12:10 May 16, 2003
Another day. Apathy consumes as I lose emotion for everything. Days stretch on in an eternity of pain. Another love another loss. It's so repetitive, but the slow realization of my errors do not stop me from repeating them. Days, hours, minutes. Everyone else is so tied down by time and money. I feel as if I'm the only person free of those worries and can just live for the now. Hours wasted in coffee houses waiting for someone, anyone, to show, to recognize me, to acknowledge my presence. But no one does and my madness pours out onto the blank pages.
The day shines brightly and I'm looking at it from afar, out of reach, but still dreaming. More poems to come as the need to write returns.
12:57 April 30, 2003
The mind drifts off into madness. Drifting between reality and my hallucinations of what was, is, and will be. I fade in and out and lose my grip on where I really am. Thank god for routine, it's the only thing that gets me up and out for the day, else I'd slip into my own world and be lost for hours. These hallucinations cannot be explained to most, since they occur without any effort. No drugs needed, they just happen. I'm completely sober when I phase in and out, I'm not huge druggie tripping all the time then wondering why I'm seeing shit (maybe if I did do drugs everything would just look normal, that'd be a change). Well I'm still too lazy to grab those poems out of the car to type them up, maybe tommorrow, maybe the day after. I've got plans and they tend to occupy my creativity.
4:16 PM April 19, 2003
Well HOLEEEE SHIT. In the mail today I found a magazine known as Teen Ink. The magazine sounded familiar, I had submitted a story to it 5 or so months ago. While leafing through the story I found in clear black ink the printed words that had flowed out from my mind what seemed like ages ago. Endless Song has been printed and is actually the top story on the teen ink website . I'll post another poem I wrote several months ago soon, it was hiding in a folder and I forgot about it.
7:23 PM March 30, 2003
Damn it's been a while since the last update. Fading into new music and clinging to old taste. The tint of revolution shows in my eyes as I accept and await the new beginning. A new dawn is on the rise in my life. Two days past my 18th birthday and much has changed. Haven't posted any updates in a while, but new poetry and imagery has snuck it's way onto the page. I'm now linking the pictures of the lovely Tovah, a dear friend of mine. Music section is also updated, enjoy.
10:31 PM February 27, 2003
A new Poem is up. Doing alot of thinking for the next story. Expect it to follow along the lines of the paragraphs of introductions in each section. It'll be a difficult start, but after having a plotline set up, the story should write itself (mine usually do).
P.S. Realization that I set up a news section to inform people about what changes will occur to the site, but no one checks the site enough to need to be informed about anything. This is a complete waste of time, and I knew that when I started it. It's a simple outlet though, so I'm gonna keep doing this. I could actually write anything here based on the fact that no one will read it. (Also I'm going to have to start clearing this section of the old news, I might archive it, but I don't see a point except for personal reference).
1:54 AM February 22, 2003
New section has been added. The new music section offers a look into bands that have truly shaped me. I've left several out that I might add later. As for now I'm slightly out of it. Working on a new short story, I'll see how it turns out.
9:50 PM February 17, 2003
Pictures from Saturday's show at the Phantasy. Foil Destroys, featuring Marc Gumucio on drums, brooke as lead vocalist, and 2 other kids that I don't really know, but they seem cool. The band has an amatuer weezer feel to it, so if you're into that kind of stuff, you'd enjoy this. I'm really out of it, remembering stuff from only a few days ago seems like an eternity. My mind feels like it has just or is in need of taking a huge shit. I'm lost in my own confusion and indulgence in my drugs. Alchohol has blurred my self for the day
9:25 PM February 14, 2003
An unsettling day for the hoplessly romantic. The romani, gypsies in search of their true romance, weep today in their loneliness. To love and not be loved weighs heavily on the foolish youths. Hope fades and pain lingers.
Anywho, I'll be working on graphics tonight and possibly a new section of recommended music to aid those in need of listening advice.
7:15 PM February 9, 2003
A new poem. It's about a dream I had about 5 years ago in which I was dead and I saw everyone I cared about morning my death, but walking through walls was a fun experience.
7:52 PM February 9, 2003
A photograph of the Dunes' face is now available. See the Photography and Driving section in the gallery to see these. Yes I took all of these, I was the only one in the car. It wasn't the brightest idea and my life was at risk. Some pictures are a bit blurry because I was driving a tad bit over the speed limit. I was sober, it's just hard to take pictures and drive straight at the same time.
8:24 PM February 8, 2003
Home on a saturday. It's pathetic enough to self inflict a wound, and that seems very tempting right now. Anywho, there's 2 new poems up. One's kinda sappy, the other describes a ritual, or at least it's ritualistic to me.
11:01 PM February 6, 2003
Tried to do pics for frame, but computer refuses to genrate jpgs. I'll find a way and do it later, promise. I'll work on a poem later, I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment. I'll be entering a few poetry contests soon and would appreciate some encouraging words.
7:25 PM Februay 4, 2003
A new poem is up. I controlled the emotional fuel for this one, and that's why it rhymes. Apparently I rhyme while intoxicated or when I mostly use my brain, odd how those are the only 2 times since they kinda contradict eachother. Graphics ARE coming, I promise.
10:33 PM February 3, 2003
Slow changes happening to the page. Still planning to do graphics for it and fix it up all nice like, but that needs more time than I currently have. Sleep seemed to consume many hours this evening. No new writings, but I'm not a machine that can pump out a new peice of crap every day. Emotion is needed for inspiration and sleeping for 3 hours and thinking about sleep for 6 hours isn't all that emotional. My source of inspiration slept all day too.
7:46 PM February 2, 2003
Been busy, but New pics and poems have been added while I skipped updates. Today has a sappy poem, enjoy.
7:48 PM January 28, 2003
Sleep deprevation takes hold quickly of me. Apparently I require 8 hours of sleep every night, and I've been averaging 3-4 hours for the past 5 days. A normal human, that would be enough to function. Not me, I've been slightly dillusional all day and have lacked a general ability to speak words of sense. I saw a rabbit in my car today while driving, it turned out to be just a ray of light. I got maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep in the afternoon which I greatly appreciated. I gave a new poem a shot, but it sounded too much like every other poem I've written, I'm just too fond of that imagery and vocabulary type that I seem to repeat it. Maybe I can pump out a few new ones under new inspiration and after proper sleep, but that's not happening tonight, I have plans to go out for coffee. I keep meaning to do some pics for the frame, but I guess I'm too lazy right now. guess I can take a few new pics of me for now, you'll see them in the gallery later if I do. Hell, I might do another update cause I'm weird like that
12:21 AM January 28, 2003
Hurts to type, Injured thumb mocks me. NTS: don't go off jumps that look like walls while skiing. New Poem from the night, it's inspiration seemed less driven than the previous three, but it also seems less painful and depressed. I'm enjoying how this site is turning out, though it lacks the specific twisted art I'm looking for. New picture on mainpage. Yes that's me clutching my skull, I'll put on a crazed expression of my face later when I don't look drugged and sedated.
7:56 PM January 26, 2003
So I'm crazy. Yes, this is obvious. Fixing texts and writing more poems, but my creative edge is dulled for now. A sharper blade will pierce the pages later, but for now this is all that I have. I plan to make an effort to salvage some poetry scribbled in anger, in hate, on random sheets of paper and carelessly tossed aside. Also my camera is possibly possessed, and I really want to get these pictures onto my computer from it, they look insane. But alas, my camera and my computer are not communicating. I'll try and fix this later, but my usage of them might have corrupted their circuits.
2:28 AM January 26, 2003
I decided to put in time on the updates for moments like this when insomnia keeps me up working on this page. Two new poems put onto site, not sure if the third is any good, so I'm waiting to input that.
12:46 AM January 26, 2003
I'm pissed off as all hell, and I don't remember why. Insomnia is a cruel typing partner that overpowers gentle insanity. Disorientation controls all in a blurred state of mind as I try to recall the purpose of this entry. Anger blurred all vision tonight as a combination of problems takes hold of my mind creating a very didactic set of ramblings consisting of a higher vocabulary most likely being used improperly. I'm setting up a list of musical references because music defines a person. I have three new poems consisting of the rage and pain of this night and perhaps I'll put them up later after fixing all the errors rage creates. Looking for Pictures to set up into the page
January 25, 2003
Angelfire has successfully delted all the prior text in this section for no apparent reason. This happened to about 5 pages today, so I'm saving the coding on my computer because I highly distrust freewebhosting now.
Boys From The County Hell played last night, a wonderful Pogues cover band. I have no pictures, my camera is shot. I think it might just be low on batteries, but I'm a lil too broke to buy new ones. I'll get a pic up tommorrow of my souvenir from the concert. Also working on setting up some graphics as I evolve this page into something bearing an actual content. A graphics program will be necessary, but as I recall, adobe is hidden somewhere in my brother's discs of useless data.