K.C.
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Hell's Kitchen
My K.C. there in the picture, he is now trying to attack my fingers as i type this hehe :) my babe just called me, i miss him so much! he left to a 3 day internship in malibu...i could have seen him today but i didnt hear him say "you should come by" so i totally missed my chance to see him :( but im a try to visit him soon if its possible..man i really love my vlad <3 he makes me happy, but he gets me mad too so its an even balance, hopefully..i mean its good to argue sometimes no? well i mean before in the past i would never get mad or argue and well, we all know how that turned out, well i know how it turned out and it didnt work out..anyways why am i saying this..im missing seinfeld!!heheh KC is sleepy!.....

valentines flop
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: copy machine sounds
yesterday was the V day..i went to eat spagetti with vlad (my baybeh) and matt (his bud), then we went to watch a movie, we saw the savages, it was a nice sad good movie..we didnt do much after that, i was a bit upset for some parts in the day. i felt un-loved and un-attractive..i still kinda do today. yesterday i had to take my 2nd plan b pill at 8:30am, i hope it works, i dont want to become pregnant this young..then vlad would be stuck with me..i dont want him to be forced to stay with me forever,..i love him with everything i got, i mean i gave myself to him, body, mind and soul..it hurts me when i dont feel his love, and that makes me mad n sad..ahy ok nobody cares for my whining.
im at work n rod wants to go burn paper after i get out...he knows me n vlad r together n hes still cool with me and thats cool! :D ok well anyhoot im getting the stink eye from these office people for being on my phone k toodles

happy happy joy joy
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: copy machine noises
hello fellow angelfireians! so is everybody happy!? well im aight..life is sometimes complicated but i guess its for a reason..holloween is right around the corner..what am i ganna do u ask? idk..nobody has really told me anything about anything just vlad(he is so cool, i just met him at school recently)..so anybody knw of any cool holloween partys? im thinking of dressing up as raggedy ann =) but i havent yet bought it nor have i tried it on so i dnt even knw if it looks cute..vlad is ganna go with some of his friends n go around hollywood trick or treating and scarrinf white ppl haha thats what he said..but idk if am a go..some of my friends really dnt partake in it so i dnrt think they r plannkng on doing anything..my other friends might go drinking or to a holloween party but they havent told me anything...n ezzy hasnt told me anything either so im just there floating around c what happens..if nothing else comes up, ill probably end up going with vlad..omg yesterday me n him where at this gas station drinking coffee well he was drinking coffee, i was drinking hot chocolate...so we were just there hanging out at this gas station under this tree, siting on this ledge..so he asked me if he smelled like coffee im like idk..hes like smell me, tell me if i smell like coffee..so i leaned over to smell him and he turned his head super fast or on the quickness like he says n he kissed me! well not so much cuz i pulled back but it was so cute..i told him he was so lame hehe then later on he appoligized for trying to kiss me, he's like i guess i kinda like u n stuff..omg hehe i blushed but yeah i do like him too and all but i cant forget about my rody n it makes me mad that he hasnt been talking to me..its cuz he asked me if i liked the other guy n i said yes n so he hasnt been the same since..rody asked me back n i couldnt just tell him yes because i reall went trough a lot when he broke up with me..so i wanted him and needed him to prove to me that he really ment what he was saying that he wanted me back n missed me but he never really showed me..n what gets me mad is that im waiting n waiting n i think he just gave up..regardless if i like this other guy or not, i love rod n im willing to give him one last chance but he doesnt try to prove anything to me...he hasnt tried to make me fall in love with him all over again..n i need that from him but he just gave up i guess..i needed that because i sometimes felt that our relationship was just about fooling around n stuff..so i needed something from hom to prove that thats not the case..a reason to turn my back on my friends..because i would really be going against mostly all my friends because they dnt like him..some of them havent even met him yet n dnt like him..so i really needed some proof..but i got nothing..what i did get though is a lot more attention from vlad, the other guy...he gave me two little figureins thet i have on the dash board n oh he drew me a comic stip! it was the coolest..he said he was supposed to be taking a test but he was doing that for me instead :) then the other day he took me a brown paper lunch bag n it had a pb&j sandwich, a milk, and yanyans =) that was the cutest, nicest, most thoughtfull thing any guy can do for a girl..i mean who does that nowadays except in the movies..that was really cool..anyhoot idk whats ganna happen..im just going day by day hopeing for the best..so anyways im really hungry right now..im at work right now, working hard =)..i havent heard from my bff cindy in the longest..well actually i did text her the other day n she did text me back but other than that i havent seen her =(..i called her the other day n left her a voicemail but she didnt call me back..i hope shes not mad at me or something...im text her today c if she wants to hangout...alrighty im done here for right now..gatta get back to borring work..im done with everything so im just attending to the phones..so yeah k i love you buh-bye! (thats from animaniacts, fyi)

bored
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: library noises
alright im in school right now, in the library borred out of my mind..there was no class today for psych so i have nothing to do..everybody else is in class..man an i was kinda looking forward to class today :) i like that class, its really intresting...anyways life is sorta complicated for me now..the boy that broke my heart so many times asked me back, i havent gave him an answer yet. i dont knw what to say, i mean i still really care about him but i dnt want to get hurt again, i just dont want to go trough that =/ i told him that he had to show me that that was what he really wanted, so far i havent seen anything to prove to me..he wanted to to forget everything and for us to start over, well thats easy for him to say aint it.. i cant forget..i suffered a lot...i cried a lot...idk what to do..idk y he even wants me back if he says im picky n hangout with guys n stuff..he just probably wants to use me..well that wont happen..well i tought i had something great with him, in the end i got hurt..he wants me back now..ive gotten to the point where i feel that its okay to not be with him, that i do have value..now he wants me to back track all the progress ive made..idk..shit what should i do?

TATTOO-riffic
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: king of the hill

man this is the 3rd time tring to post this n my dial up turns boggous on me...
anyhoots ive been really thinking of getting my first tattoo... tomorrow im a go to ppls house to watch..they r ganna have a tattoo artist at their house so im ganna get to c how the guy works... anyways here r some ideas of what i want (all on my upper arm <sleeve>)

i really like this one cuz its johnny and joey ramone..n they r together side by side :) i think thats awesome cuz they hated eachother for years n they still stuck together in the band..i think thats pretty darn awesome..takes comitment n devotion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i also like the pinhead skull also from the ramones..im tired of these ppl getting the same o' skulls trying to be bad ass..be original people! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i also like the ramones logo with the eagle holding the bat..u think its too much ramones for one arm? hehe u can tell im a fan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i also wanted the seinfeld in cartoon mode..cuz im a huge seinfeld fan freak!..but i want it small..not too big

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i also wanted to get some little dinosaurs :) cuz i like dinosaurs...i found here cute cartoon looking clorful ones but im not too convinced

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:) i love cup cakes! so i thought maybe i can get a small little cartoon cupcake :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i found this tat online, i think its gorgous :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i also like the stars on the spine look but i think it really hurts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i like this little stiched up star..its so cute....i would get a stiched up heart cuz it is all stiched up, but i dnt like hearts..atleast not tattoos

 

 

 

 

:) i like that leopard green star in the middle

 

 

 

 

anyhoots..yeah im still searching...im not yet fully comitted to any yet....i just hope that when im a old granny, they dnt look too bad, with my arm all saggy n shit hahaha

 

well thats just some news of the day....gatta go do stuff :) get my mind working...

I got the blues
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: copy machines and phones ringing
im still sick..love sick..i dnt knw how long i can go like this. its so hard to try to go on with ur life when a big peice that was always there everyday is no longer there...has left me alone to pick up the peices of my broken heart...my shaddered heart...this fucken sucks! i really hate myself for being so stupid n letting my self open up my heart to him, or to anyone...never again...my heart is ganna be on lock down just like jessy n britney always told me i should have it but never litsened...but now i knw...i feel really crappy..i havent heard from him..even though i did tell him not to talk to me no more..but it sucks...i feel like he dsnt care about me anymore...;(
this morning i cried...ive been trying to be strong and not cry but i couldnt take it...i was looking at his pictures and all of the memories n everything just made me cry..made me miss him...i still love him but i dnt think ha feels the same about me anymore...

yesterday was sunday. n it was when it happened...i went to church that day...i dnt go to church...that was the first time ive gone in a very long time...it made me smile though..it made me remember how nice church is even if i think its still borring...but im not turning all religious, dnt get me wrong...im still me..i pray every night..always have since i was little...i pray for God to take care of the ppl i love..n to take care of me...he was one who i wanted God to take care of...

man i wanna go out somewhere n just go crazy...take all my feelings n emotions out n just have fun...forget about everything...
im supposed to hang out with this one dude saturday..its his birthday..n hes ganna go get a tattoo! ha..its ganna be this emo bunny...haha..but yeah im ganna go..n his friends r ganna be there...
i think they're ganna drink..i wasnt ganna go but he said that he wasnt ganna drink...so thats cool...


man today was the first regular work day without my car ;(..i had to drive my dads car today cuz the other car isnt ready for me...my dad woke me all extra early so i can drop him off work n bring the car back..i was hal asleep..n i was having a cool dream too..i was dreaming that i was driving a police car on the hollywood sidewalks haha crazy shit..then i got off at this restaurant, speaking of which, hells kitchen is on tonight! anyhoots back to m dream...so i was there n there were all these ppl just sitting there in these really high chairs..n then mom woke me up! hahaha

aww its its 11 n britney is leaving!..she came back today :) but it wasnt a good time for her to come back cuz im supposed to be happy to c her, i mean i am but the other feelings were much stronger =/

man we missed out on a lot of things...i had so many things i wanted to do with him..places to go..ppl to see...
i was ganna surprise him with tickets to one of his favorite bands but guess thats not ganna happen....i wanted to go to the aqarium..even if he thought it was borring..if he was with me, that shouldnt have mattered...i also wanted to go to the dinosaur bones museum..ive never gone there n i tought that wouldve been awesome!...i had bought a disposable camera to waste on just pictures of us acting stupid n stuff like that..but that never happened..n that camera is sitting there, un opned =/...i was also ganna get him his favorite movie on dvd..but guess not...oh n i also wanted to buy him this one thing he saw that he wanted, but i never got around to it...u knw i was even ganna buy him a cymbal for his birthday..even if i was broke...but not anymore...man im so stupid..i never got anything in return..i not that i did it to get anything back, i just did it to see him smile...

i was talking to eddy (an old friend from high school) yesterday n he was telling me that maybe it was his fault that i did so poorly in school...but i dnt blame him..i blame myself..i choose my choices....he told me to just focus on school right now..maybe i should..n he also told me to go out somewhere n flirt around haha he makes me laugh...man eddy was telling me that he was already an engenier n how much he's leared at that school...he was talking about big engines n stuff...man when i hear from him i feel like im doing crap in my life..he already has his carrer path set..n me..im playing tag n watching animaniacs..n eatting babys gerber banana! it rocks!...
man im hungry n i still got an hour and 20 min to go...
i got nothing to do...i dnt like having nothing to do cuz if i dnt have anything to do, then i think n i dnt want to think because if i think i remember n if i remember i cry n i dnt want to cry anymore...so i just gatta keep my mind busy...ms bee, the office maneger almost caught me crying in the copy room but i turned really fast so she didnt see my face...these ppl keep asking me questions like whats wrong..n im like nothing!...
:( when in fact everything is wrong!

sometimes i begin to miss jebo...u knw before he broke my heart too...he was really cool..he was like the first guy that ever payed attention to me..well the first one i liked any how...i just screwed everything up by being too shy n such a little girl!... he found someone else that didnt keep him waiting n there he went....i also miss how rogelio would treat me...he was the sweetet guy...he gave me flowers..he wrote me letters...i gave me a santa n a homer :).. well jebo gave me a purple bunny! that was so sweet of him..i loved it!...yeah anyways..rogelio, even though he was sweet..he wasnt what i wnanted....
then i met rod...he sweapt me off my feet..he seemed to be what i was looking for...i never had any doughts..unlike him..he always had doughts...he always broke up with me..i never broke up with him..i always wanted to work things out...if ppl r in love as they say they truly r, they should want to be with that person n try to work things out...nothing is impossible if u truly love eachother...everything has a solution..u just have to compromise...sacrifice a little...understand eachother n acknoledge how they feel about certain things n try to work it out...thats what a relationship should be..a real relationship...a meaningfull relationship...maybe i didnt act this way all the time but i so did want to work things out when they where falling apart...i guess me being the only one so deep in love isnt a real relationship...i knw its a lot to ask for a person to change somthing about themselvs that they've done since before they even ever met...but just a slightly little compromise would have been awesome....asking for me to chnage n him not isnt fair..then y am i doing it for?..n still it wasnt enough...if he would have just said "babe.." (im weak when i guy i love calls me babe..i love it)...anyhoots if he would have said "babe, u knw i love you n i want u to be happy..so i tell u what..ill drink n smoke with the guys only twice a month...now come here and give me a big o' kiss..muah!..here u go..some white roses"
hahaha wow that would so have been great!...but he'd never say that to me...he'd never give me flowers...
he'd be more like "i need some space"...which i think is guy for "u cant tell me what to do, i do what i want when i want so bye"

la-dee-da..now he has space from me...hopefully he's as misrable as i am......hes probably happy cuz hes not trapped anymore...well congrats to him, he got rid of the annoying bitch on his back ;/

ha my sister just walked in to the office..wave everyone hehe...okay shes gone..pretending to be happy is hard...wow its 12:30 already n im still here hehe man write a book already nery! gosh! okay thanks angelfire for letting me express my feelings on this 2-dimentional place :) n thanks fellow angelfireanns for lending me ur eyes hehe..n reading the borring stories that r my life...stay tune for more borringness up ahead...peace..love..and GAP!
:)

ps..imagen if all this erased when i tryed to post it hahaha

Boys Suck!
Mood:  irritated
why is it that boys say that they want something, like what they want in a relationship..the little sacrifices they want they're girlfriend to take but when they get that, they get tired of it..they move on, they get board of the same person..even if that person tryed to do everything to make him happy....i guess that wasnt enough...i guess other things are more important..when it should be ur girlfriend who should be the most important thing in the world.....
i recently became single, as of this morning, via text =/
i cant take all these ups and downs..especially the downs..i think cindy was right when she told me that he was taking me for granted...i guess i would just defend him to much...
this time im a be strong...this time im not ganna let it get to me...(notice i said this time, cuz he's done it before)..this time im not ganna beg...y should i...
i dnt knw what to do anymore, he was everything...i could tell him anything....he made me smile..he made me happy....he told me he wasnt happy anymore... that broke my heart..again....

i dnt want anything serious with anyone for a while...i just want to find someone that is not ganna take me for granted..n will love me the way i am...someone that can see what a great thing they have with me and dnt want to throw that away cuz of bad habits.
hopefully i find that one true guy, i thought i had him, but i guess i was wrong.

No One Way Street
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: nothing
Love is not a one way street
It is a two way lane
It is four pairs of shoes
...and two pairs of hearts
But what happens when one heart keeps being broken
why does that heart keep staying
..because that heart is truely in love
But it takes two to tango
and that heart is dancing alone

Networking :)
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: streetwalker
YAY!!!!!! kay hello :D

ok so im starting to get more involved in my future..or trying to but im real lazy :/
i had to go take glamour shots...yes i was made! grr i hated it but i got something out of it...a connection :)
that was awesome.. the photographer lady that took my shots was like asking me qustions..she asked if i had ever thought about modeling i was like aww.. she said i had the face for it...im like yeah with all there pimples im getting (its a serious concern :( ::tear:: ) anyhoot i told her i wanted to do something with graphic design..like something with pictures and computers...kinda like photoshop.....idk.. she said something about lacc that she went there for some class...im like i go there!!...yup..she was telling me this other school she went to that is a real good school.. but that they work ur butt off.. but at the end u get real good...idk but she motivated me...she gave me her card so i can email her if i have any questions about anything :) yay!! yup so now i wanna buy a lap top so i can put all my grphic designs n photographs n just like that.... yay!!

stay cool my babys :)

Made possible by cantina/scarred4life at 6:52 PM PDT
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:D yay!
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: jeep comercial








awww i really like these pictures <3! n i really love my babycakes hun <3!






i think ill bake another cake..im feeling the love :) gatta share it around :)

i love you rodrigo perez!!!
<3<3<3<3<3<3
muah!!