Valentine's Day Weekend

Now and Later candy... I got some from work from my boss for my contributions as a work-study student. It's a candy that's so sweet, yet so sickening to the stomach. Sounds alot like Valentine's Day itself. Maybe except for the sweet part. Yes, maybe it's cliché to hate Valentine's Day, and I don't really get all fussy and upset over it like every girl in the entire world without a significant other. But it's still pretty lame. Stressful if you've got a girlfriend, boring and/or uncomfortable if you don't.

I ate four grape Now and Later candies, and I got a tummy ache.

So what did I do for Valentine's Day? I went to see my co-op advisor, for one thing. Then I went to work, and I got there half an hour early and stayed half an hour late. How romantic! Then I got to come home and sit around. People decided to order Chinese food. I would've preferred to go to the restaurant. But people were lazy and/or hobbled (these people with their bad knees ruining everything).

It was all good, though. I got to hang out with my friends, and I'm sure years from now when I'm not so well surrounded by such cool people, I'll be yearning for days like these, the days of video game football, tastelessly lewd jokes and sentimental girls. But nowadays, on Valentine's Days, they can seem a little repetitive.

Blue Radberry: King of flavor names.

Man, it's taken me three days to write these three paragraphs. I know what I want to talk about, I want to talk about any number of different things I'm thinking about, but I think there's other people who would rather not have me air out my personal feelings on the internet about these things. On my old webpage, I wouldn't really hold back. But now... now, I can't bring myself to do otherwise. Not right now anyway. Not so soon into my return to doing this.

At the same time as feeling honor-bound not to say everything I'm thinking, I feel as if I'm compromising the integrity of my whole point in doing this site. That was the glory of it before. An open look into my life. An emotionally exhibitionist showcase. And now what is it? A shallow skirting around the issues? A base, lame description of the mundane events of my life? I mean, what good is that?

This dress was made from the wrappers of Now and Later candies. She's looking hot in an Alice in Wonderland sort of way.

I feel useless right now. I'm so afraid of what harm I might do with what I write here that I can't write anything of any merit at all. Or is it even the fear of what harm I can do of which I'm afraid? Could it instead be that I'm ashamed of my thoughts? Is it a fear of embarrassment at my own feelings? I remember when I was writing this before, I never used to be ashamed of what I felt. Things have changed. How? Well, that's a question I've been obsessing over - fucking consumed by - for the last several months. Practically ever since, well... I don't know how that could be connected... Except that I can't talk about that to just anyone, either...

Read between the lines as you might.