In the last century, the number of costumed superhumans grew almost exponentially. In the early decades, they were mostly seen as mystery men: wealthy playboys and industrialists looking to make a difference in the world. Often enough, their costume was nothing more than a suit, cape and mask. They targeted robbers, corrupt politicians, mad scientists, foreign spies – even evil landlords from time to time.
And so it went. They changed with the times, and evolved. All of which is history, and can be found in any modern textbook on the subject.
Today, this city alone is home to hundreds of superheroes and superheroines. And sidekicks. Like you: Pixie, the Princess of Pranks.
It had started, as you well know, while on a trip to the mall with your older step-brothers. Walking back to the bus stop, a female mugger pulled a gun on the three of you. Scared, you had no choice but to follow her into an alley; even big Lance could do nothing with that gun.
But luck was with your family that day, for the Schoolgirl had been patrolling the area, and spotted the gunwoman. Stealthily approaching her from behind, she grabbed the girl’s shooting arm and attempted to wrestle the gun away from her.
Trying to distract the mugger, she gave the girl a surprise wedgie. The Schoolgirl had not quite attracted any media coverage yet, so it was about the most unexpected move she could make. The girl gasped as she felt her gray Hanes Her Way briefs jammed up her ass.
Taking advantage of the situation, your oldest brother Lance dashed forward and snatched the gun. Unsure of what to do next, he was laid flat by a kick from the angry girl. The Schoolgirl was next; an elbow to the gut broke her hold on the young criminal.
You wondered if your other brother Ralph might do something; one look at his trembling and sobbing told you otherwise. That only left one girl to end this…
As the mugger bent down to retrieve the fallen gun, you ran up and gave her a high kick right on her nose! Boy, would Mom be glad she let you become a cheerleader!
The girl dropped to her knees, cupping her bloody, broken nose. Her panties were still bunched up above the back of her black denim pants. Your path seemed obvious…
As the Schoolgirl got to her feet, she watched as you continued the wedgie she had started moments before. The mugger screamed, cried and pleaded for mercy. “I’m sowwy! Ohhhhhh! Habn’t you done enough?!”
After the heroine handcuffed the mugger, and called the police, she checked on your brother. Lance was fine, and would wake up within minutes, she assured you. Ralphy was hiding behind a car about fifty yards away. You barely noticed this, though, as something truly amazing happened: the Schoolgirl offered you a job as her sidekick!
You had done well, she said, remained calm and cool-headed in an extraordinary situation. That was the start of the partnership, one that has seen its ups and downs. Its failures and successes. And now, you find yourself at the Cape Conference, the Super Bowl of heroism.
You arrive out of breath, huffing and puffing. Being held at the most upscale hotel in downtown, the Cape Conference is truly a wonder to behold. Never has there been so much spandex in one place. A variety of gadgets and spells are on display, as vendors display their wares.
“Later, Pixie!” Schoolgirl wanders off to look at some state-of-the-art retractable grappling hooks, leaving you on your own. You walk over to where an old man in purple robes is giving a magical demonstration.
A group of heroes are gathered around him, watching the wizard with keen interest. He is announcing his latest magical masterpiece.
“And so, my fellow champions, I bring what shall certainly be the next great force of truth, justice and equality! I give you: Dollface!”
It is then that you notice what seems to be a lifesized Barbie doll standing behind him. Of course, your dolls don’t walk on their own. Or talk, for that matter. “Hi, fellas!” it says with a wink and a grin to the gathered heroes.
Actually, you soon take back the Barbie comparison. As she walks up to the observers, she looks more like a well-done character from a Pixar film. She has details in all the right places, but retains a look of fakeness about her. Dressed in a bright pink bikini, she seems to be amused at the drool coming from the mouths of some her admirers. Bet they wouldn’t do that if she didn’t have such big boobs, you observe, looking down at your own fairly flat chest. No guy’s ever drooled over you, real or not.
The old man goes on about his creation. Her incredible strength. Her resistance to the elements. Her incorruptibility. As if anyone in the crowd actually cares.
Getting bored with the display, you wander off in search of something more exciting. No sooner do you start walking away, do you bump into another girl a few years older than you, sending you both crashing to the ground.
Whump. You land hard on your butt. This is getting to be a familiar position for you. The other girl is in little better shape. She looks a bit stunned, but otherwise unharmed.
“Um, sorry about that. Didn’t see you, kid,” she apologizes. Kid?
“Oh, it’s totally my fault. I was distracted by, uh…” you gesture in the direction of the wizard and his creation. She looks over, and giggles.
“He forgot to add ‘hypnotism’ to her list of powers,” she remarks, referring to the vacuous stares among the male observers. You laugh, though you still hope you could guys to look at you like that some day.
You help each other to your feet, dusting off your respective costumes. Your sleeveless silvery top and short pink skirt stand in contrast to her light blue bodysuit with bright yellow lightning bolts down the sides and a tornado on her chest. At least hers isn’t too much bigger than your own. Even her black leather boots look cooler than your green little elf shoes. Could you look anymore like a sidekick?
“Hi, I’m Pixie!”
“Oh, hey Pixie! I’ve heard of you!”
“Really?” you ask, beaming with pride. Word travels fast!
“Oh, yeah. Read about you in the paper last week. You’re one of the…um, Swirly Girls, right?”
“Um, no. N-not the Swirly Girls. The, uh…the…”
“What?”
“The Wedgie Girls.”
“The Wedgie Girls?”
“Um. Yeah.”
“Oh. Like, uh, you get wedgies and stuff?”
“Well, uh, no. No. We, uh, actually try to give them. You know, to the bad guys after we beat them up and all.”
“Ohhhhhh. Kinda like your, um, s-…wh…um…calling card! Your signal.”
“Yeah! That’s it! So that people know we’re helping to clean up the streets!”
She just laughs. “That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” You blush, shuffling your feet in embarrassment.
She quickly continues. “No, no! I meant that’s, like, cool! I mean, it seems kinda silly, but I still kind of wish I were a Wedgie Girl…”
Of course! One of your primary objectives (one of the newest additions to your vocabulary!) here is recruitment (the second newest!). “Well, uh…um, what’s your name, anyway?”
She giggles once more. “Oh, how silly of me! I never did tell you! Well Pixie, I’m Girlwind, the Super Speedstress. My power comes from my blinding speed.”
“Blinding speed…?”
“Yeah! Watch this!” Almost faster than your eyes can follow, she dashes around and behind you. Before you can react – indeed, before you can even register it with your brain – she lifts up the back of your skirt, and delivers a series of smacks to the seat of your new pair of panties. She then rushes back around you, stopping in the same spot she was only moments earlier, as your skirt floats back down.
As your hands rub your skirt-covered bottom, you offer her the chance to join. “I’m not the boss, just to let you know. Mor-um, the Schoolgirl is. She’d have final say on everything. But if you wanted to try out…”
Her face lights up with delight. “That’d be so cool! I’d love to!”
You pull out a business card from your utility purse, and give it to her. “Call that number tomorrow. And, uh, Girlwind?”
“Yes?”
“I hope you get in!”
“So do I, kid…I mean, Pixie!” she says with a grin, quickly defusing your anger. You say your goodbyes, and she takes off once more, landing one more smack across your bottom before dashing off out of sight.