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November 21, 2003

Mom emailed me today, saying she read my Journal. I'm going to be quoting her a few times in here. She wrote in all caps, which annoyed the hell out of me, but I still enjoyed reading what she had to say.

I called Amy last night, and she was in some kind of super pissy mood. No wonder I didn't get any emails this morning. The lack of communication between me and the rest of the world doesn't exactly brighten my day, by the way. At any rate, Amy has been trying to be authoritative about me cleaning up the basement, threatening that she won't come over until it's clean. I don't think she'd do it, but I don't want her not comming here if she actually would, so I've been telling her I haven't cleaned up when I really have (Thanks for being able to follow that). That way, unless she reads this, which she probably will, I can wait until the last minute to see if she's going to give in and come over anyway, and if she doesn't, I'll tell her the truth. There's a lesson in this. I actually hoped she would stick to her guns without getting frustrated. That already didn't work.

After insisting that I hadn't cleaned, Amy started giving me some sort of guilt trip about how we only had two months left, and maybe we just shouldn't see each other at all this weekend. Now, if Amy were a coy person, I might think that it was just a ploy to get me to clean, but she's not, which leads me to believe she actually felt that way. Maybe I gave her the impression that I just didn't want to see her, but concidering she's the only person I'm really close to anymore, I'd like to think she knows better than that.

She also told me she wanted to stop taking her birth control pills because she thinks it's making her gain weight. I told her she was going to gain a hell of a lot more weight when she started carrying around a baby. Quote from mom:

"YOU AND AMY LOVE EACH OTHER, I BELIEVE THAT..BUT YOU ARE BOTH GOING TO DO A LOT OF CHANGING IN THE NEXT YEAR... I DON'T WANT A GRANDCHILD I CAN'T BE CLOSE TO. AND WHEN IT'S THE SON'S CHILD, PATERNAL GRANDPARENTS ARE OFTEN LEFT BEHIND WHEN THINGS DON'T WORK OUT. SO PLEASE, DON'T GO THERE."
Believe me, I don't want that either. And as much as I hope nothing will happen to split Amy and I up, I can't control the future. But I do have some control over the events that lead to the future, and preventative methods are definately part of the control I have. If she wants to go off the things, I hope she'll at least wait until I'm gone so we won't be taking any risks.

I also talked to my sister last night, and she brought up the fact that nobody in our family has been able to have their first kid after they were married. Her and I will hopefully be the ones to break that cycle. Rings before cribs. I could write a song.

Mom told me on the phone that she had trouble reading my Anger poems, so I'm going to lighten up the text a bit. It's hard to believe I've done all this in the last week.

She also said what I wrote about Anna was supposed to be a secret:

"THE ANNA THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET, I REALLY HOPE NO ONE BUT AMY AND I (WHO KNOW ANNA) SEES IT...ALTHOUGH I CAN'T IMAGINE WHO IT WOULD BE."
and as much as I don't agree with keeping that kind of thing secret, I'm going to edit out that part of my last entry for the time being.

Man, online journals are kind of frustrating. You never know who's going to read it, so you can't really write secrets on it. I would also like to put some christmas gift ideas up on here, but you never know if the person you're thinking about getting it for is going to read this. Bah.

Amy got on a while ago, home early from school. She's gotten sort of sick, and it sound like her and mom have the same thing. I hope they both get better soon; I wouldn't want my only two readers to be too busy in the bathroom to read my journal. Heh. Seriously, though.

I've got a load of homework and housework yet to do, so I really need to stop there. I'll probably have more for today later on, but I wouldn't count on it. I've got to go in to work at midnight.

The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right.

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This page last updated 21 November 2003.
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