Sweet Samboni's Saucy Moustaches!
It's been forever since there was an update, I know. I've recently been fleeing for my life after my most recent pyramid scheme, so I
haven't had much opportunity to rain beatings down on the web-simians. Perhaps you've seen the commercials, namely AmeriPos and all
of the Pantheon Holdings scams.. Remember? It had the slogan "Any other choice is just stupidity!" Right? ... No? Well, WHATEVER!
Continue with your impudence and face total STOMPAGE! UH! *shakes booted foot*
But fear not, my tender vittles! I shall return by at least two weekends from now! Yes.. that's when I'll finally be in Mexico. Professor
Dymenz will return the Weekend of the 8th of May!
Boom-shaka-laka-shaka-laka
*confetti and strobe lights and stuff*
That's right! Professor Dymenz is BACK in his new 240 HP P-T CROOSZA chompin' down on some Grahm crackas with Scotsman McCleod. Maybe.
(We might can the scotsman as he refuses to stay sober or funny) He's going to be here to plant some x's with his gats all up in some
porch-monkeys! Yeh! And discuss the greater significance of super-string theory and its effects on the universe. That's right. Super-G-
String theory. OH yeah!
God dammit, I had a great idea for a story too, and I just forgot it. DAMN. IT. ALL. IT MAKES ME WANT TO... WANT TO.. CAST MAGIC MISSILE!
Hold on, I have to rest for at least 12 hours to memorize it. So just, hold on.
Friday, April 16, 20--I mean! Sunday, April 11, 2004.. uh.. 11 AM! Yeah!
Yes! It's.. Easter! Today! Indeed it is! So we have an easter ODB!
*insert Ode to Joy*
Because joy is good, and it deserves many odes. But, that aside, it has been a while since the Arcane Intentions Work Crew came to work,
what with it being spring break and all.
What. The hell.
(Oh, the horrid anathema! Mixing children with eggs? Who dares!)
YOU, the viewers, decide!
And visit the ODB here to learn the TRUTH about Easter!
You may hear some two-bit charlatan of a Stone Phillips wannabe on TV tell you that a lotta people are thinkin' Easter's about the
money and stuff (kinda like every holiday), but they are COUNTERFACTUAL! Misconstrued! Fallacious! Erring! And even fluffed!
Oh the power of a thesaurus! Praise the good book! *holds it to the sky!*
But don't get overexcited about this ODB--It doesn't even compare to the Airshow Travesty. Mainly because my family is so contemptibly,
worthlessly abhorrent. There just.. wasn't anything that I could latch onto to launch my barrage of jabs at. Nothing. There wasn't.
Anything. Worthwhile.
That's why I cast them into the midden heap of obscurity, and only commute with them on such Christian holidays as this.
DO NOT PITY ME, MORTALS! I am the one who gives pity, and if I sense one *ounce* of pity-vibes headed my way, butts will be LIBERALLY
kicked in good measure!
Tuesday, April 6, 2004- 8:36 PM.
New feature about the little known dynamic rap king Professor Dymenz here.
Give all ya props to this guy.
Pizzle!
(peace)
Monday, April 5, 2004- 7:50 PM.
Arcane Intentions will be MOVING soon!
"OMG WTFUXXLE!!!!!!??" you may be telling yourselves. Your mouths wildly articulate and out comes "It's Arcaneintentions.com-zilla!
Run for your lives!!?"
YES. Arcane Intentions, formerly (and not for long) this site, will be moving to http://www.arcaneintentions.com. Oh no! Not a
domain! Oh ye gods of free-hosting glory, I DEFY THEE!
So! So, all you witless mass of peons and pigeons and ponce-de-leons, my beautifully tasteless followers, get ready to change the bookmarks
that I know you so painstakingly created!
"Hahaha bookmarks? Haha you loser, nobody bookmarks your site!! You ratqu3n!! HAHAHAHA!!!!111111111" I know you're out there, dissenter!
Tremble, and beware, for yours is the name on a strangely odorous and wet hamburger!
Ok, and some might say "Why the hell even bother to make the announcement? For chrissakes, this site is like a week old with little to
no content!"
Eat poop and die.
It's because I needed an excuse to update! I mean--no, not at all. I have a massive following, and they must be informed!
As to my excuses, well. Saturday I was busy... doing stuff... to other people's stuff... Some may even go so far as to call it
"vandalizing." Sunday was for recuperation.
Repent, all ye sinners who follow not the melodramatic whims of the AI!! Repent!
This message was brought to you by the Insert Adjective Here Whims of Arcane Intentions and the People for Stragen and by viewers
like you.
Thursday, April 1, 2004- 9:36 PM.
NO UPDATES EV4R!
APRIL FULES! HAHAHAHAHA APRIL FOOLS JOKES ARE THE BEST EVERRVERVERVERVERVERVERV.
J/K!!!!!
Special Dooouuuublllle Feeeaaatuuurrre (spooky!) today!
Oswal the Barbarian, the newest addition to the Arcane Intentions team, discusses the more critical points of the effects of
Communism on the self here. Listen, comrades, and rejoice!
Comrade Oswal leads the way!
Also, Stragen tells the tale of The Quest for the Many Dubloonz in
The Spanish Inquisition
Great fun all around! Play in the mud! Use your hair blower in the shower! Put forks in the toaster! Avoid the pungee sticks!
Arcane intentions is GOOD CLEEN FAMILY FUHN.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004- 5:36 PM.
Thinking Deeply with Stragen
~
Sometimes I wonder things.
[..follow..]
Like, why do ants have only six legs, and not 7, or 77..
[..follow follow..]
Or, why the government belligerently denies being the marionette of Apple Computers.. Or, why people whom we despise continue to draw breath
[follow]after we will them to die.. Complicated things like that. Deep things. I guess
what I'm trying to say is:
[ ..follow follow.. FOLLOW..]
thought is bad for you. It hurts you and sucks up your energy reserves. Don't think. Just follow. Follow the leader.
[FOLLOw. FoLLoW FOLLOW FOLLOW] Follow Stragen.
[This has been a Stragen for Leader message, brought to you by the People for Stragen and the Arcane
Intentions Civil Liberties Union.]
Monday, March 29, 2004- 8:04 PM.
You all, my vast sea of devoted followers, may have wondered, "Why the heck does this guy use this name 'Stragen'? Who is this mysterious man enshrouded in mystery?
Why does he fancy himself a wizard? What level is he? Why does poop smell?" Well, let me put your minds at ease, fellow net-goers.
It's common webmaster etiquette to have a cool callsign and even a trademark. I'm surprised you didn't know this! Your masters have
neglected your kungfu training. I'll bet you're not even level 4 yet! HA HA HA! But it's O. K. Because we here at Arcane Intentions can
empathize. We're getting in touch with our new Grassroots Policy. WE UNDERSTAND YOU. WE KNOW HOW MUCH A
LOAF OF BREAD CAN COST. FIVE AND A HALF DOLLARS IS WHAT YOU ALL SPEND, AS ALL PEOPLE KNOW. PLZ VOTE FOR US KTHX. This
has been a Grassroots Connection message, brought to you by the People for Stragen Against Other Politicians.
Sunday, March 28, 2004- 5:06 PM.
First post of anything to date! Visit Our Daily Bread!
This has been a Public Stragen Announcement. Remember kids, if you are ever caught at an Airshow, you will be euthenized
immediately to protect you from yourselves and society. And remember, Uncle Stragen wants YOU on his website! That's right, people are needed
to give this website content to get it off the ground. As it begins to take off, steps will be taken to advertise, and you might even get noticed by
someone desperate enough to visit your section of the website. Send a self-addressed email with an example of
a blog or comic work, and your intent in sending it, to Stragen
Friday March 26, 2004- 7:41 PM.
The Arcane Intentions cesspit-- I mean, website dimension, begins here. It'll end somewhere over there, near the end of the internet. That's right, this place ain't going nowhere. And that may or may not portend that progress is imminent.
Now I'm going to insert my quality disclaimer: Because HTML and the HTML For Dummies book are so splendidly inane, you will suffer the wrath of sloppy, minimal coding, which translates directly to a clunky, boxy interface. Until I pay someone to design one, or find someone who is er33t to do my bidding. I mean, a favor.
Yes, so any graphics, like my magnificent title banner here, are hand-made by me, Stragen, the Wizard of Many Things That Don't Require Magic to Actually Do. It's very tedious.
There will be irregular blogs or short stories which will result in mild hilarity, humor, or comedy. You, bastard guinea pigs of the vast net, shall be whom I vent my overabundance of magnanimity and creative genius upon.
