Signs That The Enterprise Is
Nearing The End Of Its Warranty
- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up
by phone book.
- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor
in 10-forward.
- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become to steep for
crew to climb.
- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
- Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
- Bug in main computer speech processor making the computer voice stutter.
- Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with
frozen concentrated orange juice.
- Ship's dryer shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will
only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
- Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please, with
sugar on it."
- Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to
nude volleyball program.
- Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted, and door
must be replaced with bead curtains.
- Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.