Top 10 Best Ways to Kill Wesley Crusher
- After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in 10-forward, Wes stumbles to the holodeck,
which he commands to "take me to hell" His broken body is later found on the
empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.
- Wesley gets gang-raped by a group of female Klingons.
- Wesley gets gang-raped by a group of male Klingons.
- Riker gets carried away executing an order from Picard to "knock the little snot
around a bit."
- Data catches him tossing off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from
Wesley, who dies of embarrassment.
- Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the
fact that our favourite ensign has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily
fired and commits suicide.
- On an earlier episode, Wes got to kiss a girl who turned into a Chewbacca-like creature.
Here, she returns, and they once again get involved. (Un)fortunately, once she gets really
heated, she mutates back into a wookie and forces Wesley to be her cringing sex slave. She
then tears him limb from limb and eats him.
- In a rare episode involving characters from both The Old Series and The Next Generation,
Spock attempts a Vulcan mind-meld with Wesley. Wesley's head explodes. Spock barely
survives, spending the next several days scratching himself and whining.
- Worf notices a Romulan ship on the scanners, and sends Wesley down to clean out the
photon tubes. Later, someone makes a comment about the needs of the many having outweighed
the needs of the few.
- Wes gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing,"
not realising that tribbles multiply any where. Even an emergency laser enema by Dr.
Crusher fails to save him