Internet addiction
Well, I haven't been on my Blog for a while... Busy? Not particularily... There's just got to be something to write about before I come on this board. I need to be inspired.

I read a recent article about a mother who left her baby in a car while she was playing EQ, and the baby died. I need to take a serious look at my life. I too, play EQ. I will have to figure out a way to make SURE I am well aware of my priorities. The game will GO the first sign that it screws up my priorities.... Easier said than done. but I pray, that should that day come I will have the will to smite it.

The stuff that you can read on internet addiction is scary, and I must be careful that I do not let it make me feel "good about myself." Meaning that I can't allow reading the stories about the freaks who die in internetcafes as a result of 86 straight hours of playing make me think "oh, I'm not that bad at all so I don't have a problem." My ex did not approve of my playing EQ as much as I did. I was an ass and snuck around sometimes to play. I don't EVER want to do that again.

This is one of my many problems. I've got a lot of work to do before I will make a good father. This will be one of those obstacles.

Feeling insightful today

Learning People
**The following passage has MANY generalizations that are in my OPINION. I know there are ALWAYS exceptions to EVERY SINGLE blessed rule and generalization. I speak from the majority of MY experiences.**


I'm wondering if I should read more. All my life I've learned things not through reading and studying, but through experiencing and tasting. Is that wrong? I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent. Am I not intelligent just through society's eyes? I don't seem to think so.

Different people learn in differnt ways... Hence, actually, resulting in different FORMS of intelligence. There are obviously those "readers," people who can quote famous authors, brilliant minds, philosophers... Soem can ramble off statistics with an incredible fluency. But what about those who haven't read all of those books: Shaekespeare, Thurough. Are we necessarily LESS intelligent? HELL NO. We learn by watching- listening. We explore feelings; we explore people, events. Our beliefs are formed not by words and phrases embedded in our brains, but experiences imbedded in our hearts.

I always found it to be intimidating being around someone who is an avid reader. They always have that certain... Je nous se quas. (French for "i don't know what" used in the case of a lack of words to describe some quality possessed by someone. But I might have spelled it incorrectly as my French isn't up to par as of late.) But their minds all act very logically (for the most part) and are usually quite disciplined in their actions.

The rest of us, however, we feel we may be more scattered. I know I am, for one. Imagine the discipline it takes to read perfectly horizontal lines, mesmerizing flowing rivers of words drifting by your eyes and not being lulled to sleep. (As I am 70% of the time when I read for an extended period of time...Oh, say 10 minutes straight) But we have other qualities... Strengths. We have insight... Into people. We can look at more than words on a page or the outside black and white of a person. We can see feelings, emotions... We can sense them more than the average reader. We can find organization and patterns in a room that appears to be completely trashed. What we lack in discipline we make up for three fold in creativity. It is not bad to be undisciplined, as society has deemed it so. We have other ways of advancing and developing ourselves. We are the innovation.

I thought about writing a book on this one day... Well, it failed because I have to be the reader type in order to accomplish that. I'm not, however.

Maybe I'm just justifying my actions... My apparent lack of drive. I may be misleading myself... Or then again it may be correct but not many can see it.

Mood today: content

A new life... Adapting
Up until recently, I've been living with my father here in Shanghai. It's been sheltering me from the truths and reality of life in China. the Portman (name of the VERY Westernized, high-quality apartment living where my father lives) is so convenient, and basically an "oasis" for lack of a better word, within Shanghai where I'd venture to say at least 70% of residents are Westerners. I never had to deal with the difficulties of, well, dealing with the Chinese culture and "way of getting things done," which in basic Western culture would be seen as "inefficient, illogical, and well ridiculous." Let me explain how why I decided to come.

My father has been living here for about 7 years now, working for Visteon as it's CFO of operations. I moved here after the 9-11 incident, so thanks to my buddy Laden I took a huge risk in leaving everything behind in the US for the promise of a better future... Sacrifices...

I left behind a beautiful young girl working her way through the University. She kept saying to me, "don't worry, you can work at whatever job, and I'LL get the good job and bring home the money." To rewind a little, I had FOUND a job working at a franchise Sign Shop, and I could have conceivably moved on to own my own somewhere. But I have language talent and talent with working in other cultures. This sign shop was NOT the direction I wanted to head with my life. I had to make a sacrifice in order to have a secure future and be self-reliant. The words I'll NEVER forget were spoken to me by her father one day... "RJ, I'm think you know that if you did NOT take this opportunity in China, you most likely would NOT be with her in the future." Those words made perfect sense. Sure, in a naive young love relationship, it sounds wonderful--the guy foresaking an opportunity for a great life and strong future for love and the girl working at a great job to support them... But they've got love. But in the long run, resentment WOULD have built up from the girl towards her husband who is of lower "stature" than she, and she heraelf doing 80% of the supporting of the marriage. As much as it killed me, I had to start building a future for myself... One that I could look myself in the mirror every morning and be proud at what I see. Everyone needs to make themselves happy before they can POSSIBLY make someone else happy.

I miss her 'til this day, but we have both gone our directions and I she is now just a great memory of someone who taught me a lot about myself and love.

Since I've come to China, relationships have been ALL but existent. The difference between the love and relationships I KNEW and the ones that exist here are COMPLETELY different! First of all... On the topic of standards, it seems as though 90% of what i took for GRANTED that females in the US possessed have become part of the "qualities" I have to look for in girls here. Some basic examples are:

Clean teeth- I'll see the most attractive girl and be amazed, only to have her turn to me and smile with a mouth full of crooked, black, rotting teeth. Dental hygiene is not one of most Chinese peoples' priorities. in addition, going to the dentist here is a VERy painful and dreaded experience, so many wait until there's a problem so severe with their teeth (ie. a wicked cavity or unbearable pain) before they will finally give in and go see the dentist.

Good eating habits- Another one of those, I'll see an extremely attractive girl... Then she starts to eat. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!! She'll slouch over her plate like a famished wolf, stuff everything she can into her mouth (stuff dropping all over the place) and proceed to chew with her mouth open, displaying her masticated food to the world, make incredibly loud slapping sounds with her lips allthewhile speaking to her friend in an incoherent mumble being the product of her stuffed oral orifice.

Not using me for status/money- God... believe it or not it still exists- Girls here dating the "foreigner" for either 1)he must have a lot of money, and 2)look! I'm dating a foreigner/American. This one is always obvious when one can look for a few signs... one is the word "going dutch" just doesn't seem to exist in their dictionary. Second, they will, in a period of one week, manage to introduce you to and go out with EACH AND EVERY one of her friends, even if you've only known her for one week. Third, you will ONLY go to the most expensive restaurants. She'll settle for nothing less. Fourth, she'll LATCH onto you like a barnicle to the side of a ship WHENEVER you're in public.

I'm going to end this here for the time being... I'll continue with a small relationship I had which REALLY sucked ass and has me traumatized now.

Mood today - Pretty good... It's Monday! I LOVE Mondays

This is only the beginning
These will be my thoughts... Poured out, uncensored and raw. In my life, I have an incredible amount of time to think. I absorb things as I learn... 90% of my life's learning has been through experiences (as opposed to reading, sitting in class, etc...) Before I continue, if you're reading this, whoever you may be, you probably should know a few things about me.

I'm a 24 year-old American guy living and working in Shanghai, China. (nope, not military) I was born in the US, raised in Brazil, Mexico, Venezuela, and Michigan. (hence I'm multi-lingual: Portuguese, Spanish, Chinese, Tagalog)

The rest you'll learn in time as I fill this website with blogs, thoughts, ramblings, and insights. I have a passion for writing, though I've never really done anything with it. Love is one of my favorite topics to discuss/explore, so I'll often speak about love and relationships.

I've started this blog thing because having lived in China for a year and a half now, I'm starting to experience some culture shock. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that the cultures between China and the US are SOOO incredibly different... So much so that I want to go insane and bang my head against a wall. I'm not just talking about eating dogs and running around upside-down pulling those little wagons with people behind... RICE... chopsticks... Orange-flavored chicken... General Tso's Chicken... Jesus. Before I came to China, that's what I thought it was all about. WRONG!! So I need to pour my thoughts out cause they are building up inside of me like a plague invading every cell in my brain.

In general, I'm an easy going, patient person. I enjoy exploring feelings, people, and cultures. I hate stupid people and ignorance. (And there's a LOT of that out there.) I too, however, am ignorant on many things. I won't ever be afraid to admit I'm wrong or ignorant on something... But I'll keep my mouth SHUT if I don't know what I'm talking about. When I get really riled up about something, an occasional swear word may come out. In general, however, I have no need to use them. (But they sure are useful once in a while)

This is an exploration of the world around me. It's a quiet, naive, expanding world of Shanghai... This is from an American's perspective. I DON'T mean a tourist's, but one who has immersed himself in the culture. Read on if you wish. This first blog is dry, it's the usual CRAP introduction to get the background stuff out of the way. Now that it's done... THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS.