Ways to Be Offensive at a Funeral
- Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with
you.
- Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your
contact lens.
- Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
- Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
- Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
- At the cemetery, play Taps on a kazoo.
- Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in
it.
- Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
- Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him
into the coffin.
- Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
- Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
- Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be
read before the funeral is over.
- Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
- Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
- Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tatooing on.
- Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
- Slip plastic vampire-teeth into the
deceased's mouth.
- Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS!
MAGGOTS!"
- At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
- Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
- If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.