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eyes on me blog-a-thon

"who can stand with me and hear what i hear and feel what i feel? i live in a harsh cruel world. if you can't stand with me, then leave me alone...leave me in peace"

this is updated sporadically

Sunday, 02.02.03
5:16 pm
listening to: tell me i'm pretty - samantha mumba

note to couz: missing you everyday! can't wait for you to visit me here! 2 more months!

i had fun last friday. i went out w/ drex, and di. we had another gas station experience - haha. we went to 76 the one close to school, and he was all saying that he knows how to work it but we still ended up calling for help! hahaha, but that stupid guy was reluctant to help us. anyhoo, we went to the grove and met up with mark and alvin. we just kicked it there and played cards, and whoever loses gets to pick either a truth of dare. di and mark lost and neither of them chose dare but we made di choose dare anyway. her dare was to go to victoria's secret and ask for a "yellow polka dot bikini" lol! she was actually gonna do it but the store was close...darn it. i lost two times when di, d and i were playing tong-its. i hate that "dance by the fountain in front of everyone" dare! so i chose to sing to them instead of the dance. then we went bowling afterwards. al actually lost...he took my last place position! it was soo funny how he was trying to beat di's two strikes in a row. i saw ria there too! wasn't that cool. so yeah...i don't feel like writing my article. this is bs. an article everyweek. darn it, everyone suffers just b/c of some lazy butt people! arrr! i'm in the lazy mode right now. i just wanna sit and stare at the monitor...and be bored...eck. shil came by last night and played ddr. *phew* wore me out. haha.

don't you just hate it when you're being taken for granted? all your work pays no recognition? or you're being taken advantage of and yet no recognition? if you can't do things on your own - then now's the right time to start. help is offered willingly once in a while but when the button's pushed way too much, it goes beserk and go bye bye. anyway, as for school, it's been treating me alright. i love my 3rd period! it used to be boring but i befriended the people at my table. they're crazy and fun esp belle! haha i like to make fun of her and joke around w/ her since she does the same thing to me. and the main reason i like that class is - dum dum dum - i love cooking! i love it now! i learned how to bake muffins and cook tortillas and make smoothies! yum! haha. w/ that apron on, it gave me a sense of...i dunno, just felt like i know what i'm doing! hahaha! i get to boss my groupmates around since i'm the oldest! i get to tell them to bring me the ingredients! - lol...jk. i'm fair. i get to let them do the things that they want to do. i'm just so glad that there's this one girl who likes to wash the dishes so we don't have to fight over who gets to wash! lol. oh and just like what di and i talked about the other night - that driving and running errands sorta give you an independent feeling...haha but later on you'll get tired of it. it's like when you first learn how to wash the dishes, you would always volunteer to wash but then you get tired of it and pass the work to someone else to do it. for now, it's fun driving around and being busy.

...counting the days 'til my couz comes here! yey! can't wait can't wait! oh and can't wait for winter formal even though we're not really going to the dance...we're gonna go clubbing instead. we're just gonna use the dance as an excuse to go clubbing. i'm outtie.

Sunday, 01.26.03
6:41 pm
listening to: be there with you - human nature

well well well...long time no blog. haha...well i've been sooo lazy! i love the new layout at PlayGerls...check it out. whoo hoo! i put a new yeah. no charmed tonight. good thing too b/c i'm still not over last week's eppy. i can't believe the writers killed off cole's character ::sigh:: this sucks. wow, they totally give you a comforting message about *love* huh? well in a way...cole didn't give up. he fought for his love for phoebe but she was the one who totally gave him the door!...what? after confessing that he's her soul mate and true love for like what? 2 years? and then later on her feelings suddenly goes away? they were meant to be together! how could phoebe say that it wasn't meant to be? it was! ugh! enough ranting...

moving onto another subject. omg last monday, di and i were driving around b/c we didn't have anything else better to do. suddenly we ran out of gas...n she didn't know how to put gas so i said i did. when we got there...omg we looked like a fool! haha ... we didn't know how to work it! (*smiles*...hehe inside joke...)b/c i didn't know that you are suppose to put that thing up. in some gas station, you press the button and it starts. hahaha...that was funny. but anyway, finally that guy who works there came out and helped us. that was embarrassing - what an experience! haha! after that we went to d's and al's place and kicked it outside their place. no reason...we were just hella bored. anyway this friday was a total different experience! freakier! di and i went to the same gas station and it was around 9pm. plan was, i stay with the car and she goes in to pay. but that plan changed when this guy came up to us and asked for our names and how old we are. so i followed di inside! haha. omg, that guy followed us inside! and his friend was there! they started asking us for double dates! we ignored them...i kept chatting to di pretending i don't hear 'em! hell no! then we had trouble w/ the gas they helped. one of the guy got a too close! so i went to di. they asked if we have boyfriends. di didn't answer so i answered for the both of us saying that we do have boyfriends and that we're on the way to their place right after putting the gas. all di and i wanted to do was to leave and get the hell outta there haha. we gave fake names name that night was "marie" and di's was "grace" lol...hehe. the guy working there finally came out and told them to back off or he'll call the police. geez...took him long enough...they were asking for hugs...eeww!!! no thanks! when we left, they got into their car and we knew they were gonna follow us...fortunately we got away. later on that night, some guy hit on di while she was in the car and last night some guy across the street kept calling me while i was waiting for di to pick me up. arrrh! what is up w/ people these days! geez! so now whenever we see two guys walking together...we would just laugh and run. we don't want the same thing to happen again. omg that was over creepy! we will never go to that gas station again! esp not alone! we weren't gonna but we really needed to put gas in the car. anyhoo...last night, di and i were bored again so we drove around. we went to jj's place and after that we didn't have any other place to go to. d said to go to his place but when we did, he wasn't there. so we kept driving by his house and calling him up. dunno if the people at his place got annoyed w/ us b/c we kept calling and checking up on him. finally, we got a hold of him but we just drove around for a little while b/c we had to go back home since we have curfews whenever we have the car. speaking of car...finally i have a car. but the one we we've been using is di's car. it's weird to say "my car" ... lol. it's not bad...atleast i have a ride. well oh well. i'm bored...lessee....what happened today...d dropped by with his couzins to bring the stuff he borrowed last night...umm...oh yeah i didn't get to sleep last night b/c i was hungry. so finally i gave up and went to eat and slept at 8 am ... woke up at 10 am. basically i only had 2 hrs of sleep today...crap!!! i better start working on my i guess i'm out for the day.

Monday, 01.14.03
10:17 pm
listening to: Alive - Jennifer Lopez

i'm so tired...soooo frustrating! oh well. sunday was my mom's bday so the family went out, friday i went out w/ d, di, and al again. we saw "just married" it was a friggin' hilarious movie tho not as funny as "hot chick". then we ate at dennys. man, d's friggin' funny that night. i think he was a little hyper or whatever haha. as always, got home around 2:30 am which is cool b/c my mom didn't get mad. she doesn't get mad when i come home at that time as long as she knows the people i'm going out w/. that's so cool. oh and i was finally able to buy starbucks! yum! after like what 3 mons of not drinking vanilla creme frap? oh man, i was soo happy that night when i was drinking it. anna and i also bought one last night so yey! hehe. yey senior year's awesome! and i now know how much fun h.s. is! i mean i often hear my cousins say how h.s. is fun n it's awesome yah yah...back then i would say to myself "how could h.s. be fun? it's all work work n it's soo boring!" well i am so wrong right now. cuz i'm barely experiencing the fun of h.s.! and i'm loving every moment of it. omg i mentioned FUN like how many times? lol i'm being such a girlie girl right now!

ugh, i hate it when you're stuck in the middle! you can't take anyone's side. someone really needs you right now but you can't even be there for them. yeah it's tearing you apart and all but there's nothing to do. actually there is, but it's a risk of losing the other...crap! why can't everything be so simple?

[edit] hey di! make a resolution u can keep...LOL...don't worry imma do the same! i'll try! hahah[/edit]

Sunday, 01.05.03
9:33 pm
listening to: All You Wanted - Michelle Branch

Another boring episode of Charmed...bleh! I can't believe it's countdown to Cole's last eppy! *sniff* This totally sucks!!!! ahhhh! sorry for that. Anyway, last night my friends and I kicked it here at my place. Watched "Thirteen Ghosts" - ain't that scary...oh yeah then why the heck did I freak out whenever I heard noises? hahaha...Well D heard strange noises outside and he asked what it was...well it was cat - I think...haha did he get scared or what? lol! I got into an accident b/c I was too damn lazy to freak'n turn on the lights so there I got injured, though it's just a small bruise it still hurts! So yeah...we played the Ouija freaked Shil and D out. I tried to convince them that Di and I weren't moving it. Both D and Shil thought there was some kind of magnet in the board LOL. What freaked me out the most about last night was when the candle had blue flame, and I read that when it is blue, there is a spirit present. I told them about it but they just thought I was trying to freak them out. Well what did they want me to do? Well, that was the only candle w/ blue flame, the rest of my scented candles had regular orange-yellow flame. Ok forget it, I'm just freaking myself out here.

I guess this layout will be up for awhile since I've been busy working on my new page as well as keeping up w/ PlayGerls, site I share w/ Tiff, Ilane, and Cece. I still have to do another layout for that page, and I think Tiff wants me to make another layout for her new page. I guess, I'll see if I have time. so lonely inside, so busy out there. Man, my Gov't teacher kept calling on me last Friday. I didn't know the answer, but I was saved when some guy called out the right answer. Then, she asked another question and turned to me again. I was like freak man, stop calling on me! hahaha. I wasn't paying attention. I can hardly keep myself awake w/ her lecture man. Well, I was saved again by another guy who called out an answer - not necessarily the right one but heck I don't care - he saved my butt there from the spotlight! haha.

Oh yeah, while I still have time, I wanna say sorry to this certain person, if he's reading this then it's cool. I will try to do whatever it takes to be heard...uh yeah...hehe. I wanna say sorry, I didn't mean whatever I said. I wasn't thinking at that time. I feel so so bad, he has no idea how bad I feel right now. I can go on but then I'll just be blabbering.

Well anyway, my friend made a good point a couple of days I go when we went out w/ him. I guess eversince he said that, it got me thinking and still thinking up until now. I tried talking to Di about it, but it doesn't even make sense to me right now. I'm still trying to figure it out if only I could. Well I never have the time to think things through unless Di's there to help me analyze some b/c when I finally have time to solve things, something else comes up and then it adds up to the rest of my problems even though they are not connected. It's like trying to solve a mystery or a puzzle. I don't really have the patience for it sometimes. I'm sinking slowly, so hurry hold me.

Anyway, tomorrow's school again...that sucks! no more kick back time in first period. Gotta wake up early and get to school early to get a book for second period. It's extra credit so heck of course I'm gonna take it! haha.

[edit]what the heck happened to my background music! that sucks it's gone! I'll change it later. [/edit]

Wednesday, 01.01.03
10:50 pm
listening to: I'm With You - Avril Lavigne

man it's weird putting 03 now instead of 02! that was fast! new i think i should change the layout but i'm too lazy to make one so I'll just keep this one for now. I'm so bored right now. Tomorrow school resumes - that totally sucks! I want longer breaks. Anyway, my New Year's eve wasn't so bad. In the morning Di came over and we played DDR. We took silly pictures w/ my digi cam. Then the fellas arrived to pick us up. So yeah, I went out w/ the same ppl I went out w/ last week - or should I say last year lol. We just went to the Burbank mall to play arcade. Afterwards, we went to Hometown Buffet. Man, I stuffed myself w/ cakes...haha. I felt sick the rest of the ride home.

What a drag...everything's frustrating and exhausting lately. I feel soooo weird right's like ahhhh...confusing. Everything is sooo confusing. My head's spinning and I don't know which way it's turning. I think alot about some stuff almost everything and that's not good! Thinking and playing music at the same time puts me in the mood I can't get out of. What 'em I saying? I just have the first day of school jitters lol. I'll prolly talk about it when my mind's clear b/c at the moment it's not. I'm off to face the joy of hws! yey! *being sarcastic here*

Friday, 12.27.02
7:22 pm
song: Goodbye To You - Michelle Branch
quote: You're the only who can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time - Hot Chick
mood: confused

Yeah I know I've been neglecting to blog here. I've just been working on my other site PlayGerls. That's where I've been blogging most of the time. But I feel as though I can freely express myself here. Mostly b/c I know that only my close friends are reading this and not the whole world (or I might be Well to sum things up for the whole month of December, school was exhausting but glad it's over - for now atleast.

The whole world is so massive. You want to take on but then you realize that you're nothing more than a mere mortal or should I say human. It's hard to trust everyone around you, and finding the time to take take chances is soooo impossible - for me that is. Sometimes living in the past is lame-o. It will take you nowhere. But sometimes holding on to that past gives you something to hold on to and keep w/ you forever. Those are memories you may not want to remember but looking back at them could help you move on. It's unthinkable for me to let go of old friends and put that vacant sign for those new friends. Then again, like I said, it's time to take chances. Suddenly when your life finally makes a turn for you, something gets in the way and stops you from enjoying it. You finally meet new ppl. The ppl you can actually call your friends now, and they see you the same way. They call you just to give you a Hello or a short greeting. Something that small may not sound as important to others but it is to you, b/c you feel appreciated and remembered. You can't start a friendship w/ this person b/c it might ruin your friendship w/ another person. It's surprising to you b/c you would never expect it from this person b/c you're waiting for someone else to do the same but they won't even utter a word to you. What are you gonna do now? You're stuck in the middle. There are other reasons why you can't start something new and keep the old as well. They conflict w/ each other. But hey, who's to say you're not gonna try right?

Anyway, onto what I've been doing these past month. On Christmas night, my mom and I went to my Aunt's place at Mission Hills. I saw - well...the same o'le ppl from last year! lol! how sad is that for me to say? naw, it's nothing bad really. I hardly see those people. They're not close relatives, they're just old family friends, and I see them almost every year. I also saw the same kids I grew up w/...well one didn't talk to me, only Allen and Anton. I played w/ Anton's guitar although all I could play is "Mary Had A Little Lamb" lame-o!
Last night D, A, Di and I went to CityWalk. I chose to give the first names of those ppl in order to umm...haha I just can't say why at the moment - Di might kill me! haha lmao! I just don't wanna start anything so I'll just go along w/ their initials. The four of us took those free pics twice...haha. I wanted to take pics w/ Spiderman but the ppl I was w/ didn't think it was such a good idea. Well b/c D thought it was gay and A wanted to take off Spiderman's mask, and well Di thought it was too childish - also b/c the line was pretty long. Whoa, Spidey's in demand...haha...Scarcity right Di? hehehe. Wow a semester w/ Slaten and scarcity is the only thing i actually understood! lol! We rode that thing-a-ma-jiger...crap I forgot the name of the ride - it's like Back To The Future. Man, that gave me such huge headache! I kept hitting my head b/c it was a pretty bumpy ride lol...oh yeah I kept smacking Di as well! haha - not on purpose tho. For those who knows me...then they'd know that I hate rollercoasters b/c I hate the dips and I tend to scream alot you know - to get the fear out of my system. Anyway, we rode that Dracula's Hunted Castle also. It was just us four - so it was all good - wrong! major headache alert! This time, it was from too much shaking and screaming! omg poor A and Di - they were sitting next to me - hope they didn't mind the MAJOR screaming!!! was soo fun. Well D kept trying to scare me by tapping my head. Uh duh...I'm not a little kid you know...I don't fall for those kind of things! Oh yeah I got a teddy bear from the machine thingie! awesome! Anyway, we watched HOT CHICK on its last showing. OMG it was sooo friggin' funny! I laughed so hard, it made my headache worse! That is the funniest movie ever!!! After leaving CityWalk, we went bowling at Jewel. I saw Mark there again. Is he like there all the time? lol. I guess he didn't recognize me b/c he just stared while I was waving at him! haha...I 'musta looked like a fool b/c I was just some girl waving at him. Well he did know it was me in the end. We teamed up...the A's vs. the D's. Whoever loses the game gets to treat the winners to a movie next time we go out...and well...haha guess who won! hahaha...the As! alrighty! So what if I got four gutter balls?...atleast I was the first to hit a strike! lol - we still won...haha I just had to make myself feel better. They dropped me off at around 2am...and D got Di and I a gift - how sweet...what a sweetie. After that, well nothing happened after that except I went to sleep @ 3am. That's all for now...I'm outtie.


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