Show your Dad how you can dive bomb into the pool." He placed Bradyn on the ledge of the pool and stepped back.

"Gustav, be careful." Tom cautioned.

"Aw, he knows what he's doing." Gustav laughed over his shoulder. "Come on, Bradyn. Remember? We practiced it in the hotel room. It's just like when we were jumping on the bed."

"Gustav!"

"Oh, relax! No one got hurt." Gustav sighed and clapped his hands.

"Daddy, watch!" Bradyn shouted as his teeth chattered. Even in the warm water of the pool he got a chill. Bradyn took two quick steps then did a cannonball right between Gustav's arms. His arm floaties kept him from going under the water but the splash he produced soaked everyone within a few feet.

"Whoa!" Tayla wiped the water from her face and laughed.

"I splashed!" Bradyn shrieked with laughter.

"That's a cool trick, buddy." Tom smiled and shook his head, sending a spray of water like a halo. "Remind me to not let Gustav baby-sit anymore."

"Kay." Bradyn laughed and wiggled out of Gustav's arms. "Again!" He shouted and waited for Gustav to lift him out.

"He likes it." Gustav argued.

"He's two." Tom shrugged and tapped Gustav's shoulder. "Keep an eye on him."

"I will." Gustav nodded and waggled his eyebrow quickly. "You go ahead and take a little romantic moment or whatever."

"Gustav." Tom sighed and rolled his eyes, wondering how Gustav had managed to read his mind.

Tom and Tayla climbed out of the pool and pulled two lounge chairs off to a far corner where they could have some privacy but still keep an eye on the pool. It wasn't that Tom didn't trust Gustav or the other guys or guards sitting right there next to the pool but he couldn't help the feeling of wanting to always have an eye on Bradyn.

They sat together and talked about virtually nothing for almost an hour. It was a rare occasion when they could actually sit and not have to worry about phones ringing or meetings or little two year old demanding their attention. They had the night in New York but even that seemed decades ago.

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When they returned to their room that evening, they were all ready to climb into bed. Tom quickly bathed Bradyn and tucked him in before he and Tayla took showers of their own. They all fell asleep with damp hair and smiles and didn't wake up until Tom's wake up call early the next morning.

"That's for me." Tom grumbled as Tayla made moves as though she were going to get out of bed.

"Hmm?"

"That's for me. You guys can sleep in." He whispered as he pulled the blankets back up to her shoulder. He picked up the phone and grumbled an answer in reply to the cheery voice on the other end before he hung up. He climbed out of bed in the dark and fumbled his way to the bathroom.

"What're you doing today?" Tayla whispered loudly so not to wake Bradyn.

"Studio time. We're actually recording today."

"What time will you be done?"

Tom stepped into the doorway and shrugged with his toothbrush in his mouth. "Early, I hope."

"How early?"

"Well, not like noon." He shook his head then disappeared to spit in the sink. "I'd say six, maybe?"

"Oh."

"We have a lot of work to do." Tom explained softly.

"Mmm hmm." Tayla closed her eyes and snuffled deeper into Tom's pillow.

"Seppel will be here though so you guys can do whatever you want."

"Okay."

Tom came back into the room to grab his clean clothes before dressing in the dark. "Do you want me to call when we're ready to break for lunch?"

"Sure."

"Maybe you guys can come eat with us?"

"Yeah, call us. I'll make sure we're in the vicinity of the studio around lunch time."

"Cool." Tom smiled and tied his shoes. "I have to run." He leaned over and kissed Tayla quickly and did the same to Bradyn as he slept. "See you later, buddy." He stopped again to kiss Tayla before he grabbed his room key and his hoodie and headed out.

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Tayla and Bradyn slept in for a little while longer. They got up and ready for the day. With Seppel in tow, they headed to Pier 39 to do some shopping and sight seeing. When they got there, Seppel pointed out that they were only a matter of blocks from the studio so they'd be in the perfect place when they called for lunch.

After looking through the shops and buying little trinkets and toys for Bradyn, they headed for the aquarium and spent a few hours looking at the natural sea life behind inches of glass. They were more than ready for lunch when they came out of the aquarium and headed for the far side of the pier. Tayla expected Tom to call earlier so, when the phone rang just after one, her stomach growled in harmony. "Hello." She smiled into the phone and reached for Bradyn's hand as Seppel walked two steps ahead of them.

"Hey, babe." Tom sighed into the phone.

"Hey." Tayla smiled and swung Bradyn's hand. "Bray, it's your Daddy. Are you ready to go eat lunch?"

"Actually, Tayla, wait." Tom spoke quickly and she could hear the strain in his voice.

"What?"

"We- I can't really stop. We're going to work through lunch."

"Tom, you need to eat."

"I know. They're bringing food in but we're going to work through it. If we do that we might be able to get out of here earlier."

"I can see?" Bradyn reached his arms up to look over the railing of the pier.

"Hang on, sweetie." Tayla stooped and lifted him to rest on her knee.

"I'm sorry." Tom pursed his lips.

"No, that's okay."

"If we get done early enough, maybe we can go to dinner."

"Yeah. Maybe." Tayla fumbled the phone against her ear and readjusted Bradyn. "See those sea lions?"

"Yeah!" Bradyn's eyes widened as he looked up at her. "Dey lions?"

"Yeah, it's a sea lion. Remember how they bark? They live in the water. "

"Ina water? Why?"

"Because they like the water." Tayla explained softly.

"Where are you guys?" Tom asked, interrupting her explanation.

"We, uh- We're down at Pier 39. Right up the street from the studio actually." She said softly.

"Oh."

"My leg's gonna fall off, honey." She lowered Bradyn to the ground and took his hand. "We're going to go grab a corn dog, I think. Go ahead and call if you guys get a dinner break."

"Okay." Tom paused. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Tayla forced a smile. "We're having fun."

"Tom!" Someone called him from his side of the conversation.

"Hang on." Tom said to the other person. "Can I talk to Bradyn real quick?"

"Sure, hang on." Tayla tugged on Bradyn's hand and smiled up at Seppel's knowing expression. "Hey, Bradyn, your Daddy is on the phone. Come and say hi."

"No, Tayla, I see lions."

"You can see the sea lions in a minute. Say hi to your Daddy." She held the phone out for him.

In a perfect imitation of Tom, Bradyn rolled his eyes and sighed. "Hi, Daddy." He whined into the phone. Tayla held tight to his hand as he talked softly. "Yeah, I see a karium an a fiss. Uh huh. I have candy." He giggled and pulled hard on Tayla's hand. "Kay. Kay. Yeah. Lato at night? Kay. Love too." He handed the phone back to Tayla and began to pull her toward the arcade.

"Hello?" She held the phone to her ear and let herself be pulled.

"I have to go." Tom sighed softly.

"Okay."

"I'll call you when I know what time we can break for dinner and we'll go grab something."

"That sounds good."

"I'll talk to you later. Love you."

"I love you too." Tayla nodded and waited for Tom to hang up on his end before she folded the phone and tucked it into her back pocket.

"No lunch?" Seppel asked.

"They're working through lunch."

"Well, that sucks."

"It happens." Tayla shrugged and tried to smile it away. "He'll call for dinner."

"But you're not going to hold your breath?"

"No." Tayla laughed. "Come on, Bradyn. Let's go get a corn dog and some fries." She held his hand and pulled him toward the little Sea Lion cafe.

"An Daddy?"

"Daddy has to work."

"And see a con-dog?"

"No, he has to work in the studio. We're going to see him for dinner maybe."

Bradyn sighed and looked up at Tayla. "Daddy sucks."

"Whoa. Hang on a minute." Tayla stopped and picked him up as both she and Seppel tried not to laugh. "That's not a very nice thing to say." Bradyn frowned in response and squinted his eyes up at her. "Your Daddy is working very hard so that we can go home tomorrow and have a nice Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"No."

"Yes." Tayla raised her eyebrow, daring him to be more defiant.

"I doe like."

"You don't like your Daddy?"

"No." Bradyn pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

Tayla thought for a moment. "That's okay. You don't have to like him all the time but he loves you very, very much. We'll see him tonight and then tomorrow we get to go home and you can see him all the time."

"No."

"Yes."

"I doe wan."

"I'm sorry you don't want to and I'm sorry you're upset right now but that's the way it goes." She paused and kissed his forehead. "Now let's go get some lunch and maybe make Seppel play the claw game, what do you think?"

"He can win?"

"I'm sure Seppel can win you something, right Seppel?" Tayla smiled up at the large security guard and smiled.

"You bet I'll win." He smiled and led the way into the little cafe.

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Tayla, Bradyn and Seppel ate greasy corn dogs and fries, then topped it all off with a huge waffle cone filled with peanut butter ice cream. The three of them shared the ice cream but still threw most of it away before they went back to the hotel for a nap.

By the time Tom called that evening, Bradyn and Tayla were well rested and snuggled up on the bed watching Peter Pan. The phone ringing on the bedside table startled both of them and they laughed as Tayla reached to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, what's so funny?" Tom smiled.

"The phone scared us and we both jumped." She smiled. "What's up?"

"Well, believe it or not we're almost ready to leave."

"For dinner?"

"For good."

"Oh, really?" Tayla smiled and tickled Bradyn's side with her toes. "You're done?"

"Almost. If you leave right now, we'll probably be done by the time you get here."

"Awesome." She checked her watch. "And it's just about dinner time."

"It's a little late, isn't it?"

"We had a late lunch. Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Then I'd say it's perfect timing. I'll call Seppel and we'll head down in a minute." Tayla smiled.

"Okay, I'll see you in a few."

"Okay." Tayla smiled and hung up the phone. She called Seppel to let him know they were heading out. She grabbed Lello and Bradyn off the bed. "Okay, we're going to go see your Daddy and get some dinner. What would you like to eat?"

"Con-dog!"

"Oh, I don't think so. If we eat more corn dogs I think we'll be sick."

"I no sick!" Bradyn laughed as he pat his belly.

"If you eat another one you will be. You'll explode!" She tickled his tummy and laughed as they headed for the door. Seppel met them in the lobby and they all got into a taxi to go to the studio fifteen minutes away.

When they got to the studio offices Tayla, Seppel and Bradyn sat on the leather couches and waited for the guys to come down. Tom had said they were almost done so she knew it would only be another minute or two.

Twenty minutes later, she decided that she was wrong. Tom didn't answer his cell phone so she started to get worried. "They can't have them on in the studio." Seppel explained. "So it's probably on silent in the other room."

"Damn."

"Damn." Bradyn mimicked her.

"Oh, bad word." Tayla clamped her hands over her mouth. "I said a bad word."

"Uh oh!" Bradyn laughed and danced around Tayla's feet. "Tayla, we can go ou-side?" He asked as he crawled onto the couch and slid off the shiny leather cushions.

"Not right now. We have to wait here for your Daddy." Tayla said softly as she held Bradyn on her lap. "Just hold still, sweetie. He'll be here in a minute."

"Tayla, no." Bradyn whined and slid off the couch again, letting his legs buckle under him so his knees hit the floor.

"We're waiting for your Daddy. Don't you want to see him?" She pulled Bradyn off the floor and into her lap.

"No."

"Yes, you do." Tayla sighed and wrapped her arms tighter around him, silently praying that Tom would hurry up. Bradyn wasn't going to sit still much longer.

"No, Tayla. I wan go ina pool."

"We can't go in the pool tonight. We're going to have dinner with Daddy and then pack up our stuff. We get to go home tomorrow."

"I can go wiss you?"

"No, you're going home to Germany to see Lucy. I'm going to go to my house and see my Mom and Dad."

"An me?"

"No, you can't come with me this time."

"Yeah." He dragged the word out in a pitiful whine.

Tayla shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, sweetie. Maybe later."

"Hey, hey!" Georg cheered as he emerged from the small studio first. "We are free!"

"Get me out of here. Where's the nearest bar?" Gustav asked as he jumped on Georg's back and swung an imaginary lasso over his head. "Hey, Bray!" He smiled down at Bradyn and hopped off of Georg's back.

"Hi." Bradyn turned shy as Gustav scooped him up.

"Are you waiting for your Dad?"

"My Daddy."

"You Daddy is taking his time, isn't he?" Gustav lowered Bradyn to his hip and stepped back into the studio. "Come on, Tom. Your kid is waiting for you out here."

"I'm coming." Tayla heard Tom call from deep within the dark room. "Hey, buddy! Where's Tayla?"

"In ere." Bradyn pointed back to where Tayla was standing as he wiggled to get down. "I see." Gustav put him down and he ran back to Tayla.

"Are you ready to go get some dinner now? Did you guys eat yet?" He asked Tayla as she held Bradyn in her arms.

"No, we didn't eat yet."

"Then let's go." Tom smiled and reached for Bradyn. "C'mere, I haven't seen you all day!"

"No." Bradyn frowned and clung to Tayla's shirt.

"He didn't really get a good nap today. I think he's tired." Tayla explained quickly.

"Are you tired, buddy?" Tom slid his hands under Bradyn's arms and tried to lift him away.

"No, Daddy." Bradyn swatted at Tom's hands and set his brow in a frown under his tuft of bangs.

"No?"

"He's being stubborn today." Tayla said apologetically.

"Oh." Tom let his hands drop.

"Let's go get some dinner. I'm sure he'll feel better after he eats." She smiled and patted Bradyn's back. "Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich?" Tayla crooned softly to Bradyn.

"Kickin nuggets."

"Okay, I think we can do that." She bounced him higher onto her shoulder with aching arms. She'd spent most of the day carrying him and her shoulders were letting her know it.

"Where do you guys want to go?" Tom asked.

Tayla shook her head. "Anywhere. I'm not picky and he just wants chicken strips."

"Nuggets." Bradyn corrected her.

"Right, chicken nuggets." Tayla smiled.

"Okay." Tom nodded and frowned quickly as he placed his hand on Bradyn's back. "There has to be a family style restaurant around here somewhere."

"I'm sure there is." She nodded and let Tom open the lobby door for them. Seppel followed them out and flagged down their van. He helped load Tayla and Bradyn into the backseat before he climbed in with Tom and let the driver take them to a restaurant of his choice.

They ended up at a chain restaurant that served good old fashioned American food. Tom smiled at the simplicity as they were seated in a booth near the restrooms. Bradyn's booster seat blocked Tom against the wall as Seppel slid in beside Tayla.

Dinner was warm and simple and Tom was honestly surprised that they made it until dessert before anyone approached them. From his seat against the wall he wasn't easily seen unless someone walked out of the restroom area and actually looked, which must have been what the small group of fans did.

Tom signed a few autographs between bites of his brownie sundae. He thanked them for letting him eat his meal undisturbed. The fans giggled their way to the exit as Tayla smiled and lifted a bite of Bradyn's caramel sundae to his lips to avoid dripping the melted ice cream down the front of his shirt.

After dinner and ice cream, Bradyn was much more compliant and happily went to Tom as they left. The small group made their way back to the hotel and up to their rooms where Tom laid a sleeping Bradyn on the best closest to the wall. "He's exhausted." Tom whispered.

"We had a busy day."

"What'd you guys do?"

"We went down to Pier 39 and went to the aquarium. Then we saw the sea lions and went to the arcade and stuff like that. We did some shopping too. It was fun."

"Sounds like it."

"So you guys are done?"

"For now, yeah."

"For now?"

"Yeah, we have a little more work to do but that's just editing and stuff like that." Tom sighed and pulled Bradyn's shoes off. He gently shook the little boy and woke him enough to take him to the bathroom.

When the two boys emerged from the bright bathroom, Bradyn was in his pajamas and yawning almost constantly. "Okay, hop up in your bed."

"An you too?" Bradyn asked as he slid beneath the covers with Lello tucked under his arm.

"Tayla and I are going to pack up all our stuff before we go to bed." Tom said softly as he sat on the bed and pulled the blanket up to Bradyn's shoulder. "Okay?"

"Kay." Bradyn yawned.

"Good night, buddy." Tom kissed Bradyn's forehead and brushed the hair off his forehead.

"Nigh-nigh, Daddy." Bradyn turned onto his side and faced the wall, away from the lights of the room.

Tom sat next to him on the bed for a few minutes before he sighed and stood up. He didn't want to pack but it needed to be done. They had to be up and ready early the next morning and he didn't want to have to rush around.

"I, uh- I packed up all of my things and most of Bradyn's. I didn't know. I mean, I wasn't sure how you wanted to pack your own stuff or what you were going to wear tomorrow." Tayla nodded toward the closed suitcases stacked by the closet door.

"Oh, you- You packed?"

"A little bit, yeah. I didn't get the bathroom stuff."

"Wow." Tom looked around the room and noticed that his clothes were the only ones out. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"It looks like I'm the only one packing tonight then." He put his hands on his hips and looked around.

"I'll help." Tayla stood up and pulled his empty suitcase out of the closet. "Of course, it serves you right for unpacking."

"I don't like living out of my suitcase."

"But it makes packing much easier."

"I know, I know." Tom smiled and began to refold his clothes to put them in the suitcase.

Working together, it didn't take them long to get all of their things packed up and stored near the front door. Their pajamas and bathroom stuff would go into their carry on luggage that was waiting in the bathroom for them to fill the next morning.

"You're going to Connecticut, right?" Tom asked as he flipped the light off and peeled his shirt off in the darkness.

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"That wasn't a nothing sound." Tayla smiled and assumed her position between Tom's arms.

"I don't want to nag."

"On what?"

"Nothing." Tom smiled and laughed softly into her hair.

"Tom-"

"I told you I wouldn't bug you about it any more so I'm not."

"Oh." Tayla smiled and blushed into the darkness. "I see."

"So see? It's nothing."

"You're very patient." She whispered as she laced her fingers through his.

"Yes. I am." He smiled. "I'm hoping it'll pay off in the end."

"It will."

"I know."

"Soon."

"Good." He kissed her neck and sunk deeper into his pillow. He hoped it would be really soon because he could happily live the rest of his life right there in her arms.

----------------

Early the next morning, they were all awakened by a low rumble throughout the building. Earthquakes were not uncommon in California but it was the first one they'd actually been there to experience. "Whoa!" Tom said as he dove from the bed he shared with Tayla to Bradyn's bed only three feet away. "Whoa. Did you feel that?" He asked as he looked back at Tayla.

"Yeah. That was creepy." She nodded and placed her hand over her chest. Bradyn remained asleep curled up with Dill and Lello under the covers. "Is he still asleep?"

"Yeah." Tom nodded and took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. "Damn, talk about an adrenaline rush." He laughed uneasily and pushed himself off of Bradyn's bed as the phone rang. "Hello?"

"Woo hoo! Good morning, California!" Gustav laughed like a hyena. "Did you feel that? We were rocking and rolling all over the place."

"I know."

"That was awesome. You should have seen the buildings out the window! Insane."

"How big was it?" Tom asked.

"I don't know. I just turned the news on." Gustav's TV blared in the background. "It probably wasn't that big."

"It was huge." Tom countered.

"The building's still standing. It wasn't huge."

"It was pretty big."

"There's no damage, Tom. It wasn't even kinda big." Gustav sighed and smiled. "Oh well, we had to be up in fifteen minutes anyway."

"I'll be glad to get back to Germany where the ground doesn't move." Tom grumbled.

"Three point six." Gustav said. "No one on TV is even shaken up. They said there's no reported damage yet."

"Great. Wonderful. Listen, I'll see you in the lobby at five."

"Ugh. That's too early." Gustav rolled his eyes. "Okay. I'm gonna go call Bill and tell him the sky's falling."

"He'll believe you."

"Of course he will." Gustav laughed and hung up the phone.

Tom relayed the information to Tayla as she crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. "Well, that's good then. It's a nice way to end the vacation, isn't it?"

"If you say so." Tom leaned over and smoothed Bradyn's hair down. He went to join Tayla to get ready for their trip home.

----------------

The huge entourage of people met up in the lobby at the scheduled time but most of them looked like they could use another three or four hours of sleep. By the time they got to the airport, checked in and made their way to the VIP lounge, everyone was awake and Gustav was bouncing around working off some of his nervous energy.

"Okay, buddy, let's go call your Mommy." Tom left their carry on bags by the guards and then stole off to a secluded corner for silence and privacy. "You can tell her you get to go on another airplane today."

"Yeah." Bradyn giggled and bounced out of Tom's arms.

Tayla watched them from across the room. She smiled when Tom caught her eye and waved her over. She walked slowly to their corner and kissed his cheek. "Are you all set to go home?"

"Yeah." Tom sighed and tugged at his lower lip. "I'm definitely ready to go home."

"Even though you'll only be there for a few days?"

"At least I'll be home." Tom tilted his head to the side. "After that I get to have Thanksgiving with my family and then we're off the hook until after the New Year."

"I thought you were going back the Monday after Christmas?"

"No. We convinced management that we'd be useless until after the New Year. That way we can focus on our parties instead of work."

"You're going to party, huh?" Tayla looked down at Bradyn as he tugged on the bright blue laces of his shoes.

"Yeah. We have an epic third birthday to plan for."

"Oooo, fun!"

"Yeah." Tom laughed and fished his phone out of his jacket pocket. "But first we have to call Astrid."

"Oh." Tayla leaned against the windows at Bradyn's side.

Tom dialed and waited as it rang through to her answering machine twice. On the second try he waited and left a message. "Hey, Astrid. It's Tom and Bradyn. I was- We were calling so you could talk to him before we get on the plane to go home but I guess- Well, maybe you forgot that we had to do the call early. Um, anyway, we should be home in about 16 hours if you want to call. I'll talk to you later. Bye." He hung up and looked at Tayla, "Well?"

"She forgot?"

"I don't know. It looks that way. Or maybe she's asleep." He shrugged.

"Hmm."

"I'm getting tired of her not following through." Tom ran his hands over his head and let out a harsh breath. "Honestly. If she misses another call, I've got half a mind to tell her she can't talk to him any more."

Tayla's eyes narrowed and she frowned slightly. "Tom, it's one call." She hated defending Astrid. "She's done well the last few weeks."

"She was late half the time."

"You're exaggerating a little, don't you think?"

"No." He said with his hands over his face. He knew he was.

"You're tired and frustrated. Why don't you relax a little on the plane and give her a call tomorrow to talk to her."

"Tayla-"

"If she really did just flake on him, then you can be mad."

"What other explanation could there be?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "You said yourself she may be asleep."

"So?"

"So cut her some slack." Tayla couldn't believe those words were coming from her mouth but after talking to Astrid on the phone and seeing that she was actually trying, Tayla almost felt sorry for her. Almost. "It's not going to do anyone any good to get mad about it right now, will it?"

"No."

"Okay then." She smiled and kissed his lips quickly. "Don't be mad. Be happy. You're going home!"

"I know, I know." He grumbled.

"So smile or something."

Tom forced a smile and rolled his eyes. "Happy?"

"You're a grouch."

"I'm tired." He argued without meeting her eyes.

"I know you are."

"I'm sorry." He put one arm around her waist and hugged her with Bradyn in his free arm. Tom placed a warm kiss on her forehead and sighed softly. "You're right. I'm overreacting."

"See?"

"I won't freak out until we get home."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Tayla whispered into his chest. Bradyn reached out and put his hand on her hair and laughed. "I'll see you soon, sweetie." She smiled up at his bright smile.

"Tayla, you go home?"

"Yeah, I have to go home."

"An me an Daddy?"

"Yeah, you and Daddy are going home too. To your house. I'm going to my house." Tayla laughed and quickly kissed his sticky lips. "Yum! Cherry! Who gave you a sucker?"

"Goose-gog."

"Gustav is a trouble maker." Tayla raised her eyebrow at Tom.

"He'll be surprised when a hyper two year old gets dropped in his lap halfway to Germany." Tom laughed and shook his head.

"Hey." Gustav raised his hand to accompany the shout as he got Tom's attention. "You wanna get on the plane or you wanna stay in the airport for another six hours?" He waved Tom over to the boarding area.

"That's my cue." Tom sighed and moved Bradyn to his left arm to get the feeling back in his right before they got on the plane. He turned back to Tayla and smoothed her hair behind her ear. "Okay. I love you. I love you. I love you." He punctuated each sentence with a kiss. "Be safe."

"I will." Tayla smiled. "I love you too. And you too." She kissed Bradyn's cheek, then returned to Tom's lips.

"Call me when you get home."

"I'm going to beat you home by 10 hours."

"Leave a message." He smiled against her lips.

"Come on, love birds." Gustav shouted as he walked up the walkway toward the plane.

"It'd be justifiable if I tossed him off the plane, right?" Tom asked softly.

"Completely." Tayla laughed and kissed him again. "I'll leave you a message. Call me when you get in so I know you made it."

"I will." Tom squeezed her hand. "Say bye." He said as he bounced Bradyn on his hip.

"Bye, Tayla." Bradyn pressed his hand to his mouth and blew her a kiss over Tom's shoulder. She blew one back as her heart soared and tears sprang up in her eyes. Tayla watched until the plane pulled away from the terminal and headed for the runway.

Her flight wouldn't leave for another twenty minutes but it was a direct flight. She went to her gate and pulled a book out, though her mind wouldn't let the image of Bradyn blowing her a kiss leave her mind. She'd do anything for that little boy and she couldn't wait to be a part of his life on a daily basis. "One more vote to move in." Tayla mumbled under her breath with a smile. She knew that the next time she was at Tom's house she'd tell him for sure that she was moving in. There was no question about it. She couldn't change her mind. She loved them both too much.

----------------

When Tom and Bradyn made it home, Bradyn ran straight for the back door and bounced while screeching for Tom to open it. "Lucy!" He shouted when the dog bounded into the house. Her tail wagged furiously and knocked Bradyn down twice before Tom shooed them into the living room where they couldn't hurt themselves.

Tom let them play as he checked his messages, waiting for the last one to know that Tayla had made it home and that she would probably be sleeping but to call her anyway. He picked up the phone before the message was finished playing and dialed her number. She answered on the first ring and yawned. "Ugh, sorry. Hello?"

"You weren't kidding." Tom smiled.

"Of course I wasn't. I'm tired." Tayla grinned at the sound of his voice. "You guys made it?"

"Yeah. We're home. Bradyn's rolling around on the floor with Lucy and I'm seriously thinking about a nap myself."

"It's a beautiful thing." Tayla said as she fought off another yawn.

"I bet it is." Tom opened the fridge and got out a juice box. He shoved the straw in the top and took a long sip. "So anyway, I'll let you get back to sleep. I just wanted to let you know we made it."

"Okay. Thank you."

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Tom hung up the phone and sighed. He should have saved Tayla for last, especially when his next call was going to be to Astrid. The silence in the living room was the only thing that took his attention away from the phone in his hand. With Bradyn and Lucy in the same room, silence was never expected. That was the bad kind of silence.

"Bradyn?" Tom asked as he looked over the back of the couch. He couldn't see either of them in the room and his heart skipped a beat. "Lucy? Lucy girl!" A light thumping from under the table brought Tom around the couch to investigate. "Hey, girl, where's-" He stopped mid-sentence as he squatted to look at the big dog under the table. Her tail hit the underside of the table with each wag and she smiled at Tom as his face came into view. Tom smiled back. Bradyn was curled up between Lucy's forelegs and her belly fast asleep. The dog laid her head back down and continued to wag her tail. She was just happy they were home.

"Good girl. You keep an eye on him for me, okay?"

She wagged her tail in response as Tom went back to the kitchen to call Astrid. He dialed the number and waited for her to answer, half hoping that she wouldn't.

"Hello?" Astrid answered softly after the third ring.

"Hey. This is Tom. I just wanted to let you know we made it home safe." Tom tried to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"Oh, okay. Thanks. Hey, I'm sorry I wasn't here when you guys called. I forgot that you were going to call me. I'm so used to calling you, you know?" She sighed softly but hid a smile. "I'm sorry I missed it."

"It's okay." Tom forced himself not to grit his teeth. She actually sounded genuine.

"How is he?"

"Fine. He's asleep."

"Asleep?"

"With the plane ride and the time difference, his schedule is off."

"Oh, yeah." She nodded. "Well, I'm glad you made it home and everything. I'll call on Tuesday now at our regular time. Now that you're home, it should be easier to stay on that schedule."

"Yeah." Tom took a deep breath. "I'll actually- We'll be running around and stuff so you might want to just keep calling my cell phone. Just, you know, so we don't miss each other."

"Okay. I have that number."

"Okay."

"I'll talk to you Tuesday then." She said after a short pause.

"Okay. Bye." Tom hung up and ran his hand over his face. He couldn't wait until Thursday when he could be with his family and have more than a month of free time to look forward to.

Sometimes it scared Tom when he saw how comfortable he was with the free time. Before Bradyn, he'd hated the downtime. He always managed to find something to do, some new project to work on or songs to write but with Bradyn around he lived for days or weeks off to spend even more time with his son. For whatever reason, he still felt like he was making up for the two years he'd missed.

----------------

Tom and Bradyn spent Sunday playing with Lucy and lounging around their house, just glad to be home again. They curled up on their bean bags and watched Mulan and Lady and the Tramp back to back while snacking on Goldfish crackers and Pop Tarts. Tom dreaded going back to work on Monday but knowing that they only had three more days left helped push him along.

Bradyn spent both Monday and Tuesday at Bill's house with Nediehn and, for the first time in a long time, he cried when Tom left him. "He'll be okay." Bill tried to reassure him as they pulled onto the main street.

"I know." Tom nodded.

"Just a few more days."

"Then we're back to normal." Tom smiled out the passenger side window and sighed. Just a few more days.

----------------

On Tuesday, they ran overtime in the studio but they were able to finish everything that they needed to get done. They would only need to spend a few hours in the studio on Wednesday so that they could get an early start on their vacation, which was always good news. They pulled up in front of Bill and Nediehn's house and Tom rushed to the front door where they were waiting.

"Come on, buddy." Tom grabbed Bradyn's bag and waved at Nediehn. "Thanks. See you guys tomorrow!"

"Daddy, we say?"

"No, we're late. Come on."

"I hava lunch box?"

"I have your lunch box. Let's go." He glanced at his watch. They had twenty minutes to make it home in time for Astrid's call.

"I hode it?"

"I've got it. You can hold it when we get to the car." Tom scooped Bradyn up and walked quickly down the front walk to the car. With Bradyn strapped into his seat, Tom sped home and made it with only seconds to spare. Not that Astrid was regularly on time but he didn't want her to call and get the voice mail.

"We can have eyes keem? An chips?"

"You want chocolate chip ice cream?" Tom asked.

"Yeah." Bradyn giggled and pulled his chair out from the table. He climbed into his booster seat with familiar ease, then looked at Tom expectantly. "Kay, I have?"

"I don't know if we have any. Maybe we can improvise." Tom pulled the freezer open and saw that they only had cookies and cream ice cream. "Um, okay. Hang on." He pulled the cupboard open and saw a chocolate chip bag half full. He took the bag and the ice cream to the table. He grabbed spoons and a bowl. "We'll have this ice cream and put chocolate chips in it, how's that?"

Bradyn frowned as he tipped the ice cream container towards him. "No, Daddy, is chips in err."

"Those aren't chips. Those are cookie pieces."

"Yeah."

"That's what you want?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Tom shrugged and scooped ice cream into the bowl. They shared the large scoop as Tom thought about Thanksgiving. It was only a few days away and he was already salivating at the thought of one of his mom's home-cooked meals.

When they finished the ice cream, Tom took the dishes to the sink and rinsed them as Bradyn slid out of his seat and yawned. "Tired?"

"I see Lucy?"

"She's sleeping." Tom shook his head and looked at the napping dog wedged under the coffee table.

Bradyn stumbled over to Tom's feet and held his arms out to be picked up. Tom lifted his son and rested him on his hip "You are tired." Tom flipped his wrist around to check the time. "Well, you should be. It's after nine." He sighed and kissed Bradyn's temple as the little boy rested his head on Tom's shoulder. He didn't mention anything about Astrid or the phone call. Instead he rested his hand flat on Bradyn's warm back. "Okay, bed time."

"An I buss my teef?"

"Yeah. You definitely need to brush your teeth. We need to get all that ice cream off so you don't get cavities."

"Yeah." Bradyn yawned again as Tom hopped up the stairs and down the hall to Bradyn's bathroom. He helped get the toothpaste on Bradyn's toothbrush then stood him on the little stool so he could see in the mirror. Tom fetched Bradyn's pajamas and changed him in the bathroom.

"Okay." Tom took a deep breath that turned into a yawn at the end. "It's time to get in bed."

"You too?"

"Yeah. Me too." Tom nodded and picked Bradyn up again. They walked into his room where Tom settled him under his covers and sat on the edge of his bed. "Guess what? Tomorrow you get to go see Nediehn again and then after that we get to go see Kitsune and Bill and your Oma and Opa."

"An Lucy?"

"Actually, Lucy is going to stay at home."

"Why?"

"Because she can't come with us. But we'll be back soon so we can play with her. Does that sound like fun?"

"Yeah."

"You'll like Thanksgiving. You'll get lots of food and lots and lots of sweets." Tom leaned down to kiss Bradyn goodnight. "Sleep tight, Bradyn. I'll see you in the morning."

"Nigh-nigh, Daddy."

"Night-night." Tom smiled and reluctantly stood up. He hated not being around Bradyn all day and hated even more that he didn't get to spend much time with him in the evening. Though he didn't like it, he knew that as soon as Bradyn was asleep he'd sneak back into his room and watch Bradyn sleep for an hour. At least. He'd done so every night that week and just the thought of it made him smile. For Tom, that was the quality time he needed.

As soon as he shut the door, Tom's mind went to Astrid and he scowled deeply, furrowing his brow without really realizing it. He bounded down the stairs to the kitchen to finish cleaning up. It was then that he saw the message light blinking on his phone to indicate a new voice mail. "Figures." He sighed and pressed the button to call the number for his voice mail, knowing already what he would hear.

"Hi, Tom, this is Astrid. I'm not going to be able to make the call tonight. I have an appointment that I can't miss and I- " She paused and took a deep breath. Tom could almost hear her lick her lips. "I'd like to call on Thanksgiving though since, you know, since I can't call today. I'm sure you have plans and everything so I'll call at seven your time. You should be done with dinner by then. If that's not okay then let me know what time would be better. If I don't hear from you though I'll just call at seven. Your time. Thanks. I'll talk to you on Thursday." She hung up and the woman announced the options for saving or deleting the message.

Tom shook his head slowly, she hadn't even mentioned Bradyn. He was the only reason she was calling and he didn't even get a hello or an I'm sorry.

Tom grumbled softly as he finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher. When he was done, he went upstairs and crept into Bradyn's room, his single most favorite place in the whole house. With the door left open a crack, a small sliver of light shined in to chase the shadows away and to assure that Tom wouldn't trip over toys left in the center of the room. He took his position on the floor beside Bradyn's bed, rested his arms on the mattress and dropped his chin to his hands. A passerby might think he was praying but he wasn't. He would always thank God for bringing Bradyn to him but, in those quiet moments when it was just Tom and Bradyn, all he could think about was how perfect Bradyn was and how he just couldn't imagine what he'd done before Bradyn came into his life.

Those days were less than a year ago but in his mind, they were lifetimes away. It got to the point where Tom would try to think of their first tour, years before Bradyn was even a thought, and yet somehow Tom's mind would trick him into thinking Bradyn had been there somehow. Playing with Gustav's drums, goofing around for Georg's camera, actually being around for the 'pineapple' stage of Bill's hair. All of that seemed possible and somehow right.

Tom spent an hour staring at Bradyn's face without truly seeing it. He'd memorized every freckle, the fall of his hair, his little cowlick that would forever send his hair careening off his forehead. Everything about Bradyn reminded Tom of himself and that solidified all of the feelings Tom had. No matter what, forever and ever, there would be a small piece of Tom to hold onto. Tom leaned over with a sigh and kissed Bradyn's forehead before standing up. His knees cracked as he stood and he laughed softly at how old he felt.

He left the room quietly and slipped down the hall to his own bed. The next day would be their last in the studio until after the New Year and they would be busier than ever to get things settled for the break. He would need all the rest he could get to prepare and, if he could just get through Wednesday, he'd be fine. Perfectly fine.

----------------

The next day, Tom was in the studio with the guys for sixteen hours while Nediehn watched Bradyn and Lucy. It was after eleven at night when Tom finally carried Bradyn into their house and upstairs to his room. Nediehn and Bill had offered to let them stay the night at their house but Tom didn't want to impose. He and Bradyn would be leaving early the next morning to spend the day with his parents for Thanksgiving and Tom didn't want to waste time in the morning driving home to change and get things ready.

Once Bradyn was in bed, Tom got everything set out for Thanksgiving so that in the morning he would be able to just shower, throw on his clothes, dress Bradyn and go. The dinner rolls from the bakery down the street were by his keys on the kitchen counter and the bottle of wine he chose for the occasion was tucked into a dark red gift bag on the floor by the door.

----------------

On Thanksgiving morning, everything went as planned and they were on the road right on time. They drove for several hours while both Tom and Bradyn sang silly children's songs to keep them entertained. When they arrived they were greeted with tons of hugs and kisses and Tom immediately wished they never had to leave. Family was so important to him, he didn't want Bradyn to miss a single minute of it.

While Bradyn took off for the backyard to play with the family dogs, Tom dropped himself at the kitchen table and helped cut up vegetables for the dinner. "So, honey, how are things going?" His mother asked with a soft sigh.

"Good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Tom smiled and popped a carrot slice into his mouth.

"How is Bradyn's finger?"

"Fine. We got the stitches out and you can barely even see the scar now." Tom nodded. That was one thing he was relieved about. He didn't want Bradyn to have a scar.

Tom and his mother slipped easily into family talk and child advice. She told stories of when he and Bill were children and he filled her in on Bradyn's latest antics. Tom felt as though now that he had Bradyn he could get even closer with his parents. He now knew where they were coming from and why they did so many of the things they did.

As his mother set the timer for the vegetables to cook, she sighed and finally asked about Astrid. Since they'd already covered Tayla in conversation, Tom knew Astrid was bound to be next. He paused for a second and wondered how much he should tell his mom. Without much internal argument, Tom told his mom exactly how things with Astrid were going. He voiced his concerns and listened to her advice.

Hearing an outsiders take on the whole situation helped Tom a lot. He'd been going on for months about not wanting to be too hard on her because she was Bradyn's mom and that was important but his mother helped his see that in doing that, Astrid was seeing what she could get away with. He had to be firm with her and stand behind his threats or ultimatums.

He'd heard most of his mother's arguments before, mostly from Tayla, and he told her that much. His mother smiled widely and nodded. "She has a good head on her shoulders." She placed a kiss on his cheek and sighed. "I'm just glad you have a son. I don't know what you'd do with another girl in your life." She smoothed down his hair and laughed softly, kidding him the way only a mother could.

----------------

Tom and Bradyn spent the whole day there and stuffed themselves with his mother's good home cooking. Bill and Nadiehn came and went, as did Kitsune. By the time Tom finished loading the car, they had enough left overs to last them a week and Bradyn was sound asleep in his seat. Tom waved good-bye as he drove down the driveway, promising to see them again on Christmas at his grandparents' house.

Seven o'clock passed as they were on their way home. Tom checked his cell phone to make sure he had reception and was almost angry to see that he did. His phone remained silent for the duration of the drive home but he forced himself not to focus on that. He carried Bradyn up to bed before he put the food in the refrigerator and got himself a glass of water.

Tom carried the water upstairs and set it on his bedside table as he stripped himself and climbed into bed. He was looking forward to sleeping in the next day, for the first time in months. Before he could get himself fully comfortable under the covers, Tom was asleep.

----------------

The ringing of the phone pulled Tom out of his deep sleep and he groped for the phone in the darkness. The glass of water he'd left on his nightstand knocked over and soaked the carpet as well as the base of the phone. "Damn it." Tom swore as he placed the phone against his ear. The clock's red numbers glowed bright as his mind registered that it was after midnight. "Hello?" He asked quickly. Midnight phone calls were never good.

"Hi, Tom. It's Astrid."

"Astrid? It's midnight." Tom's heart returned to normal.

"I know. I'm sorry I missed the call today."

"I'm tired of this, Astrid. You said you would call at seven o'clock our time and here it is midnight and now you're calling?" The late hour and his lack of sleep made his temper shorter than usual. He knew he'd probably regret whatever he said but at the moment, he didn't care.

"I'm sorry. I was busy at that time." She tried to explain.

"Then you should have called to let us know that you wouldn't make it. Bradyn waited by the phone for an hour waiting for you to call." He lied to hurt her. Bradyn hadn't even realized that she was supposed to call.

"I'm sorry."

"You're always sorry, Astrid." Tom pressed his free hand against his forehead as he closed his eyes in the darkness.

"Well, shit, Tom. What else do you want me to say? I'm sorry. I can't go back in time and call when you want me to." She jumped on the defensive, immediately moving Tom to the extreme offense.

"If it was just this once, I wouldn't have a problem, Astrid, but you do this all the time. You completely miss calls or you call an hour late. You call five hours late."

"I said I'm sorry."

"Yeah? Well, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry your son is such an inconvenience to you. I'm sorry he has to take up a whole hour of your precious time every week on the phone. I know you're so busy with your new carefree lifestyle and your new flashy job so I really appreciate the calls you do manage to squeeze in when you get the chance. Bradyn appreciates it too." His voice was scratchy with sleep but the sarcasm was hard to miss.

"Stop it, Tom. I'm trying."

"No. You were trying. Now you're back to the old you that doesn't give a shit about anything. I half expect you to just disappear again."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Astrid asked venomously.

Tom tried not to laugh. "You don't want me to answer that."

"You'd like nothing more than to see me completely gone from Bradyn's life."

"No, Astrid, you're wrong about that. I want nothing more than to have you in his life. I would love for you to come see him every now and then, to call him when you say you're going to call him, to send him a card, or ask for pictures, or ask for us to come to see you. I'd love for you to show some interest in your son's life but I just can't seem to make you do that."

Astrid sighed but didn't say anything for a minute. "Are you done?"

"Not yet." Tom set his jaw. "If you miss one more call, that's it."

"That's it?"

"No more calls."

"You want me to be a part of his life but I can't call? That makes a lot of sense, Tom."

"I said if you miss another call. If you flake out on another call without calling to let us know you can't make it then, yes, I'll take those privileges away. Maybe that will make you see how much you've fucked up and make you want to take more interest in his life." He sighed heavily. "I'm tired of playing these games with you, Astrid. I've been nice by letting you contact him and see him. I don't have to and I swear if you miss one more call, I'm not going to."

"I don't believe you."

"Try me." He longed to hang up the phone. "I've had enough of your bullshit but now it's all up to you."

"It's not up to me. You hold the power to all of this."

"No, you do. If you can make your calls on time, then you can continue to see him. You're the one who will make or break this. If you actually do what you said you would, then everything will be fine. It's only if you screw up again that everything changes. You don't want it to change? Then straighten up and make the calls." He bit his lip, then shook his head quickly. "Good night." Tom hung up and exhaled sharply. Reacting that emotionally was never something Tom was used to, not until Astrid came around.

He shook his head slowly as he fluffed his pillow under his head and tried to close his eyes to the pounding in his ears. He'd given her an ultimatum and to save his pride, he'd abide by it this time. Whether he wanted to or not.

----------------

Tom woke up the next morning with a knot in his stomach and no idea how it got there. It wasn't until he was standing beneath the water in the shower that he remembered his conversation with Astrid. "Shit." He uttered under his breath as his stomach tumbled. The words from the night before came back to haunt him and, along with the feeling of dread, Tom felt the same anger and frustration. He knew that he had made the right decision.

Once Bradyn woke up, they spent the day lounging around the house. They didn't even bother with clothes. Tom had put clean pajamas on after his shower and it was almost three in the afternoon before Tom dragged Bradyn upstairs for a bath and clean pajamas. "Daddy, why we have jammies?"

"Because jammies are cool."

"We go nigh-nigh?"

"No. We're just hanging out."

"Ina jammies?"

"Yeah."

Bradyn sighed and looked down at his clean pajamas with black and blue trucks all over them. "Lucy have no jammies?"

"No. Dogs don't have jammies. Just people."

"An Daddy."

"Right, and me."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"We can have cose morrow?"

Tom laughed and tossed Bradyn in the air before resting him on his hip to go downstairs. "Yeah, tomorrow we can have clothes."

"Kay." Bradyn giggled and patted at Tom's still damp hair.

They went back downstairs to make chocolate milk and watch Toy Story for the second time that day as they sprawled out on the deep cushioned couch.

----------------

On Saturday morning, Tom was actually surprised when Astrid made her call on time. He guessed that his threat had worked and was honestly just glad that she was finally taking him seriously but when he answered the phone, he was met with a cool attitude and biting remarks. "Hello?" Tom waved Bradyn in from the backyard.

"Let me talk to Bradyn." Astrid said brusquely.

"Hang on. He's outside."

She sighed audibly. "You knew I was calling. You're cutting into my call time."

Tom's eyebrows shot up and a dozen snide comments died on his tongue. "You can talk as long as you want. You're not on a time limit, you know."

Her response was silence as Tom rolled his eyes and shouted for Bradyn. "Come on, buddy. Your Mommy is on the phone." What he wanted to say was, "Bradyn, that slutty bitch I fucked one night because I was drunk who should just die in a fire is on the phone." He smiled at the thought.

"No, Daddy, I pay wiss Lucy."

"You can play with Lucy as soon as you're done on the phone but come talk to you Mommy now. She's calling from far away and she wants to talk to you."

"No." Bradyn whined but abandoned the tennis ball and sulked toward the back door. "Two minis?"

"I don't know how long it will be." Tom smiled and held the phone out to him. "Say hello."

Bradyn rolled his eyes at Tom's instructions and took the phone to the table set up at the other end of the patio. He didn't talk until he was comfortably positioned in one of the big chairs. "Hi, Mommy."

Tom stood at the back door and half listened to Bradyn's conversation. He couldn't tell what was being said by Bradyn mumbled responses but he could tell that she must have been asking him to repeat things because the little boy was getting annoyed.

Bradyn talked to Astrid for almost ten minutes before sliding off the chair to return the phone to Tom. "Are you done?"

"Yeah." Bradyn sighed and ran out to continue playing with Lucy who was anxiously waiting with a pile of balls by the slide.

"So we'll talk to you- Tom started to talk but was met instead with dial tone. He stared at the phone for a second, then set it on the table. "Hey, buddy. What'd your Mommy say?" Tom had never asked Bradyn what was said during their conversations. He'd always gathered that it really wasn't much but this time he felt that he needed to.

"What?" Bradyn stopped banging two tennis balls together and squinted up at Tom.

"What did your Mommy say?"

"She say bye." Bradyn frowned.

"But before she said good-bye, what did she say?"

"I doe know. She just say bye." Bradyn shrugged.

"She didn't just keep saying good-bye, buddy. Did she tell you about her work?" Tom prompted him with a topic that she probably hadn't talked about, waiting for Bradyn to correct him.

"No. She says a beach an seesa dotter an is sad." Bradyn put on a sad face to make sure Tom understood. "Anen she say bye."

"She went to the beach and she was sad?"

"Um." Bradyn thought for a minute. "Yeah. Ana dotter."

"A what?"

"I doe know." Bradyn shrugged and tossed one of the balls for Lucy. "Daddy, we can see a beach morrow?"

Tom frowned for a minute trying to decipher Bradyn's words. "Not tomorrow, but we'll have to go soon. When it gets warmer."

"Yeah. Is code, Daddy."

"Yeah. It's cold." Tom pursed his lips and watched Bradyn play for a few minutes before going back inside to finish the dishes in the sink.

----------------

Tom made sure they were home at her regularly scheduled call on Tuesday but, since he didn't honestly expect her to call, he didn't make a big presentation out of it. At ten to eight he and Bradyn lounged on Tom's bed reading a Dr. Seuss book with the cordless phone standing on the nightstand beside them. Tom tried not to be obvious about looking at the phone every few minutes but Bradyn was smart and caught on quick. "Daddy, you can caw?"

Tom's eyes snapped back to Bradyn laying on his stomach in his pajamas. "What?"

"You can caw?"

"I can call who?"

"I doe no." The little boy scrambled to sit up and shrug. "Ona phone." He pointed to the cordless.

"You want me to call someone?" Tom blushed slightly, realizing that Bradyn must have seen his anxious glances at the phone.

"Yeah." He crawled over the pillow and took the phone off the table to hand to Tom.

"Who should we call?"

"Um." Bradyn looked to the ceiling, deep in thought. "I sink I caw Pie appo."

Tom checked his watch. "Yeah, he might be home." He dialed Bill's number then handed the phone back to Bradyn who held it in both hands.

"Hello?" Bill answered the phone with a loud laugh.

"Hi!" Bradyn giggled and bounced on the bed.

"H- Hey." Tom could hear the confusion in Bill's voice. "Is this Bradyn?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, buddy. Where's your Daddy?"

"Daddy's here."

"He's there? Does he know you're on the phone?"

"Yeah." Bradyn stood up and bounced on the bed. "We say we cawin you, Pie appo."

"Yeah, you called me. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I ina bed."

"You what?"

"I ina bed. I in Daddy's bed."

"You're in your Daddy's bed?"

"Yeah."

"Can you put your Dad on the phone?"

"Um." Bradyn looked at Tom. "Daddy, you can say hi?"

"Sure, I'll say hi." Tom reached for the phone and laughed. "Hey."

"Okay, that was weird." Bill chuckled.

"What?"

"Hearing his little voice when I was expecting you." Bill shook his head. "What's going on? Shouldn't he be in bed?"

"We were waiting for you-know-who to call but she didn't. He's on his way to bed right now though."

"Ahh. So I'm second to she-who-must-not-be-name, huh? Are we calling her Voldemort now?"

Tom laughed. "Harry Potter dork. Bradyn wanted to call you."

"Uh huh, I see how it goes."

"Hey, he didn't ask to call her. You should be flattered."

"Daddy, is mine." Bradyn scowled and reached for the phone.

"We have to go." Tom said into the phone. "Okay, say good-bye then you have to go to bed." He said as Bradyn pried the phone out of his hands and held it to his ear.

"Hi!"

"Hey!" Bill matched Bradyn's excitement. "It's time for you to go to bed."

"No, you silly."

"I'm not silly. It's time for you to go to bed."

"No, you. Ana dog."

"I'm a dog? I thought I was a pineapple."

"No, you go dere wiss a dog like Lucy."

"What?"

"Lucy isa doggie an is mine. You hava dog."

"Oh." Bill laughed. He was totally confused. "Go there with Lucy but you have to go to bed."

"An you?"

"Me? Yeah, I'll go to bed too."

"Kay." Bradyn nodded and slid off the bed. He held the huge phone to his ear as he walked down the hall to his room. "An Gay-og?"

"Georg? Yeah, he's probably asleep already. He's getting old you know."

"An my Tayla?"

"What?"

"My Tayla?"

"Your what?" Bill wasn't used to Bradyn speak so it was hard for him to make out what Bradyn meant.

"My Tayla?"

"Tayla? Oh, Tayla. Yeah, she might be asleep now too."

"Kay." Bradyn seemed pleased with that as he crawled into his bed and put the phone down on the floor.

"Bradyn? Are you still there?" Bill's voice sounded hollow, echoing from the handset into the room.

Tom followed Bradyn into his room and picked up the phone. "Say good-bye." He held the phone out.

"Byeeeeee." Bradyn sang as he shook his butt under the covers.

Tom smiled and brought the phone to his ear. "I'll give you a call tomorrow or something."

"Your kid is weird." Bill laughed.

"I know." Tom smiled proudly down at his son nestled under his bright blue blankets.

"Good night, you freaks."

"G'night." Tom laughed and turned the phone off.

"Daddy, I lie Pie appo."

"I like him too. Good night, buddy. I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah."

"I think tomorrow we'll go Christmas shopping. Does that sound like fun?"

"An get a toy?"

"Maybe. We have to get presents for the guys."

"Kay."

"We'll go shopping then tomorrow." He leaned down and kissed Bradyn's forehead. "I love you."

"Love too, Daddy." Bradyn smiled and wrapped his arms around Tom's neck, pulling his father down onto the bed with him.

Tom kissed him again and laughed as Bradyn finally let go of his neck. "G'night." He grabbed the phone, then quietly left the room and shut the light off.

"Byeeeeeeee." Bradyn sang softly into the darkness. Tom heard him giggle one more time before he shut the door halfway and headed back to his room. He really did need to think about Christmas shopping. He did better if he had a list so he stayed up into the wee hours of the night constructing a list of exactly what he wanted to get for everyone. It took pages and pages of corrections before it was just how he wanted it. He slid it under his alarm clock and let himself fall asleep to dream about snow covered Christmas trees and bright colored stockings.

----------------

Tom tried not to focus on the missed call on Tuesday but he knew that the next time she called, if she called, he'd have to lay down the law and he wasn't looking forward to it. He'd almost put it completely out of his mind on Saturday when she missed that call. It was almost expected and the anger he anticipated didn't come. They planned their day business as usual and were on their way out when the phone finally rang.

Without a second thought, Tom grabbed it from the holder. "Hello?" He dropped the bag of chips he had in his hand. "Verdammt, hang on." With a frown, he bent to pick them up.

"Tom?"

He dropped the bag again and stood up straight. "Astrid?"

"Yeah, hey, I know I'm late for the call this-"

He cut her off as he leaned back on the counter. "You've lost your chance, Astrid."

"Listen, I know I said I'd-"

"No. You've lost your chance. I told you last week that if you missed another call you would lose your chance for visitation. You completely missed the call on Tuesday and you're three hours late for the call today. I am sick and tired of your little games, Astrid. I know you were mad at me last week but that's no reason to take it out on Bradyn. If you want visitation or contact, you'll have to go through the courts."

"If you'll let me speak for a minute here." Astrid sighed. "That's exactly why I'm calling. I need to get your lawyers contact number."

"You have to be kidding me." Tom laughed incredulously. "Here, let me get that for you." He flipped open his little phone book and read the number for her. "Joshua Thompson, 702-813-2858. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear from you." Tom slammed the phone down and closed his eyes tightly.

"Daddy, we hava go." Bradyn said as he kicked at Tom's feet.

Tom opened his eyes and looked down at Bradyn. "When did you get here?"

"We go now." Bradyn smiled and pulled on his hand.

"In just a minute, I have to call two people."

Bradyn sighed and climbed up onto the bar stool. "Daddy, we cawin Pie appo?"

"No. I have to call Joshua and Tayla."

"My Tayla?" Bradyn's eyes lit up as he held Lello close to his chest.

"Yeah." Tom dialed his lawyer's number and waited as it rang.

"I can say hi?"

"I'll let you talk to Tayla, yeah." Tom covered the mouth piece.

"Now?" Bradyn reached for the phone.

"No, in just a minute." Tom whispered as Joshua answered. "Hey, Joshua. This is Tom Kaulitz. I'm sorry to bug you on a Saturday and everything."

"That's okay, what's up?"

"Um, Astrid just called." Tom sighed. "Well, maybe I should give you some background." He paused before he went over the last few months with Joshua. How Astrid arranged to have the calls at certain times and only made it for half of them, along with her trip to Germany and all of that. "So finally I told her if she missed any more calls without an explanation that I would take away those privileges."

"Which you're entitled to do."

"Right." Tom nodded and took a deep breath. "So she missed her call on Tuesday and she called three hours late today. So I told her she lost her right to talk to Bradyn on the phone and that if she wanted to see him she'd have to take me to court and then she asked for your number." He ran his hand over his face. "I kind of over reacted. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Joshua nodded. "So you think she's going to take you back to court?"

"She might. Yeah."

"Okay."

"Okay? Well that's bad, right?"

"You've already been awarded full legal and physical custody. To try to get that overturned will be no small feat. Being that she's shown over the last few months that she can't even commit to a simple calling schedule, I don't think you have to worry too much. Did you get the name of her lawyer?"

"No. I didn't ask."

"Okay, then we'll just wait and see what we hear. Do you have any kind of documentation as far as the calls she's made and missed?"

"Not really. I mean, it's supposed to be every Tuesday and Saturday. I didn't write down the ones she made, only when she missed them just so I'd be able to keep track."

"Okay, if you don't mind, can you run off a copy for me? That way I'll have something to go by when they call."

"Sure, no problem. I can fax it over to you tomorrow. To your office?"

"That's fine."

"Shit, this sucks, Joshua. I thought we were done with this."

"Yeah, I thought so too but we'll get this all figured out. We have the law and the judges ruling on our side so don't worry about it too much." He smiled to set his client at ease. "I'll call you if I hear anything, okay? Until then, don't talk to Astrid. If she wants to bring the lawyers back into the game, you can do that too."

"That won't be hard." Tom laughed bitterly. "Thanks, Joshua."

"No problem. Have a good weekend."

"I will. Thanks. You too." Tom nodded slowly. He hung up and called Tayla to let her know what was going on. She was appropriately shocked though she managed to keep her anger from showing too much. "Bradyn wants to say hi." Tom smiled and handed the phone to Bradyn.

"Hi, Tayla!" He squealed as he held the big phone with both hands.

"Hi, sweetie! How are you?"

"Good. Me an Daddy go bye-bye."

"You're going bye-bye, huh? Where are you going?"

"Ina car."

"You're going in the car?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you going to go in the car?" Tayla asked with a smile.

"Umm." Bradyn thought for a minute then looked at Tom. "Daddy, where we go?"

"We're going to pick up Georg and go get some pizza."

"We hava Gay-og an a peeeza."

"Wow, that sounds like fun."

"An you can come?"

"No. I can't come with you this time."

"Yeah, Daddy drives an get you." Bradyn insisted.

"It's too far to drive, sweetie, but I'll see you soon. I promise." Tayla spoke softly as she smiled and pulled on her hair. There was no need to try and explain that Tom couldn't drive over the ocean.

"Kay."

"Can you put your Daddy on the phone now?"

"Yeah."

"Bye, Bradyn. I love you, sweetie."

"Love too! Bye, Tayla." He handed the phone to Tom and sighed. "Kay, we go now."

"Yeah, we can go in just a minute." He smiled and took the phone. "Thanks."

"Anytime." She smiled and felt her pulse quicken. "I'll be there in a week."

"I know." The relief came through in his voice. "I can't wait."

"Me neither."

"It's righter when you're here."

"Righter?"

"It's a word." Tom laughed.

"If you say so." Tayla smiled to hide her concern and sighed. "But you need to go get pizza with Georg so I'll talk to you later."

"Okay."

"And don't worry too much."

"I won't."

"I love you."

Tom paused and smiled, wanting only to hold her while he responded. "I love you too."

"Bye."

He closed his eyes. "Bye." He clicked the phone off as Bradyn pulled on his hand urgently.

"We have peeeeza now?" Bradyn giggled and dragged Tom toward the door. Tom promised himself he wouldn't let the phone conversation with Astrid put a damper on their afternoon. Tayla would be there in less than a week and that was enough to keep him going. Maybe this time she would stay.

----------------

On Monday afternoon, Joshua called while Tom and Bradyn were out. The voice mail played back Joshua's advice and Tom shook his head slowly while listening. "Hey, Tom. This is Joshua Thompson. I spoke with Astrid's attorney, a Ms. Amber Taylor in Los Angeles. I won't go into the details over your voice mail but if you'd like to hear all about it, you can give me a call back at the office. Anyway, she said that she has spoken with Astrid about the missed calls and they've come to an understanding. She'd like for you to give Astrid another try. I know that you gave her the ultimatum and I know that you've given her several chances already but here's my take on the situation: if you give her this one more chance and her attorney knows that this is her last chance, you'll have all the documentation you need if it comes to going to court again. As of right now, they aren't even talking about court so I don't know why she thought she needed to go through lawyers. Anyway, I've told them to keep up the regular calling schedule with the previous provisions. That she's to call if she won't be able to make the call and all that stuff. If that's not okay with you, call me back when you get this and I'll relay the message. If it is okay, then expect her call tomorrow as scheduled." Joshua paused and took a deep breath. "And if she flat out misses another call, let me know as soon as possible and I'll contact Ms. Taylor to let her know that her client no longer has scheduled calls and if she'd like to get visitation, we'll need to pursue the matter in court. Any questions, you know where to reach me. Talk to you soon. Bye."

Tom sighed and shook his head. He understood where Joshua was coming from but he hated being walked on. He'd give Astrid another chance simply because he knew that she'd blow it again. She'd not only would she blow it in front of him but in front of Joshua and her own lawyer. Everyone would know that she couldn't commit to anything, never mind her own son.

"Daddy, we can see Jafar and Ladin?" Bradyn asked with a yawn as he tugged on Tom's fingers.

Tom snapped back to the present and forced a smile as he picked Bradyn up. "Sure. Go get the movie and I'll make popcorn."

"Yay!" Bradyn wiggled out of Tom's arms and made a mad dash to where the children's movies were stacked near the toys. He picked out Aladdin one and set it on the table while the popcorn popped in the microwave. Tom put the movie in the DVD player and they got their things situated on the couch as the previews started.

"When the movie is over it's time for bed." Tom looked over at Bradyn, as if he'd ever had a problem getting Bradyn to go to bed when he was told.

"Yeah."

"Because it's already getting late."

"Kay." Bradyn nodded and folded his feet under his behind. "Uh oh, Daddy. We hava popcorn?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll go get it." Tom stood up and poured the popcorn into a big plastic bowl before returning to the family room. They sat together on the couch and watched the movie while making a mess with the popcorn. Lucy ate the pieces that made it to the floor which, thanks to Bradyn, were more than a few.

The popcorn was done before the movie ended so Tom got up to rinse the buttery bowl in the sink. "You want some juice, Bradyn?" Tom asked as he stood up. The little boy nodded without taking his eyes off the TV in front of him. "Okay." Tom smiled and walked to the kitchen.

As he stood at the sink, the phone rang in the little nook by the pantry. He quickly dried his hands on the towel and reached for the cordless. Without looking at the caller ID, Tom answered. "Hello?" He kept his voice soft in case Bradyn was dozing on the couch. It was past his bedtime and the little by was tired to start with.

"Hi, Tom. This is Astrid."

"Oh, hi. I talked to-"

"I know. My lawyer called me."

"Oh." Tom was always taken aback when she interrupted him, though he should have been used to it.

"Actually, I was just calling to let you know that I won't be able to make the call on Tuesday."

"That's tomorrow." Tom sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I know. I just- I'm not going to be home so I won't be able to call. I have a, uh- An appointment."

Tom exhaled sharply into the phone and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You missed the call on Saturday and almost blew it. Do you really want to miss two in a row?"

"Well, I was hoping I could talk to him tonight?"

"He's in bed." Tom lied as he got a sippy cup out of the cupboard for Bradyn who was lying on the couch a few feet away.

"Already?"

"It's nine."

"Yeah?"

"He's two. He goes to bed at eight." Tom poured white grape juice into the cup and screwed the top on securely.

Astrid sighed and decided, wisely, not to argue. "Can I call another day during the week?"

"You can call any time you want." Tom set the cup on the counter and walked down the hall to his little office so that Bradyn wouldn't be tempted to speak up.

"Well, when will you be home?"

"I don't know. We don't have much planned this week really." He shrugged.

She sighed again. "I'd really like to talk to him before Saturday."

"Then call." Tom didn't even try to hide his annoyance from her.

"What if you're not home?"

"I haven voice mail."

"Can you tell me when you're going to be home?"

"No." Tom shook his head. "But if you tell me when you're going to call, I'll do what I can to be here."

"I don't know when I'll be able to call."

"Well, then I can't really help you." He ran his hand over his head and continued. "I'm not going to set up calls with you Astrid, not when you miss half of them. I'm not going to get Bradyn's hopes up for a call before Saturday and have you flake out again. If you call, you call. If you don't, well then he won't miss anything."

Astrid paused before responding. "Okay. I'll talk to you later then."

"Great." Tom nodded. "Bye." He hung up the phone and went back into the family room. "Okay, as soon as this is done, you have to go to bed." He swung his head toward the TV, noticing that the movie was only minutes away from ending.

"Kay."

"Okay." He sat on the couch and pulled the little boy onto his lap. If there was a way to protect him from ever getting his heart broken, Tom would do it but he knew there wasn't. He could only do what he was doing and hope for the best. "I love you, Bradyn." Tom planted a warm kiss on the top of Bradyn's head.

Bradyn sighed softly and smiled at the TV. "Love too." He turned his head to kiss Tom's cheek. "An love Lucy."

Tom laughed and hugged Bradyn tight. "Yeah, we love Lucy and Lucy loves us."

"Yeah." Bradyn grinned and shimmied higher up on Tom's chest to snuggle against Tom's neck.

They watched the end of the movie together. Tom carried Bradyn upstairs and read him three books before bed, a special treat for both of them. Once he shut the lights off, Tom went down the hall to his room and got himself ready for bed. He found that under his covers was the one place he could forget all about Astrid and think only of Tayla. A smile found its way to his lips as he turned his alarm off and slid under the covers. It would only be a few more days until Tayla was there with him and he wouldn't have to rely on his dreams to make him happy.

----------------

"So, um- Hey." Tayla pursed her lips as she seated herself on the counter in her kitchen. Her roommate Kaelah sat at the little breakfast table eating a bowl of cereal as a late night snack. "Remember when I said I'd tell you when you needed to start looking for a roommate?"

"Yeah." Kaelah smiled as she took a bite of her Raisin Bran. She looked up at Tayla and knew the answer before she even asked the question. "Do I?"

"Yeah." Tayla said softly, unable to contain her childlike grin. "I am going to move in with him."

Kaelah took another bite of her cereal and shook her head. "You are seriously the luckiest girl on the face of the planet. I hate you."

"I know." Tayla laughed and tapped her heels on the cupboards.

"What did he say when you told him?"

"I haven't exactly told him yet." Tayla bit her bottom lip. "But I'm going there on Friday. I'll be there for- Well, I don't know how long. I'll tell him then."

"Are you taking your stuff? Because I think he might figure it out if you come off the plane with like, your bike and stuff." Kaelah laughed.

"No, I won't be moving all my stuff until after Christmas at the earliest. In fact, I still have to make sure it's okay. I mean, I know he says it is all the time but still."

"It'll be fine."

"I know." Tayla nodded. "But I want to tell him before I just unload all my stuff."

Kaelah licked the milk from her lips and sighed. "I can't believe you're going to be moving all the way to Germany to live with the sexiest man alive. I can't even get Bill Kaulitz to give me a second look or a first look for that matter."

"Don't even go there. I've tried."

"I know."

"And you've met him."

"I know. The best two seconds of my life." Kaelah sighed, "But it wasn't like-" She waved her empty spoon around. "I was all-" She made a crazy face and waggled her fingers by her hair. "All teenie like."

"You were not."

"I was too." Kaelah carried her bowl to the sink and rinsed it. "But anyway, maybe next time."

"Right."

"So I can come to Germany for those wild and crazy parties that I know you're going to throw?"

"Oh, of course." Tayla rolled her eyes and laughed.

Kaelah turned sad but proud eyes to Tayla. "I can't believe you're moving in with him. Do you know what that means?" She paused and when Tayla didn't answer, she continued. "That means that you're going to be living with Tom Kaulitz, Tayla. That means that you're like, one step away from being engaged to him, from being married to him. In another few years, you'll be doing the whole two point five kids, dog and white picket fence thing."

Tayla laughed and shook her head, already envisioning a very similar situation. "He's not exactly the white picket fence type." She said softly.

"Okay, fine. No white picket fence. You know what I mean." Kaelah laughed and rolled her eyes. "Do I get to be in the wedding?"

"You're jumping a little too far ahead here. He doesn't even know I'm moving in."

"But still."

"Kaelah."

"So wait, what made you decide to move in?"

Tayla smiled dreamily. "Bradyn."

"Oh, really?"

"I love that kid so much, Kaelah. I can't even explain it."

"And his Daddy?"

"Of course." Tayla nodded quickly. "I just- I feel whole when I'm there. I feel like that's home and that's where I belong and while I'm here I feel like- Like I'm visiting or whatever. All I think about is being there."

"That's a good sign then."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Then there's this stuff with Bradyn's Mom that's just- A mess. And I feel like I should be there for that. I don't want to be in the middle or put any unnecessary stress on Tom but-" Tayla sighed. "She's kind of been doing better and now there's this whole other issue so- Ugh, I don't know. I just want to be there. Maybe if she sees that I'm committed to stay, she'll straighten up or something. I don't know."

Kaelah shrugged. She was not kept up to date with the situation so she couldn't really comment. "Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll be glad to have you there."

"Yeah." Tayla giggled. "I can't wait to tell him."

"He's gonna freak out. In a good way." Kaelah smiled and pulled Tayla in for a quick hug. "You're seriously the luckiest girl on the face of the planet."

Tayla's eyes crinkled as she smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Kaelah whispered back before she tackled Tayla, landing them both on the floor. "Arrrgh! I still just can't believe you get to live with him."

Tayla laughed and rolled out from under Kaelah then stood to go back to her room with Kaelah hot on her heels. She had some packing to do and Kaelah wanted to be there to oversee it all.

----------------

On Friday afternoon, Tayla nervously stepped off the plane, wondering just how nice it would be to get to that airport and think that she was home. Her heart skipped a beat and her smile grew even wider as she imagined that.

She spotted Bradyn first, perched high on Tom's shoulders in the small crowd by the baggage claim area. "Hey, you!" Tayla bounced up on her toes to kiss Tom quickly under the brim of his baseball cap. "Nice disguise." She waggled her eyebrows at him.

"Thanks." Tom slid his arm around her waist. "Did you bring luggage?"

Tayla blushed, thinking about all the luggage she'd have to bring when she moved. If she didn't stop thinking about it, she'd never get up the nerve to actually tell him. "Yeah, of course."

"Lots?" He raised his eyebrow, leaving the question dangling there between them.

She could have answered him right then and there. She could have told him that she was moving in and she was going to have lots and lots of luggage. Instead she just licked her lips. "I have one big bag. That's enough for now." The time had to be perfect and she didn't think it was going to be perfect in the airport.

"Hi, Tayla! I up here!" Bradyn giggled and waggled his feet at her nose level.

"Oh! There you are, Bradyn! I didn't even see you up there." Tayla laughed and tickled his calves. "How do you like it up there?"

"Good." He giggled as the luggage began to come around on the rack.

"Okay, buddy, time to get down so I can get Tayla's suitcases." Tom lifted Bradyn off his shoulders and waited until Tayla had a firm grasp on his hand before he turned to the carousel. "The blue one?"

"Yeah."

"With the big pink stickers?" Tom laughed and looked over his shoulder.

Tayla sighed and smiled. "It's only one sticker but, yes, it's pink."

"Perfect." Tom rolled his eyes as he laughed again and waited for it to come around. After a few minutes, he grabbed her bag and they headed for the exit.

"Okay, so I guess this is December weather in Germany?"

"Yeah. Cold, wet and snowy from now until March." Tom looked up at the crisp but bright blue sky.

"Ha." Tayla shook her head and stepped off the curb.

"But I'm glad you're dressed appropriately." Tom smiled down at Tayla's jeans and sweatshirt as he lifted her suitcase into the back of the car.

"For what?" She scooped Bradyn up and waited as Tom opened the back door.

"We're going shopping." Tom smiled devilishly as he slid it between the seats to help Bradyn into his car seat.

"Shopping for what?"

"Bradyn, what are we going shopping for?" Tom asked as he clicked the safety belt into place.

"Kissimas tree!" He cheered and threw his hands over his head.

"A Christmas tree?" Tayla's smile broadened as she leaned into the car to look at Tom. "Really?"

"Well, we need one." Tom shrugged. He shut the back door and climbed in the front. Tayla followed his lead and fastened her seat belt. "I figured you might want to help pick it out."

"I'd love to."

"Good." He leaned over to give her a quick kiss that ended up being not so quick. "I'm glad you're here. I've missed you."

"Me too." She smiled and kissed him again.

It took them less than an hour to sort through the fake forest of Christmas trees in the lot. "I can't believe I'm buying a tree at Hornsbach." Tom sighed.

"What do you mean?" Tayla laughed. "Where did you get your tree when you were a kid?"

"We'd go cut one down." Tom shrugged.

"What? You have to do it the good ol' American way. You have to buy an overpriced tree from a parking lot at least once."

"This just feels wrong." Tom laughed and looked around at the side of the yard with the white flocked trees. "Is that supposed to look like snow?"

"Don't be a spoil sport." Tayla gave him a look and swung Bradyn's hand as he danced around. "Tom, just pick out a tree already. You can't hate them all."

"I don't hate them all."

"Then what about this one? It's full. There are no big holes or flat spots."

"It's kinda tall, don't you think?"

"It's seven feet high. That's not too big. You have high ceilings."

"Yeah but we have to fit it in the car."

"On the car. We have to fit it on the car. It'll fit." Tayla pulled the tree upright and looked at Bradyn. "What do you think, buddy?"

"Is biiiiig!"

"Yeah, it's huge. Let's get it."

"It's sixty dollars!"

"This coming from the man who owns a drawer full of underwear that cost forty dollars each? Give me a break. I'm your wardrobe mistress. Don't think for a second that I don't know how much those shoes cost." She looked down at the Adidas that adorned his feet.

Tom sighed and rolled his eyes. He knew couldn't win. "Okay. Let's go." He stuck his arm between the branches and lifted it off the ground. "Bradyn, hold Tayla's hand." Tom lead the way to the check out center where he was talked into adding two real pine wreaths and a new Christmas tree stand because he wasn't sure he'd be able to find the one he owned. By the time they left with the tree strapped to the top of the car, he'd spent over a hundred dollars and made both Tayla and Bradyn sublimely happy.

When they got home, Tayla gave Bradyn a much needed bath to get the tree sap off of him while Tom dug around in his garage to find the huge containers of Christmas decorations. Dressed in clean pajamas with his hair brushed out of his eyes, Bradyn dragged Tayla down the hall to the living room where he had decided they were going to set up the tree.

Tom returned with the second container and set it on the floor. "I think that's all."

"That's a lot." Tayla laughed and wondered how they'd fit them all.

"Yeah. Well, the house is big. I'm sure you can find a way." Tom winked and opened the top of the first one. "Bradyn, why don't you go through here and find some tree decorations while Tayla and I put this tree up?"

"Kay." Bradyn dove into the open container with a huge smile.

Tom and Tayla struggled to get the tree straight in the stand, finally deciding that a little off center wouldn't kill anyone. Tom tightened the screws and stood back. "It's perfect." Tayla wrapped her arms around Tom's waist.

He shrugged and kissed her cheek, "It sure is." Bradyn wiggled his way between them and looked up at Tom. "Are you ready to decorate it now?"

"Yeah." Bradyn giggled and held up his arms covered in tinsel.

"You guys get started. I'll get the music." Tom kissed Tayla once more before he bounced off to the other room to pull his Christmas music out of storage in the office.

When he returned, Christmas music filled the room and set the mood for the rest of the evening. They decorated the tree with every ornament they could find as well as plain white lights that twinkled when they pushed a button.

Tayla took some of the other decorations and set them around the house, leaving one of the wreaths on the front door and the other on the pillar at the end of the driveway. By the time everything was put in its place, Bradyn was asleep under the coffee table with Lucy. Tom slid him out and carried him upstairs to his bedroom before returning to the living room to sit with Tayla.

"I love the smell of Christmas."

"Me too." Tayla inhaled deeply and nestled herself in Tom's lap. He wrapped his arms around her and raised his knees for her to rest her arms on.

"And you're right. The tree looks good."

"Of course it does."

"Lopsided and everything."

"Oh, stop. It's not lopsided." Tayla slapped his knee and smiled.

"It's perfect." Tom kissed her ear and closed his eyes.

They sat there on the couch watching the lights on the tree twinkle until after midnight. It wasn't often that they had quiet time all to themselves so they took advantage of every minute. When they finally made it upstairs they fell asleep almost immediately, comfortable in each others arms.

----------------

When Tayla woke up the next morning, she was alone in the bed and the shower was running in the bathroom a few feet away. As the water stopped a few minutes later, her stomach did a cartwheel. It was time for her to tell him she wanted to move in. The setting was perfect and she was ready. Or so she thought until Tom stepped out of the shower in a dark blue towel. "Hey." Tayla stretched her arms over her head.

"Hey." Tom looked over at her from the bathroom and smiled. "You're awake?"

"I've been up for a little while." She said, though her voice was still thick with sleep.

"You've been quiet." He smiled at her again, then turned back to the mirror as he slipped on some clothes for the day.

"I've been thinking."

"Oh, yeah? What about?"

Just as she was about to say what it was, she changed her mind, "About, uhh-" She stopped one letter into us then thought quickly. "About what I'm doing for Christmas."

"Oh, yeah?" Tom gave her a mostly confused look partnered with a half smile. "And what's that?"

"Well, I was going to see if I could tag along with you." She said quickly. That was part of what she wanted to tell Tom but not the whole thing. Not the important thing.

"Really? Of course you can. We'd love that. I'd love for you to spend Christmas with me." He dropped his towel over the towel bar on the shower door then walked over to the bed to sit beside her. "That would be awesome if you could do that."

"Good. I want to."

"Good." Tom smiled and leaned down to kiss her quickly. "I'm going to go make pancakes. I can hear Bradyn thumping around in his room so come down when you're ready."

"Ooo, pancakes." She closed her eyes and smiled. "I could get used to this."

"You go right ahead." He kissed her again while her eyes were closed then laughed and headed to Bradyn's room to grab the little boy to have him help make breakfast.

She gave them a few minutes to get to the kitchen before she crawled out of bed and into the shower. With any luck, her timing would be right and she'd make it to the kitchen just as the pancakes were coming off the griddle.

When she stepped out of the shower fifteen minutes later, her stomach tumbled and she got goose bumps all over her body. Her happy mood slipped a notch. She hadn't told Tom what she wanted to and that still loomed ahead of her. She was only halfway there.

Tayla dressed quickly as she heard giggles coming up the staircase. She stepped back into the damp bathroom to brush out her hair and pull it out of her face. In the process, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. She stared for a moment then sighed. "Just go down there and say it." She said softly to herself. "The answer is yes. It's not that hard. He wants you to. Just go tell him." She smiled and rubbed her lips together to evenly distribute her lip gloss. "I'd like to move in with you." She sighed and covered her eyes with her hands then laughed softly. "Okay, I shouldn't be this nervous. He wants me to move in here and he keeps saying it. Just go."

She felt like a fool talking to herself but that was the only way to psych herself up for it. With one last deep breath, she turned to go downstairs. Halfway down, she heard the phone ring and hoped that the call would be a quick one so she wouldn't lose her nerve.

Tom crossed the hall with Bradyn on his hip as Tayla walked into the kitchen. He reached for the phone and glanced at the caller ID. A frown flashed across his brow as recognized the LA area code. He clicked the phone on and set his jaw tightly. "Hello?" Tom answered the phone softly, knowing full well who it was. For the first time that Tom could remember, Astrid made her call early.

"Hey, Tom. This is Astrid. I was wondering if we-" Her voice sounded slightly off but Tom tried to ignore it.

"Hang on. I'll put Bradyn on."

"No, I was hoping you and I could talk."

"Hey, buddy, it's your mommy." Tom ignored Astrid and handed the phone to Bradyn. He set Bradyn on one of the kitchen chairs so he could talk to his Mom.

"Tom, I really need to-"

"Hi, Mommy." Bradyn smiled and held the phone with both hands. Tom sat at the dining room table beside his son and half listened to the conversation through the hollow sounding phone.

"Hi, baby." Astrid said as she sniffed lightly. "How- How are you?"

"Good."

"Are you ready for Christmas?"

"I hava tree." Bradyn swung his feet off the chair and slid down until his feet met the floor. He held the phone carefully as he walked over to the back door to finish the phone call.

From across the kitchen, Tayla could tell from Tom's body language that it was Astrid on the other end of the phone line. She quickly moved to the stove and flipped the already well done pancakes.

Tom's frown consumed his whole face as he listened to Bradyn's side of the conversation. Bradyn nodded enthusiastically and kept repeating the same phrase. "Kay, Mommy." He licked his little lips, then held the phone out to Tom. "She say bye."

"She's done?" Tom took the phone and pressed it to his ear. "Astrid? Hello?" He waited for her to respond but was met only with dead air. Dead air that sent a chill up his spine. "I, uh-"

"Tom?" Tayla asked from the opposite end of the kitchen. He looked up quickly as if he'd forgotten that she was there. "Is everything okay?"

Tom ignored her for the moment and picked Bradyn up. "What did your mommy say?" He asked quickly.

Bradyn frowned and looked at Tom like he was crazy. "Is my mommy?"

"What did she say?" Tom asked again. He hated prying into their private phone calls but in that moment he realized that Bradyn was really too young and he should have listened in himself.

"She say eyes good an love you."

"What?"

"She say I good an love you."

"I don't know what that means." Tom frowned and looked up at Tayla who looked just as lost.

"Tom?"

"Just a second." Tom kept his eyes on Bradyn.

"Daddy, she sad an she go bye-bye?"

"She's sad?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know she's sad?"

"I doe know." Bradyn shrugged and tried to wiggle out of Tom's arms. "Daddy, I good boy?"

"Of course you're good." Tom dropped a kiss on Bradyn's forehead.

"Mommy, she cyin. She loves an say bye-bye." Bradyn sighed and shook his head.

Tom's heart skipped a beat as Bradyn's meaning unfolded in his mind. "Can you take breakfast upstairs?" Tom asked as his eyes focused on the plate of pancakes beside Tayla's hand on the counter. "Buddy, why don't you and Tayla go eat pancakes in your tent in your room."

"Isa picnic?" Bradyn sounded delighted as Tom set him on the floor.

"Tom, is everything okay?" Tayla asked as Bradyn ran for the stairs.

"Yeah, I just- I need to make a phone call. Can you keep an eye on him for a minute?"

"Sure. Absolutely." She nodded but the look on his face caused her more than a little concern as she tucked the syrup under her arm and followed Bradyn with the pancakes.

Tom waited until he heard two pairs of feet walking overhead before he picked up the phone and dialed Astrid's home number. As it rang in his ear, he thought about what he'd say if or when she answered but after nine rings it was clear his monologue would go unheard.

He would have let it go but something in her voice scared him enough to pick up the phone again and stare at the handset, the dial tone echoing down the line. Without really thinking, he dialed his lawyer's number and nervously tugged at his lower lip until Joshua answered.

"Joshua Thompson here." The old familiar voice answered and immediately brought Tom's nerves down to a working level.

"Joshua, this is Tom." He said quickly. "I just got off the phone with Astrid and she- I need some help. This- This is Tom." He identified himself again because, in the few seconds he had the lawyer on the line, he couldn't remember saying his name.

"What happened?"

"She just- She was talking to Bradyn and he told me she was saying she loved him and good-bye and for him to be good. I mean, I didn't hear it myself but, Joshua, it gave me chills. I think she might hurt herself or something." Tom's voice showed clear concern. "I'm serious."

"Did you try to call her back?"

"Yeah, I called her house and there was no answer. That's why I'm calling you. Is there something we can do? Can her lawyer go check on her or something?"

"Yeah, hang on a second. I'll conference her lawyer on the line." Joshua clicked over and dialed the number in LA.

Amber picked up on the second ring. "Amber Taylor."

"Hello, Ms. Taylor. This is Joshua Thompson. I represent Tom Kaulitz."

"Yes, Mr. Thompson. How are you?" She asked casually.

"I'm doing well, thank you. I have Tom on the line with us. Tom?"

"Hi." Tom mumbled as he looked toward the stairs, half wishing Tayla would come back down.

"He just got off the phone with your client Astrid Sawatzke and he has some concerns." Joshua explained.

"Yeah, I just- Or well she just called to talk to Bradyn and it sounded like she was crying or, um, upset. She just didn't sound right and Bradyn said that she was telling him to be good and that she loved him and she kept saying good-bye. I think- Well, I think she might hurt herself." Tom said as he nervously tugged on a string hanging from the hem of his shirt. "Or something."

"He's tried calling her home but there was no response." Joshua added. "We were wondering if it might be possible for you to go by her house and check on her."

"Astrid is fine. She's in my office right now." Amber said softly. "She made her call from here so that she could say good-bye before she signed."

"Signed? What'd she sign? What's she signing?" Tom asked quickly.

"She didn't discuss it with you?" Amber asked after a moment's pause.

"No, I didn't talk to her at all. She just talked to Bradyn. What's going on?"

"Astrid has- She is relinquishing her parental rights to Bradyn."

Tom's heart stopped beating and his breath caught in his throat. "She what? No! No, don't let her do that." Instead of feeling any kind of relief, all he felt was panic.

"It's what she wants to do. She does not feel that she can be a parent to Bradyn and she does not like the effect she is having on his life. Astrid knows that he will be happy with you and well taken care of. That's all she wants for him."

"No." Tom said as soon as she stopped talking. "No. She can't do that. She can't just leave him like that."

"There are other circumstances at hand here as well, Mr. Kaulitz." Amber shuffled papers on her desk. "She has made her decision and she will not be changing her mind. She has been through the necessary counseling and has voluntarily had the papers drawn up. We will be filing the petition with the courts on Monday. Mr. Thompson will receive the notice of hearing tomorrow."

"I won't sign them." Tom shook his head defiantly as he leaned on the counter for support.

"You don't have to sign them." Joshua explained softly.

"We will be sitting before the Family Court judge on Thursday and will have the final paperwork to you no later than Saturday morning." Amber said, remaining professional as Tom felt his life changing all around him.

"Thursday? You mean this Thursday? How- How long has she been planning this?" Tom ran his fingers through his hair.

"She's been seeking counseling for the last month or so."

"A month."

"And she let me know of her official decision last week."

"Last week?" Tom felt like he'd been socked in the stomach. She'd known for a month and hadn't said anything. He had no warning and could do nothing to stop it. "Wait. No. Wait a second. She just fought to get visitation back- To get her phone call privileges back. Why would she do that if she was just going to give up? That doesn't make sense."

"She wanted to be sure she'd have the time to say good-bye. Those regular phone calls were her way to say what she needed to say to Bradyn."

"She should have told me."

"Perhaps." Ms. Taylor paused. "She did what she thought was right."

"Come on, you can't let her do this. You can't. You're her lawyer. Tell her she can't do this." Tears hovered at the corner of Tom's eyes.

"I will be including Astrid's letter to Bradyn with the final paperwork. Both her counselor and I have informed Astrid of her legal obligations and what this termination will mean and she has voluntarily consented to it."

"Has she signed it yet?" Tom asked.

"She has signed the petition, yes."

"Tear it up. She can't do this to Bradyn. She can't give up on him like this- Please."

"Tom." Joshua said with a voice of authority.

Tom snapped his mouth shut as his lower lip quivered. He could feel himself slipping into panic mode as his hands began to shake and he broke out in a cold sweat. All he had wanted was for Astrid to take responsibility. He didn't want her completely out of Bradyn's life. Tom tuned out the rest of Amber and Joshua's conversation and didn't snap back until he heard Joshua calling his name. "Tom? Tom?"

"Y- Yeah." Tom looked up as Tayla walked back into the kitchen and leaned on the counter in front of him.

"You okay?" Joshua asked.

"No, I'm not okay. What in the hell just happened?" He held the phone with both hands to keep it steady.

"Astrid has voluntarily petitioned to terminate her parental rights."

"What does that mean?" Tom asked, though he knew.

Joshua paused. "It means that on Thursday, she and Ms. Taylor will stand before a Family Court judge and Astrid will explain in her own words what her understanding is concerning further contact, visitation and support for the child. Her explanation of how and why this decision is in the child's best interest will be a big deciding factor for the judge."

"In plain English, what exactly does this mean?"

"A parent whose rights have been terminated has the same rights and responsibilities toward that child as a complete stranger. The parent is not responsible for any support nor is that parent allowed to have any say as to the education, teaching and upbringing of that child. In fact, the parent does not even have the right to see or contact the child or custodial parent to inquire as to the well being of the child." Joshua paused. "That's the textbook definition anyway."

Tom's whole body shook again. "That means she won't?"

"That means you don't have to let her. That's all that it means. Her volunteering to terminate her parental rights means that she has no intention of trying to but even if she does, you legally don't have to let her do anything. This is non-negotiable and I have never seen a case like this reversed unless she can prove she was coerced or that she signed under pressure. In this case, she has been through considerable counseling over the last month and Ms. Taylor has tried to actually talk her out of it. Also, Astrid initiated the petition so that kind of says a lot right there. If- When this goes through this week, it will be final."

"And I can't stop it?" Tom felt sick to his stomach.

Joshua sighed softly and chose his words wisely. "I know you want to do what's best for Bradyn but, Tom, I truly believe this is it. If, in the future, you want her to have contact with him, you can try to initiate it. However, in doing this, she is saying she no longer wants that responsibility. You could try to have your say by appearing in court but, Tom, I wouldn't advise that. I won't tell you that you can't go but, as your lawyer, my advice would be to let this go."

"Joshua, I can't." Tom set his jaw and shook his head in rebellion.

Joshua paused for a second and then took a deep breath. "If you want to appear in court on Thursday, I'll arrange for you to fly to California."

Tom took a deep breath and licked his lips as he pinched his forehead. "I can't make her do anything." He said it more as a statement than a question.

"No, I'm sorry you can't. If you go to court on Thursday and give your side of it, let's say for argument's sake the judge says he won't terminate her rights. You can't make her be a mother to him. You've tried that for the past few months and it doesn't work. In all honesty, Tom, this will be so much better for you guys in the long run. If you get married, your wife will be able to adopt Bradyn without a problem. You won't have to worry about any of the stuff that you've had to since she showed up six months ago or whatever."

"I know. I just- This isn't what I wanted. How come it has to go this way? Why can't she just tell me she can't see him for a while so she can get her shit together instead of this? This just doesn't make sense. It's like she's just saying fuck it and throwing it all away. I mean-" Tom exhaled loudly. "I mean- This just sucks. I don't know what to do and I feel like she's making all these decisions without even thinking about anyone else."

"She's thinking of what's best for Bradyn."

"This isn't what's best for him."

"It's not what's ideal but I believe it is what's best. Think about it, would you rather have that threat of her coming back to take you to court while she drags Bradyn along, flaking out on meetings, missing phone calls, wasting your time and money and making Bradyn think that his mom doesn't like him? Or would you rather move on, get on with your life and devote your time to making Bradyn happy and safe instead of dealing with Astrid?"

"I know what you're saying." Tom grumbled. "I still just wish this could end some other way."

"I know you do." Joshua said. He waited in silence listening to Tom breathe for a minute, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I'll be fine." Tom nodded and closed his eyes tightly. "I'll be fine. It's not me I'm worried about though." He added softly.

"Do you want to go to LA to appear?"

Tom bit his lip and shook his head, though Joshua couldn't see. "No."

"Okay." Joshua said softly. "When I get the paperwork I'll call you, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." Tom felt emotionally drained after only fifteen minutes on the phone. "Thanks, Joshua, for everything."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry it had to be like this but like I said, this will be better in the long run."

"I know." Tom nodded with an exhausted sigh. "Call me as soon as you hear anything."

"I will. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." Tom said good-bye and clicked the phone off. He leaned his head back and took a deep breath. "Damn it." He whispered to the ceiling.

"What happened?" Tayla's voice shook slightly. Hearing only Tom's side of the conversation left large holes in whatever had just taken place.

"I just- I don't know." Tom left his hand on the phone on the counter. "Astrid is voluntarily petitioning to terminate her parental rights. She signed away her rights to Bradyn."

Tayla's jaw dropped open slightly. Suddenly, nothing she was planning on saying to Tom seemed important. "Are you- Is- Why?"

"I don't know." Tom wiped at his eyes and took a deep breath. "She told her lawyer she wasn't a good parent and she didn't like what she was doing to Bradyn. The papers will be here by Saturday."

"Oh my God." Tayla said under her breath. "Can't you- Is there a way you can say no? Can you- I don't know, just talk to her or something?"

"The papers are signed already. Once the judge signs them on Thursday, they're official." Tom shrugged and forced himself to breathe.

"What- What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Tom sniffed and pulled her close. "Tayla, what am I going to tell Bradyn?"

Tayla's mind reeled as she felt Tom's heart pounding against her cheek. "I don't know, Tom. I don't know."

----------------

Tom was cold and silent for the rest of the morning. Without saying a word, Tayla could see that he was replaying the conversation in his head over and over, changing his replies and mentally saying exactly what he wanted to instead of reacting emotionally like he had. Bradyn sat at the coffee table playing with his toys quietly, purposely keeping his eyes lowered and away from Tom who seemed ready to strike out at any second.

"Stop it." Tom's hand came down firmly on Bradyn's to stop the little boy from banging his matchbox car on the coffee table. "That's driving me nuts."

Bradyn's eyes widened with an expression close to fear, bordering on confusion. "Is mine."

"I know it's yours. Stop banging it on the table." Tom sighed and stood up, removing himself to the kitchen where he poured another cup of coffee. In the process of pouring, he spilled a dribble of the coffee on the counter. "Damn it!" He voice bellowed through the small living room.

Having sensed the stress of situation all morning, Bradyn finally broke. He picked up his car and Dill and practically ran for the stairs.

"Bradyn, honey, wait." Tayla started after him but Tom's voice cut her off.

"Tayla!" Tom's face turned red as he saw her standing right in front of him.

"You don't need to shout. I'm right here."

"Where are the towels? I can't find any fucking towels." He sloshed the cup around again, making a bigger mess. "Damn it!"

"They're in the second drawer down. Right- No, right there by the- Tom, stop. Listen to what I'm saying. They're in the second drawer down on the-" Tom slammed the drawer shut and stepped back. With a soft sigh, Tayla stepped forward and opened the drawer to the left of the sink. "Here."

Tom took the towel and quickly mopped up the mess on the counter, not daring to meet Tayla's eyes. She licked her lips and frowned, then took the cordless phone to the front room and dialed Bill and Nadiehn's number. As it rang in her ear, she prayed that they'd be home. If they weren't, she didn't know who else she could call.

Just before the voice mail picked up, Nadiehn answered. "Hey, Tom! Long time no talk."

"Nadiehn? Hey, it's Tayla." She said softly.

"Hey! I didn't know you were in town! How's it going?" Nadiehn smiled at the sound of her friend's voice.

"Not good. It's a long story but do you think you or Bill come and get Bradyn and keep him for the afternoon? Just like, a few hours?" Tayla pursed her lips as she leaned against the wall, trying to keep her voice down. She ran her fingernail over frame of a picture and furrowed her brow. "Please?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Tayla said quickly. "I'll explain later but just- Can you? Tom really needs some time right now and it'd be better if Bradyn wasn't here."

"Tayla, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure." Tayla nodded and tried to sound more sure than she was. She heard Tom swear as he dropped something solid in the kitchen. "Astrid called today and it's not good. Tom's going to blow his top in about two minutes and Bradyn does not need to be here to see that. Can you please come and get him? I'd bring him but I-"

"No, of course. I'll be there as soon as I can." Nadiehn said reassuringly. "I'll leave right now. Do you want to meet me by the curb?"

"Yeah. I'll get Bradyn and wait. Thank you, Nadiehn."

"No problem." Nadiehn hung up the phone and launched into action.

Tayla ran up the stairs to Bradyn's room and slowly pushed his door open. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked softly.

"Daddy say a bad word."

"Yeah, he's saying some bad words today, huh?" Tayla sat beside him on his bed and pulled him onto her lap. "He's not mad at you, sweetie. He's just having a really bad day."

"Yeah."

"But you know what? I called Nadiehn and she's going to come and get you so you can go to her house." Tayla smiled and bounced him on her knee. "Does that sound like fun?"

"An Pie appo?"

"Yeah, Bill will be there too."

"An Chase an Jayda?"

"The dogs too." She smiled and stood him on the floor. "Why don't we get your bag ready? You can put Lello and Dill in there and maybe a book?"

"Kay." Bradyn grabbed Lello off the floor and placed him on top of his backpack while Tayla went through his bureau. She chose clean clothes just in case and put them in the backpack as well.

"Okay, wait here for a minute. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Kay." Bradyn scooted back on the bed to get his favorite book from under his pillow.

Tayla quietly went back down the stairs to the kitchen to get some snacks for Bradyn to take with him. Through the windows to the backyard she saw Tom sweeping the pool cleaner over the top of the water to get the stray leaves out. The tautness of his muscles and the firm frown on his face showed that he was trying to relieve the anger any way he could. If he took it out on the pool cleaner, no one would get hurt.

With a few packets of fruit snacks and a baggie of goldfish crackers, Tayla went back upstairs to Bradyn's room. "There you go. You have some snacks there. You're ready."

"Lucy can see Chase and Jayda?

"No, Lucy is going to stay here with me and your Daddy."

"Kay. An I can go see a doggie now?"

"Yeah. Let's go wait for Nadiehn." She took Bradyn's hand and dropped the backpack over her shoulder. They went through the garage to get Bradyn's car seat before they walked out to the front of the house and stood at the end of Tom's driveway. For ten minutes they waited until Tayla saw Nadiehn's little car coming up the street. "There she is."

"Tayla, you come wiss me?" Bradyn squinted up at Tayla.

"No, I'm going to stay here with Daddy and talk to him about using bad words."

"Kay." Bradyn nodded and sighed as Nadiehn pulled to a stop and got out.

"Hey, guys." She smiled and walked around the front of her car, leaving it running by the curb.

"Hey." Tayla hugged her quickly and handed off Bradyn's bag.

"Hey, Bradyn, what's up?"

"Daddy say a word is bad." Bradyn waited as Tayla placed his car seat in the back of Nadiehn's car.

"Tom has a potty mouth." Tayla smiled slightly and lifted Bradyn into his seat. "Thank you so much."

"No problem."

"He has some snacks and everything in his bag and stickers and, well, he has everything he needs." Tayla placed her hands on her hips and exhaled heavily. "Be good over at Bill and Nadiehn's, okay?"

"Kay." Bradyn giggled.

"Okay." Tayla leaned in and kissed his cheek. She stood up and shut the door as she turned to Nadiehn. "I'll, uh- We'll come and get him a little later but I don't- I'm not sure when."

"Don't worry about it." Nadiehn shook her head. "He can stay the night if he needs to. It's not a problem. We were just going to rent a movie and hang out."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Nadiehn smiled, then gave her another hug. "Are things okay though? With you guys?"

"Yeah." Tayla nodded against Nadiehn's shoulder. "This is all about Astrid. I'm sure you'll hear all about it later."

"Okay. Well, give us a call if you want to come get him or if you want us to bring him back."

"I will. Thanks again." Tayla waved as Nadiehn got back in the car and turned around in her seat to say something to Bradyn. Bradyn smiled and waved. He made a face at Tayla as they pulled away from the curb.

With a soft sigh, Tayla shoved her hands in her pockets and walked back up to the house. As soon as she pushed the door open, she heard Tom calling for Bradyn. "Bradyn!" He stood near the top of the stairs as he shouted. "Bradyn! Come down here."

"He's not here." Tayla said softly as she walked up the stairs and stood a few steps behind him.

"What?" He whipped around to face her.

"He's not here." She repeated as she fidgeted with her hands.

"Where is he?"

"I had Nadiehn come by and get him." Tayla said nervously. "He's going to hang out over there today." She licked her lips and dropped her eyes. "Tom, you need to let this out and it'd be better if Bradyn wasn't here."

"What do I have to let out, Tayla? What?" He demanded as he stomped down the three steps to the landing, then brushed past her.

"You're mad, Tom, and you have every reason to be." She followed behind him to the living room.

"You're damn right I'm mad. I'm pissed off, that's what I am. And the only person who deserves this is fucking Astrid and she's too caught up in her own little world to come here so I can kick her ass." Tom's hands flew up as he ran them over his head, tugging hard on the loose braids at the back.

"Tom, you have to find another way to get this out because you're scaring me and you're scaring Bradyn. That's why he was upstairs in his room."

"I didn't scare him." Tom rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you did. You were yelling in the kitchen and that scared him." Tayla nodded as she took a step back against the wall.

"Shit." Tom brought his hands up to cover his eyes as he pressed hard. "Tayla, I just don't know what to do."

"Tom, you don't have to do anything right now. You're doing fine. You just need to step away for a minute."

"I need to beat the shit out of something." He curled his hands into fists against his eyes, then lowered them to his sides. "For real. I never understood why guys would have a full gym in their house but right now all I need is a fucking punching bag."

"You've got a couch." Tayla looked over at the couch behind him. "You could start there."

"No, I'm gonna have to break stuff." Tom's hands shook. "I didn't know I was this mad."

"You have to let this out, Tom, or else you'll blow up around Bradyn and-"

"I would never hurt him." He glared up at her without raising his head.

"I know you wouldn't." She said quickly as she took a step forward. "I know you would never do that. That's not what I mean. If you blow up around Bradyn that will scare him to death. He doesn't know that you're not mad at him-"

"I don't need this." Tom lowered his voice. "But what the fuck am I supposed to do? I mean, I can't control this. I can't control any part of this. Any part that I thought I could control, I've just been told that I can't. All I wanted was for her to be the mom she promised she would be. She promised when she was here last time that she was going to try. Well, this isn't fucking trying!" His voice grew louder as he continued. "She's so selfish! I swear to God! She has no clue what she's doing. This little decision of hers isn't just affecting her life. It's screwing with my life and with Bradyn's. Why can't she see that doing this goes farther than just her own little world?" He was shouting by the time he finished, with his hands waving through the air.

Tayla stepped back and took a deep breath. "Tom, I-"

"I mean, come on. You've known him for what? Six months? Maybe a little longer? You're more of a mother to him than she ever was. Ever. I don't care about those two years she raised him. I mean, who knows if she raised him then anyway? She can't deal with it now, how could she have dealt with it for two years on her own? She's so full of shit, I swear. I just want to grab her and shake her as hard as I can." Tom grabbed the coffee mug off the counter, raised it above his head and threw it onto the floor, sending ceramic pieces and coffee all over the floor.

Tayla flinched away and tried to catch her breath. Letting it all out was what Tom needed but she wasn't expecting an all out tirade. Rather than say or do anything to stop him, she snapped her mouth shut and let him continue.

Tom pulled open the kitchen cupboard and pulled out two more coffee mugs and threw them to the floor. "This is ridiculous!" He shouted. "I hate her. I hate her for everything. I. Hate. Her." He pounded his fists on the counter top causing the toaster to jump. "I should have taken Bradyn when this whole thing started and just left. When I was given custody, I should have just not let her see him. Damn it, if I had known then that she would completely screw him over like this, I never would have let her see him. Never. She doesn't deserve to see him at all. I want to take those two years away from her. She doesn't deserve to have anything- Anything that Bradyn might have given her. I want her to agonize every day over him. For the rest of her life, I want her to know that she has ruined everything. I want her to feel exactly what Bradyn feels when he finds out that his own mother didn't want him. I want her to feel what that feels like for him, times- Times a billion- Every day of her life."

His face was red and his words were muddled by the volume of his rage. He turned to Tayla who was pressed against the wall wondering just what kind of beast she'd set loose. "You're a woman. How can she do this? How can a mother turn away from her son?"

"I don't know." She said softly as she shook her head.

"How can she just leave? She seemed like she wanted to fight for him and now, out of nowhere, she just ditches him? I don't get it. I will never, ever understand that." His voice cracked slightly as he exhaled sharply and put his hands on his hips. He stood in silence for a minute and tried to catch his breath. Slowly, he leaned back against the counter and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. "My God, Tayla. How did this happen?" His voice was barely above a whisper. "How did I get so mad?"

Tayla knelt beside him and carefully placed her hand on his knee. "You've been saving it up, Tom. Since the beginning."

"But-"

"But you've never been able to really let it go. You've been worried about Bradyn or me or the guys. You haven't taken the time to realize what it was doing to you."

"I hate her, Tayla. I've never hated anyone before." His hands shook slightly as she turned and sat beside him to hold his hand. Tom's arms wrapped around her and they held each other awkwardly on the floor amidst the broken coffee mugs.

Without warning, Tayla felt Tom's body shuddering against her chest. He was crying and clinging to her like a lost child. "Tom, listen to me. This is a shock, okay? You are going to be okay. You and Bradyn, you'll both be okay. You just need to get through this first part." She stroked his head and kissed his temple. They sat there for a long while until Tom took a deep breath and let it out against her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He swiped his fingers under his red eyes.

"Don't apologize." Tayla shook her head.

"I've never come unglued like that."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not."

"Holding it all in would have been ten times worse."

"But if Bradyn had seen-"

"He didn't." Tayla reached for his hand and he helped her stand up. "That's why I had Nadiehn come to get him. And now that you've let it out, we can call them."

"But-"

"Unless you're not done." She risked a small smile.

"No, I'm done." Tom smiled back, then took another deep breath. "That actually felt good."

"You have every right to be upset, Tom."

He nodded solemnly. "I know but I'm not really. I'm not mad, I'm just- I'm scared and frustrated and confused. I don't understand how she could do this and I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I mean, this wasn't anything that I could have planned for."

"No, I'm sure it's not."

"But it's nothing I can change either. I have to make the best of what I have."

"And that shouldn't be hard because what you have is a great kid who loves you more than anything. Plus a strong support base and family and everything. Tom, Bradyn will never have to wonder if he's loved."

"But will that be enough? Will having me and everyone I know love him be enough to fill up the hole of having his mom leave him?"

Tayla pursed her lips and frowned. "You'll find a way."

"I have no idea what to tell him."

"You don't have to tell him anything just yet. He probably won't even notice for another few weeks. You'll have time to think about it, don't worry."

"Can we go get him? I just- I want to. I need to have him here."

"Sure. Absolutely. I'll clean this up. You go change your clothes." Tayla nodded and tried to smile as he gave her a confused look. "You have coffee all over your pants."

"Oh." Tom's gaze dropped to his pants and he smiled sadly. "Yeah. I'll change."

"Make it snappy." Tayla opened the pantry and got the little hand broom out to sweep up the heavy shards of ceramic dishware before they left.

----------------

A half hour later, Tayla's hand squeezed Tom's as they walked up the driveway to Bill's front door. The motion detectors caused the large flood lights to come on as they got to the porch, though it wasn't quite dark enough to need them. "Thank you, Tayla."

"You're welcome." She said softly.

"Did you tell them?"

"No."

"Okay." He nodded and raised his hand to knock. They heard the dogs barreling toward the door with Bradyn's delighted squeals following them.

"Hang on. Let me get it. Chase, get back." Bill laughed as the door opened and the two dogs came running out to greet them.

"Hey." Tom nodded as a greeting.

"Hey." Bill smiled and reached to pull the dogs back inside.

"Daddy!" Bradyn jumped into Tom's arms and gave him a big hug. "Lucy not here. Only Chase and Jayda."

"Lucy's at home waiting for you." Tom smiled and ruffled Bradyn's hair before he moved him to his other hip and followed Bill into the house. "How was he?"

"Perfect, of course."

"Of course." Tom rolled his eyes.

"So is everything okay?" Bill asked cautiously.

Tom pursed his lips and shrugged. "Not really, no."

"What's going on? Nadiehn just said that Astrid called today and that you needed some time alone or something." Bill led the way to the family room where the dogs immediately dove for their soft beds in the corner.

"Yeah, she called today kind of. To talk to Bradyn. She has signed away her parental rights, completely." Tom explained softly, as if there were a chance that Bradyn would understand what he was saying.

"What?" Bill gave him a disgusted look. "Can she do that?"

"Yeah."

"So do you have to go to court?"

"No. No, that wouldn't matter. She just has to sign the paper."

"Can the judge can still say no?" Bill asked.

"He could, yeah." Tom shrugged and sighed. "But, I mean, what difference would that make? He can't make her take an interest or anything."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"So that's it then? She's-"

"Officially out of the picture." Tom nodded. "There's more to it than just that but yeah."

"Wow. That's huge."

"I know."

"Gustav is gonna go through the roof." Bill smiled and shook his head. "Did you tell him yet?"

"I haven't told anyone yet. Just you guys." Tom looked around at the adults in the room. "And I'd, you know-"

"Enough said. We won't say a word." Bill shook his head, knowing that was what Tom was getting at.

"Well, if you want us to watch him tomorrow or over the next few days at all, just call. We have nothing planned until next weekend." Nadiehn offered from across the room. She stood beside Tayla to let the guys talk. Being twins, there was something special that they shared and sometimes everyone else had to step back and let them do their thing.

"It's okay. Thanks, guys." Tom smiled and brought Bradyn's cheek closer to give him a kiss. "We should get going."

"Call if you need anything." Bill said as he walked them to the door.

"We will. Thanks." Tayla gave him a quick hug before they left.

Bradyn chattered the whole way home about his afternoon, though Tayla and Tom only understood about half of what he was saying. It was clear that he had fun and knowing that much made Tom relax a little. He knew that if he could get through that first day, he'd be much better off. With a quick glance at the clock, he knew he could hold out for a few more hours, then he'd be in bed with Tayla and nothing could be wrong about that.

----------------

To keep with the mood, a harsh winter storm struck almost all of Germany the next day. Tayla, Tom, and Bradyn spent the rest of her time there inside the house keeping out of the rain and wind. They ventured out for dinner twice and once to the theater to watch the latest Disney movie but other than that they sat around getting cabin fever and wrapping Christmas presents.

The weather didn't clear up until Thursday, the day Tayla was set to leave and the day Astrid was going to court. "Figures." Tom grumbled as he looked out the bedroom window to the clear blue sky.

"Hmm?" Tayla's voice echoed in the bathroom.

"No more rain clouds."

"Perfect timing." She stepped out of the bathroom with her little travel bag of toiletries. "Do you mind if I leave this here?"

Tom turned from the window to look at what she was asking. "You won't need it?"

Tayla shook her head. She had duplicates at home. With as much as she traveled, she always kept a spare set handy. "No. I'll be back next week anyway."

"Sure." Tom raised his hands to the top of the window frame, stretching his back and shoulders. Every part of him wanted to tell her to leave everything there, to move in right now, to not even go back to Connecticut but he knew better than to pressure her and he didn't want to force the issue. She knew that the option was always there, he just wished she'd say yes already. Now, more than ever, he felt that he needed her there.

"I'm almost packed. Are you ready to go?" She let her eyes canvas his bare back.

"Yeah." He sighed and dropped his arms. "Whenever you are." There was nothing anyone could say or do that could turn his day around. To keep his mind off of Astrid, he'd spent the week thinking about Tayla but Tayla was leaving so even that didn't help.

"I'm ready." Tayla reached for her bag, smiling as she noticed it was lighter. Each time she came, she tended to leave behind more and more things. She rationalized it by saying it would save her packing the same things the next week but inside she knew that wasn't the real reason.

Tom collected Bradyn from his room and after only one small argument, they all got in the car and headed for the airport. Bradyn pouted the whole way with his arms crossed over his chest and a deep frown settled in his brow. "What's wrong?" Tayla whispered with a quick glance to the back seat.

"He didn't want to come with us. He wanted to play with Lucy."

"Oh."

"She's all muddy though."

"From the rain." Tayla nodded.

"He'll be fine." Tom forced a smile as they pulled off the freeway at the airport.

----------------

When they pulled up to the curb, Bradyn grudgingly said good-bye to Tayla and gave her a quick kiss before returning to his quiet pout. Tom unloaded her bag from the back of the car then stood on the curb as Tayla walked around to his side. "Thanks." She said as she took the bag from his hand.

"No problem." He mumbled as he shuffled his feet. His mind had been a whirlwind of emotions since the call on Saturday and Tayla was the only thing he felt that was keeping him together. Watching her leave was going to be a test of his will. In one swift movement, Tom wrapped one arm around Tayla's shoulders and put his free hand in hers. "I wish you didn't have to leave." Tom said, holding her tighter than usual.

"I know." Tayla nodded and lowered her cheek to Tom's chest. "But my family is doing Christmas this weekend."

"I know." Tom kissed the top of her head and sighed softly, not quite ready to let go. "I can wish though."

"Yes. You can." She turned her head to kiss him softly. "I'll be back on Tuesday. We'll have a great Christmas together. Just us."

"You, me and Bradyn."

"Right."

Tom closed his eyes and smiled. "Sounds perfect."

"It will be."

He kissed her again and ran his hands up to her shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tayla smiled and hoisted her bag up to her shoulder. "But I'm going to miss my plane if I don't go."

"I know." Tom reluctantly let go of her hand. "Call me when you get home."

"I will."

"And send me your flight information for next week."

"I will." She pulled herself away and hauled her suitcase toward the entrance.

"Bye." Tom said softly, barely audible from ten feet away.

"Bye." Tayla smiled back and waved before disappearing into the crowd of people heading off for the holidays. As soon as she settled herself on the plane a short while later, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. All of a sudden it seemed like all of her plans were put on hold while her mind whirled with all of the possible outcomes.

Astrid had, once again, found a way to completely change Tayla's outlook on her future.

----------------

"So? What did he say?" Kaelah asked as soon as she walked in the door and saw Tayla sitting in the burgundy recliner.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I didn't tell him."

"What? Why not? What happened?"

Tayla sighed and tucked her legs up under her in the recliner chair. "All hell broke lose on Saturday when I was planning on telling him." She frowned and shook her head. "I had it all planned too. I was ready. Then Astrid called and-" Tayla shrugged. "Everything hit the fan."

"Who's Astrid?"

"Bradyn's mom."

"What'd she say?"

"It's a big, long, ugly story."

"Meaning it's private and you don't want to say anything?" Kaelah asked with a knowing smile.

"Yeah. Let's just say that the last thing on Tom's mind is whether or not his girlfriend is moving into his house."

"But everything is okay now, right?"

"I don't know."

"She's not going to take Bradyn is she?"

"No." Tayla shook her head. "Just the opposite, in fact." She thought for a moment, then ran her hands through her hair. She needed to vent to someone. "You can't say a word to anyone and I mean it."

"I won't."

"The other guys don't even know yet so you really, really can't say anything."

"Who am I gonna tell?" Kaelah rolled her eyes.

Tayla paused, waiting to change her mind. "Astrid gave up her parental rights to Bradyn. So Tom- Well, it's a lot to deal with."

"From what I've heard, that'd be a good thing. Wouldn't it?"

"That's kind of a weird thing. It's good in the fact that now Tom doesn't have to worry about whether or not she'll make her calls or visit him or whatever. On the other hand, what is Bradyn going to think? I think Tom's just really upset for Bradyn since he's only two and doesn't have any idea what's going on. You know?"

"Yeah."

"So now he has to do the whole lawyer thing and he's just stressed to his eyeballs."

"Are you going back?"

"Yeah. I'm doing Christmas with my parents this weekend, then I'll be back in Germany."

"For good?"

Tayla let a little smile slip. "Yeah. Probably. When I get back things will have hopefully been settled and I can just let him know then."

"That'd be cool. A good thing to cushion the bad thing, right?"

"Something like that."

"Awesome."

"Have you thought about finding another roommate?"

"No. I was waiting until I knew when you were going to leave. At the rate you were going, it could have been months." Kaelah laughed and fell onto the couch beside Tayla's chair. "Marissa at work said she was looking for something for January though so maybe I'll talk to her. She's cool."

"Yeah?"

"I mean. She doesn't have the connections like you do but- " She shrugged and laughed. "She'll do."

"You won't be losing my connections. I'll just be a phone call away. And every time we're in the area, I'll hook you up if I can."

"You better!" Kaelah took the remote from Tayla and sighed. "So what are we watching?" And with that they settled into their comfortable routine, something that Tayla would miss terribly when she moved to Germany.

Chapter Sixteen