Dear Bobby


Dear Bobby,

I'm writing slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.  We don't live where we did when you left.  Your dad read in the paper where the most accidents happened within twenty miles of home, so we moved.  I won't be able to send you the address 'cause the folks that lived here before took the numbers with them for their
next house.  They said they didn't want to have to change their address.  I wish we had thought of that.

This place has a washing machine inside the house.  The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and we haven't seen 'em since.  Your paw has been digging a lime pit so we can have a new outhouse.  I've always heard that other folks don't fart, but for Lord's sake I can't figure out were they did their private business.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four the second time.   I don't think this weather is good for our grit plants.  There was the California fella visitin' at church yesterday and he sold us some kudzu seeds.  He said these were the most popular oriental plants in China.  There are a lot people there, so I guess they know what popular is.

The local funeral home was having a half-price special last month.  Your grandma Willie heard that and said she couldn't miss that opportunity.  You know she lost all will of live and she died right away.  We got the bill from the funeral home this morning.  They said if we didn't make the last payment within a month for grandma's funeral, up she comes.

About your father - he has a lovely new job.  He has over 500 people under him - he's cutting grass at the cemetery.

Your sister - she had a baby this morning.  I haven't found out whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know yet if you're an aunt or an uncle.

Your Uncle Slim fell in a whiskey vat up in Tennessee.  Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off.  He drowned, and his folks had to pay an extra 25 bucks to have the undertaker take the grin off his face.  It didn't work so they cremated him.  He burned for  three days.

About the coat you wanted me to send you.  Your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut the buttons off and put them in the pockets.

Don't you worry about us knowing wants happening.  Your little brother has started selling Grit newspapers. He lets us read one, and then he sells it, too.  Don't tell anyone.  I wish we got the National Enquirer like you can.

You cousin Roger finally married that Walker girl.  We was all pleased as punch they didn't have to get - if you know what I mean.  Nine weeks later, they had a little girl.  Named the sweet thing Thelma Louise.

I'm thinking about getting me a job.  Well now, you needed be surprised.   Times are a changin'.  Some folks from Arkansas are opening a chicken processing factory down the road.  Your paw is at it again.  He says I have too many chores to do around here to go being a working woman.  I don't think he'd miss me if he would just sleep through dinner.

The bookmobile came by yesterday.  Most of the books seemed to be for people who had a third grade education.  Your paw was the one who had the idea - I agreed.   We gave them your colouring book.  The fine lady who was driving the bookmobile, said that you sure could colour good for a boy.  I told her that you played football for the Alabama Crimson Tide.  She said she wasn't surprised.   We sure are proud of you.

Your big sister told me not to tell you about her new truck.  I don't think her boyfriend wants you to drive it.  She means well.

Not much more news this time, nothing much has happened.

Love,

Mother

P.S. I was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.