The Mental Hospital
I was in a mental hospital. I'd apparently attempted suicide. I was an "at risk" patient so I wasn't allowed to have regular clothes on. I had to wear a hospital gown at all times. I wasn't allowed shoes but they did give me socks. I hated being cooped up in the hospital and I wanted to go outside. Being "at risk", I wasn't allowed outside either. I'd just sit in my room at my window and wish I could be outside, lying in the grass, counting the stars.
While at my window one day, I saw Tom walk across the parking lot and come inside. My heart skipped a beat because he was so handsome. I jumped up and ran to look at myself in the metal sheet attached to the wall that they called a mirror. I looked a mess and frowned at myself. He'd never be attracted to me. Plus, I'm in a loony bin. Why would he ever take a second glance at me?
I stood in the door frame of my room and watched as he signed in and had a chat with the nurse. I watched the way his body moved. I watched his hands move about as he talked. And then he laughed and it sounded like music. I just stood there staring at him. I didn't pay attention when the nurse motioned him down my corridor. He turned to look down the hall and our eyes met. I felt panic wash over me. Not the kind of panic in which you fear for your life, but the kind in which your heart melts and your insides turn to mush, your brain stops functioning and your mouth runs dry.
I took a step backward and pressed myself against the opened door. He saw me. I know he saw me. I heard footsteps as he headed down the hall to visit whomever he'd come to see. I couldn't move myself away from the door. I squeezed my eyes closed. Part of me wished he'd keep walking. Part of me wished that he'd stop at my door. The footsteps stopped.
I pried one eye open and looked into the hall. He was standing there staring at me with a grin on his face. "Don't tell me you're afraid of me." He said with a laugh.
I opened my other eye and looked at him. My mind was racing but I couldn't form a coherent sentence. I tried to smile and it came out all wrong. He smiled back.
"I'm here to see my cousin. Do you know her? She's in the room across the hall." He pointed to her door.
I shook my head no. I really didn't know anyone there. I kept to myself a lot.
"I don't bite. I promise." He said quietly.
I smiled again. That time it came out right.
"Maybe I'll see you again." He said as he turned toward her door. He knocked and then let himself inside. He closed the door behind him.
I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in. "Carrie, you're a dumbass." I said to myself as I crossed the room and went back to my window.
It was beginning to get dark and I knew that the nurse would be calling me to dinner soon. I didn't want to eat. I was punishing myself. I was staring out the window when a shadow darkened my door. "I'm not hungry."
"That's good because I don't have any food to offer you."
It was him. I gulped.
"You've been here at the window the whole time?"
I nodded.
"Mind if I join you?"
I shrugged.
He came and sat on the ledge next to me and stared out the window for a bit. "Why do you sit here? Why don't you just go outside?"
"I can't."
"Ah! She talks!" He laughed. I smiled. "Why can't you?"
"I'm at risk." I said, lifting my hands to do air quotes around the words "at risk".
"At risk for what? Offing yourself with a blade of grass?"
I laughed. "Nice pun."
He nodded. "Thank you."
"They're scared I'm gonna try to kill myself again. I've assured them I won't. I don't want to harm myself with razors or hanging. I'm too much of a pussy for that. But I know that I'll never try to overdose again." I laughed. "Having your stomach pumped is no joke."
He grimaced. "I can imagine." We sat in silence for a moment. "So what would you do if you could go outside?"
"Lay in the grass and count the stars." I said as I sighed.
He bit his lip as he thought for a moment. "Then let's go."
My brows furrowed. "I just told you I can't."
"Yeah, you can." He stood and extended his hand to me. "Come on."
I threw caution to the wind and took his hand. He pulled me up and we stood facing one another for a moment. He licked his lips and I felt my face flash red.
"We're gonna get caught." I said.
"Shut up. Just come on." He took my hand again as he peeked out my door. As luck would have it, there was no one at the nurse's desk. "When I say go, RUN." I held my breath. "Ready? GO!"
We bolted hand-in-hand toward the front door. We made it out the door and across the parking lot to the empty field across the street. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins as he stopped and I crashed into him knocking us both to the ground. We lay in the grass and laughed.
"Oh my God. This is such a rush!" I laughed.
He said nothing but laced his fingers with mine. My laughter stopped and I stared at the stars. I could feel him watching me. He turned so he was on his side facing me. With his free hand, he traced over my eyebrows and down my nose. His finger ran across my cheek and over my lips.
My heart was pounding.
His finger slid down my neck and across my chest.
I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing.
His finger continued across my stomach and down my left leg.
My entire body began to tingle.
His hand gripped my thigh. He slid his hand, along with the hem of my hospital gown, up to the edge of my panties.
I felt drunk with absolute desire.
As his hand slid my panties to the side, he leaned in and his lips found mine. His tongue ran across my bottom lip and I moaned slightly as two of his fingers entered me. I sucked on his bottom lip slightly. He pulled back.
"Hey, my bottom lip is big enough. Don't make it swell." He laughed.
"I sorry." I said. "You just taste so damn good."
I could feel his fingers begin to thrust in and out as he leaned forward for another kiss.
And that's when I woke up.
Damn it.