101 I Things Learned From Star Wars


  1. Never Trust men in dark helmets
  2. You don't really need to be fluent in six million forms of communication
  3. Check to ensure any princesses rescue and then fancy aren't the sister you never knew you had
  4. When all else fails....jump
  5. Get some travel information before you go off to a planet you never heard of
  6. When you are a hero, nobody will kill you
  7. Do something every now and again that is suicidal
  8. Know the difference between a communications port and a power socket
  9. Remember that there is always something that can stop you
  10. THIS one goes here, THAT one goes there!
  11. When you see a piece of dead meet impaled on a stake in the woods...leave it!
  12. Never stand on a trapdoor leading to a Rancor pit
  13. Before spying on sandpeople with binoculars, make sure there isn't one standing in front of you!
  14. Never, ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of the Dark Side
  15. Never judge a spaceship as a piece of junk, she's probable "got it where it counts."
  16. Your eyes deceive you, don't trust them
  17. Only Imperial Storm Troopers are so precise, (unless they are aiming for a hero then they can't hit the broad side of a Death Star)
  18. It's not my fault!
  19. Never buy stuff from a short guy in a hood, it'll lead to trouble
  20. Always let the Wookie win
  21. Trust your feelings
  22. Don't throw away you lightsaber
  23. Don't fall for the old "the restraining bolt is short circuiting my systems" routine
  24. Always pay your debts in a hurry, (especially if you owe money to a 20 foot, two tonne slug!)
  25. If you are only in it for the money, you may blow your chances with the princess
  26. When opening negotiations, always carry a thermal detonator
  27. When you and your crashed ship are about to get crushed by an AT-AT, don't hang around and talk to the dead gunner
  28. If someone yells "it's a trap", believe them
  29. If you have a friend who keeps getting "a bad feeling about this", dump them, they're trouble
  30. Don't stick anything other than a plug in the electric socket
  31. Don't go into a "cave" with teeth
  32. Walk in single file to hide your numbers
  33. Never tell someone the odds
  34. Floor it in an asteroid belt
  35. Hokey religions just might be a good substitute for a blaster at your side
  36. Don't let your friends know you have a problem with your droid
  37. Don't go to Lando's parties, he has unpopular friends
  38. Freezing someone is never "all to easy"
  39. When in doubt, jump in the trash
  40. Size doesn't matter (sounds familiar!)
  41. "Do or do not, there is no try"
  42. "Mind what you have learned, save you it can"
  43. Don't get cocky
  44. Don't build a hidden base in an arctic region
  45. Don't try to make friends on a Death Star com-link
  46. Proclaim your moment of triumph after it has happened...not before
  47. Remember, turn on the com-link
  48. If you need to extend the bridge, don't shoot the controls
  49. When in a lightsaber battle, don't let anyone cut off your right hand
  50. The best way to keep warm is to get inside a dead animal?!?
  51. Don't leave your screwdrivers hanging over the edge of the engine pit while flying through an asteroid belt
  52. If your droid sneaks up on you while kissing a princess, ignore him
  53. Don't park you spaceship in the belly of a big worm
  54. Don't buy a droid
  55. If you buy a droid, make sure it has a good motivator
  56. If the droid you buy blows up, don't take advice from another droid on buying a new one
  57. Don't remove the restraining bolt
  58. Hologram characters always lead to trouble
  59. Don't crash your bike into trees
  60. Guys in black are the bad guys
  61. Guys in white are also the bad guys
  62. It's a real pain when you have to give up your job with your uncle to "learn the ways of the force and become a Jedi like your father"
  63. If you become an Instructor at the Imperial Academy, start crash course for Stormtroopers to handle little fury animals
  64. Don't go chasing meteors, especially when it's cold
  65. Blowing on a torch will not put it out
  66. Don't ride a bike if you are four foot tall and hairy
  67. Check for storage compartments
  68. Check for tracking devices
  69. Don't assume responsibility if you know the boss will choke you to death
  70. Don't make a deal with Darth Vader, he keeps changing his mind about things
  71. Don't let your droid fight with a Jedi Master
  72. Don't turn you back on the parent of the kid you are zapping with lightening bolts
  73. Don't fly side by side when going down a narrow passage
  74. When your ship is going down and everyone is shouting eject, they may have a point!
  75. I wouldn't just as soon kiss a Wookie
  76. Don't ever leave without giving a goodbye kiss
  77. "Let go of your conscious self, and act on instinct"
  78. If a Jedi offers you a bargain, take it
  79. Listen to two foot high green puppets
  80. Blowing up the escape pods saves a lot of trouble
  81. If your ship is bigger than a city, don't take it into an asteroid belt
  82. It is really cool to have a co-pilot that only you understand
  83. Don't have a shaft leading to a nuclear reactor in your throne room
  84. Don't close the blast doors
  85. If you are going to rescue someone, plan the escape first
  86. Don't work directly for Darth Vader
  87. Asteroid fields cause havoc with holographic communications
  88. Everything has a weakness, it's just a matter of exploiting it
    Emperor - overconfident
    Luke - friends
    Death Star - thermal exhaust port
    Stormtroopers - Ewoks
    Star Destroyers - bridge deflector shields
    Darth Vader - compassion for his kids
    Leia - smugglers
    Chewie - dead animals hanging from trees
    Threepio - frail body
  89. If you see a small blue elephant at a party, you haven't necessarily drunk too much
  90. Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things!
  91. When buying a droid, remember to get the blueprints, they keep falling apart, or getting blown up
  92. Cool costume + Bare minimum of screen time = Eternal popularity
  93. Patience... you must have Patience!
  94. These ARE the droids you are looking for, you idiots!
  95. Even if the Old Man does tell you to leave his throne room, it's usually a good idea to stick around, out of sight: you never know when someone will throw him down a large shaft
  96. If you want promotion fast, get aboard the Executor, The big boss keeps choking the middle management
  97. Always make sexual innuendo whenever possible (e.g. "look at the size of that thing")
  98. Enter the trench as close to the target as possible! Don't fly all the way around shooting it out!
  99. Get an R2-D2 unit, they are better than a Swiss army knife
  100. Watch out for Wampas in the snow
  101. If you run into two really ugly guys in a bar that say they are wanted men in seven systems, run!